I have come to the conclusion that getting old truly sucks. The reason I say this is because I was in a club a few weeks back and this gentlemen in his mid 60's was having a drink. He had got into it with a couple of guys that had to be 30 years his junior, they were truly giving the guy a hard time. Being the asshole I am I told the two guys that the gentleman was my father and if they kept talking shit that I would "break their heads open".(Even though the man was Jewish) As the two guys left the man said, "If I was 20 years younger I would have beaten their asses". It just made me realize that I want to be a tough son of a bitch when I get in my twilight years, similar to the men on this list.
Jim Brown(69): Here is a man that left football on top of his game and hasn't expressed any regrets yet. That is a bad man in my book. One of the first athletes to speak out concerning civil rights, make love to white women on the silver screen, and never gave a PC answer like so many black athletes do nowadays. Not only that, we all know that Jim Brown had a habit of throwing women off of balconies so its evident that the brother doesn't give a fuck. I was listening to a reporter who said that when you speak to Jim Brown that you have to chose your words carefully, because you never know if Brown will get in your ass or not. Want to get your ass beat by a Hall of Famer?? Ask him how he throws women like javelins, or say that Emmit Smith was a better running back. The downside is the internal bleeding part, the upside is that you caught a bad one from arguably the best football player ever.
Ike Turner(73): I know that Ike was a woman abuser and that is no laughing matter. Any man that puts his hands on a woman should be dealt with accordingly. That being said, I still think that Ike could whip your ass. When I watch him in interviews you can see him hanging on every word, just waiting for the interviewer to say some wrong shit. Not only that, the guy is a very talented musically, but is somewhat ignorant which increases the "crazy as fuck" factor significantly. Take my advice, if you see Ike just give a quick nod and get your ass out of there. If you bring up how "he is a bastard", and "the way he treated Tina was fucked up", don't come crying to the HumanityCritic when he puts a boot in your hind parts.
Clint Eastwood(74): "Dirty Harry", "The Outlaw Josie Wales", "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly", this guy has surely played a bad ass on screen. I Don't really know if he is a tough guy in real life, but word is that he doesn't take shit from anyone. Regardless, true life or fiction, you have to be a bad motherfucker to deliver the following cold blooded line: "I know what you're thinking. "Did he fire six shots or only five?" Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself a question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya punk?" Geez, he isn't playing.
Chuck Norris(65): Besides having a corny as fuck T.V show(Walker Texas Ranger), and having a shitload of Karate Schools across America, I still feel that Chuck Norris is a guy that would have no trouble pummeling you in front of your girl. He is 65 and his reflexes are a bit slower, but this guy was a karate champion for years. Not only that, he is the only guy that gave Bruce Lee a legitimate test.(albeit in a movie) Testing him probably wouldn't be a wise move on your part. If you don't want a ass whipping don't say the following: "Hey Chuck, Walker Texas Ranger sucked ass!! Plus, your ass had a stunt double! Not just for the difficult stunts, you use a stunt man to make simple kicks and shit! What kind of kung fu expert are you??" Say those words and you might be eating your meals out of a straw for a few weeks. Respect your elders!
Richard Roundtree(64): I don't care how old he gets, I find it hard to believe that anyone could beat "Shaft's" ass. People look down on Blaxploitation flicks, but when "Shaft" came out it was refreshing to many people because there were hardly any black hero's on the silver screen. In those flicks he beat ass, womanized, and talked shit to "the man". I'm not really sure how Mr. Roundtree is in his personal life, for all I know he could live a Gandhi-like lifestyle. But I'm sorry, I still think that if you get on this guys bad side he would whip your ass while singing the "Shaft" theme song.
"Who is the man/
That would break the neck of his brother man?
Can ya dig it?"
Sean Connery(74): A man who I think is the best James Bond ever, he is definitely old school. Besides being a grave digger and joining the British Navy at the age of 16, he also took dancing lessons for 11 years.(now thats tough) He was once taking martial arts lessons for a movie and angered the instructor so much that the instructor broke his wrist(The instructor was Steven Seagal) He worked with that broken wrist for years thinking it was a minor injury. He has been involved in altercations on the sets of his movies and in public as recently as a couple of years ago.(Ladies will love this) In a interview with Barbara Walters some years back he said it was "OK to give a woman a slap". You want to be on the business end of a "Connery beating", just remind him that he turned down the role of "Gandalf" in the Lord of the Rings movies. Good luck!
Burt Reynolds(69): I don't know what it is but I just feel that Burt Reynolds could whip your ass, that simple. Most people my age primarily know him for the Smokey and Bandit flicks, the Cannonball Run movies, or those younger than myself you might know him as "Jack Horner" in Boogie Nights. This guy is a legitimate bad-ass though, legendary bar brawls and manhandling directors has earned this gentleman quite the reputation. Even in the twilight of his life he is still getting into physical altercations with motorists, or any other garden variety jackass that crosses his path.
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