Friday, August 05, 2005

Breaking down How I dealt with Bullies, for my Therapists sake..

Let me start this post asking all of you one question: Is it customary for your therapist to call you an asshole? I'm just wondering, because I thought those motherfuckers were just supposed to sit there, listen, and after I explain something they say, "So, how do you feel about that?" OK, let me explain the circumstances surrounding her calling me an "asshole". She was asking me what fueled my rage nowadays, and when I didn't give her a sufficient answer she angrily replied, "So basically you an asshole! You're an asshole, so you are satisfied with that?" I paused, smiled, and said "Yeah, I kind of am.." I don't know if my shrink is a quack or not, but anytime you make a therapist sigh, roll their eyes, and curse you, it can't be a good sign. One thing that we did figure out during our session was that most of my episodes of violence as a kid were against Bully's, and the "Bully" represented my father in some sort of way. Here are some examples of Bully's I have encountered and how I dealt with them.

Patrick:(circa 1983) This guy was the stereotypical bully, taller than the other kids and wasn't shy about putting you on the business end of his fist. With most Bully's it is understood that if you stay under their radar and give them what they want, you won't get messed with that bad. Not Patrick, that motherfucker used to hit kids in the mouth that obeyed his unreasonable demands. I know that currently I fear no man, but back then Patrick almost made me pee myself when he confronted me on the playground one afternoon.(I'm not going to lie, a few drops of pee DID indeed come out) I knew that fighting him would be a big mistake and I didn't want any parts of Patrick. It got to the point that thinking about ways to avoid him was a constantly in my head. Shit, I used to think about this bastard on the weekends, that's when I knew he had to go. I got my opportunity when Patrick decided that he wanted to bring his dad's gun to school to show some of his buddies. So I did what any self respecting young man would have done, I snitched on his ass. As soon as I told my teacher the principle called his parents, they came and got him, and rumor had it that he was being kicked out of school. As Patrick was sobbingly led away by his parents he turned to all of us and said, "Who told on me? Who's the tattle tale?" I wasn't going to say anything, but I figured "fuck it". So I pointed to myself, gave him a parade-like waive, and gave him the finger. I felt great, until I realized that if I might have screwed myself if somehow Patrick is miraculous let back.

John:(circa 1984) I did a brief stink at a Catholic Elementary school(why do I make it sound like a prison term) where I had a lot of good times. Each day I craved recess because of the monotony of school, a chance to pummel someone at dodge-ball, and seeing girls in their ultra sexy catholic school uniforms.(I know I have always been a perv) There was a older kid named John who used to beat the shit out of my friend Preston on a daily basis. Even though Preston was my boy and I should have had his back, I wasn't going to risk being embarrassed in front of all the plaid skirted girls in close proximity. Each day Preston would come to me, crying, and say "Why didn't you help me??" Like an asshole I would say, "Man, we aren't cool like that, I hardly know you!" Then he would angrily reply, "I have known you since we were three!!(wiping tears)That's messed up." This continued about a month until something terrible happened, John smacked the shit out of me in front of some girls that I liked. To add insult to injury, the girls in question laughed their ass off as if they were being tickled or some shit. I approached Preston and said, (wiping tears) "This motherfucker has to be stopped!" Preston nodded his head in a "Ohh, NOW you want to do something!" look. Preston and I planned a good old fashion "jumping" which took some planning. See good folks, the key to jumping somebody is where everyone beats a persons ass at the same time. The plot usually falls apart when people attack sporadically, giving the recipient of said ass-whipping time to recover. Anyway, Preston, me, a kid named Jesse, Frank, Carlos, and a couple of others ran toward John and proceed in beating the Catholicism out of that motherfucker. All I remember is the sight of plaid green ties flying around as fists of fury were thrown in John's direction. I kind of feel bad about that incident because he went to the hospital for some stitches and we got into a gang of trouble. I can somehow imagine John somewhere now cleaning his shotgun, with my name on his list of people he plans on getting even with.

Reggie:(circa 1991) This guy was like the biggest drug dealer in my High School and everyone was scared of him. He was cool to me, plus he had some pretty good weed so I had no plans of getting on his bad side. That is until I started dating a girl named Keisha. I used to pick her up from school in the mornings on my way to school. As soon as we entered a specific doorway Reggie would be standing there, then he would give her a big hug where keisha would gently try to push him away. When I objected he would brush it off and say, "We are just friends HumanityCritic, take it easy". Well ladies and gentlemen, this shit went on for far too long, like three months too long and I was getting pissed. To make it worse he told one of his friends, in earshot of yours truly that I was a "punk" because I "let him hug up on his girl". I was so pissed that I went to one of my favorite teachers, Mr. Wisman, about the situation and how I wanted to beat the black off of Reggie. He advised me against it and reminded me that if I did fight him that I would be kicked off the track team. Usually I wouldn't have cared about track, but I just qualified for the long jump that year so I wasn't going to fuck that up. A few more days pass of Reggie's bullshit and Track and Field became the furthest thing on my mind. One morning I woke up, put on some sweat pants, some dingy shoes, with the intent of fighting Reggie. I picked up Keisha, and even though I wasn't particularly mad at her I didn't say a word. We walk through the door, and as soon as Reggie attempted to hug Keisha I hit him squarely in the mouth. I grabbed him, threw him against the trophy case and that shit smashes all to hell. He falls to the ground, and as I am giving him more combinations than a bank vault I see Mr. Wisman in the corner of my eye. I expected him to break it up but his cool ass let me whale on Reggie for a few moments. I learned a great lesson that day, It doesn't matter how big and tough you are, there is always somebody to bring the bitch out of you. When I was pulled off of Reggie he was crying like a child without his pacifier, it was sad. The good thing was that I didn't get thrown off the track team, I was only suspended for a few days, and Reggie stopped roaming that doorway when Keisha and I entered it.

Warren:(circa 2001) One thing I hate is a man that puts his hands on a woman, they should all be given the most extreme punishment available. Granted, there is nothing like a little light spanking, or the use of a paddle, or restraints, but that is in the bedroom and always consensual. But, I was kind of fond of a woman named Renee who used to work with a few years back. I was fond of her because she was a truly amazing person, and the conversations we had were definitely enjoyable. She is the first woman that I actually didn't mind being platonic friends with.(But, if she gave me the sign I would "knock those boots from here to Albuquerque" to steal a Ice Cube line) As we got to know each other she told me that her boyfriend warren "gets rough" with her sometimes. I was disgusted when I heard this, but I didn't want to get involved in anyone's domestic issues so I felt that my hands were tied. Then a few times she would come to work with black eyes and a swollen lip, and as much as we urged her to leave him she always expressed her love for him and say "He was having a bad day". This one day when I was walking into work, Renee and Warren were arguing in the parking lot, then Warren raised his hand to her in a threatening motion. I rushed over and said, "What's going on here??" Warren said, "This is a personal matter motherfucker, get out of here!" Then, amazingly, I guess to play it off Renee said "Yeah, get the fuck out of here asshole!" I figured that if she wanted to continue to get her ass beat then fine, fuck her then. The moment of truth came a month later when Warren was actually beating her in the parking lot like a man. I rushed over, not knowing what to do for fear of Renee not wanting me to get involved, and saw Renee mouth the words "Help me" in my direction. Shit, that's all I needed. I tackled Warren like that Office linebacker you see in those commercials, and commenced in beating that guy as if I was "coming back like I'm revenging my brothers death."(from Kool G Rap's verse in "The Symphony") I give to Warren though, he sure could take an ass-beating, a talent that not too many folks have nowadays. When the cops came I could see that Renee wanted to make excuses for warren, but she was truthful and told the cops really what happened. She finally left and I am extremely proud of her for that, since I know she reads this and its the truth.

44 comments:

Anonymous said...

Did you just say that yall beat the "catholicism out of him"?? That's messed up, but funny as shit LOL

FantasyFootballGuru said...

I am with you about the bully thing, I despised them growing up.

I am Jack said...

Too funny dude-had me cracking the fuck up over here.

shinjyo said...

Honesty I was the Bully in my school. I know its messed up but I regret it, that counts right?

CaffeineDiva said...

That is some funny shit!

Someone attempted to bully me once, it didn't work. We fought, we got in trouble, we moved on.
I always looked like the nice girl in school, so folks wanted to test me. After that one chick, people left me alone. Usually I was friends with whatever bully was roaming around at the time.

CaffeineDiva said...

However... if your therapist calls you an asshole, you really might have insurmountable issues!!

Anonymous said...

I despise any type of bully, even today bro.

Bec said...

That is a great piece of writing and I don't think your therapist should have called you a asshole LOL

Amadeo said...

Because I was the Chubby smart kid without cool clothes I was a bully magnet...The thing they didn't know was I broke easily and I really didn't like unfairness...it's sucks to be a bully and get your ass whipped by a crying chubby kid.

ManNMotion said...

One of the few women that trains with us said one day that women who get beaten by their boyfriends more than once deserve what they are getting because they won't leave and she won't do a thing to help them. I never thought I'd hear a woman say such a thing.

Personally, I'm surprised Renee left, and I was hoping you didn't jump in just for her to stay with the guy. I've learned from experience that they usually go right back. I hope she's dealt with whatever it was about her that got her into that situation, and I hope it hasn't left any scars that she'll bring into another relationship.

Msnhim said...

Funny.....as usual! Good Post

SMW said...

I was bullied in 3rd grade. Some girls invited me into the bathroom for an ass whoopin...I RAN MY ASS HOME! I ain't dumb!

After that they never messed with me again. I was always nice to everyone.

@ man-n-motion- Ofcourse the woman in question will have scars that will follow her into the next relationship. She obviously had scars BEFORE she got into that relationship.

Women who are abused don't DESERVE the abuse, but they believe they do. It's sad, but they (I mean, we) feel like if we could only IMPROVE and stop making them so angry, then things would be better.

Sad, but true. We spend so much time trying to be better for them and they hate us more and more for trying and (I believe) for being weak. The cycle never ends. We try harder, they beat us down more...

Girl With An Alibi said...

Several women in my family have been abused so my mother taught me never to stand for it. Unfortunately she never taught me about emotional and psychological abuse. I had to learn that lesson on my own. My daughters and sons will benefit.

Spexial said...

ya know something..i once was orderd to go to a therapist and that fucker helped me accomplish nothing...thank god i didn't have to pay with my own or i really woulda fucked her up...

as for bullies...i used to be afraid of a few people when i was younger until....i beat the shyt out of one of them..and none of them fucked with me...

no fighting now..just middle fingers to all that piss me the fuck off...lol

Jdid said...

dude with all of this blogging why are you wasting time on a therapist?

brooklyn babe said...

Man you just took me back to "Big Titty Betty..." circa 1986, you know when everyone is around your height, but that one person in the class, is bigger, so she's badder.
And she whipped male and female asses both. I had the pleasure of sitting next to her one year. I got props, cause she didn't phuck with me. I think she thought I was slow....lol. Yeah slow to get my ass beat. The teacher liked it, cause I would finally shut up. But all that pent up agression from me not being able to get my "yak" on in school, had me coming home and being the biggest bully on my block. I only beat the boys asses tho'...lol Thanks for sharing!

Miranda said...

There are some therapists that just shouldnt be therapists.
Thanks for dropping by my blog, neat blog, Im going to book mark you for later.

Tazzee said...

great post. I too hate bullies. I used to get jumped in school, quite often - those heffas never did try me one on one. Until one day these 2 older girls suggested that one chick and I take it to the bathroom and settle it one on one. I scared myself I beat her so bad - and the 'cool' kids left me alone after that.

Inside Man said...

Getting smacked in front of some girls you like will bring the apache out of you. Why do girls laugh when a dude gets punked anyway?

DJ Diva said...

I think your therapist is an asshole...U wasting your money dude...

Maglet said...

I, too, think your therapist is a little "off". I knew a couple bullies in my time and even though they were scary (hahaha!), I always felt sorry for them before I was fearful.

I haven't read a bad entry from you yet--you may be an asshole, but you're funny...

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Reese The Law Girl said...

I'm confused- seems to me that these were all worthwhile fights. Of course you risk getting shot by someone eventually, but what else are you supposed to do? Be a punk?

Man, your therapist doesn't know anything.

Oh, and yes, I am the little devil on your shoulder that tells you to do these things. So, actually, I may not be the best source to give advice. ;)

Friends of McDougal said...

so ... this is like a combination of exhibitionist therapy and fiction, or what?

Ahh, fuck. Nevermind.

I just described every blog on the Internet.

Kick ass, Thundar. Seriously.

fuck a bunch of bullies.

MissHarwood said...

I hate bullies, they need the crap beaten out of them!

piranha said...

I d prefer a therapist who calls me an asshole over a therapist who treats me like a retard.

as i used to be tomboy back in the days i was involved in some fights against bullies who teased, tortured or mocked my friends. the best solution to escape serious trouble was to climb a tree because for some reason they didnt dare to follow. lol.

but beating a woman is really the next worse thing to raping. my brother once hit me hard in anger and we both felt that this was more than the average bro sis beating each other up shit. it was with a violent intention and all I could do was stare at him and say nothing. i saw in his eyes that he felt the same but still i was surprised that in the evening he had bought me a real bouquet (which is very absurd because our family is not a bouquet buyer fam) as an excuse.

i don t think he ll ever do that again.

coley said...

GOT DAYUM BLOGLINES!!!! Oh hey HC don't mind me... I'm just going O-F-F on bloglines for not working right and for failing to advise me of your most recent post!!! So now I gotta be the 9,876th commenter!!!! I wanted to be in the top 10 dammit! LOL!

Great post! I'm cracking up at those pictures you found to go with the post! Oh and NO I don't think it's customary for your therapist eerrrrr ummm yo friend to call you an asshole! LOL!

Good for you for beating Warren's ass!!! Having been a victim of D.V. myself... (several years ago when I had really low self esteem) I don't have any tolerance for that punk ass behavior.! And good for your friend for gaining enough confidence to leave his ass! I don't know why it takes some of us so long to realize our self worth!!!! I've since learned that people treat you the way you allow them to!!

Have a GREAT weekend!!!

princessdominique said...

You bring it every single time!

Adam E. Robinson said...

I only had to deal with a bully once - and after that incident, nobody every fucked with me again. This little bastard hit me on the side of my head, so I slammed his head into his locker about twenty times. Needless to say, I was suspended from school; but oh my, did I ever enjoy those days off!

Courtney said...

You are incredible.
Added you on my list,
hope you don't mind.

Fran said...

Well to be honest, I believe all those bullies deserved what they got!!! *scowl* Maybe it taught them a lesson..hmph, I hope.

I really missed reading your posts! *xoxo*

Anonymous said...

Your blog is the funniest blog ever, keep it up..

I am Jack said...

I once had a bully...once..lol

terry said...

Bully's ran rampant in my hood, you really had to watch you back man..

kev fan said...

LOL Great writing, just awesome.

sherry said...

The only time I had a bully was my older brother but that stopped when I smacked the shit out of him.

moevaL said...

I agree with the above poster, all those bullies deserved what they got.

BlueAngel said...

Great post HC.

There's this girl from 3rd grade who I want to still beat up...lol.

There's also this knuckleheaded guy I'd like to punch in the lip (we got into a fight on the school bus).

I'm sure that boy is probably dead or locked up.

As for that heffra from 3rd grade...she probably has a million kids.

STYLE+GRACE said...

LMAO @ the story with preston...i think everybody had 1 preston that they knew coming up at some point.

man this post reminded me of the old days...i was a ignant lil kid...i was a bit of a tomboy and i used to crack on kids so bad that they would go home cryin...i dont even know y i cracked on them...i guess i was bored...it was weird i was smart gifted classes but i was bullying kids...i was a goody goody nerd in the site of the teacher but out of view i was a terror...i will never forget in grade school we (me and 2 other girls) jumped this white girl cause she always had smart comments and she always used to stink...and i will never forget one of the girls that helped jump her pulled that girls hair and she had some green jello lookin stuff in her scalp...we called her jello jiggler from that day on. im sure she hates me to this day.

Anonymous said...

i think ur shrink was trying to get a reaction out of u to see wot the key to ur rage was...their cunning. Wen uv bin seeing a councillor a few years u wise up to their techniques next shell be tryna pop pills down ya neck!

Anonymous said...

I hate bullying it is not funny its disgusting and unless uv had it done to u urself u cant imagine wot its lyk.

Kevin said...

Bullies piss me off to no end.

When I lived in Connecticut, I was in fights literally every other day because A) I was an outsider, and B) I was the tallest kid in a K-6 school when I was only in 4th grade.

Damn, now I want to post about this.

Kathryn said...

Bullies are infused with with some kid of demon. I was the victim of one or two.
I think your therapist is an asshole....who tells people that?

PINKSandROSES said...

haha you know what's sad, growing up i was the bully...