When it comes to my family, my therapist, and some of my close friends, an ever running motif coming from them is the phrase ,"Just let it go man", in my direction. Don't get it wrong now, if you are a friend of mine or part of my family I find it easy to let things go because of my love and respect for them. But anyone else, if they spite me in any way, I have always found it difficult to let things slide, even as a kid. I have found myself being the bigger man and walking away from an asshole who talked shit one time, only to see him a week later, mumbling to myself, "I hope that motherfucker doesn't take my kindness for a weakness. I should go over there and punch him in his face just on General Principle." Yeah, it's that bad. But recently I've discovered that "Letting shit go" isn't only exclusive to someone being disrespectful to me, sometimes its hard to let go of some embarrassing situation that I put myself in the middle of. Here are a few examples.
Watch what you say: A few months ago I wrote about a day that I had in court, and the guy who I was summoned to court with named Brian.(I said then, and I still mean it, that I want to desperately penetrate his girlfriend in the worst way.) Anyway, a few weeks ago I am with a group of guys celebrating a friend of mines divorce from a woman, that I affectionately named, "Satan". While I am there I become so drunk that I start break-dancing on the dance floor, mistakenly tell a friend of mine that I slept with his sister once, and a few other things that are now a blur to me. One thing I do remember is seeing Brian, and his girlfriend that he has no business being with. The next day I recall speaking to them, I just forgot what we talked about exactly. "I hope I didn't say some foul shit to them" I thought, hoping that the alcohol that I had ingested didn't alter my decision making skills. The other day I see them at a pool hall that my friend Danny and are are at, so I decide to go up to them and speak. By the smile on his face as I approached them, I knew that I didn't say any foul shit to them a few weeks earlier, but I figured I would still find out just to be sure.
I gave him a handshake, said whats up, and said laughing, "Damn man, the last time I saw you I was fucked up, hope I didn't say any foul shit to you." This motherfucker, I guess because his girl was standing right beside him said, "No homey you didn't, plus you know better anyway because I would have handled you." I was in a weird predicament, because we are supposed to be cool, so I just let out a nervous giggle and walked back to my pool table. The next few minutes his comments grow inside me with bad intentions, like a cancerous tumor, thinking about how he tried to play me in front of his girl. Danny, my dear friend said, "Just let it go man!", a phrase I have heard too often. It got to the point that I went over to his table and asked him, "What exactly do you mean when you say that you would have "handled me", huh?" As he gave me a strong look, like he was about to say some slick shit, I bent over and whispered in his ear, "If I was you I would chose my words wisely and economically, you wouldn't want me to break your fucking jaw in front of your girl and all." His posture changed, and said "Naw dude, I was just fucking with you" and gave me a pound. I gave him a "whatever you say motherfucker" look and walked back to my table. Danny, always the one to break the tension with a silly retort said, "Gee HumanityCritic, what a great way to break the "angry black man" stereotype".
Next Door Neighbor: I have been trying my hardest to mend the tension between myself and my next door neighbors. Yes they are a pain in the ass, yes they constantly cut 4-5 lines into my property, yes the wife's hairstyling salon in their garage is a goddamn nuisance, but I thought I would play nice despite that. The husband and myself have chatted a few times recently, we got back on the right foot I guess you can say. That was until the day I drove by his house and waived to him out of my car window. This motherfucker gave me a uber fast hand waive as to signify he was saying "Whatever motherfucker, beat it!" I figured maybe he was having a bad day, I wasn't getting mad yet. Later on that day I went to run some errands, came back and waived at him once again to see what he would do. This jackass did the exact same thing, only this time with more of a disgusted attitude. "That motherfucker is lucky that I don't go over there and beat him over the head with his daughters wagon!" I thought, fuming at the disrespect. The next week or so was spent feeling disrespected in the worst way, thinking spiteful shit like the 32 year old baby that I am. The other day when he approached me I gave him a "What in the fuck do you want" look on my face. I was pretty embarrassed when he said, "Sorry that I was quick with you the other day, I was in a argument with my hateful, bitter ass mother-in-law. My fault man." In a supreme act of hypocrisy, I shook his hand and said, "Man, I didn't even notice. It's OK." I am shameful.
Childhood Bully: When I was a kid, maybe 6 or 7, there was a kid that tormented me named Tyrone. He must have been 15 or so at the time, and he was extremely cruel to me, smacking me in the face and making my life a complete nightmare. Come to think about it, I honestly feel that Tyrone was the last person who I was physically afraid of. As time moved on he moved out of my neighborhood, and by the time I learned how to fight back Tyrone's whereabouts were unknown. But I have always remembered how he made me feel, and I had like a "Kung-fu movie" vow to beat his natural black ass if we ever crossed paths again. Well, we crossed paths a few months ago. I have a friend who is a real estate agent who invited me to a party she was throwing with some other people in her field.(Let me tell you, real estate agents really know how to party) Anyway, one of the guys she works with is named Tyrone who turns out to be a really nice guy. As we are chatting it up, and we figure out that we lived in the same neighborhood at the same time, I finally realize that this is the motherfucker who beat my ass as a kid. This was the imbecile who I had been thinking about all my life, the guy that I have been on a sort of a David Carradine "Kung-fu-walking the earth" type of quest trying to find. When I asked him if he remembered me, he didn't. I pressed him if he remembered bullying me, again he had no recollection. I so wanted him to be an asshole so I could lay his ass out, lay his ass out for the adult I am who has anger issues and just wanted to hit an asshole, and hit him for that scared 7 year old who was terrified on a daily basis because of his bullying tactics. But the guy was so nice and kind, my pugilistic fantasies would not see the light of day. I secretly hope I see him again and he says some slick shit, but that's just me. I know, "Just let it go man", I agree.
A Tale of 2 Blog Trolls: I was telling Brother Omi the other day that the thing I hate about the Internet is the anonymity, not being about to kick someone in the mouth when they say some dumb shit to you is rather frustrating. The first blog troll has been drinking 40 0z's of "Haterade" from day one, telling people not to comment on my blog,(some actually did stop by the way), telling other bloggers that I know some foul shit about yours truly, a whole bunch of shit. The only reason that I didn't call this bastard out was because I never had any concrete evidence, so if I called him out he could just throw up his arms and say, "Huh? What are you talking about?", then I look like the asshole. I know that it is only the Internet, and I should have really let this one go, but I actually considered the following devious plot: Plot: Befriend said troll for X amount of time./ Get them to thinking that you are buddies and all, make it seem real./ Try to get them to attend one of the "blogger meet-ups"/ Go to said meet up, and, Beat-the-black-off-his ass/end of plot/ I know, it seems childish, that's why I didn't go through with it.
Let me tell you, I thank all of you who voted for me last month, I sincerly appreciate it. That being said, I'm not rich from it or think highly of myself, but the hate I have gotten the last month is amazing let me tell you. The next Troll was a person who had issues with my commenting practices, she tried to convey that I only commented on people's blogs just to garner votes for the blackweblogawards. I didn't really understand that misguided ideology because even if that were the case, the person in question would still have to like what they read in order to vote, fucking dumbass. So the other day I went to the blogroll of the blackweblogawards and she was one of the nominees, so her "hatred" was indeed orchestrated and a bit of sour grapes I guess. I was going to call her ass out, but then I didn't want to give her blog any publicity(Who wants to read about vagina rashes anyway?) But who knows, I might try to befriend her and invite her to a meet-up, I am sure my girl Suzy would be willing to knock her ass out. I'm kidding, I'm kidding!! I know I need to let shit go, geez!! I would just let Suzy tap that jaw a bit, not knock her out, then I would pour beer on her. But that's it, I promise! I know, "Just let it go man", I know.