Monday, December 12, 2005

Sex and Richard Pryor

Being that I am an all out attention whore, I was kind of excited to be interviewed by a journalist concerning this little old blog. As I got ready to meet this 20 something journalist I brushed my teeth, put every dreadlock in proper order, and looked at myself in a full body mirror and said something feminine to myself like "all my weight goes to my hips and my thighs!! Fuck!!". I raced to the coffee-shop where we were meeting and I was pretty much relaxed, until I openly wondered if she expected me to do some of the things that I talk about in my blog. I mean, I have broken someones jaw, cursed out a preacher, poured a full pitcher of beer on more ignorant females than I care to recall, and try to put a beating on David Spade, but if nothing of note happened during our conversation would she consider me a fraudulent disappointment?? I arrived on time for our scheduled noon interview, looking in the crowded coffee shop for a woman who gave a self description of herself as a "thick looking Lauryn Hill". Whenever someone says that they resemble someone famous they never end up looking anything remotely close to the celebrity in question, so I was looking for a female version of Biz Markie or Mr.T, possibly with dreadlocks.

For a few moments I thought she had stood me up, until I felt someone tap me on the shoulder and say, "HumanityCritic, I'm Darla. How are you doing??" I turned around and she did indeed look like a beef eating version of Lauryn Hill, and goddammit that's a good thing. For the next few minutes we had what I thought was a marvelous conversion, and she laughed at all my jokes, not in a "you are a funny guy that I am interviewing" way but a "I might give your chubby black blogging jackass a piece of this journalistic ass for good measure" way.(Putting a new spin on the term "crossing the T's and dotting the "I's") We talked about the state of Hip Hop, blogging, I took the high road and didn't diss bloggers that she asked me about and who I thought sucked complete ass, the amazing intelligence of my readers despite my immaturity, I was having a great time. The conversation took a pretty weird turn when she said, "I read your blog all the time and obviously you have father issues. I understand where your coming from, but don't you think your complaints are silly compared to someone like me who barely knows her father? You are lucky in my opinion." I paused for a few moments, not only because of the immediate U-Turn our conversation caravan took, but because of the blatant venom in which she delivered said diatribe.

I tried to emotionally gather myself because my mind said "Attack", but I knew that I was being interviewed, even though I did openly wonder if pouring hot coffee on her would hurt my career or help it. So in the most relaxed tone I could muster I said, "Why should people compare their pain? But if I never had a father at least I could romanticize about a fictitious meeting where he apologizes for his sins, I forgive him and we live happily ever after. While I, the miserable fuck in front of you, has to go to his grave actually thinking that his father despised his very existence. Enjoy your motherfucking coffee!" You know that dastardly lump that appears in your throat when the act of crying is actually around the corner, well that motherfucker decided to come by for an unexpected visit. The conversation lasted a few more minutes, it got back on course, but obviously I had talked myself out of panties once again.(She actually wasn't wearing panties, I know, I'm a pervert for looking. But if you guys think that I am anti-Bush, you were wrong that day.) I don't what it is, I have had guns pulled on me, my heart ripped out of my chest by women I would have died for, and put myself in situations that would make someone put you in a straight-jacket in a padded room, but nothing breaks me up like my relationship , or lack thereof, with my old man.

The passing of Richard Pryor this past Saturday evoked memories of my father that have been the strongest since his passing three years ago. Let me explain. My father would show kind of an eye rolling interest in the good grades that I would get or certain sports accomplishments, but the two things that we related to was discussing "sex" or "Richard Pryor". I couldn't tell you how many of his female clientele at his auto repair shop that he would pimp me off on, not making sure his baby boy had another notch on his belt, but to hear about said encounter and live vicariously through me later on. I know that telling your father the blow by blow details of how you thrusted like a man possessed on some random chick while you stared at her wedding photo is a bit creepy, but detailing said events were the only times that I felt in any way relevant to my father.

Talking about about Richard Pryor brought me similar feelings of validation, going over his routine ver batim with my father and laughing the whole time. Richard was a genius, to be funny and exposing the audience to bitter truths that they didn't want to think about is an amazing talent to have. If you listen to a lot of his recordings you can tell that in certain parts of his show he is just riffing, not necessarily doing a planned bit but just having an impromptu discussion with the audience. Fashioning myself a wannabe writer, Richard was influential to me because he showed that you can be expose yourself, insecurities and all, and do it with reckless abandon because 9 times out of ten other people can relate totally. He also taught me another lesson when it comes to life or writing specifically, and that lesson is "Fuck em' if they don't like it!!"

Richard will always be an inspiration and he will be missed, but I know he would understand it when I say that I hope that him and sex aren't the only topics that my future child and I relate to. Rest in Peace Brother...

26 comments:

IsLifeLame said...

Where and when can we cop this interview?

Nia said...

At least you have some...somewhat fond memories of your father.

Funkee said...

What a great interview...glad you kept your cool. I am firm believer in that even though I make observations about things, until I know the person I do not go there.....especially with assumptions.

Kevin said...

I want to know when and where this comes out as well.

Yeah, I'm proud you kept your cool, but something about pouring a pot of coffee on an ignorant person really appeals to me. You need a camera when you do that.

Running2Ks said...

He is an icon that will be missed.

glory said...

who asked her, anyway?

Schatzi said...

You know.. That was a great response! My father and I didn't speak for a good 9 years before he passed. I would give anything to be able to have a 'fictional' memory than the one I actually have!

Nova said...

Great post HC. Hopefully you and your future kid(s) will have a host of common interests. And maybe, just maybe, that'll take away some of the sting from the relationship you had with your own father.

Proactiff said...

Xray vision, eh? Why does no VPL (visible panty line) equate to not wearing any. [My] thong doesn't offer VPL. How presumptuous, Superman.

josie said...

nah, man. that aint go happen to you. for one, i know you go teach that child how to throat chop.

indigo said...

awww. i really liked this post

saga said...

dayum - yeah, I'm feelin this too. got that same lump just from reading it.

jbeezy said...

i think what you did was on point. she didn't know who HC was. lemme know when this interview comes out so i can cop it.

David said...

Richard Pryor was great! He had me ROFLing many times as a teenager! In his later years, as his MS got worse, he showed incredible courage, and never seemed to feel sorry for himself. He even joked about his disease! He was really a class act!

HC, I have father issues too, but not as bad as what you described. My father worked all the time and was never around for me or my sister. In fact, I don't believe that he ever actually taught me anything useful. However, he is still alive, and although I don't feel particularly close to him, we do talk once in a while. I'm sorry that your father passed before you and he could sort things out.

Rizoh said...

sex? what a way to honor Richard

I am Jack said...

That is the best way to honor Pryor, a way which he defiitely would have approved of...

GoldenLady said...

Okay, a couple of posts are way of base. Refering to a 'bush' means seeing much more than no panty line...

and HC in no way relates sex to Richard Pryor's legacy. Read the post.

Anyway, this is touching and I can feel your anger my her ignorant question. You said it best when you told her that pain should not be compared. I am marrying a man whose father has rejected him and he was raised by his stepfather. My mother thinks that is consolation and that he shouldn't feel pain. She says a least he had a father figure. I can't say its the same. While his stepfather is a wonderful man, he deals everyday w/ the rejection he faces from the man who created him, all the while knowing that he accepts his younger brother. No one can tell another person how they should be affected by their own individual situations.

Sylvia said...

Nice to see a softer side to ya, HC *wink*

alli-babe said...

Never ceases to amaze me at what entertainers people think they look like....lol

Wanted to comment on the other more....personal stuff but I am deplete of any clever tidbits....so I leave you with....good post as usual!

Girlfriend A said...

GLad you kept it cool H.C

Dee said...

Dayum you didn't pour hot coffee on her?~?~ AAAWWWW you are calming the hell down in your old age.....LOL

Richard was the shiznit!!!!

piranha said...

my dad broke up with his dad in his hippie years. god, of course that is understandable when your old man was an active nazi, beat the shit out of you and is a nightmare all in all....
these days, however, things are different, my dad is grown older and can see things from multiple perspectives and while he still won't agree with his dad in many ways they have a solid relationship.

however, his dad is always disappointed in him. why doesn't your dad write a book? why doesn't he teach in an University? blablabla. if my dad decideds to work in a kindergarden for good reasons that should be honored in the first place! fuck you granddad...

the saddest thign is, when somebody leaves that place before this settle down solid relationship thing can kick in....

i am feeling you HC and also on those two memories you relate to your dad. it s good to have them...

i know you will be a fabulous dad. as soon as Ms. Critic decides to come out of her hiding place ... ;-)


all the love

oh and i know this motherfucking frog in the throat too...thats how we call that in Germany...a frog in the throat....

one love
piranha

~b*b~ said...

my own effed up and freaky father also scared the living isht out of me by explaining to me at the age of 8 how pryor almost died settig himself on fire while free-basing. like you, my father-issue is was one area you'd better not mess with me on.

Uncle Ric said...

Pryor's most enduring legacy is that he taught black America how to talk like pimps and whores.

When you turn on BET and see Def Comedy Jam comedians cursing up a blue streak, thank Richard Pryor.

When you hear kids on a bus calling each other "bitch" and "nigga," thank Richard Pryor.

When walking across Howard University campus and here middle-class college students talking the same way, thank, Richard Pryor.

When you hear another tale of how some nice kid from a nice, loving home is at the state prison doing 15-20 for drug possession, thank, Richard Pryor.

Sure, he was a genius, but rather than use his genius to better the world, he used it to convert millions of black youth to the Gospel of his whore house culture.

Some kind of hero ...

ricland

I am Jack said...

"Pryor's most enduring legacy is that he taught black America how to talk like pimps and whores."

Oh shit, another self hating black person that wants to blame entertainers for the ills of society. You always get nutcases like this, inbred ones to boot.

"When you turn on BET and see Def Comedy Jam comedians cursing up a blue streak, thank Richard Pryor."

Just like there are horrible renditions of masters like James Brown and Prince, the imitators are exposed and the true geniuses are highlighted. Like Pryor.

"When you hear kids on a bus calling each other "bitch" and "nigga," thank Richard Pryor."

So bad parenting doesn't have anything to do with the behavior of chidren?? You're a jackass..

"When walking across Howard University campus and here middle-class college students talking the same way, thank, Richard Pryor."

I thank Richard for his brilliant way he depicted the social ills of america through humor. The guy was awesome, I blame bad parenting for those students who can't string a coherent sentence together.

"When you hear another tale of how some nice kid from a nice, loving home is at the state prison doing 15-20 for drug possession, thank, Richard Pryor."

This is a joke right, because only a complete pair of tits would say something as stupid as the previous drivel. If you are kidding, then disregard my complaint, but if you are serious then get a lobodomy quick-fast.

"Sure, he was a genius, but rather than use his genius to better the world, he used it to convert millions of black youth to the Gospel of his whore house culture."

He was a comedian, not mother Teresa or the president, so he did an outstanding job in my eyes.

"Some kind of hero ..."

I agree, he is a great hero.

Coach Jay said...

This Blog is funnier than two midgets trying to gangbang Brigitte Nielsen. Great work, although we all know Kool Moe Dee is the best rapper of all time.