Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Barack Obama: "Girls Gone Wild"(Vibe.com)

For all the ladies out there who are in the habit of reading my potty-mouthed diatribes, I have to give you credit - even though I sincerely feel that women are smarter than men and can do anything a man can do, I have hardly presented myself as a writer who has been overly sympathetic to the woman's movement. In one post I'll wax poetically about that one time I smashed a beer bottle over some miscellaneous bastard's temple because he had made the unfortunate decision of calling a woman out of her name - and in the very next blog entry, I'll go into crass detail concerning the young lady I consensually sodomized in a funeral home bathroom during my father's wake while whispering sweet nothings in her ear like "You'll be sitting on pillows for a week!!"(Ignoring her incessant eye-rolling) On one occasion I'll sound like a feminists best friend, amongst my drunk buddies I'll passionate declare that the government should stay out of a woman's vagina for good - but just last week when my girlfriend's sister told me that she was putting on a play consisting of all women, I just had to crack a joke and ask "What is it, a period piece?" Then I have to ask myself, am I a raging misogynist or just an equal opportunity asshole? Because even though my pillow talk as of late has consisted of statements ranging from "I'm going to fuck your tits off!", "Act like my penis has that "Cocoon' - fountain of youth pool water in it!" to "..yeah, but your mouth isn't bleeding is it?" - I've also pushed a wheelchair bound man into traffic for disrespecting Rakim, once prompted a priest to call me a "dirty cocksucker", and recently instructed a single amputee who wanted to fight me to "Put his best foot forward".

But what I do know is, despite my less than respectable actions and the fact that I own enough double-penetration pornography to fill up an average-size New York City apartment - I always found something wildly inappropriate about those "Girls Gone Wild" videos. Sure, the guy who created said phenomenon(Joe Francis) comes across as creepy as your garden variety pedophile. Also, speaking as a person who has turned down many drunken advances from women for fear of one day being someones bitch in jail and clutching their pockets as a sign of ownership - there seems to be something morally reprehensible about coercing inebriated women to do anything. But whenever I've seen those late night "Girls Gone Wild" infomercials, the ones where the women flash their breasts with a graphic of a smiley face covering them up - I always feel bad for them, especially when I think about them trying to explain themselves whenever they become respected members of society. I guess at the end of the day, one could chalk it all up to simple youthful indiscretions - but I see a parallel between the young girls who don't see the future repercussions of their actions, and some of the fanatical opposition Barack Obama has gotten from women just because he threatens Hillary Clinton's chances of becoming the first woman president. I mean, especially for lifelong progressives who have are in the habit of smearing Barack Obama at every turn - what are you going to say if the man becomes the Democratic Nominee?

Gloria Steinem: While I respect Ms. Steinem's tireless work for women's rights in the country, I don't particularly respect her New York Times piece - an article that not only plays the historically lame "who's had it worse" game, clumsily adds Hillary Clinton's time as first lady in the "experience" column, but it also insults the intelligence of all the young women who happen to support Barack Obama. To add insult to injury, when she uses this particular line: "Besides, to clean up the mess left by President Bush, we may need two terms of President Clinton and two of President Obama." - it smacks of what so many black folks of my parents generation heard while fighting for Civil Rights, to "wait your turn". As a black man supporting Barack Obama, let me state clearly that people shouldn't vote for the junior Senator from Illinois based on the fact that he has melanin - but regardless of your choice, at least have well thought out political reasons to back up your respective choice.

N.O.W: Recently when Ted Kennedy decided to support Barack Obama on his journey to become the democratic nominee, the New York Chapter of N.O.W(The National Organization for Women) decided to tear old Teddy a new one - with a vitriolic screed characterizing Senator Kennedy's deceision as the "greatest betrayal!" and charging him as picking "the new guy over us." I'm glad that N.O.W as a whole has distanced themselves from the petulant nonsensical hissy fits from the New York Chapter - outside of the fact that Mr. Kennedy has been on the right side of women's rights longer than I've been alive, why can't he support who in the fuck he wants? I thought the feminist movement was about proving that women were just as good as men and should be judged upon their merits - not because someone owes them a fucking favor or solely based on their gender, doing so spits in the face of the feminist movement in my opinion.

Roseanne Barr: Maybe I should start this topic with a slogan, "I read Roseanne Barr's blog so you don't have to!" - because nothing is more of a clearer example of a woman slowly slipping into madness than her Obama, invective-filled diatribes that seem to be heavily influenced by Chrystal meth and too much time on her hands. She now supports Hillary, many people do and I don't take issue with that - but if you simply follow the woman's January archives alone, you get the sense that this is an emotionally tortured individual who feels guilty that she infected all of us with the disease that is Tom Arnold. On her blog first she is a big Edwards supporter who lumps Obama and Hillary in the same "establishment candidate" category. When it became abundantly clear that Edwards didn't have a chance in hell of winning, on top of some asshole who held up a "iron my shirt" sign at a Clinton Rally - she suddenly became an unwavering Hilary supporter. From that point forward it becomes an interesting read, the same way you rubberneck during an accident to see if there are any limbs scattered on the city street - everything from blatant distortions, half-truths, her telling Hillary "A black male president should come after your presidency" - along with entertaining attacks on Oprah, an apology to Oprah, disingenuous support of Obama, her calling Barack "lurch" and his wife Michelle "Shrek"(which was later erased) then back to attacking Oprah. Roseanne, I thought using "Hussein" when discussing Obama was a right wing tactic - you fucking washed up psycho you.

Taylor Marsh: I've got to pretty honest, Ms. Marsh's blog is pretty inconsequential - she's a discredited Clinton shill who does exactly what her masters tell her, to throw as much bile and shit against the wall concerning Obama and hope that something sticks. Everything from unsubstantiated Tony Rezko claims, ignoring Hillary's history of associating herself with some pretty unseemly characters, perpetuating the media embarrassment that was "snub-gate", the grasping of straws argument that Obama has become the "establishment candidate" simply based on who has endorsed him - not to mention her desperate assessment that he was injecting race by simply using the word "hoodwink", and the "Look, he's praising Reagan!" nonsense that has been debunked by anyone with a standard level of reading comprehension. Yes, she's a gigantic fucking hack who spends more time telling us what's wrong with Obama and hardly any viable reasons to vote for Hillary - but that's not my complaint. I just want to know how she got a gig writing for "The Huffington Post"? I mean, that's my dream gig and admittedly I'm a bit jealous - but if a miserable writer/smear merchant is penning articles for them, I know that my time has to be around the corner.

Update: I just found out that Rosanne Barr writes for "The Huffington Post" as well.. Jesus Christ..

4 comments:

wynsters the tigress said...

hc, your writing makes me chuckle and shake my head...keep it up.

Ty said...

Roseanne, the NY chapter of NOW, Gloria Steinem, and that other woman... that's quite a rogue's gallery of ghouls backing Hillary. The only thing that makes their set complete is Ann "The Coultergeist" Coulter threatening to support Hillary should McCain sew up the Republican nomination.

hottnikz said...

one of the Baldwin Brothers writes for Huff post too, I was surprised

neo said...

Happy New Year HC.

Sometimes you wonder if these ppl are truly humanoid in nature or from the planet mstpq99zzllcxz