Hey Condi, your black ass is incompetent!

The past few weeks I have been hearing this very weird argument coming out of the pie-hole of conservatives. They see that Democrats are highly critical of Condi Rice, and they try to say it is because of racism. No, it is because her black ass is incompetent. I talked to one black conservative that told me that I should be happy because there is a African American in the Bush administration. Then, being the asshole that I am, replied in my best slave voice.."Massa, I sho iz happy dat U let one uv us in yo big ole' White House!!" Who cares that she is the same complexion as me if she doesn't have the best interests of African Americans at heart. Seeing her at her confirmation hearing made me nauseous, because piss poor job performance was being rewarded and I am afraid that she will put us all at risk. Below are examples of her incompetence(http://www.commondreams.org/headlines04/0326-10.htm), for all you people who actually want to step up and endorse this House Negro in the White House.

Pre-9/11 Intelligence

*CLAIM: "I don't think anybody could have predicted that they would try to use an airplane as a missile, a hijacked airplane as a missile." – National Security Adviser Condoleezza Rice, 5/16/02
*FACT: On August 6, 2001, the President personally "received a one-and-a-half page briefing advising him that Osama bin Laden was capable of a major strike against the US, and that the plot could include the hijacking of an American airplane." In July 2001, the Administration was also told that terrorists had explored using airplanes as missiles. [Source: NBC, 9/10/02; LA Times, 9/27/01]

*CLAIM: In May 2002, Rice held a press conference to defend the Administration from new revelations that the President had been explicitly warned about an al Qaeda threat to airlines in August 2001. She "suggested that Bush had requested the briefing because of his keen concern about elevated terrorist threat levels that summer." [Source: Washington Post, 3/25/04]
*FACT: According to the CIA, the briefing "was not requested by President Bush." As commissioner Richard Ben-Veniste disclosed, "the CIA informed the panel that the author of the briefing does not recall such a request from Bush and that the idea to compile the briefing came from within the CIA." [Source: Washington Post, 3/25/04]

*CLAIM: "In June and July when the threat spikes were so high…we were at battle stations." – National Security Adviser Condoleezza Rice, 3/22/04
*FACT: "Documents indicate that before Sept. 11, Ashcroft did not give terrorism top billing in his strategic plans for the Justice Department, which includes the FBI. A draft of Ashcroft's 'Strategic Plan' from Aug. 9, 2001, does not put fighting terrorism as one of the department's seven goals, ranking it as a sub-goal beneath gun violence and drugs. By contrast, in April 2000, Ashcroft's predecessor, Janet Reno, called terrorism 'the most challenging threat in the criminal justice area.'" Meanwhile, the Bush Administration decided to terminate "a highly classified program to monitor Al Qaeda suspects in the United States." [Source: Washington Post, 3/22/04; Newsweek, 3/21/04]

*CLAIM: "The fact of the matter is [that] the administration focused on this before 9/11." – National Security Adviser Condoleezza Rice, 3/22/04
FACT: President Bush and Vice President Cheney's counterterrorism task force, which was created in May, never convened one single meeting. The President himself admitted that "I didn't feel the sense of urgency" about terrorism before 9/11. [Source: Washington Post, 1/20/02; Bob Woodward's "Bush at War"]

*CLAIM: "Our [pre-9/11 NSPD] plan called for military options to attack al Qaeda and Taliban leadership, ground forces and other targets -- taking the fight to the enemy where he lived." – National Security Adviser Condoleezza Rice, 3/22/04
*FACT: 9/11 Commissioner Gorelick: "There is nothing in the NSPD that came out that we could find that had an invasion plan, a military plan." Deputy Secretary of State Richard Armitage: "Right." Gorelick: "Is it true, as Dr. Rice said, 'Our plan called for military options to attack Al Qaida and Taliban leadership'?" Armitage: "No, I think that was amended after the horror of 9/11." [Source: 9/11 Commission testimony, 3/24/04]

Condi Rice on Pre-9/11 Counterterrorism Funding

*CLAIM: "The president increased counterterrorism funding several-fold" before 9/11. – National Security Adviser Condoleezza Rice, 3/24/04
*FACT: According to internal government documents, the first full Bush budget for FY2003 "did not endorse F.B.I. requests for $58 million for 149 new counterterrorism field agents, 200 intelligence analysts and 54 additional translators" and "proposed a $65 million cut for the program that gives state and local counterterrorism grants." Newsweek noted the Administration "vetoed a request to divert $800 million from missile defense into counterterrorism." [Source: New York Times, 2/28/04; Newsweek, 5/27/02]

Richard Clarke's Concerns

*CLAIM: "Richard Clarke had plenty of opportunities to tell us in the administration that he thought the war on terrorism was moving in the wrong direction and he chose not to." – National Security Adviser Condoleezza Rice, 3/22/04
*FACT: Clarke sent a memo to Rice principals on 1/24/01 marked "urgent" asking for a Cabinet-level meeting to deal with an impending al Qaeda attack. The White House acknowledges this, but says "principals did not need to have a formal meeting to discuss the threat." No meeting occurred until one week before 9/11. [Source: CBS 60 Minutes, 3/24/04; White House Press Release, 3/21/04

*CLAIM: "No al Qaeda plan was turned over to the new administration." – National Security Adviser Condoleezza Rice, 3/22/04
*FACT: "On January 25th, 2001, Clarke forwarded his December 2000 strategy paper and a copy of his 1998 Delenda plan to the new national security adviser, Condoleezza Rice." – 9/11 Commission staff report, 3/24/04
Response to 9/11

*CLAIM: "The president launched an aggressive response after 9/11." – National Security Adviser Condoleezza Rice, 3/22/04
*FACT: "In the early days after the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks, the Bush White House cut by nearly two-thirds an emergency request for counterterrorism funds by the FBI, an internal administration budget document shows. The papers show that Ashcroft ranked counterterrorism efforts as a lower priority than his predecessor did, and that he resisted FBI requests for more counterterrorism funding before and immediately after the attacks." [Source: Washington Post, 3/22/04]

9/11 and Iraq Invasion Plans

*CLAIM: "Not a single National Security Council principal at that meeting recommended to the president going after Iraq. The president thought about it. The next day he told me Iraq is to the side." – National Security Adviser Condoleezza Rice, 3/22/04
*FACT: According to the Washington Post, "six days after the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, President Bush signed a 2-and-a-half-page document marked 'TOP SECRET'" that "directed the Pentagon to begin planning military options for an invasion of Iraq." This is corroborated by a CBS News, which reported on 9/4/02 that five hours after the 9/11 attacks, "Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld was telling his aides to come up with plans for striking Iraq." [Source: Washington Post, 1/12/03. CBS News, 9/4/02]

Iraq and WMD

*CLAIM: "It's not as if anybody believes that Saddam Hussein was without weapons of mass destruction." – National Security Adviser Condoleezza Rice, 3/18/04
*FACT: The Bush Administration's top weapons inspector David Kay "resigned his post in January, saying he did not believe banned stockpiles existed before the invasion" and has urged the Bush Administration to "come clean" about misleading America about the WMD threat. [Source: Chicago Tribune, 3/24/04; UK Guardian, 3/3/04]

9/11-al Qaeda-Iraq Link

*CLAIM: "The president returned to the White House and called me in and said, I've learned from George Tenet that there is no evidence of a link between Saddam Hussein and 9/11." – National Security Adviser Condoleezza Rice, 3/22/04
*FACT: If this is true, then why did the President and Vice President repeatedly claim Saddam Hussein was directly connected to 9/11? President Bush sent a letter to Congress on 3/19/03 saying that the Iraq war was permitted specifically under legislation that authorized force against "nations, organizations, or persons who planned, authorized, committed, or aided the terrorist attacks that occurred on September 11." Similarly, Vice President Cheney said on 9/14/03 that "It is not surprising that people make that connection" between Iraq and the 9/11 attacks, and said "we don't know" if there is a connection. [Source: BBC, 9/14/03]

Fight Club

(HumanityCritic pacing in front of fellow bloggers)

HC: The first Rule of fight club, you don't talk about Fight Club. Second rule of Fight Club, YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB!! Ok, Maybe just this once.. Now that I am older, I have the maturity to turn the other cheek and avoid confrontations that I would of previously engaged in. Here are a few altercations of all types that have occurred during my 31 years of life.

Naps, finger paints, and a good kick in the nuts(1979): Kindergarten was the first time that I learned that if you don't nip a problem in the bud, it will plague you forever. There was this kid who made my life hell, I think his name was Tyrone. He would take my crayons, constantly nudge me, and slap the shit out of me whenever he could. This went on for a while, and I would do nothing about it and constantly cry. I was definitely not a tough kid, and the thought of defending myself seemed impossible. I don't know what happened, but Tyrone came over to slap me and I kicked him square in the nuts. He hunched over, crying loudly, looking at me like he saw a ghost. After that, he never touched me again. Lesson: Good or bad, Violence can solve some problems

Pee wee football blues(1984): I was a stocky kid, so when I played football they always had me playing offensive or defensive line. I forgot how the argument started, but I got into it with this kid named Tony who was like twice my size. In full pads it was a all out war. It became evident, rather quickly, that Tony was beating the black off of me. I could handle getting beat, but in front of a entire team was downright embarrassing. He kept throwing me down by the face mask repeatedly, but I kept getting up and charging him. It was a definite defeat. Lesson: I learned that I never give up.

MC Lyte, "the wop", and beatdowns(1989); I was 15 and I went to this teen club that was in my city at the time. I arrived with my friend Chip, and we were having a good time. I saw this girl who looked like MC Lyte, and I just had to talk to her. I never had a razor Sharpe game, but what I lacked in "smoothness" I made up for in confidence and a inability to be embarrassed. She was digging what I was saying, and we started to dance. Damn she was hot, and I was grinding so hard that I thought I was going to have a "happy accident" on myself. What I didn't know was that she had a boyfriend who was there, and he didn't appreciate the fact that i was simulating a sex act with his girlfriend. He pulls me off her and informs me that he is her boyfriend. He swings for me but misses to the point that he falls to the ground, so I kick him in the face. All of a sudden, 5 of his boys surround me. I felt like I was Bruce Lee in one of his fight scenes, but this wasn't fiction and my black ass didn't know Karate..I got a few licks in, but they pretty much beat my ass. It was a nightmare. Lesson: Good or bad, I can take a ass whipping..

Bad lunch, Bullies, and Bullshit..(1991): I was 17, and I dated this girl from a neighboring High School. It came to my attention quite quickly, that she was also adored by the bully of her High School, a dude name Mark. Whenever I would pick her up at her High School, Mark would be around her, being sure to hug her as soon as I showed up. When I would inquire about his behavior he would respond, "Come on man. We are buddies, stop acting like a bitch." Mark had to be like 250 pounds, and known to be a real badass. This routine went on for weeks, until I finally lost it. One day I went to pick her up with the intent to beat his ass. I arrived at her High School, and mark proceeded in hugging her. I walked up to him and hit him squarely in the mouth.*POW* As he laid on the ground I shouted, "Get your bitch ass up, motherfucker!!" He stayed on the ground, holding his mouth and started to cry..I was shocked. Lesson: Someone's size doesn't matter and someone's reputation might be bullshit..

Work with what you got(1992): When I was in college I would always hang out in the cafeteria and shoot the shit with my friends. There was this kid named Rick who always thought he was funny, and would try to joke people to the point of embarrassment. No one liked him, but I didn't mind him because he never attacked me personally. One weekend we were at this local college bar and Rick was there with a bunch of his friends. Rick, was a amateur boxer who was pretty good. He started joking me, and I made a comment about him being inbred. He joked some more, and I made a comment about his mother giving head to pay for his tuition. He was angered and wanted to step outside. As soon as we got outside, he hit me in the back of the head. We squared up, and it was immediately obvious that he had superior boxing skills, and was definitely using them. After eating about 8 jabs I realized that this guy wasn't hurting me, matter of fact he isn't strong at all. So I abandoned boxing and outright tackled him. Then, I began to choke the shit out of him until he almost passed out. Lesson: Utilize your strengths..

HumanityCritic-Gay Rights activist(1993): There was dude who was in my World Civ. Class who helped me a great deal because I would fall asleep in that boring ass class. The guys name was Ray, and he was a homosexual. I never really understand homophobia because if you are secure in your sexuality, then why do you give a fuck what anyone else does?? I know I love women, so why should I be hateful towards anyone because of their sexual preference? Anyway, I was going to meet ray in front of some building so I could get some notes from him. When I arrived, there were these guys throwing Ray's book bag around, calling him "faggot", and smacking him in his face. I told the guys to "Cut it out" but they said that I was gay because I defended him. I tried to get Ray's backpack back and one of the guys pushed me down. Because there were 5 of them I reached for my backpack, from it I pulled out a miniature bat I had gotten from our local semi-pro baseball team's game that I went to. I proceeded in beating a couple of those guys with the bat, until the bat definitely had blood on it.. Looking back, it has to be the most brutal shit I have ever done in my life. Lesson: I have the ability to go psycho..

Tribe Called Quest, beer, and my Big mouth(1994): After a great show, many people were hanging in the parking lot just wasting time. A dude walked past and I said, "What in the fuck are you looking at?" Looking back, he was definitely minding his business. He said, "what motherfucker??" I said, "You heard me asshole. What?". I thought that he would just step up and talk shit, so when he blasted me in the face lets just say I was shocked. *Goodnight* I was knocked-out cold for about 30 seconds. I was drunk, I started it, and I deserved it. When I snapped out of it, I had the ability to get back up, but I realized that it was all my fault so I stayed on the ground for a minute.. Lesson: Keep my fucking mouth shut..

Randy Moss.. Don't feed the Black Man!!

The past few months, watching the sports media, I have noticed one specific thing. That the media latches on a African American athlete and for a few weeks at a time labels him "Satan". It started with Kobe Bryant, we all know that many of his problems were self inflicted so a bit of media scrutiny was expected and deserved. I was just surprised at the level of scrutiny the media put upon Bryant, you would of thought they had found a dead body in his back yard or something. It was ridiculous. It got to the point that you actually have Nas thinking he is calling somebody out on his song "Coon Picnic". Listen, a lot of what Nas is saying in the song is relevant, and Nas is one of my favorites, but the song came out a year and a half after constant bashing. From both Black and White. Nas, your song is far from a news bulletin. By the way, didn't you once do a song with Ginuwine? The mere fact that I can't get the line "Yeah owe me back like you owe your rent" out of my mind makes me want to beat your ass. Before you criticize, think about THAT song..

Then you had the Ron Artest situation. I admit that what he did was wrong, he should of never gone on the stands. But the media coverage concerning it was downright embarrassing. There were commentators that called him a "animal", wanted him banished from the league forever, and ESPN went the extra mile and asked his High School and College coaches about his mental stability. To me it just looked like a guy who lost control after being hit with a cup of ice, give me a fucking break..

Recently, the "Crazy Negro of the moment" is Randy Moss. Moss has a history of misbehavior, and him walking off the field a couple of weeks ago was totally unacceptable. But the media coverage last week of his endzone dance where he mock mooned the crowd was sadly hysterical. Joe Buck, who was the announcer of that game for Fox Sports showed his outrage, and called the incident "disgusting. When I turned to ESPN, the studio analysts were acting like Moss had pulled his penis out in front of a bunch of nuns. Calling it "classless", saying that Moss should be suspended, and Michael Irvin said that Moss was a "bad Guy" and could never imagine being his teammate. Wait a minute? Michael Irvin?? Michael "Coke and Whores" Irving?? Michael "I singlehandedly brought down the Cowboys because I was a drug addict" Irvin?? You have got to be kidding me.. People in glass houses, right??

I know Moss is the furthest thing from a role model, but the hysteria is laughable. Moss' endzone celebration, in my opinion, is tame compared to when Brett Favre does the mock "throat slash" to mock the opposing team. Moss' endzone "moon" was a lot less dangerous than the helmet-to-helmet hit that Denver Broncos safety John Lynch put on Indianapolis Colts fullback Dallas Clark a couple of weeks back. Both of those things weren't covered half as much as Moss' endzone celebration.

In closing, there is something weirdly refreshing about Moss. In a interview, when asked about if he thinks his coach is a right fit for the team, he said "I don't know if Mike Tice is right for the team, or wrong for the team." Something you don't get from a athlete, honesty. Like it or not, think he is a bad guy or not, I find it refreshing that a athlete doesn't say the same boring cliche things.

Dinner with Andre...and his pornstar Girlfriend

For the past month or so I have been getting these strange calls from a friend of mine named Andre. He was leaving these very cryptic messages like, "Dude, I have something to tell you. You're not going to believe it." Andre is a great guy with a good heart, but he, how can I put this?? He has a tendency to lie. For example, the first lie he told was when we were 16 and he said, "I'm serious, Rakim is my cousin!!." The second big lie he told me was when he said that he once dated Mary J. Blige. Another lie comes to mind, 1994 when he told me that he beat up his girlfriend's ex-boyfriend who was a Navy Seal.(Truth was that her ex wasn't a seal, but a rent-a-cop. Also, Andre didn't beat anyone up, the dude had a asthma attack..) The last big lie he told me was a few months ago when he said the girl he was dating had a friend who wanted to meet me. I asked him how she looked and he said, "Yo kid, She looks like Lauryn Hill!!" When I met her lets just say that the only resemblance to Lauryn Hill she had was that she was African American, that was about it..

But all in all Andre is a good guy, I just know to treat whatever he says with a grain of salt. Anyway, after receiving about 4 of his calls I decided to call him back. When I talked to him he told me that he was dating a porn star. As soon as I heard this I figured he was lying again, but for some reason I played along. "Really?? That's cool man!". He paused for a minute and said, "You don't believe me do you??" I chuckled and said, "Let me just say three names to put it in perspective..Rakim, Mary J. Blige, and Lauryn Hill!!" He swore he was serious and asked if I would join him and his new "girlfriend" for dinner. I obliged, thinking that when I got there he would make up some excuse like "she couldn't make it", or bring some random girl and claim that she did porn. I had no idea what I was getting into..

The restaurant was also a club, so when I got there I was welcomed to the sound of old school Hip Hop. It was obvious that I had either beaten them there, or he and his "girlfriend" were going to be a no-show. About a hour and 4 drinks later I have a serious buzz going. The DJ is playing Doug E Fresh, Big Daddy Kane, and other old school hits. At 31, even though I feel that I am old enough to be many of the club goer's, i don't know, extremely older brother, I go to the dance floor. It has been so long since I was on a dance floor that I kept on wanting to check my heart rate to see if I was OK. This young lady starts dancing in front of me, I kept on expecting her to call me "gramps". We're making eye contact, "she's cute" I thought as we danced to "Nobody Beats the Biz" by Biz Markie. She was actually mouthing the words to the song, which was surprising because she had to be at least 21. I said to her, "What do you know about old school??" She smirked and said, "I know my hip hop, don't worry about me!!" With the curiosity killing me I asked her, "If I may ask, How old are you??" The music was loud so she approached my right ear and said, "Twenty!" I played it off for a while, doing "The Wop" and other dated dances to music that I absolutely love, but some thoughts kept gnawing at me..**When I was 17 she was 6..When I was "humping" she was learning to read and shit.. When I was 21 she was in the 5th grade..** As I grabbed her hips and moved along to the beat I kept thinking that I should really get going before I corrupt this girl..

As soon as I was thinking that, Andre tapped me on the shoulder, "Critic, me and my old lady have a table, Come on". Finally, I would meet this "porn star". I knew I would be disappointed, it would probably be some girl who he was dating who actually wasn't a porn star, making him out to be a liar once again. We made our way through scores of people, cigarette and marijuana smoke, to the restaurant section of the building. When we reached our destination I was totally thrown for a loop. His girlfriend, was indeed a porn star!! How do I know this you ask?? Lets just say that I am familiar with her work..:)

She extends her hand and says, "It is so good to meet you, Andre talks about you all the time." We shook hands and we all sat down to eat. She was so beautiful in person, and her intellect was disarming, disarming to the point that I didn't get a chance to ask her any of the "guy shit" I wanted to ask her..(i.e How many people have you had sex with at one time?? Do you sleep with women outside of your work?? What made you want to start doing porn??Ever had any STDS from "work"?) I didn't ask any of that!! I'm so disappointed in myself.

Through the course of our dinner together, it was apparent that Andre really liked this chick. I mean, personally I couldn't do it. For one, doing her job she deals with guys who are hung like horses, I would feel a little(no pun intended) inadequate if she came home to average ass me. Another thing, I might have a slight problem going out with her and guys constantly running up in her face because of her career. Even though porn stars are constantly screened for STD's, the disease factor would definitely be an issue..But hey, thats just me, as long as he's happy that's all that matters..

As we all start to leave I realize a few things..1) The pornography that I own with her in it will be awkward to watch from now on. 2) I must be Andre's only friend because all I heard was, "Andre said you were the coolest guy..Andre said that yall go way back..Andre said.." Enough!! 3)That I have to stay out of the club or I might start go looking for delicious 20 yr olds..and 4) That Andre doesn't LIE about everything..

Leaving the club, the girl I danced with earlier slips me her number and tells me to call her. I look down at the number and her name is "Alicia", with heart shapes over both of the "i's". Which reminded me of gradeschool, which reminded me of my age, which reminded me that I shouldn't call her..A guy comes up to Andre's girlfriend in a beligerent manner and say's, "Don't you do porno?" Not wanting to embarrass Andre by seeing his reaction, I hopped in my carand drove off..

House Negro of the Month..Armstrong Williams

There are many things that severely irritate me in this world. Things like Crunk Hip Hop, the existence of George Bush, girls who were once sexually promiscuous but now have found god but love to tell you how freaky they "were". Oh yeah, and Black Republicans. From time to time I will document many of these miserable bastards, so you will know who these people are when you see them. Like Chuck D said, "Every brother ain't a brother cause of color."

Full Disclosure: My personal feelings towards Armstrong Williams is that he is a Uncle Tom, and all around steaming pile of crap**

It has came out, through USA Today using the Freedom of Information Act to acquire the information, that Armstrong Williams was paid 240,000 dollars from the U.S Department of Education(Bush Administration) to promote the No Child Left Behind Act.

In exchange for payment, Williams was required to "regularly comment on the (initiative) during the course of his broadcasts" of his T.V show, "The Right Side", and to interview Education Secretary Rod Paige for TV and Radio advertisements that aired on his show in 2004. He was also "required" to encourage other black journalists to promote the law.

Williams, is a conservative pundit who has been a republican "yes massa House Negro" for years. He is famous for promoting Right Wing Ideologies and saying things that would inform black folks that he isn't in our corner.(To push his right wing agenda, in a round table discussion he claimed to never have seen racism first hand. Which is strange, especially since he comes from the deep south) I swear, when I hear him talk I keep expecting him to put on black face and break out in a Tapdance routine.

A newspaper quoted Williams as saying that while some might find the arrangement unethical, "I wanted to do it because its something I believe in". My question to Williams is, if it was something "that you believed in" why in the fuck did you need 240,000 dollars?? Jackass.

The mere fact that the White House thought that Armstrong Williams had any influence over African Americans just lets you know how delusional they are. I have to give it to Williams, that was definitely a easy 240K.

Some think what he did is illegal, and many prominent democrats are trying to have a investigation to actually find out. I hope what he did is illegal, and that Armstrong Williams spends a considerable amount of time in jail. I hope they throw his black ass in a cell with a 300 pound klansman. Then he can tell me if racism exists, House Negro scum..

Where's the Love? My short List of under-appreciated actors..

For anyone who knows me, you know that I am a big movie fanatic. Drama, comedies, Independent, you name it, I'll watch it. I almost love movies more than porn and Hip Hop.. Almost. There are many actors who I feel are overrated and receive praise that they don't deserve. The following list are actors who I feel, are underrated and should be recognized for their magnificent acting ability.

Don Cheadle-One of the most talented individuals on the list, and probably the most under-appreciated. People don't give this guy credit for being one America's best actors, and that is sad. He first caught my attention in the movie "Devil in a Blue Dress" as Denzel's right hand man named "Mouse", and ever since he has been blazing a trail in Hollywood. Standout performances in "Rosewood(1995) ", "Rebound: The Legend of Earl 'The Goat' Manigault(1996) (TV)", Boogie Nights (1997)The Rat Pack (1998) (TV),A Lesson Before Dying (1999) (TV), and Traffic (2000) to name a few. Hopefully, he will be a household name and people will understand his amazing talents.

Suggested viewing:
Hotel Rwanda (2004)
The United States of Leland (2003)
The Assassination of Richard Nixon (2004)
A Lesson Before Dying (1999)
Boogie Nights (1997)
Rebound: The Legend of Earl 'The Goat' Manigault (1996)
Devil in a Blue Dress (1995)

Jeffrey Wright- The opening line on his IMDB.com biography pretty much sums it up: "Quite possibly the most underrated and underexposed actor of his caliber and generation." This guy is remarkable, he first captured my attention playing in "Basquiat" as the lead character, talented artist Jean Michael Basquiat. He was the only watchable thing in the 2000 version of "Shaft", playing the villain named 'Peoples Hernandez". His role as Martin Luther King in the movie "Boycott" and his supporting part in "Ali" were absolutely brilliant. Anyone who has HBO say him do his thing in "Angels in America". This guy has pure acting skill, and the mere fact that he isn't a household name is rather troubling.

Suggested viewing:
"Angels in America" (2003)
Boycott (2001) (TV)
Basquiat (1996)

Phillip Seymour Hoffman- He is defintely what you would call a character actor, so maybe it is his intent to be "under-appreciated", but his body of work is fiiled with great performances. Boogie Nights (1997), Flawless (1999), Magnolia (1999) ,The Talented Mr. Ripley (1999), Almost Famous (2000), Love Liza (2002), Punch-Drunk Love (2002), 25th Hour (2002) ,Cold Mountain (2003), Along Came Polly (2004). The guy holds his own whenever he is in front of a camera, and any guy who can steal scenes away from Robert De Niro gets my vote.

Suggestive viewing:
Boogie Nights(1997)
Almost Famous (2000)
25th Hour (2002)


Ryan Phillippe- This guy definitely has acting chops, but he is overshadowed by his more successful wife Reese Witherspoon. He first caught my attention in 1996 in a movie called "Whits Squall", as a teen who is sent off on a experimental program where he sent off to sea for a few months, and comes back with a new confidence. His breakout role came with "Cruel Intentions", that is when people really started to know who he was. He has great performances in 2001's "Gosford Park", and his role as a Hacker in "Antitrust". My favorite role of his is when he played a convict alongside Benecio Del Torro in "The Way of the Gun", one of my personal favorites. Definitely underrated, and it's a shame because I feel that he can act circles around his wife.

Suggested Viewing:
Gosford Park (2001)
Antitrust (2001)
The Way of the Gun (2000)


Angela Bassett- Let me start by saying that she is one of our finest black actors out there, male or female. The woman has a talent that can't be equaled, and I personally feel that she is underused when she is in certain movies and she is ignorantly not considered for other movies. I respect her because she has turned down roles based on her personal integrity(i.e "Monster's Ball") and you can't beat that. Plus, lets face it, she can act circles around Halle Berry. Memorable performances include Malcolm X (1992), What's Love Got to Do with It (1993), Waiting to Exhale (1995), How Stella Got Her Groove Back (1998), The Rosa Parks Story (2002)

Suggested Viewing:
Malcolm X(1992)
Whats Love Got to Do with It (1993)


John Leguizamo- The first thing I saw him was 1991 "Hanging with the Homeboys", but I would of never thought from that performance that John Leguizamo would emerge as a legitimate actor. Many of you know him from his Broadway one man shows, which are absolutely brilliant.(Sidenote: To do a one man/woman show has to be the hardest thing in show-business, exposing yourself to the masses and still making it entertaining.) He has had good performances in Carlito's Way (1993) Romeo + Juliet (1996) King of the Jungle (2001) Moulin Rouge! (2001) Empire (2002), and Spun (2002). Definitely underrated, but definitely a respectable member of Hollywood.

Suggested viewing:
Carlito's Way (1993)
King of the Jungle(2001)
Empire (2002)


Paul Giamatti- Even though this guy has been around for a while and has appeared in some memorable flicks, he is definitely under-appreciated. He has built the majority of his career being a character actor, just beginning to come into his own over the past five years. You have probably seen him in movies such as "Singles", "Donnie Brasco", "Private Parts", "The Negotiator", "Big Mamma's House", "The Truman Show", and "Saving Private Ryan". But he has stand out performances playing a con man in "Confidence", animator Harvey Pekar in "American Splendor", and a newly divorced, failed writer in the recently released "Sideways". Amazing Talent.

Suggested viewing:
Sideways(2004)
American Splendor(2003)
Confidence (2003)

John Turturro- First stand out role was in Spike Lee's 1989's "Do the Right Thing" playing "Pino", Sal the Pizza owners son. He showed his remarkable gift for acting back then, and he has continued to showcase his acting prowess ever since. In roles such as Barton Fink (1991) The Big Lebowski (1998) Rounders (1998) O Brother, Where Art Thou? (2000), he has made a case as to why he is acting force to be reckoned with. Amazing actor, with a range so wide he could virually play anything.

Suggested viewing:
Do the Right Thing (1989)
Barton Fink (1991)
Rounders (1998)
O Brother, Where Art Thou? (2000)

Brad Pitt- I know what you are all saying right now, "How in the fuck is Brad Pitt under-appreciated?" Well, Brad Pitt is definitely one of the most recognizable actors out there, but I think that people are so focused on his looks that they discredit his acting ability. The guy is a outstanding actor, his work speaks for itself-Thelma & Louise (1991), A River Runs Through It (1992), Kalifornia (1993), Interview with the Vampire: The Vampire Chronicles (1994),Se7en (1995), Twelve Monkeys (1995), Sleepers (1996), Seven Years in Tibet (1997), Fight Club (1999), Snatch. (2000). Come on, wake the fuck up everybody!!

Suggested viewing:
Kalifornia (1993)
Interview with the Vampire: The Vampire Chronicles (1994)
Se7en (1995)
Sleepers (1996)
Fight Club (1999)
Snatch. (2000).

"Lets Get Ready To RUUUMBLE!!!" How I got a Girl Beat the Fuck up!

I have come to realize ever since my 21st birthday that I am everyone's "Bar Buddy". Let me explain: For some reason I am a guy that people feel compelled to talk to in a bar. I can't begin to tell you how many strangers in bars have started just unloading their deepest secrets upon me. I don't know what it is, but I guess I have one of those faces.

Anyway, there is a neighborhood bar that I go to, not because it is a particularly good bar, but because it is close to my house and the fear of me getting a D.U.I. decreases greatly.(I have come to understand from women that I've dated that my butt is rather pleasing to the eye, but having such a attribute makes a straight brother want to avoid jail at all cost.)

Around the election time I was in my local watering hole talking about politics with some republican asshole, but what stuck out about the confrontation was that his girlfriend was by his side really getting mad at me. She kept spouting out typical right wing idiocies(i.e John Kerry is a pussy/ Bush will make us safer/Bush is taking care of those sand niggers!) "Sand Niggers?" I said. I proceeded in calling her a racist piece of shit and telling the gentlemen I was having the original conversation with that he should proceed and "put a leash on his bitch." I just knew that he would take offense but I guess he realized the ignorant things that came from his girlfriends mouth and began apologizing for her. I shook his hand, and that was that.

Since then I have seen(her name is Chrissy) Chrissy a few times and each time she gives me the ice grill like she wants to kill me. I usually ignore her and go about my business. That was until Christmas Night!

Let me introduce Suzy to you: Suzy is one of those "bar buddies" that I have known for quite a while now. Suzy is a 35 year old Latina women who thinks she's 20. I swear, 95% of our conversations have something to do with her "beating some bitch's ass". The other 5% of our conversations are about her bi-sexuality, and how many more chicks she could get than me. She's a bunch of laughs, but when she gets hammered she becomes belligerent.

Apparently, Chrissy and Suzie had exchanged words earlier in the evening. Suzy came over to me and said, "HumanityCritic, that bitch don't know me!! She's lucky I'm trying to be good!"

(Suddenly a devil appeared on my shoulder)

Devil: Hey Critic, why don't you gas up Suzy so she goes over there and punch that bitch in the face?? She called Iraqi's "sand Niggers" for Christ sakes! Plus, she has been grilling you for months!!

Me: But I'm 31 devil, isn't that Immature?? I have made efforts to grow as a man, wouldn't instigating a fight undermine that growth??

(HumanityCritic waits for a Angel to appear on his other shoulder, but a second devil appears)

Devil #2: Did you expect a Angel to pop up?? Hell, didn't you know that after a few drinks that motherfucker is A.W.O.L?? I agree with my devil brethren, lets all get that Bush loving racist beat the fuck up!!

"HumanityCritic!!, you are zoning out!!", Suzy said. "My Bad" I replied, "What were you saying again??" She then proceeded in telling me how Chrissy bumped her and called her a bitch, and that Chrissy was lucky the she didn't smack her. Then I said, "That girl has a history of disrespecting people in here". I went on and said, "Yeah, last week she got into it with this puertorican girl and said that all Latina girls were sluts! Suzy replied, "No that bitch didn't, No she didn't!" "Yep" I replied, "There is something else I want to tell you but, ahh forget it". "What", she said, "Tell me!!" I paused for a second, trying to search for that Angel to pop on my shoulder and stop me, but it was apparent that his ass wasn't showing up. Knowing that I was going to be disappointed with myself later, I told Suzy, "Last week your ex was here and she was trying to get with him. All over that dude." I knew that I had lit the fuse, but the funny thing about my plot to get that girls ass kicked was that I didn't really lie that much. Chrissy did get into it with a puertorican girl before and called her a slut(I exaggerated that story no less, but not that much) and she DID try to hit on her ex boyfriend..

Suzy, began taking her rings off, I knew it was on. She walked over to the girl who had referred to Iraqi's as "sand Niggers" a few months before and belted her in the face.(**POW!!**) "Ohh Shit!!" I yelled out. Drinks were flying, Suzy was beating the brakes off this girl. The bouncer quickly pulled Suzy off the girl, and escorted Suzy out. There wasn't any cop involvement so I was happy about that. Minutes later Chrissy sat down and asked anyone that listened, "Did any of you see me beat that bitch's ass?" I said, "I witnessed you getting your ass BEAT! Next time, try not to block so many punches with your face."

Looking back, like many of my impulsive decisions in my life, I felt bad that I instigated that altercation.

(angel appears)

Angel: What have you done?

Me: Now you show up?? Where was your ass an hour ago?

Angel: Did you not learn anything from your boy dying in a club altercation a couple of months ago..

Me: I know, I know..Shit

Angel: But I know it felt good to see that racist piece of trash be on the business end of a beating, huh??

Me: Yeah, it felt pretty good..

In Defense of Kobe Bryant

Court T.V Anchor: Good afternoon Ladies and Gentlemen, we are outside the courtroom of public opinion where the HumanityCritic will defend the public perception of Kobe Bryant. This won't be like his victorious freestyle battle against Bush months ago, because experts say that the HumanityCritic has a uphill battle, being that the world has seemed to turned against the one time media darling. Plus, the HumanityCritic accidentally erased his blog the other day, so he hasn't really been in top form lately. (clutching earpiece) I'm getting word that the court session is beginning. Lets watch the proceedings take place.

(Inside the Courtroom)

Judge:(banging gavel) Order in the court! Order in the court! Public opinion Vs. Kobe Bryant. Can we hear opening arguments. Prosecution?

Prosecution: Thank you your honor. Ladies and Gentleman, you will see today how one man singlehandedly brought down a dynasty. From rape allegations, selfish play, the alienation of teammates, running his mouth to police, and being responsible for getting rid of a Hall of Fame coach and arguably the Best center to ever play the game. His public "fall from grace", as I will prove today, is entirely his fault. Thank you.

Judge: Defense?

HumanityCritic: Ladies and Gentlemen, I will systematically poke holes in many of the flimsy claims from the prosecution today. I admit, that many of Mr. Bryants problems are ones that were brought upon himself, but there is blame to be shared by all here. I believe that Kobe Bryant has been the fall guy for a guy that couldn't back away from the buffet table when he was in L.A, and a coach who really didn't want him around in the first place, and a media that is irresponsible and treats black men like life-long criminals. Thank you.

Judge: Prosecution call your first witness

Prosecution: Thank you your honor. The prosecution calls Phil Jackson(Jackson is sworn in) Mr Jackson, can you briefly tell me some of the problems you had with Kobe?

Jackson: Sometimes he would undermine my authority and we were engaged in a kind of intellectual warfare. Coaching him became a nightmare.

Prosecution: So Kobe would openly question your authority?

Jackson: Yes, plus he never wanted to run the triangle offense in the first place. He handled the ball too much, and I know for a fact that he was responsible for me being let go.

Prosecution: Thank you.

(HumanityCritic begins to question Jackson)

HumanityCritic: Mr. Jackson, you have mentioned today and in previous statements that Kobe questioned authority, shot the ball too much, and pretty much set his own rules. Is that correct?

Jackson: Yes, that's correct.

HumanityCritic: But by reading various accounts of many of your ex-players from the Bulls days, it seems that another player that you coached behaved in the same exact way. I guess Kobe's actions were unacceptable because his name wasn't MICHAEL JORDAN!!

Prosecution: I object! He's badgering my witness

HumanityCritic:(in best Nino Brown Voice): Sit your 5 dollar ass down before I make change!! . .

Judge: I'll allow it

Jackson: Okay, I did show preferential treatment to Jordan but..

HumanityCritic: But what?? Why is it different now?? How about Dennis Rodman!!??

Jackson: Well, that is irrelevant. Kobe is responsible for having me let go!

HumanityCritic: Good, I'm glad you brought that up. I have been reading articles dating back 5 years ago, and talked to many people who know the interworkings of the Lakers, and I have learned that you tried to have Kobe traded many times. Is that true??

Jackson: Well, yeah. But only because he wasn't my type of player and I thought we could get a lot for him.

HC: The mere perception that Kobe got anyone "let go" is silly because Kobe doesn't own a team, but lets just say he was influential in getting you canned. Did you really think he would have your back after you tried to have the man traded time and time again?? This is how I feel that conversation went between Kobe and the Lakers owner Jerry Buss..(HumanityCritic re-enacts conversation)

<<Buss: Hey Kobe, since you are a perenial all-star, first team all-NBAer, franchise player that's not even in his prime yet, I think we might want to resign you.
Kobe: OK, but can you do me one favor first?
Buss: Name it.
Kobe: Can you get rid of the guy who has been trying to trade me for the past five years?
Buss: You mean the guy who couldn't win a championship last year with an All-Star team?
Kobe: Uh-huh.
Buss: Gee Kobe, that's a tall order can I think about that?
Kobe: Sure. (two seconds later)
Buss: OK, Phil is gone.
Kobe: Thanks.>>

HC: Do you blame the guy??

Jackson: I guess you have a point

HC: Get your zen master ass off the stand!

Judge: Next up, Shaquille O'Neal

(Shaq is sworn in)

Prosecution: Shaq, because this blog is getting way too long can you briefly express your frustrations towards Mr. Bryant.

Shaq: Kobe and I were never friends and he alienated teammates. He didn't understand that I was the man in L.A.. He ran Phil out, ran me out, distracting the team because of all his "legal trouble", then when he got arrested he blabbed to the cops and said that I cheated on my wife!! The media hates this guy now and I'm loving it, plus I am in a better situation in Miami.

(HumanityCritic approaches the stand)

HC: Shaq, isn't it true that you left when you found out that Phil wasn't coming back

Shaq: Thats right

HC: But you just said that Kobe ran you out, which one is it motherfucker??!!

Shaq:He inadvertently ran me out?

HC: Huh?? Anyway, you claim that Kobe wasn't a team player, but couldn't you say that you weren't a team player either? Coming to camp out of shape, taking your time to have surgery, and ballooning to weights that would qualify you to be the fourth member of the Fat boys.. Come on Mr. O'Neal!!

Shaq: Ok, I love cake, what can I say? But I'm in shape now and I try my best not to even talk about Kobe. I have Class!

HC: I have heard you say this before, that you have "class". But class is something that you can't really assign to yourself, it is as foolish as calling yourself "sexy". You claim that you don't talk about Kobe but every interview you do is about Kobe. When you don't talk about Kobe you are taking subliminal shots, like when you say, "The teammates I have now share the ball, and they are REALLY team players." What kind of crap is that?? If you are going to talk about someone don't be a pussy, call them out. You haven't shown any class Mr. O'Neal. I didn't see any class when you refused to meet Kobe and the other team captains in the center of the court, which is customary before each game. Just because you have a fucking grudge!

Shaq: What a minute!! How dare you talk to me like that? For one thing, Kobe's image is damaged because he cheated on his wife! Don't you think his image is damaged forever?

HC: It didn't seem to hurt Bill Cosby, Michael Jordan, and Bill Clinton that much..

Shaq: Wow, good examples! Ok, but what about him blabbing to the cops about me?

HC: I agree, that was a bitch move. But it is public knowledge that Kobe isn't street smart. Writers go on and on about how Kobe isn't "from the streets". I feel that the media is making too much of this because the man was being accused of rape for Christs sake!! I might get a little chatty myself if some cops in colorado accused me of raping a white woman..

Shaq: Whatever, I'm out of here. You are lucky I don't whip your ass HumanityCritic

HC: You won't do shit, especially since this is my blog and in this motherfucker I will beat your ass. Can I give you advice? Put the mic down you wack non-rapping son of a bitch! By the way, Kazzam sucked ass!

Judge: Closing Statements?

Prosecution: I think the evidence speaks for itself. Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, Kobe has proven to not only be a selfish player, but a backstabber. He is the reason for Shaq leaving, Phil leaving, and his public image taking a hit is well deserved. Don't have any pity on this accused rapist and serial ballhog. Thank you.

HC: Ladies and Gentlemen, what have we learned today? We have learned that a former teammate of Kobe is saying that he isn't a team player, when he himself couldn't stay in shape and always came to training camp overweight. We have learned from a ex-coach of Kobe that he had him canned, but we also learned that that same coach had tried to have Kobe traded time and time again. It is my assesment, that Kobe didn't owe these men any type of loyalty at all. The media is acting like Kobe Bryant is a bad person, who eats babies in his spare time. Give me a fucking break..

Judge: Jury, it is on you? Has the HumanityCritic made a legitimate defense or is he full of shit like always. Through your comments from the blogisphere, we will get a verdict in this case. Don't worry, you won't hurt HC's feelings, just tell it like it is.. Let the comments begin!

Dear Mama, I ain't mad at ya, but I'm not a big fan of Tupac

As I write this, I understand that I have a lot of opinions that aren't shared by many people. For example, I don't think Ron Artest is a animal, I think that Tupac is overrated, and I think that Shaquille O'Neal is just as much of a bitch as Kobe is.(For someone who says that they aren't thinking about Kobe, why is every interview Shaq does about Kobe. Shaq, you are equivalent to a scorned lover. One who still calls regularly, drives by the house, and can't keep your ex lover's name out of your mouth. I keep expecting Kobe to say, "Didn't I break up with you motherfucker??!!)

Anyway, the mere fact that I think that Tupac is overrated angers people, and it seems as if I have spoken ill about God. I'm sorry, I think the man was a good artist but he just is totally overrated. I won't go into why I think that but a very interesting thing happened a few days ago. A friend of mine named Derek and I were talking about Hip Hop. Derek and I have been friends since we were kids, but over the past few years we have grown apart. During our conversation I mentioned how I thought that Tupac was overrated. A look of frustration came over his face and he said, "You are crazy! What kind of bullshit are you on??" I said, "I just don't think he was that great, that's all. I just think that his death made him greater than he actually was in the public eye." Growing increasingly angrier he said, "That's why you like that bullshit. Everyone you like can't hold a candle to Tupac!" With an asshole smirk I answered, "Krs one, Rakim, Public Enemy, Tribe?? Are you kidding me? Tupac was a great artist, but he left a lot to be desired when it came to raw lyricism.

"This was the straw that broke the camel's back, he then tried a different angle. He said, "The reason you don't feel Tupac is because you never had to struggle. You were never homeless. You don't understand the streets!! He rapped about shit you can't understand. You had two parents, education, that is why your dumb ass can't comprehend Tupac."

He looked at me like he put me in my place, and by him slipping that "dumb" in there I realized that it was getting personal. I think he expected me to retreat, but instead I erupted with a big gust of laughter. My rant in response went a little like this: "Ha, ha, ha,ha. You are joking right? Motherfucker, for one thing you and I come from the same area, same high school, and your miserable ass had two parents also. When did you need to be from the same background as a artist to understand their music. Do I have to be from the trailer park to understand Eminem? Do I have to be from Brooklyn to get Biggie? Do I have to be from Seattle to understand Nirvana lyrics?? Exactly, your point was the stupidest thing I heard since Bush got re-elected. By the way, you had a supportive family but you chose to go to the ghetto, you chose to be homeless because you wanted to prove to people that "you were down", so don't give me any of your fucking sob stories.." He promptly said "Fuck You" and stormed out of my house. As he left I thought two things. 1)That people sure get pissed off when you criticize Tupac and 2)If I keep this up, I won't have any friends left.

The "What in the Fuck were you thinking" Awards of 2004

These awards are given out to individuals that have done things in 2004 that were "questionable". Whether it be quotes they have made, career moves, regrettable actions..These people have been awarded the "What in the fuck were you thinking" Award of 2004.

Halle Berry: Halle, I love, I really do. But I have to ask you, what was that catwoman debacle you put out earlier this year. For one thing, the movie was a 2 hour music video, just embarrassing. Plus you overreacted so much I thought I was watching Shaquille O'Neil's performance in Kazzam. Listen, you are a respectable actress, albeit overrated, but don't go back to the days when you released garbage like B.A.P.S. I have to ask you, what in the fuck were you thinking??

Bill O'Reilly: It is no secret that I think this man is human excrement, but Billy Boy had a huge faux paus in 2004. With all his talk about "moral values" and how Ludacris is ruining America, it came out that FOX news' major star has a habit of sexually harassing coworkers by calling them on the phone at all hours. The following is a excerpt of a Bill O'Reilly phone call that he made to his executive producer Pamela Mackris: <<"You would basically be in the shower and then I would come in and I'd join you and you would have your back to me and I would take that little loofa thing and kinda soap up your back... rub it all over you, get you to relax, hot water... and um... you know, you'd feel the tension drain out of you and uh you still would be with your back to me then I would kinda put my arm -- it's one of those mitts, those loofa mitts you know, so I got my hands in it... and I would put it around front, kinda rub your tummy a little bit with it, and then with my other hand I would start to massage your boobs, get your nipples really hard... 'cuz I like that and you have really spectacular boobs...">> Bill, you smooth seducer you, you had me at "loofa". This just proves that you are not only a steaming pile of fecal matter, but a hypocrite to boot. Bill, What in the fuck were you thinking??

John McCain: Mr. McCain, out of all the low class republicans that I can name, you are one of the only republicans that I respect. You have a history of going with your conscious and not your party. But, how in the hell could you endorse Bush?? Listen, I'm not saying that you had to endorse Kerry, but George Bush's campaign staff spread rumors about your wife being a drug addict and you fathering a "black child" during the 2000 primaries. They even went as far as to question your patriotism, a man of your military respectability. It has been said that their underhanded tactics caused your family a lot of stress and turmoil at the time. So what do you do?? You embrace this Coke snorting, draft dodging son of a bitch! John McCain, what in the fuck were you thinking??

John Kerry: I love you man, but I have to be honest. I respect everything that you were about and you are a all around better person than George Bush. If you were president, you would get us out of the mess we are in now. But I have to say this: The past 6 months showed what happens when you run a clean and honest campaign, you get beat. I admire you wanting to run a respectable campaign, but the other side slung so mud it was hard for people to see your message clearly. It is like going into a fight, with the intentions of fighting fair, and your opponent keeps hitting you in the nuts. If you run again, remember that, and aim for the testicles.

Rudy Guiliani: Ok, he hasn't really done anything this year but I have to vent. This sack of shit has to be the most overrated politician outside of George W. Bush. People think he was "so brave" during 9/11, but I think that is giving him too much credit. Remember that Chris Rock joke when he was talking about not giving people credit for things they are "supposed to do"? If you are mayor of a major city you are supposed to be visible during a disaster, and give the city encouragement and leadership. Have we in America lowered the bar so low that we praise people for doing their job?? By the way Rudy, I remember how you were thought of on September 10, 2001: A philandering jackass, that targeted all black men as suspects. On your watch, the occasional greeting that a black man would get from police would be 5 warning shots in the back, or a plunger in your ass. You are a disgrace, you don't fool me.

Sports media:(Ron Artest): Ok, Ron Artest has a history of behavioral problems. Ron Artest isn't the smartest brother in the world. Ron Artest shouldn't have attacked that fan and he was definitely wrong for doing that. But sports media, Ron Artest isn't Scott Pederson!! You guys act like Artest killed a dozen school children. I know it is the media's job to paint black men as mentally unstable animals, but your coverage on Artest was mind numbingly stereotypical. Ron Artest has problems, but don't we all?? Sometimes I drift off and have imaginary conversations with my dead father, and I think that hip hop will be good again, so I have my own issues.

Sports Media(Barry Bonds): I know that Bonds recently admitted that he used steroids, and I know that it is wrong. But I am tired of hearing sportswriters trying to make fans hate Barry Bonds. The sad truth Mr. Sportswriter, fans don't give a fuck about steroids, they just want to see Barry hit that little white ball over the fence. It might sound foul(pun intended) but that's the truth. Sportswriters want you to hate Bonds because apparently he isn't that kind to sportswriters. So what, he dissed you not me..

News Media(politics): The news over the past 6 months has to be the most cowardice I have seen in all my 31 years. You let constant Bush misinformation slide, even though you knew he was factually inaccurate. You let those Swift Boat clowns get about 2 weeks of publicity, even though many of their claims against John Kerry were flat-out lies. I have equate the news media to my history with black cops. Some people would think that a black cop would treat me fairly, being that he is a fellow African American. But what happens is, because they are so conscious of showing preferential treatment towards you, they overcompensate and mistreat you. The news media, is so conscious of being labeled "liberal", they overcompensate and have a conservative tilt..

Dan Rather: Dan, Dan, Dan. Don't you know that you should verify your sources, you know better. Granted, even though the documents were suspect, the content behind them is pretty accurate. Bush DID have connections to get him in the National Guard. Bush WAS disciplined for mischievous behavior. Bush WAS AWOL from his duties for a considerable amount of time. But because the documents were questionable, people on FOX News who couldn't hold your journalistic jockstrap, are questioning your journalistic integrity. Dan, your career is exemplary, but What in the Fuck were you thinking??

Pat Robertson: {Since I live in the same town where his headquarters are at(Virginia Beach), I feel that I will be taken out after I write this. But screw it, it will be worth it.} This miserable excuse for a human being has been on my proverbial shitlist for a while, but most notably he has spent most of 2004 promoting disgusting right-wing ideologies and hinting at the fact that God prefers Bush. Not only that he said that "Kwanza is an absolute fraud". Besides the fact that Robertson has the habit of speaking out of a hidden orifice, everything about him sickens me. For one thing, the 700 club has to be the most vomit inducing show, rivaling fear factor. The hate-filled, racist things that come out of Robertsons mouth informs me that he is not a man of God. Hey Pat, if Jesus is as caring and considerate as I think he is, you will have some explaining to do when your time-card is punched.

HumanityCritic: Yes, I'm calling myself out. Sometimes I feel that I have tourette's or something, because the shit that comes out of my mouth is so troubling. My biggest problem is that I lack the ability to ignore people when they are rude, and I usually strike back with some unnecessary retort. Case in point: The other day I went to Blockbuster to get some videos and I handed the Clerk my money. He looked at my money and in a sarcastic voice said "Somebody needs a wallet", because the bills weren't facing the same direction. Immediately I said, "Somebody needs to keep their fucking comments to themselves, and serve their purpose." As soon as I left I felt bad because that wasn't called for. My New Years resolution: Be less of a prick in 2005.

Rush Limbagh: Limbaugh Quote:"There's nothing good about drug use. We know it. It destroys individuals. It destroys families. Drug use destroys societies. Drug use, some might say, is destroying this country. And we have laws against selling drugs, pushing drugs, using drugs, importing drugs. And the laws are good because we know what happens to people in societies and neighborhoods, which become consumed by them. And so if people are violating the law by doing drugs, they ought to be accused and they ought to be convicted and they ought to be sent up." Really, you pill popping, drug addicted motherfucker! Look at you, hooked on Hillbilly heroin, fired from your sportscasting gig, the feds are breathing down your throat because you bought prescription drugs illegally, and Donavan McNabb is having a MVP caliber season. What do you have to say for yourself, you miserable bastard?? I know, his drug news broke in 2003 but I couldn't resist.

For the love of the "Nappy Dugout".

Nappy Dugout:(slang) Slang term used to describe a woman's genitalia. Vagina

As I was thinking back on my life the other day, it occurred to me that I have done some amazingly stupid things all in the pursuit of the "Nappy Dugout". What I have gone though just to receive a momentary feeling of pleasure would make people shake their head in disbelief. Here are some examples.

1. North Carolina!!!!!! I had a girlfriend that was originally from North Carolina, and she had moved back there at that time. During a very lonely Friday night, I asked if I could come over even though her new location was 3 hours away. Even though I hinted that I want some "affection", she never guaranteed anything. I drove all the way to her house, arriving at her house at 2 in the morning. It was clear early on that she wasn't trying to have sex, so like a five year old child I immediately left and drove back home. That action, almost proved to be fatal. On the way back home I had fallen asleep at the wheel and woke up with my car is some bushes alongside the highway.

2. Its getting hot in Herre: I don't know about anyone else, but I hate a hot ass house. I dated this girl who didn't want to come to where I was at, but said it was OK for me to come by her residence. Problem was it was early August, it was 90 degrees in the shade, and she didn't have AC. Once again, my "little head" was making all the decisions that night. I stepped inside her house and it was like walking inside a oven, to the point that I immediately nicknamed her crib "Little Africa". As we "did the do", the sweat was just pouring off our bodies like a waterfall.(There is good sweat and bad sweat, this my friends, was bad sweat) After we finished we laid in a literal pool of our own perspiration. It was so sad that we filled spray bottles with water, and sporadically shot it in the air so it would land on our smoldering bodies.

3.Runs House: As any of you may have guessed I love Run D.M.C. I had went to one of their shows a few years back with a young lady I was with at the time. We were enjoying the show, basking in the glow of legitimate Hip Hop when she whispered in my ear, "Lets get out of here. I want you right now!" I smiled and said, "That's great and all, but they are in the middle of doing "Runs House". I don't care if your vagina shot out 100 dollar bills, I ain't leaving!!" She grabbed me in a undisclosed location and slowly kissed my neck. I looked at her and said, "OK, lets go!." Even though she turned out to be rather "spirited" in the bedroom, you NEVER leave classic Hip Hop when its going on!

4. Don't stress it, get tested: I had a relationship going on with a lovely woman, who informed me that we weren't having sex until I got a Aids test. I respected that, no fault in that. So she took me to the local clinic and got a Aids test done because she wanted to be there every step of the way. I've had them done before, but before it was with a personal doctor who gave you the results immediately. With the free clinic, it takes like 2 weeks for your results to come in. For 14 days I agonized over each and every questionable piece of ass I had "been in" during the tenure of my sex life. Condoms are a must for me, but you never know about test results. Obviously I was disease free, and me and the young lady in question finally went on to have sex. I have admitted that I'm a piss poor lay, but she was absolutely horrible. For all the trouble I went through for shorty, I expected her to have porn star skills.

5. I love Reggae, I swear!!: This isn't going to be a very popular statement but I have to be honest, I kind if hate Reggae. I like Roots Reggae, Bob Marley, Peter Tosh, Third World, that stuff I can deal with. But I absolutely despise Dancehall. I know, how can a brother with dreadlocks hate dancehall?? I just do, I can't explain it. Anyway, I met this Jamaican chick named Marlene that loved Dancehall, it was her life. She had a backside that you could put a drink on, and...OK, you get the point. So, for about two months I led her to believe that I liked Dancehall also, even attending dancehall concerts to get a chance to see her naked. It worked, but the dishonesty was deplorable, and I spent all that time dancing to music that I despise. But it was educational though, through that experience I felt that I could be a great undercover cop, infiltrating organizations, pretending to be somebody else.

I Considered getting a Vasectomy!

A couple of weeks ago I was invited to my friend Calvin's house for a birthday party he was having for his sister. Well, it wasn't exactly a "party" it was more like a birthday gathering. The Birthday Girl in question, Karen, I have known for the better part of 16 years, through High School until now. She has always had a crush on me, always inquiring to Calvin about my whereabouts or girlfriend I might have at the time. She's a cute girl, with a shitload of intelligence, but dating her was out of the question. It wasn't a possibility for me because I value my friendship with Calvin, and the chances of me eventually being a asshole to her were pretty great. So I always tried to look at her like family, even though she doesn't view me the same way.

Anyway, I went to her "gathering" for a couple of reasons. 1) Because I knew that Calvin would have free alcohol and boy do I love free alcohol! 2) Since my boy Buddy died I felt like I've been a pretty shitty friend, so I wanted to hang out with Calvin 3) Karen is book smart but she lacks common sense.(one time she was watching videos with Calvin and I a few years ago and she said, "Look at them, you can tell they are lip-syncing!!" Then I said, "It's a video jackass!!) So she is always good for a few laughs.

I arrived at Calvin's house about 8:00. Karen was already there so I wished her a Happy Birthday and mentioned something about her ass looking delicious nowadays. She smiled, then we all(Calvin, me , Karen, and Calvin's girlfriend Jenn) proceeded to talk about everything from pop culture to politics. I hear the bathroom door open and in walks a girl that I automatically envision making amateur porn movies with. It is a pretty safe bet to say that I was probably drooling. As my saliva hit the floor like a waterfall Karen grabs my arm and says, "HumanityCritic, this is my friend Sheila." Sheila said, "hey, how are you doing?" I said, "Fine, are you a friend of Karen's?" Karen said, "I just said she was my friend Jackass!." I felt rather small, but Karen got me good.

Sheila jumped in the conversation, and that is where my amateur porn fantasies were all but a distant memory. For one thing she is married, to a drug dealer, and she brags about him being a drug dealer. Secondly, she got his name tattooed on her neck, arm and back.(When I heard this I said, "Are you his wife or cattle??) She also told me that it was her "dream" to be a video girl in a rap video.Then she was telling me why she voted for Bush, and miraculously this voluptuous sexual goddess that I had pictured in my mind suddenly turned into the neighborhood crackhead. In the end I am glad, because even though I will never date Karen, I didn't want to hurt her feelings by staring at her friend's breasts all night.( I ain't going to lie, I still took the occasional peek now and then)

Calvin gets a phone call from his brother Kevin, saying that him and his kids will be over soon. When Calvin tells Karen that their brother is on his way with his kids, Karen says, "Not those bad ass kids!!" I thought to myself that those kids couldn't be that bad, boy was I wrong. As soon as those crumb-snatching bastards walked in they hit the house like a adolescent tornado, taking out everything in sight. I sat there and politely smiled, waiting for their parents to control them. I mean, these kids were yelling, screaming, throwing things, jumping on me, doing cartwheels. I kept waiting for someone to say something, but nothing happened.

That is when I couldn't take anymore and said, "Kevin, can't you control these motherfuckers!!? Jesus man!!" Kevin said, "HumanityCritic, they're just playing".I said, "They aren't playing, that is what I call criminal mischief!" Then Kevin said, "You don't have kids so you don't understand." Right away I pointed out, "Everybody understands the universal language of "bad ass kid". You don't have to be a parent to know when a kid needs their ass beat." As I sat down and watched these kids do things that would get most adults locked up in some countries, I thought about the advantages of getting a vasectomy. No unruly kids, no discipline, no hassle. Plus, if I ever get famous and a woman that I have given horrible sex to claims that I am the father of her love child, at least I know that there is a 95 percent chance that she is full of shit.

But then I snapped out of it. Listen, I love children, I really do. But people have to understand the importance of discipline so their kid doesn't grow up to be a piece of shit, or even worse, a black republican. I don't believe in child abuse but I believe that you should start laying down the ground rules early on. Looking back, I didn't get a lot of spankings. My father would just have to mention a beating and I would straighten up, that is because he laid the groundwork early. When I am a parent, my form of discipline will be more cerebral, not just spankings.(Unless the future mother of my children wants to be "disciplined", but that is a entirely different story. Boy, do I hope that she is into that!) I am tired of seeing some unruly kid whose parents find their behavior "cute". Newsflash: That shit isn't cute, and you look like a delinquent parent for not handling your business. Lastly, I'm tired of seeing kids that know the words to a rap song and the little fucker can't spell their name. Note to parents: You don't want your kids becoming Bobby Brown..

"Do the Ladies run this motherfucker"? Hell Yeah

**Originally posted on November 19, 2004**

Because of the fact that we can't hop into a 85' Dolorean and go back in time, many of are stuck with the consequences of our actions. But in the blog world, where you can go back into your archives and go through an opinion you once had, you can see where your ideas and writing style has either progressed or regressed. Anyway, another blogger had linked this old post of mine, comparing it to the female MC's that he considers to be the best of all time. He was in no way dissing me, he had a pretty good list to be honest with you. But his post made me read this archival post again, and it sparked off an idea that I had. Like I said this is an old post, but under each entry I will comment on how my opinion has changed or strengthened over the past year. My new commentary will be in italics.

1. MC Lyte- Hands down, my favorite female rapper of all time. Ever since "Paper Thin" she has been holding it down for not only females, but for any human being that enjoys pure Mic skills. People say that there aren't any great female Mc's nowadays, and I agree, but maybe its because Lyte set the bar so fucking high. Brilliant writer, classic delivery, razor Sharp voice, and she is royalty when it comes to the diss track. She is the first female to let me know that a woman can be as good as or better than a man at anything. She was the first rapper to perform at Madison Square Garden, and she is first on my list.

I still agree with this, she was revolutionary and she had something that not many people have nowadays, good albums. I had a friend of mine blurt out all of these underground Female Mc's as his opinion of the greatest of all time. I openly reject his choices because some of them are overrated for their lyrical prowess because of the horrible shape that Hip Hop is in, and most people don't know they fucking exist. The issue of them having sub-par albums doesn't help matters. Lyte, had solid albums unlike a slew of underground female MC's. So, if you have a "underground MC's that are OK, and you might have never heard of" list, then I will listen to you.

2. Queen Latifah- The first time I heard her was on her first single "Princess of the Posse" and her performance on that track proved that she was a force to be reckoned with. Her album "All Hail the Queen" is a Hip Hop classic with some of my personal favorites like "Queen of Royal Badness", "Ladies First", and her collaboration with De la Soul called "Mama gave birth to the Soul Children". She was the first female rapper to really push Female empowerment in her lyrics. She pushed that agenda on classic albums like "Black Reign" proving her place in Hip Hop history. She has moved on to be successful in television and films, but we all know that she started with a Mic in her hand.

I still agree with this, even though she has turned into the Queen of Rap into a wanna-be Ella Fitzgerald. She held it down, providing the masses with two quality albums, always promoting a positive influence in the world of Hip Hop.

3. Lauryn Hill- Mostly known as a gifted songstress, many fans have seen her grow lyrically throughout her years spent as a member of the Fugees. In my personal opinion she would be my number one choice if rhyming was her priority, and if she had more of a catalog of Hip Hop songs to her credit. Versatile rhyme flow, unmatched vocabulary, dazzling voice, and a delivery that epitomized precision. Looking back, I can see that she carried 90% of the lyrical workload on The Fugees album "The Score". She is a great singer, but if she concentrated more on being a MC she would be the best female rapper by far.

I love Lauryn, I really do, but she can't be ranked higher than # 3 because she doesn't have one solo Hip Hop album under her belt. You can point out her verses on "Fugees" albums, guest appearances on other people's songs, mixtape rhymes, book signings, bar mitzvah's, bake sales, but until she has one CD displaying her rhyming skill where she doesn't mostly sing on it,, she can't be no higher that #3. She is kind of like a basketball player with all the skill in the world, who settles for 3 point shots instead of driving to the whole and dunking on a motherfucker. She is lyrically gifted, but she needs to see a fucking shrink and put out a god-damned Hip Hop record already!!

4. Da Brat- People will question this choice but let me explain. When the Brat's career first started many complained that she was trying too hard to be a female Snoop. But one thing was evident, even early on, that the Chicago native had a flawless delivery and rhyme skills to boot. You can question her song concepts, her image, but you can't question her skills. Out of everyone on my list, she is the only person that I know of that has impeccable freestyle skills, adding to her arsenal. She is the first solo female MC to go platinum which is quite the accomplishment. Her career has suffered, primarily because she fell victim to what many female artists are pressured to do, "sexy up" their image. But at the end of the day her skills are undenyable.

Yeah, I was bugging when I typed this, I know. I just think that Da Brat has a world of untapped lyrical skill that will never be realized because of the current state of Hip Hop, her misguided attempts to come off as sexy when all I care about are her skills, and having a midget albatross like Jermaine Dupree around her neck contributing to the wackness. A year later, she doesn't belong on this list.

5. Roxanne Shante- She is the Harriet Tubman of females in Hip Hop. Of course she isn't the first female rapper in history, but she is the first female MC that mattered. From her classic battles with UTFO, she has proven that she is fearless and commanded the utmost respect. Part of the legendary Juice Crew which included the likes of Big Daddy Kane, Kool G Rap, and Biz Markie, she wasn't any sort of "female sidekick" but she was a equal part of the crew. She is the model for what every female rapper should aspire to be.

I still agree with this choice, you can't front on Roxanne. I agree with the rest of this list as well.

6. Bahamadia- This Philadelphia bred M.C first made her mark on cameo appearances on tracks with The Roots, but she soon proved that she could rock the Mic all by herself. Like Lauryn, Bahamadia has a enormous vocabulary, excellent delivery, and a hypnotic rhyme flow. Even though she has one noteworthy album, she has proven herself worthy of being on this list because of her lyrical capabilities.

Honorable Mention

*Monie Love- Debuted on Queen Latifah's "Ladies First", this London M.C showed America that England wasn't all tea and crumpets. She displayed a quick delivery, and lyrical prowess that female rappers today would be hard pressed to deal with. The reason she isn't on my favorite list is because she had mediocre albums, and wasn't in the game very long.

*Boss- When she first came out I thought she was the best thing since sliced bread. Her song "Deeper" is still one of my personal favorites, displaying her gritty rhyme flow about street life. She was lyrical, with a aggressive rhyme style, and a take no prisoners persona. Her debut album was her only noteworthy album, after which she virtually disappeared from the hip hop scene.

*Heather B- She should win the "Most improved M.C" Award, because when she was a member of BDP she was garbage. But when she left BPD, did The Real World and waited a few years, she came back a new lyricist and made me a believer. The reason why she isn't on my favorite list because she doesn't really have any noteworthy albums, and possibly because I just didn't hear enough of her.

*Lady of Rage- She was the First Lady of Death Row Records, first showcasing her skills on Dr. Dre's "Chronic" album. She went solo and hit the world with "Afro puffs" which many people that I knew liked. She had a simple rhyme structure, but was lyrical and had a dynamic voice. She suffered from 1)Image issues that many females fall victim to 2) Lackluster production 3) She simply wasn't a priority for Dr. Dre and Death Row.

Glaring omissions? Let me explain.

Salt & Pepper- They were a legendary group, no doubt about that. But the sheer fact that Herbie Lovebug wrote their lyrics disqualifies them from my list. I love you ladies, but Sorry.

Foxy Brown- She is just "ok" to me, but I find her rather boring. Not only that, she doesn't have any songs that I would personally recommend. How many times can you rap about being a female thug who loves money??

LiL Kim-How do I hate thee, let me count the ways..But seriously, she is automatically disqualified because she hardly writes her own lyrics. She doesn't have any songs that stick with me, and she is basically all image. This is going to sound weird coming from me, being that I love porn and other filth more than the next guy, but I feel that her raunchy image hurts females who want to gain respect because of their skills. Again, how many times can you rap about getting money for sex, Versache, and your Vagina??

Eve- I think eve is legitimate, she just bores the piss out of me. That simple.

101 Things that I Hate about YOU!

Even though I try to stay upbeat and maintain a positive attitude, there are a lot of things that piss me off. Some of these things might seem petty to some of you, but I wouldn't feel right if I wasn't honest about some of the things that irritate me. These are various examples of things that get me upset during any given day. Here we go..

People that eat with their mouth open- I know this irritates a lot of people, but I hate when people do this. Its not so much the sight but the sound of it that makes me want to slap the shit out of someone. Close your mouth you fucking barbarian!

People who make a "Ahhh" sound after taking a drink- This is really petty but this truly irritates me. What in the hell is the "ahhh" for?? My theory is, if you haven't just finished running a marathon, completing a vigorous work-out, or trekking through a desert, there shouldn't be any damn "ahh" sounds!!!!

Serena's outfits- I don't really mind what Serena wears and I feel that she is a awesome tennis player.(not to mention a backside that you could bounce a quarter on, Sweet Jesus!) The problem I have is that she seems more concerned about what she wears on the court, and not about actually winning matches. Message to Serena: Nobody cares what you wear if you are getting your ass handed to you in the first round.

Black Republicans- I have written about this before but it has to be readdressed. Not only do I feel that many black republicans are delusional in thinking that their party embraces them, they have turned their back on their own people. Whenever I see any of them on T.V, for some reason I can't stop thinking about them being a modern day minstrel show. Truly pathetic. Message to them: Your party uses you to say that they are "diverse" then they hide your black ass away until the next election cycle. Shame on you, House Negro peasant..

Eminem Albums- This pains me to admit because I was one of his biggest defenders early on. The simple fact is that he doesn't make great albums, as awesome a MC as he is. He has good songs in his overall catalog, but he hasn't made one solid, cohesive album. Not only that, he needs to stop producing because many of his beats are just downright pedestrian. Message to Eminem: You have a good following, you will go platinum no matter what, don't you think it's about time you stop pandering to the TRL crowd and make some classic Hip Hop??My

Mailman- I feel me and this postal clown are going to get into fisticuffs any day now. For a long time my mail came at 2:00, like clockwork. Now, since the arrival of the new mailman, he drags his ass to the point that the mail gets here at 4:30. That is 2 and a half hours later!! When he drops off the mail I give him a "its about damn time" look, and a few times have been close to confronting him about his piss poor service. I always chicken out though because you never know who has a automatic weapon nowadays. Hence the word "postal"..

Women who say that they "like thugs"- This has to be one of the most shallow comments that I hear from women. Maybe I am out of touch, but I don't see the glamor of being with somebody with a criminal record, bad manners, a person who promotes the bastardization of the English language, and someone who mistreats you. Not to mention, many of the same men that some of you women characterize as "thugs" are the same cowards that find me in the club and say, "Hey man, you got my back, I think this guy has beef me me??." You call them thugs, I say their heart pumps pure Kool-Aid.

People who are still racially unaware- As a die hard liberal that I am, I love all people of all colors. Sadly though, there are many that are still racially ignorant even if they have good intentions. Questions or statements that set me off include:- "You are cool for a black guy." "Wow, you are sooo articulate." "Do you wash your hair?" "I have plenty of black friends." "Black people say it, why can't I use the word "nigger"".-- People, it is 2004 for Christs sake, it pains me that I am having the same conversations with people that I had in 3rd grade..

Early morning "pillow talk"- whenever you are with someone in a "intimate" fashion it could be a beautiful thing. What is not so beautiful is early in the morning, when the other person wants to bombard you with non-stop conversation as soon as you wake-up. Can a brother get a minute to gather his thoughts?? Message to early morning babblers: Don't take this personally, but SHUT THE FUCK UP!!

Old School Rappers who mislead us- I love Chuck D, Krs One, Dougie Fresh, and other old school pioneers,but they piss me off sometimes. Whenever any of these cats are asked about the current state of Hip Hop they always say complementary things about modern rap, and they utter some garbage about "Hip Hop's growth." Chuck, Kris, Doug...Stop it, You all know damn well that the current state of Hip Hop is in shambles! I never thought a artist that once said "fuck Elvis", talked about kidnapping the governor of Arizona for not approving a MLK Holiday, and dissecting the history of black cops would be so politically correct.

Sensitive ass Local MC's- My motto is, if you don't like scary answers then don't ask scary questions. There is a local group that I flat-out think is wack, but I never made my belief public. A girl that I know asked me what I thought of said group and I proceeded in telling her what I thought, explaining to her how horrible this group was and that they need to reconsider their career options. Little did I know that she was a girlfriend of one of the guys in that group. Fast forward a few weeks and I see him at a show and he confronts me about my comments. I think that he thought that I would backtrack on my statements being that he was face to face with me. Being the asshole that I am I said, "Yeah, I said that yall were wack, pretty damn horrible come to think about it." He called me a "Hater" so I proceeded on quoting Common: "If its wack then its wack, it don't mean that I'm hating." Then I said, "Everyone in your group sounds like someone else. One dude sounds like Pharoahe Monch, one sounds like Mos Def, and your ass sounds like Jay-Z. If you want me to say positive shit about your group then I suggest you get your own fucking identity!!". Lets just say he wasn't too pleased with my point of view.

Eloquent ways to say "fuck you!" on a track: My favorite diss records..

From as long as I can remember, I have been a fan of the age old diss track. Some people love them because they say diss tracks are a essential part of hip hop history and display the competitive spirit of the genre. Some people hate diss tracks because they feel that they perpetuate everything negative about hip hop.(i.e bragging, inciting violence, ect.) Personally I love them because they are usually straight to the point, mean spirited, and it tests the true skills of your favorite MC. Here are a few of my favorites..

Artist: Boogie Down Productions
Song: The Bridge Is Over
Target:Juice Crew(MC Shan, Roxanne Shante, Marley Marl)
Classic lines:"Because Shan and Marley Marl dem-a-rhymin like they gayPickin up the mic, mon, dem don't know what to saySayin that hip-hop started out in QueensbridgeSayin lies like that, mon, you know dem can't live"

"I finally figured it out, Magic mouth is used for suckinRoxanne Shante is only good for steady fuckin""What's the matter with your MC, Marley Marl?Don't know you know that he's out of touch,What's the matter with your DJ, MC Shan?On the wheels of steel Marlon sucks"

Song: Shut The Eff Up!(Hoe)
Artist: MC Lyte
Target: Antoinette
Classic line:"Step back, let the Lyte shineDo not say shit till you write your own rhyme"

Song: Second Round K.O
Artist: Cannibus
Target: LL Cool J
Classic lines:

"I studied your background, read the book that you wrote/Researched your footnotes, bout how you used to sniff coke"

"You walk around showin off your body cause it sells/Plus to avoid the fact that you ain't got skills/Mad at me cause I kick that shit real niggaz feel/While 99% of your fans wear high heels"

"And if you really want to show off, we can get it on/Live in front of the cameras on your own sitcom/I'll let you kick a verse, fuck it, I'll let you kick em all/I'll even wait for the studio audience to applaud/ [cheers]Now watch me rip the tat from your arm/Kick you in the groin, stick you for your Vanguard award/In front of your mom your 1st, 2nd and 3rd born/Make your wife get on the horn call Minister Farrakhan"

Song: Ether
Artist: Nas
Target: Jay-Z
Classic lines:
"Is he Dame Diddy, Dame Daddy or Dame Dummy?/Oh, I get it, you Biggie and he's Puffy/Rockafeller died of AIDS, that was the end of his chapter/And that's the guy y'all chose to name your company after?"

"You a fan, a phony, a fake, a pussy, a Stan/I still whip your ass, you thirty-six in a karate class"

"So little shorty's gettin gunned up and clapped quick/How much of Biggie's rhymes is gon' come out your fat lips?"

Song: No Vaseline
Artist: Ice Cube
Target: N.W.A
Classic lines:
"First you was down with the AK,and now I see you on a video with Michel'le?"

"But if they were smart as me,Eazy E would be hangin' from a tree./With no vaseline, just a match and a little bit of gasoline./Light 'em up, burn 'em up, flame on...till that Jheri curl is gone."

Song: "The Bitch in yoo"
Artist: Common
Target: Ice Cube, W.C, Mack 10
Classic lines:
"Now what the fuck I look like dissing a whole coast/You ain't made shit dope since AmeriKKKa's Most""Hyprocrite, I'm filling out your Death Certificate/Slanging bean pies and St Ide's in the same sentence""Rap career is over, better off actingWhat trouble I see, you're managing WC and Wack 10"

Don't Worry, I'm not moving to Paris

I woke up on November 3rd, 2004 hopeful that John Forbes Kerry would be our next President of the United States. I liked his chances because Iraq is a mess, people have lost their jobs, and Bush's administration is as corrupt as it gets. Not only that, I have the fundamental belief that Kerry is flat out a better person morally, intellectually, and when it comes to integrity. I jumped out of bed and turned on the t.v to find out that George W. Bush was the projected winner.

"What!! How can this be!!", I thought. On the news they were saying that it all came down to Ohio and Bush had gained more votes there."Ohio voted Bush?? Most of those motherfuckers lost jobs under that asshole. How stupid can you fucking get!", I yelled aloud. Overwhelmed by the bad news, the idiocy of the American people, and hard work I put in to get John Kerry elected I looked in the mirror and said, "My black ass is moving to France, fuck it!"

The first thing I did was I called my mother and told her I'm leaving. "Mom, you have been the best Mom a guy could of asked for. I love you, god bless you, but I'm moving to France.", I said. "What?", she replied. "I have to leave. Bush is a blundering idiot and the American people who voted for him should be beaten within a inch of their lives." "You're not going anywhere, stop playing boy!" she uttered. "Bye mom", I replied and hung up the phone.

Next I called every girlfriend that I ever had and not only told them that I'm leaving, but also apologized. Apologized for being distant, sarcastic, and probably giving them the worst sex of their lives. Suffice it to say I received various types of reactions. I then started frantically throwing clothes in a suitcase, gathering whatever I could find.

After that, I figured it was a good idea to find out how much money a one way ticket to France is. "7000 Dollars!! Jesus!", I shouted. "Screw it, its a small price to pay for freedom", I thought. I rushed out the door wearing a wife beater(which isn't too flattering for a brother that could stand to lose a few lbs.), boxer shorts with the image of Sade on them, and pink bunny slippers. I wasn't concerned with my appearance, I was focused on leaving this horrible country.

As I sped down the street, I was wondering what went wrong. Bush lied about the war. The economy is bad. People have lost their jobs. Kerry has the ability to complete a articulate sentence, something Bush can't do. Kerry bitch-slapped Bush in the debates. Halliburton. "How did we get here?", I wondered. I was half way to the airport when I saw a man driving a truck that had the words "Kerry is a liberal, and that's why he lost. He can't protect us" written on it. Enraged, I stopped my car, opened the trunk, and pulled out my tire iron. I jumped on the man's hood and proceeded in bashing the shit out of his truck. As I walked away from the battered car I shouted "Bush can't protect you either Motherfucker!!"

I jumped back in my car and anxiously raced to my destination. "France can't be so bad" I thought. "I'll get a chance to embrace a new culture, new cuisine, and I heard that women in France love "the brothers". Imagine the possibilities", I thought. When I got there, I kissed my car and said "Goodbye hooptie" and raced inside the airport. The lines were very long with people that had the same feeling that I did. This one lady was moving to Sweden, this Native American man was moving to England, and this guy I met named Rick told me that he was moving to Hawaii. Lets just say he was was disappointed and embarrassed when I politely informed him that Hawaii was part of the U.S. Got my ticket and raced upstairs to the gate that I was supposed to be at. The plane didn't take off for another hour so I waited patiently for my chance to escape this idiotic wasteland that I call my country. Next to me was a elderly black woman named Ella who sparked off the a conversation.

Ella: Hello young man, have you ever been to France.

Me: No ma'am, this is my first time. How about you?

Ella: This is my first time also. My son lives there with his wife and my grandkids. My husband couldn't make it because we can't afford another ticket. This is my husband John.(she motions to John)

John: Hello young man:

Me: Nice to meet you sir.

Ella: Why are you going to France.

Me: Because I can't take it anymore. Bush has just been re-elected and he was by far the inferior candidate. I put in so many hours volunteering for Kerry, trying to explain to people how he was the better choice. I constantly pointed out Bush's incompetence with facts and evidence to people I knew. He is a nightmare and people couldn't see that. It was decided in Ohio and most of those miserable bastards are jobless because of this president. I feel that my only choice is to leave the country.

Ella: Son, I don't mean to be rude but, that has to be the dumbest thing I've ever heard!

Me: What?

Ella: Listen, I agree that Bush isn't worthy of being president, but you leaving the country is just stupid.

Me: In what way?

Ella: "In what way"?? Kid, I am 72 years old. I have lived through segregation, lynchings, minstrel shows, not having the right to vote, deaths of family members by members of the Klan, sitting on the back of the bus, MLK being murdered, Malcolm being murdered, JFK being murdered, Bobby Kennedy being murdered, Medgar Evans being killed, Emmit Till being murdered. Did you know that Emmit Till was murdered because he whistled at a white woman??

Me: Yes ma'am, I knew that.

Ella: Did you know that they shot, stabbed, castrated.. They did everything to that boy. His mother had a open casket at his funeral so people would realize how serious things were and to make more people aware.

Me: I knew that too, and I totally respect what you are saying Ella, but what does that have to do with me leaving the country.

Ella: you aren't too bright are you? Through all of those trying times that I explained, people never gave up. What you are doing is giving up. Hell, if people would of given up we would still be slaves. Everything that is worth having(i.e freedom) involves a struggle. I got into politics because my people were being mistreated and I felt that I could help change things. Isn't that why you're into politics?

Me: Sure. Looking at it as a struggle puts it into perspective.

Ella: How did you first get into politics?

Me: Something my father said to me. First you have to understand that my father lived through a lot of the same things that you did, and he was a Vietnam veteran that did two terms there. I saw him cry ONE time. Not at funerals, or a movie, or even during the last days when he struggled with prostate cancer. The one time I saw him cry is when he told me that when he was in the Navy, men on his ship actually cheered when John F. Kennedy was shot. That must of been a painful memory for him. Hearing that not only outraged me, but it motivated me to get involved and make a difference.

Ella: Exactly. What would your dad say if he knew that you were abandoning the struggle? Leaving when you can do good for your country, your people, and future generations?

Me: He wouldn't be too pleased. Wow, you are right. The battle continues and I am now more motivated than ever. Thanks Ella!

Ella: No problem. I have to ask you a question: What in the hell are you wearing??

Me: Lets just say I was in a rush. Thank you so much.(HumanityCritic reaches over to embrace Ella) Take care.

Ella: May god bless you child

Me: Oh, this is so your grandkids can enjoy both their grandparents.(Humanitycritic hands John his ticket)

John: Thank you son!! This is going to be a great thanksgiving!!

As I walked back to my car I knew that the struggle continued and that we must all fight everyday for our rights. Is Bush still a idiot? Are Americans still stupid? You bet. But I drove home thinking three things. 1) That I will continue to fight the good fight, and hold this administration's feet to the fire as well as our "President" 2) I hope that the guys whose car I smashed didn't get my license plate number and 3) I would have to cut down on buying beer, porn, and hip hip being that I just gave away a $7000 dollar ticket.