Maybe I'm old but, I just don't fucking get it..

Listen, I know that my viewpoint when it comes to current day Hip Hop makes me seem like someones parent that can't let go of the "old days". Yes, I think that 90% of the people who consider themselves musical wordsmiths are nothing but modern day coons, flashing their watermelon grins to an accepting audience that is as clueless as Forrest Gump on Crystal Meth. Yes, I feel that most of the rappers who characterize themselves as "conscious" are just a few notches above being functioning illiterates, who couldn't speak articulately about a news item if you held a USA Today newspaper and a loaded 45 to their collective heads. And Yes, I distrust Hip Hop publications and most journalists, because like a house negro, they talk a good game but at the end of the day you can find their tongue up massa's ass literally and figuratively. But maybe I'm too harsh on Hip Hop, maybe I should adopt that horseshit "changing times" notion that every sub-par scribe this side of the equator tries to bombard us with? Maybe some of the artists that I give shit to like a colostomy bag, the artists that people I respect tend to like and I despise, maybe I'm just hating on that artist.. So over the past week or so I have given multiple listens throughout the catalogs of some artists that I think suck, but some of my peers feel are the "cats pajama's" so to speak. I gave it the old college try, tried to be objective as humanly possible and came to the conclusion that there artists still blow something fierce, like that superhero "Storm" at a fellatio contest. I just don't get why people would like these artists..

Cam'ron: When Cam'ron first came out with that "Horse and Carriage" shit I thought he was alright, but since then his music has been irritating like that pimple on your ass that you keep getting reminded of whenever you sit down. From the over-produced monstrosity of a track that he rhymes over, the elementary rhyme style that takes me back to Mrs. Wilson's 3rd grade class, not to mention a feeling of losing I.Q points whenever you see this cum-stain in an interview. Besides his lackluster rhymes and him being a Hip Hop abomination, what's up with dude's crew? Jewells Santana is one torrential downpour of wackness, and Jim Jones looks like some homeless guy that Cam'ron decided to give a contract to. Some people that I respect like these cats and for the life of me I don't know why, I don't know whether to end my friendships with these people or beat them upside the head with a copy of "Paid in Full" so they can regain some of their god given common sense.

Clipse: On one hand I have to give these guys love because they come from my area, and anytime someone can escape the Hampton Roads area to make a name for themselves I have to give them the proper respect. But on the other hands to call them average MC's seems like a compliment, their uber corny to me, and the image that they try to push upon their listeners that they are "drug dealers" just inspires giggles from your resident Throat-chopper.(yes, "other hands", I'm an Octopus motherfucker!!!!) I really don't think that these guys are the worst people to ever be behind a microphone, but some people online act like these motherfuckers are "A Tribe Called Quest" or some shit, slow down sugar-tits. I don't know these dudes personally but when I heard them say "I'm from Virginia, where ain't shit to do but cook" I just knew they were talking about their interest in the culinary arts and not cooking cocaine. Besides their drug history being as fake as silicone titties or my interest to cuddle post coitus, how long will the "we are drug dealers" charade go on??

Lil Wayne: No bullshit, I feel that Lil Wayne is this era's version of Robert Johnson, a dude who sold his soul to the devil where everyone thinks that this guys is good except for me. I'll give him credit, he seems very passionate about what he does, but then again I'm very passionate about shits that I take and I doubt anyone will buy a CD of that any time soon. I guess people aren't sticklers for lyrics the way that I am, but when I've analyzed the words that come out of Lil Wayne's mouth during one of his songs I always felt that Charlie Browns teacher had more to say. Like The Clipse, people that I respect like this Gremlin with a microphone and I just don't get. People please, enlighten me.

Some inside info on yours truly..

I'm always surprised when I get emails that ask me to expose more about myself. I thought that my daily ramblings were the epitome of me exposing myself, telling people that my father's death affects me on a daily basis, and all of the embarrassing sexual encounters that leave disgruntled women saying "I thought that shit you talked about on your blog was bullshit!!" So, for all those emails that for some reason want to learn more about me, here are a few random facts..

The first record that I bought was Sugar Hill Gang's "Rapper's Delight". Yes it sounds cliche as fuck but it's the absolute truth. I was in kindergarten at the time, and because my parents always encouraged my love for music they asked me what I wanted when we were in a particular record store. I asked the person behind the counter, "Where can I find that 'chicken tastes like wood" song?

The first CD that I ever bought was King Tee's "Act a Fool"

In the "I used to be a whore" category, I once dated 5 women at the same time. Looking back I realized that maintaining such a facade was a full time fucking job, oh yeah, I'm glad my dick didn't fall off.

My gay cousin Sean is currently not speaking to me. See, when he came out of the closet I was one of the only people that supported his open agenda of anal reaming. I'm a pretty liberal guy, and I told him that who he chose to be with was his business. The problem was when we had gotten drunk and I said, "I'm accepting of gay people so don't get the wrong impression, but there is something creepy about old homosexuals and fat homosexuals. Yuck." Of course my insensitive sentiments didn't go over too well, especially since Sean is overweight and his lover is over 60.

My favorite Rapper is Rakim.(duh)

I feel that Ice Cube's "Death Certificate" is pure genius.

My favorite position is when a chick rides me, only because I'm lazy and it's the one position where I don't cum faster than express mail.

I can't watch crime shows, because I find myself rooting for the bad guy.(except for racists and pedophiles)

My favorite shows include "My Name is earl", "Inside the Actors Studio", "Countdown with Keith Olbermann", and "Grounded for Life"

I shy away from interracial relationships, not because I'm a racist, but because I know I would probably end up killing anyone who verbally opposed it.



I'm a big fan of a lover leaving my residence immediately after ejaculation.

When I played outfield as a kid I had a great arm, so good in fact that I could throw people out who tried to score on my team on a regular basis. The problem was that my batting average was like .120.

I don't have a girlfriend, not because I don't want one, but I think that me chronicling my sex life scares the shit out of any would-be girlfriends.

I respect the guy, but I feel that Tupac did more harm than good. Tupac is like the movie "Scarface" to me, not only did it inspire a million bad impressions of the lead character, but people tend to not focus on the moral of the story and concentrate on the self destruction.

Video of the Day: Slick Rick: "Hey Young World"

The Avon Lady

I don't really know what to make out of this..

Yeah, THAT can get your ass whipped.

Now that I'm getting older, and the fact that I haven't had any reason to tell my friends any heart-felt "..after I was raped in jail he made me tie my shirt in the front and speak like Marilyn Monroe" stories, I know I will reap the benefits if I calm my black ass down considerably. It's just that I feel that my days of avoiding lengthy dirt-naps and chances to get muscular while converting to Islam are coming to an end if I continue to think that violence is the only answer. As much as I tell myself that there are more civil ways to end a dispute, that I'm an adult who should carry himself with a bit of class and decorum, nothing shuts a motherfucker up faster than chopping him in the throat mid sentence. Violence just works man, I guess that's one of the things that I hate about blogging, people are allowed to talk shit about you without having their head split wide open as your witty retort.(Even though I once planned to befriend a blogger who at one time talked shit about me and schedule a "blogger meet up". I'd arrive there and as soon as he extended his hand I'd go, "Remember that post you did in Sept 05 when you referenced me motherfucker?(throwing hands up) What's up now???" Then I would proceed to bludgeon that bastard with his fucking laptop. Yes, I have played this out in my mind a few times.)

But as I get older and notice the plethora of gray hairs on my testicles, talk about rappers that younger adults never heard of, and as I'm beginning to recognize my own mortality I understand that I can't punch people for any old reason. No more jabbing innocent dudes in the face just on the strength of some disgruntled broad saying "I'm going to get my boyfriend!!", No more threatening to make people who are Lil Wayne fans "eat jabs all night", no more chopping any man in the throat who puts Tupac or Biggie above Rakim on their all time Greatest MC list. Don't get it twisted though, I won't be taking long walks with the Dali Lama while discussing Ghandi any time soon, I will always be down to put some garden variety douche-bag on the business end of a beating. The difference is that I will try my damnedest from now on to make any punch that I throw be because the person legitimately deserved it. Here are a few instances where I think beating someones ass is acceptable..

If someone disrespects your woman: Listen, I'm the last motherfucker in the world you would see defending the honor of a woman that I'm dating. Not saying that I'm against it, its just the types of females that I've dated have been of the "practice vagina" variety, so you could regularly see me ask my date "Well, what did you do?" after she claims that some guy called her a "bitch". But one area that I believe that a beat-down is in order, regardless if you are out with your wife or a prostitute you plan on covering with Jell-O later, is the "when you get back from the restroom and a guy is talking to your date" scenario. I'm civil, so if I see a guy talking to my lady-friend and she is visibly annoyed I will respectfully say, "Hey dude, this is my lady." Usually the guy will say something like "my bad", look like a pair of tits, and squirm away like the vermin that he is. But sometimes, on those special occasions, the guy will actually grow a pair and say "So what?? I'm talking to her now!!" In this instance I feel that you are in your right to not only smash a bottle over his head, brain him with the table, and kick him repeatedly as your dates joins in like Joe Pesci in "Goodfellas" and shit, even snatch his chain and piss on him for good measure.

If someone hurts your child: I'm not a parent which is probably a good thing because I feel that the mere existence of a mini HumanityCritic would provoke more beat-downs than someone stepping on your new shell-toes. I'm scared to spread my demon-seed to be totally honest, because any person who hurts my kid would be on the business end of my chubby pre-ejaculating wrath. If the football coach screams at my kid, I'd approach him while pounding my fists on some "You better watch your tone when addressing my kid" shit. If some other adult finds themselves having to discipline my kid by striking them, I would find the culprit in question, tie them to a light pole, as me and my child would lace that miserable son of a bitch with nothing but kidney punches.


If someone owes you money: Nowadays if I give someone money I tell them they don't have to pay it back, not because I'm a sucker but because I don't want to have to beat their ass publicly. I'm saying, if you lend someone some money and they have an inability to pay you back because of their deplorable financial state, then I understand that. But if you lend someone some money and they claim they can't pay you back immediately, even though that bastard just bought a new car, clothes, and he's able to pay off bar bill's close to the gross national debt, that motherfucker needs to have his ass whipped. Besides it not being the right thing to do, it seems that them not paying you even though they have a few new toys for themselves is like them saying "What??? What are you going to do about it??" So, once you realize that you will never see your money again, beat their ass as soon as humanly possible. You will feel better, plus you can go through their pockets and take whatever is in their wallet, you might get paid back after all.

If someone puts their hands on you: This is a no brainer, if you feel that you are being threatened proceed to dispatch the would be dispatchers. Just don't be like me and try to to get people to assault you so later you can be guilt free as you try to see how far an Adidas sneaker can go inside someones rectum. Shameless attempts include me saying things like, "Dude, I'm not trying to fight you. Now if you pushed me, THEN I'd fight you!", or acting like I have turrets so they will jump and throw an ill advised punch.

If someone disrespects your mother: I'm not talking about "mother jokes" either, if I got upset at every unsavory product of inbreeding who said something unkind about my mother online, I'd spend my hooker and weed money travelling around the country, strangling cowards to death with their mouse cord. I'm talking about up close and personal disrespect, so if you ever feel that the woman that pushed your miserable ass out of your body is being disrespected by some random jackass, beat their ass. Unlike the other examples, you are allowed to threaten people for all kinds of reasons when it comes to your mother. If the woman at the check-out counter gets smart with your mother threaten to drag her silly ass around the parking lot by her weave(I'd never harm a female), if some old man gives your mother a very sexually harassing remark punch his old ass before he gets to the end of said sentence, if some lady cursed your mother for some random reason just begin beating her husband or her teenage son as punishment for said offense. Man, I really love my moms..

..and a few miscellaneous reasons: Ok, if I plan to be a better citizen, can't I have a few guilty pleasure beat-downs? Can I throat-chop the plethora of bastards who want to bombard my ears with "Tupac was the best rapper ever" diatribes? Can I punch people in the chest that want to tell me that Hip Hop isn't dead, even though they have the worst examples of the art-form on their blogs and on their myspace pages? Can I backhand Kobe haters, you know the ones who want to clumsily claim that he "broke up the dynasty" and that he is the "reason Shaq left", when they ignore that Shaq is as guilty as anyone in that equation?? How about chicks that won't reciprocate oral?? No, I don't condone hurting women, I'm asking you ladies, "What's up with that?"

A few reasons why you shouldn't trust me with your life..

This actor friend that I've known a few years asked me the other day, "HumanityCritic, would you be my bodyguard??" I paused a few beats and said, "Bodyguard??? What makes you think that I'd be qualified for such a position? Plus, you aren't important yet to guard.." He responded with, "First, fuck you! Second, I just feel based on me seeing you in action that you would be the best choice!" "The best choice??" I asked, "You have seen me curse a few dudes out and chop a couple of them in the throat, that isn't exactly secret service experience!!" He was silent for a few minutes like he was disappointed, then I said "Listen dude, whenever people put their lives in my hands the results were always disastrous and I wouldn't want to see you get hurt. Plus, if an armed man approached you I won't shield you from the onslaught, I would use you as a shield from the onslaught!!" After I hung up the phone with him I thought of all the easy money and all the residual ass that I was turning down, but I comforted myself with the thought of me saving my friends life by not taking the job. It's just that I have a shabby history when it comes to people putting their lives in my hands, here are a few examples..

Don't drown around me: A couple of years ago it would surprise many of you that I was a whore, I dated an older women merely because she gave me free shit in exchange for my undersized penis. For one thing she wasn't "Golden Girls" old just older than me, and it's not like she left money on the nightstand after I clumsily ejaculated on top of her either. She just had a mansion and personal chefs at her disposal, so I figured that random intercourse along with the other perks were too much to pass up. Anyway, when we were both sipping some wine at the end of a dock that was being her house, her non swimming ass fell in. As she splashed around violently like Rosie O'Donnel doing the backstroke, I paused for a few moments because I realized that I wasn't the best swimming in the world. I finally jumped in and attempted to save her, but because of her moving around violently and my lack of swimming skills, we were both going down like a hooker on pay day. Right when I got to that "fuck this, I'm going to let this broad go and save myself" point, this 14 year old girl came out of no where and saved my "sugar-momma". I guess based on the fact that I wasn't her knight and shining armor and attempted to save myself, that "relationship" quickly ended soon after that. Which is sad because I dearly miss pre-ejaculating on silk sheets.


Don't choke around me: I never claimed to know the heimlich, so when a woman started choking on a steak while I was at her house I didn't know what in the fuck to do. As she gasped for air I started to think about all the sitcoms I'd ever seen when a person was choking, so I quickly got behind her and tried to imitate the manuever I had seen about a dozen times before. Looking back, maybe it was inappropriate of me to get aroused when her backside was rubbing against my crotch, with her choking and all. Anyway, nothing was happening so I decided to try some new strategies. That's when I backed up a few paces, ran towards her, and gave her a flying karate kick in her back. She looked at me awkwardly while turning blue and I screamed "Trust me!", so I backed up again, ran towards her and kicked her in the back with a well placed flying kick. As it turns out the kick didn't get that piece if food out of her throat, it was the impact of her falling to the ground after said kick that did the trick. Even though I feel that I saved her life, it took a couple of days of begging and pleading for her not to file assault charges against me. I guess I didn't make things better when I said, "Come on, don't let one piece of undigested meat caught in your throat stop me form putting my undigested meat down your throat!"


Don't ask me for a Kidney: Dude, just don't ask me.. I mean, a few of my friends have needed organs and I have gone through the proper steps to see if I was a correct match or not, even though I knew I would never go through with it in the end. I was lucky that a few of the instances I wasn't the right match anyways, so I came across looking like a good friend that would do anything for a pal. But one time I was the perfect match, which scared the absolute piss out of me. After weeks of trying to mask my utter fear, telling my friend "What if I need that kidney, you know I'm an alcoholic!!", and other acts of cowardice that I'm ashamed of now, my friend called me one day and said "We found another donor, so you can stop being a bitch now!!" I never thought being called a bitch could sound so sweet..

Don't ask me to drive you to the hospital: When a friend of mine started to go into labor right in front of me, of course the natural reaction for me was to take her to the hospital. The problem was, even though I've lived in Virginia Beach since 1979 and can tell you were all the weed spots and ghetto eatery's are, I was so nervous that I got lost on the way to the hospital. A trip that that would normally take me 5 minutes took me a half hour, all the while my friend in the backseat is yelling "I thought you were from here!! Ahhhhhh!" When I got there and alerted the staff of the state of my friend, they quickly and safely got her to a delivery room. When I told one of the nurses that it took us 30 minutes to get there, she asked me "Where did you come from?" When I told her she grimaced and said, "Good lord man, that is like a couple of miles away?? Did you stop and get snacks on the way?"

Video of the Day: A Tribe Called Quest: "I Left My Wallet In El Segundo"

Hey HumanityCritic, what in the fuck are you doing with this in your ipod? Sublime: "Doin Time"

It's funny, because I usually have a hatred for ska the same way I have a hatred for those Reggaeton "special Olympics" rappers, but I have always had a special place in my heart for these cats from Southern California. Unfortunately, right before they were to release their third album and gain commercial success, singer Brad Nowell died of a heroin overdose after a show in Petaluma, California. Maybe it was their love of weed and alcohol, maybe the story that I heard about them causing chaos after a show on the strength of them printing up hundreds of backstage passes even though they were given a few endeared me to them, or maybe its just the dope music and the realness in Brad's voice, I don't know..

Anti George Allen (Sen-VA) TV Spot

This is a good television spot, not only because it is quick and to the point, but also because I hate George Allen with a motherfucking passion. Not only because he is an incompetent politician who is in lockstep with the Bush Administration, many men and women fall under that inbred category. But the guy is a piece if shit, one who's younger sister charges with hanging her by her feet over Niagara falls and beating her boyfriend with a pool cue, a dude who owned stock in the company who makes that "morning after pill" even though he opposed abortion, his love for the confederate flag and the hangman's noose he had in his office, his initiating contact with the Council of Conservative Citizens (CCC)- one of the largest white supremacist groups, and him calling one of Jim Webb's campaign volunteer's a "Macaca"..("Macaca" is considered a racial slur in francophone African nations, most notably Tunisia.)

Listen, if you live in Virginia lets make sure this inbred son of a bitch doesn't become governor of a state that I call home. If you have family in Virginia, friends, a chick you once fucked on a dare, whoever, urge then to vote for Jim Webb(Allen's opposition) as well.

Live at the Buffet..

I'm really not an arrogant person, I actually have a considerable amount of low self esteem running through my veins on a daily basis. I'm not cocky about this blog because for one it brings in no revenue whatsoever and there are so many talented scribes out there who can write circles around me any time they want. I'm insecure about my penis size based on me being hung like a thimble and me humming the "Smurfs" theme can't be the most attractive thing in the world to future female suitors. But one area that I'm confident in, one fact that I would willing to bet my life savings on, is that my mother is motherfucking better than yours. Granted, while I'm sure that many of your mother's are possibly the most miserable winches to walk the face of the earth, I'm sure a few of you have mothers that would be eligible to take my mom's "best mother ever" title. But let me give you a brief resume of my dear mother to crush the competition. 1)Like all mother's she has always had my back. 2)Without being coached, she said "Rakim is the best rapper I've heard so far" 3)When watching an interview with Lil Kim she said, "Can you really call yourself an MC if you don't write your own lyrics?" 4)When me and my friends were kicking lame mother jokes in front of her years ago she said "HC, he's right, I really don't know who your father is..." and 5)She knows about half of Kool G Rap's verse in "The Symphony"

Suffice it to say that I take every opportunity to hang with my mother, so when she asked me to go to this buffet with her and her friend of course I accepted her invitation. While we were there I realized that I'm never going to a buffet again, no my mother didn't embarrass me again by telling her friend that I wet the bed until the age of 19, but the people who frequent buffets should be publicly tortured somewhere. Besides going south of the border of a waistline tattoo that this chick Maritza had saying "All you can eat", I'm never going to a buffet ever again. Here are a few reasons why.,.

I hate people: The reason that I have only had a handful of friends is because I have a genuine dislike for people in general. I swear, take away two of my friends and I would be a bona fide recluse, only leaving the house to get some fresh air and to pay for some inappropriate piece of deviant sex. People bug me, and like the bowel movement of the "Invisible man", you can see through their shit immediately. So you can imagine the agony I was feeling as I was surrounded by at least 200 strangers with nothing but sloth and gluttony on their collective minds. But mostly it was the conversations that would irritate me the most, I wasn't trying to eavesdrop or anything, but the verbal drivel penetrated my ears in a Rakim "weak ideas irritate my ears" sort of way. I heard ridiculous conversations ranging from the "comedic genius of Mo'nique", the legendary status of Lil Wayne, a woman trying to convince her friends that even though she fucked a son and a father the same week that she isn't a "ho", and a million other asinine conversations that would make a sane person go completely bat-shit

Lady, get your fucking kid!!!: Would it come across as harsh if I say that I have a utter distaste for any human being under the age of 12?? Ok, let me revise, I only hate children that aren't mine, is that better?? Wait a minute, since I have yet to find a woman to enable me to spread my demon-seed, I guess that makes me a serial hater of kids, especially the bad ones. Going to a buffet is the biggest form of birth control imaginable, witnessing delinquent parents chomping away as their children with the mark of the best on their skulls cause total mayhem, pissing off everyone within a 20 foot radius. This one kid came up and started tugging my hair so I glanced at his parents with a "get your fucking kid" look. When they didn't respond and looked at me in a "isn't he cute" glare, I open hand mushed the kid and said "Get the fuck off of me motherfucker!!" That's right, I'm not for child abuse, but I will mush the fuck out of a kid.

I'm a Germaphobe: When it dawned on me that I would be eating with a couple of hundred of people, people who probably haven't washed their hands since the last episode of "Seinfeld" and who's body's are virtual germ farms, it surprised me that I ate anything at all. But it did cause me to have one of those monk moments as I said to myself: ["Ok, since I touched the food tongs that other people touched I have to wash my hands again. Ok, I'm putting my food on the table..I'm going to the bathroom and opening the door with the bottom of my shirt..I'm grabbing a napkin and using it to put soap in my hand and start the tap water...I'm washing my hands vigorously..Use same napkin to push the air dryer button. I leave the bathroom, again using the bottom of my shirt to open the door.. I sit in my chair, grab the sides and scoot up a foot or two. Wait a minute, who says my chair is sanitary???!"] Fuck!

People are fucking savages: Going to the buffet with my mother this past weekend was like witnessing a riot with food, it was like the book "Lord of the Flies" if it had a few more black folks and a buffet tray. I swear man, people are bloody savages, acting like they haven't had a warm cooked meal in ages. As this one lady piled 8 crab-leg claws on her plate I had to remind her, "You know they restock that and you can come back for more, fucking savage!!" The way people pushed and shoved to get to a certain spot in line, I felt like I was Charles Barkley in his heyday, boxing out like a motherfucker in the low post just to secure my spot.

Where I was during the 9/11 attacks..

Over the weekend, between me damaging my liver in your garden variety watering holes or smoking some street grade marijuana with a woman damn near 10 years my junior hoping that I'd eventually get that "...but when I was 17 she was seven" bullshit out of my head so I could penetrate her guilt free, most of the conversations had to do with what they were doing when they learned about the biggest attack on American soil. I heard one story from a woman who said that she was supposed to be on one of the planes that went down, but luckily decided to spend an extra day with her boyfriend. I listened to an eye-witness account from a New Yorker, one who moved to Virginia last year, telling me how she can't get the sound of that second plane hitting the towers out of her head and the continuous nightmares she has because of it. I even heard a cliff-hanger of a story about a friend of mines mother who worked in the World Trade Center and his agonizing failed attempts to get in contact with her for hours or so, only to see her on his front steps.(She had planned to surprise her son with a visit, that's timing like a motherfucker)

I know that I shouldn't feel bad about not having an interesting "where were you during 9/11" story, it was a tragedy for christ's sake, but where I was actually at is not only pretty uninteresting but its also sort of pathetic. Ok, for all the emails that I have received and my friends who wanted to know, I'll tell you where I was during the 9/11 attacks:

See, by September 2001 I was an emotional wreck, my father had died a few months earlier and my girlfriend of 5 years had just left me for man who was the equivalent of a panhandler. Sprinkle my mother's breast cancer diagnosis as the emotional seasoning, and that was the perfect recipe for HumanityCritic's self destruction. I smoked weed like people smoke Newports, I drank 151 like it was Gatorade, and my nightly ritual was finding the biggest and baddest motherfucker in the bar and picking a fight with him, either by just stealing the guy in the jaw or disrespecting his lady friend in some deplorable fashion. I guess because I didn't have the guts to put a shotgun barrel in my mouth and paint my bedroom walls a very interesting red color, I guess my actions were my way of ending my life. Not only that, some of the women that I chose to penetrate, lets just say that I wouldn't do that to my worst enemy.

During the early hours of 9/11 I was getting totally shitfaced in a bar in Norfolk Virginia listening to a local band that I enjoy, throwing back so many shots that career alcoholics were telling me that I'd had enough. As I stumbled to my car, dodging oncoming traffic and my own vomit as I tried not to ruin my clothes, I slept in the backseat until approximately 2:30. When I woke up I felt refreshed and horny, so I called this chick named Willetta in Hampton to see if I could get some early morning affection. Even though my breath still smelled like vomit, I was still legally drunk, and Willetta stayed a half hour away(Hampton), I decided to drive to the house of a woman that I affectionately nicknamed "Practice Vagina". I get there and tell her that I need to use her bathroom, where I urinate, wash my hands, then I tried to discreetly gargle some of her mouth wash to get that regurgitated cheeseburger smell out of my mouth. Even though she is in the bed anxiously awaiting my arrival even though our 2 previous sexual encounters ended with her saying, "Oh hell naw, that's it??", I go in her kitchen and throw back a bottle of her gin like it's lemonade.

When I get to bed and start consummating our early morning agreement, I kept thinking to myself "If I survive this state of depression that I'm in, I'm going to be horrified at all the unprotected sex that I've had!" A few hours later I wake up, look over and she is knocked the fuck out in a "mouth wide open, snoring like a freight train" state. I quickly think that my Olympic thrusting did that, but then I look down at my penis and realize that can't be true. I walk to her living room butt naked, sitting in a sofa chair she had sitting in front of the T.V., that's when my germaphobia finally kicked in as I thought about all the other guys before me who probably sat naked in that same chair as well. I noticed that she had an intense DVD collection, and even though I'm not a thief by nature, I told myself since she wasn't my girlfriend she wouldn't mind losing a couple if she had the right selection. As I drunkenly rummage through her CD collection, wincing at the fact that she had 2 copies of the Vivica Fox movie "Two can play that Game", I turned the news on and saw that a plane had struck the World Trade Center. By this time it had been a few minutes and the world at that point thought it was an accident, that was until the second plane had hit the towers. Willetta had finally joined me in her living room, rubbing her eyes, openly wondering why a few of her DVD's were in my overnight bag. Before I could tell her that our country was being attacked, she asked me about her gin that was half gone.. When she realized what was going on she was glued to the television for a few minutes like I was, that was until she kicked me out for being the worst temporary house guest ever. That's where I was during the attacks, and as a reminder of that I have a copy of "Two Can play that Game".

(This post was in no way to disrespect the many people who lost their lives on 9/11, just a truthful account of my whereabouts.)

Video of the Day: Del Tha Funkee Homosapien: "sleepin on my couch"

Olbermann: Who Has Left this Hole in the Ground? 9/11 commentary.

In my opinion, most porn flicks need an editor..

I know that I shouldn't "Ebert" pornography because it only serves one purpose, and that is so undersexed guys like myself can beat my dick like it had an expiration date on it to women who probably wouldn't let me sniff their undergarments unless I had a couple of Benjamin Franklin's that were burning a hole in my pocket. But I feel that my lengthy tenure of being a sexual deviant, and a man who owns a library full of the most disgusting triple penetration erotica to the point where when the doors open up all you hear is an angelica "Ahhhh" sound, I feel that I have become an authority when it comes to chicks getting filled out like an application on film. Shit man, I treat porn stars with the same affection that a kid has for his/her favorite baseball player, I can rattle off her measurements, her hometown, her real name, how she once vowed to never do anal again, and a slew of otherwise useless information that makes me seem like some sort of dreadlocked "Rain Man". But the same way I deeply love Hip Hop but can also criticize the fake shit masquerading itself as such nowadays, I can also breakdown the many ways that pornography can improve myself. It just seems to me, based on the fact that all porn companies have to do is show 1-14 people screwing on film, that there is way too much extra going on. Pornography needs and editor, so here are some suggestions..

Get rid of the back-story: When I'm reading a book with some pretty complex characters I want a back-story, when I'm watching a movie getting a part of a certain character's back-story helps you understand some of their actions a little better, but is a back-story really needed when the only thing I want to see is random thrusting and the money shot? Really, do we really need to see the same regurgitated themes in porn where two douche-bags just "happen" to meet a beautiful girl at the grocery store, the "watching paint dry" themes where a woman old enough to be a guy's mother happens to seduce him where the end result is her getting folded up like origami on a futon? The delivery boy theme, the one where the guy catches his girl having sex with another guy-is outraged for a minute-then decides to join in and fill the women in question from both ends like a pair of Chinese fingercuffs?? Enough already!! If I want to witness bad writing I'll just watch a Tyler Perry movie for Christs sake, and if I want to see two people awkwardly trying to segue their conversation into a penetration fest I'll just film one of my own dates and watch it at a later date.

Cameraman, shut the fuck up!!: Maybe this has a little something to do with me being single right now but I hate it when someone barks directions at me, even if it is a lover while I'm partaking in some good old fashioned oral reciprocity, because I usually bat her hand away and scream "Shut up, I know what I'm doing!!!' That being said, have you ever watched a porn flick where the cameraman just goes Chatty fucking Cathy on everybody. Besides the fact that it's increasingly difficult to "rub one out" to a man's voice, hearing constant suggestions makes you want to find that miserable son of a bitch and make him bite a curb, "American History X" style.

Save the booty-shaking for the runway: I love going to the strip club as much as the next guy, getting drunk, placing folded up one dollar bills in hopes that the woman in question will pick it up with her buttcheeks, and possibly hearing her give you the "I'm only doing this to get through college" routine, I'm down for that. But just like my real life encounters with women deranged enough to let me sleep with them, I don't want any "I'm trying to be sexy, so watch me shake my ass for a few minutes" routine when I'm only interested in getting intimately acquainted with your small intestines. This is a common occurrence in many porn flicks today, which I guess some people enjoy, but like black folks watching a horror movie I find myself yelling at the screen on some "Get your ass down from that fucking counter top!!" shit..

The pre-coitus interview: This is another waste of time, asking questions to a young lady where 98% of her responses are nothing but a pack of lies. Women who you have been watching since you were in High School will claim that she is 18 when asked her age, they all lost their virginity at an age where the man she was with should be thrown under the god-damned jail, the claim that she has never done a certain sexual act until THAT video even though you have a library of porn debunking her felonious claims, and a slew of other shit that has you multitasking between self gratification and the fast forward button.

Get rid off all 70's black porn: There is some decent black porn that came out the decade that I was born, but for the most part a great deal of it was horrible. For one thing it seemed like they weren't choosy when it came to the actors they used, I always felt like the director went to certain black clubs on a random Friday night and screamed "Who wants to fuck on film???" The men always looked like they could be found preaching a sermon in some southern church somewhere, beer belly's and processed hair as far as the eye could see. They had some hot women for the most part, but I'm sure the mixture of jheri-curl juice and sweat was rather uncomfortable when entering certain exposed orifices. Lastly, I'm not a stickler when it comes to a woman being shaved, but some of those chicks had so much hair down there you could have shaved it off and donated it to cancer kids. Not for nothing, but when I'm having sex I don't want to juggle my desire to have sex with her with my sudden urge to dread her pubic hairs.

Hip Hop Thought of the Day: If I hear one more Ode to "thugs", I'm going to punch somebody!!

Who would have thought that a soulless channel like B.E.T, one that peddles the worst Hip Hop imaginable and lets the world know how classless Keisha Cole's posse is, would provoke any thought at all. But the other day as I was flipping channels and happened to land on B.E.T, Shareefa's video for the song "I need a Boss" was on. You would think by the title that the song was possibly about a misguided prostitute, frustrated at her inability to get "dates" on her own, longing for the guidance and stability of a pimp. But within moments I realized that this vapid pop song was about something that I Loathe worst than chicks who want to cuddle after sex, and that is a song about "Thugs". You know the routine, songs about guys that the singer/rapper thinks are tough, with an accompanying video where there are a handful of "Just add water thugs" ice grilling the camera continuously. I love MC Lyte but I hate "Roughneck" with a passion, and I have no beef with Destiny's Child but that "Soldier" song makes me want to punch the first guy I see with a Doo Rag on. I guess these songs are so cringeworthy to me because I'd bet my sticky Rosario Dawson picture collection that any dude who calls themselves a "Thug" would probably piss himself in a real confrontation, or if they do muster up the courage to fight you'd find out in no time that their jaw was made of glass.

Matter of fact beware of anyone who classifies themselves as a "rocker" and any girl who claims that she's "sexy" by the way.(Thats for people beside yourself to decide, jackasses!)

Video of the Day: Ice Cube: "Check Yo self"

I love this video, but whenever it comes on it reminds me of how I want to avoid prison at all costs. Of course the losing your freedom parts sucks, and adding to the percentage of black males behind bars isn't the most positive thing in the world either, but I don't want to go to jail because of my fear of getting anally raped. Sure I think I can handle myself enough to keep your garden variety asshole from breaching my backdoor security, but as we all know you can't beat everybody. Even if someone overpowers me to the point that I'm washing some giant inmate named "Tiny"'s underwear by hand daily, what happens when he finds out that I'd be the worst gay guy ever. For example, last week for my birthday this chick that I know requested that I get a "blow-job" shot, one where you pick the shot up with your mouth only with said shot resting between the legs of the woman in question. Looking back, I shouldn't have partook in anything with the word "Blowjob" in it, but I was drunk off my ass at the time. So I attempted to pick the shot up with my mouth only, said shot resting between the creamy thighs of this young woman, and I couldn't get my fucking mouth around it. I think what I said was a turn off to the seated woman, but I blurted out "I'd be the worst motherfucking gay guy ever!!!" That being said, I can never go to jail and be anyones bitch!!!

The Burning Question.. "Who in the fuck is Manjula??"

"HumanityCritic, who in the fuck is Manjula??"

This question has been asked to me at least one hundred times, so let me break my silence after two years of blogging. Well, "breaking my silence" makes it seem like I was keeping it from all of you on some "Manjula was a dude I did time with who saved me from numerous anal raping's, as long as I held his pocket as ownership when he walked around" shit, when sheer laziness was the only culprit, but I digress. Manjula is an Internet savvy ex-girlfriend of mine who introduced me to the wonderful world of blogging, basically because she felt that I needed my own soapbox, thus saving her from countless hours of "who would win in a fight, Fat Albert or Shaggy?" conversations. When we were together I was inconsiderate and emotionally unavailable, so her acting as tech support for my blog baffles me like the popularity of Lil Wayne. Granted, this blog probably frustrates her because I ask her to do menial things that even retarded stroke victims could do with ease, but I appreciate her nonetheless. So, I hope that answered everyones question.

Industry Rule #4084: Internet Beef is Good!!

"I love the smell of internet beef in the morning!!!"


Even though I haven't been able to fulfill my goal yet, you know, randomly penetrating women off of the strength of my blog, I have indeed met some very nice people because of the drivel that I write daily. Email friendships mostly consisting of people asking my advice on a plethora of topics ranging from relationships to getting more hits for your blog. I answer them as honestly as I can, but I tell people that I'm the worst person in the world when it comes to both of those subjects. I mean, I have exes who actually want me taking an extremely long dirtnap, so that pretty much sums up my incompetent relationship history, and when it comes to attracting more traffic to your blog I'm as clueless as Paris Hilton on "Jeopardy". I tell people that I'm lucky for the handful of people who dig my brand of bullshit, then I tell them that the best way to generate traffic to your blog is to talk about current events and hot topics.(Things that people will google ad nauseum) That was the only piece of advice that I had, until a few days ago.

Recently, when I made a generalizing post about some behavior that I disagreed with during the run-up of the BlackWeblog Awards, I got about 40 angry emails immediately asking if I was talking about them or not. When I wrote the post I didn't know it would strike a nerve the way it did, especially since there were at least 5-6 people in each category that did what I talked about. Thinking about the guilty conscience some people have is funny, I didn't think people would openly "out" themselves playing the dime-store Nostradamus for protection against them being wrong on some "I Know", "I'm positive!", and "I'm Certain that you were talking about me!!" when most times that person didn't come to mind when I wrote that post. If a person does a post about pre-ejaculators, even though I talk about my handicap ad naseum I'm not going to come right out and accuse the person of posting about me.

But one thing I realized though, especially since my hits went up drastically over the past few days, is that Internet beef is good! If some cum bubble blower wants to dis you in some angry diatribe where he breaks down with sniper like accuracy the many ways in which you are a "pussy" and links you in the meanwhile, don't respond, thank him, because he has just increased your readership like a motherfucker.(That being said, I don't frown on calling someone out if its a legitimate diss you are putting out there despite my hesitation of giving them too much publicity, but most dudes aren't worth it anyways..) Fellow bloggers, I'm not telling you to randomly diss individuals because you can piss good people off that way. But make sweeping generalizations about "punk ass bloggers who always type in caps", "sub-par Internet scribes who love Dave Matthews", and "any poster-child for abortions who overuses the ellipses!!" This way people will just know that you are talking about them, and before you know it you will have 100 new readers in no time.

Matter of fact, because we have to get these bastards off of the street, I think I will write a few angry posts about pedophiles and men who fuck sheep in their leisure time. I mean, if a pedophile takes offense and exposes himself(so to speak), I would be happy if my blog could lead to his capture. The sheepfucker, well, I just want to know who out there is into inter-species erotica so I could diss the fuck out of them on my blog. But then again maybe thats a bad idea, since that would increase his hits..

How Superman Should Have Ended..

Keith Olbermann: "Have You No Sense of Decency, Sir?"

My Hip Hop Idiosyncratic Routine

I guess my moral barometer has always been a bit off, because as a kid I took great pleasure in always fucking with the old homeless guy who hung out in front of the convenience store by my house. Looking back I'm ashamed at my actions but I used to do shit like tying a string to a dollar and watching the old guy chase it with great determination, I'd ask him why he smelled like a whore's crotch even though I was a virgin at the time and wasn't lucky enough to have had said experience, I'd throw lit M-80's in his living quarters, and a plethora of other shit that will probably stop me from getting into heaven one day. But the one thing that I joked him about, besides him smelling like a thousand miles of dead asses and his cardboard living room, was the fact that he would not only talk to himself occasionally but he would answer you in old school R&B song form. If you asked him what kind of firearm the criminal had who robbed the store he would sing that Junior Walker song "Shotgun!!!", the one time when he was getting ruffed up by a couple of thugs he screamed out that Fontella Bass song "Rescue me", and if an employee at the convenience store found themselves on the business end of a firing they could find themselves being ushered out to Ray Charles' "Hit the Road, Jack". Ever since then, whether it is a cop pulling me over for some bullshit reason, a girlfriend who's nagging me for being a shitty boyfriend, or some random piece of ass that suddenly wants to cuddle post coitus, I find myself saying "Your motherfucking ass is crazier than homeless Harry! Make me a goddamn sandwich!!"(Granted, the cop did look at me funny..)

Besides the fact that I had a one night stand on my birthday with a stripper who's name sounded like a vocal exercise that stroke survivors are put through(Dreejahjay), her forcing me to endure a Keisha Cole album while I drunkenly entered her person, and the fact that I am still picking stripper glitter off of my cock, I have other things to worry about to be quite honest. See over the past few months, based on me spouting Hip Hop quotes randomly at the most inopportune times, I had to finally except the fact that I have become a Hip Hop version of that bum I used to torment as a kid. No, I don't smell like an aged cheese steak hoagie and I don't live in a cardboard mansion, even though we both have offering to eat a chick out for a hot meal in common. I realized that I do the same thing Harry did, in serious conversations I tend to answer people in Hip Hop quotables, a habit that makes my friends think that I am a couple steps away from straight jackets, padded rooms, and smearing my own feces against the wall attempting a new form of graffiti. Damn, maybe Harry wasn't crazy at all, maybe he was just an avid music listener.

A few months ago I was helping my friend who coaches a local little league team. As the kids were pushing and shoving each other trying to enter the batting cage, I blurted out: "I don't care who's first or who's last, but I know that y'all just better rock this at the drop of a dime baby!!" Marley Marl "The Symphony"

There are rare occasions, you know, like seeing Haley's comment, I have been known to bring a woman to climax. When this happens I sometimes stand up post coitus and scream,..: "I.. am the magnificent!!" accompanied with the me tapping my throat ala Biz. Biz Markie "Biz is Goin off"

I can get rather passionate when discussing topics like politics, religion, and the proper lubricants to use when entering a woman's "Naughty hole". Usually, when someone asks me "Why are you so hostile?", I hit them with...: "I've got a right to be hostile man, my people have been persecuted!!!" Public Enemy "Prophets of Rage"

Fellas, we all know the very moment when the feelings you have for a lady go from "a chick you drunkenly slide cock to", to "a woman that you will cuddle with after ejaculation". When I realize that I'm falling for a chick I look her deep in the eyes and say..: "Girl listen to me..when i be sitting in my room all alone, staring at the, fantasies they go through my mind and.." LL Cool J "I need love"

This is what I usually utter to some heartbroken friend of mine who's lady is getting her insides ripped out by a new male suitor...:"Cover your mouth because you almost choke, you see the Mailman's DICK way up your wife's THROAT!" Slick Rick "Treat Her Like A Prostitute"

I'm sorry, but I don't have love for any motherfucker in jail. A slew of black men have always been persecuted and jailed on bullshit charges, those brothers I will always fight for. But if you are guilty, fuck you on some "I'm not writting you so don't ask me" shit. So whenever a friend of mine is about to get "the poky" while he's in "the pokey", I usualy utter..: "But now I'm in jail doin life and I'm scared/
Some kids snuffed me cold and greased me where no one dared" Slick Rick "The Moment I feared"

If I'm getting a lap-dance and the stripper in question has a mysterious odor, or if some woman comes up and orders me to buy her a drink, you can't sometimes here me say this..: "Scrub that ass and I'll still pass!!" Brand Nubian "Slow Down"

I think I should run a business for lesbians who have crushes on straight women, because no man has turned more chicks gay than me. I'm serious, at least 4 of my ex Girlfriends are now involved is relationships with women where the only cock you will find in their households comes with a receipt. So the other day, when my friend said that his girl was cheating on him with a girl, I just had to say..: "Next week, Mu hit me up, I saw Sharice at the kitty club/ With some banging ass Asian playin lay it down and lick me up What!?" Mos Def "Ms Fat Booty"

I had a fling who worked for UPS and she would come by after work and we would have "relations". I don't know, that brown uniform turned me on, so when I would hint for her to go down under like Australian lesbians, I'd say..:"Baby please, you work for UPS" Biz markie "Vapors"

Whenever someone who isn't gay is going on a lengthy anti-Bush diatribe, I usually utter this..: "Make you co-op-er-ate with the rhythm, that is what I give em
Reagan is the pres but I voted for shirley chilsholm" Biz Markie "Nobody beats the Biz"

"You lack the minerals and vitamins irons and the niacin" is something that I say whenever someone who talks shit doesn't want to back it up, whether its a physical altercation, on the basketball court, or if its a chick who refuses to blow me in the back of a church. O.C "Times up"

On Big Daddy Kane's song "Set it off", regardless where I'm at, when I hear him say "So let's all sing the Big Daddy anthem!!" I put my hand over my heart like its the pledge of fucking allegiance. Big daddy Kane "Set it off"

I'm a geek and I love paintball, so what?? Anyway, I have an evil habit of continuing to shoot people after they have been "killed". It's pisses people off, and I'm sure they are bewildered when I say..:"It's like making a soldier drop his weapon /Shooting him, and telling him to get to steppin'" MF Doom "Strange Ways"

"I got this girl and she wants me to duke Her
I told her I'd come scoop her around 8, she said "Super!" is what I say whenever I have fooled some innocent woman in becoming my new late-night piece of miscellaneous ass that I randomly visit. MF DOOM "Hoe Cakes"

There is this guy who frequents a bar that I go to who not only spreads his right wing agenda by mouth, but the bastard hands out leaflets and shit. Purely propaganda, so I find myself saying..:"I trip we box up crazy bitches aimin guns in all my baby pictures/ Beef with housin police, release scriptures that's maybe Hitler's" Nas "The world is yours"

This is something that I also say to a friend who's girlfriend is getting filled out like an application by a penis that isn't his..: "I was like yeah, shorty don't care, she a snake too/ fucking with the niggaz from that fake crew that hate you!" Nas "One Love"

Listen, to say that I like women with meat on their bones is an understatement. Contrary to what people who read my blog for seconds would have you to believe, I love women, and I want to celebrate them whenever possible. That's why, in an ultimate act of support, if a big girl is riding me I can be found saying shit like "Ahhh.. Ya Bad Chubbs!!" If she is secure in the fact that I meant it positively and she is a Hip Hop fan Chubb Rock its all good, otherwise she'll probably be offended. Chubb Rock "Ya Bad Chubbs"

I'm a bastard, I know that, but I have inside jokes for the sole purpose of making me laugh. That's why whenever I'm messing with a chick who lives in an extremely bad neighborhood, or her apartment is kind of fucked up, I'll say..: "I don't bang I write the good rhymes/ The whole scenery reminded me of good times!!" The woman usually looks at me funny while I giggle like a school girl for a few minutes. Ice Cube "Once upon a time in the projects"

A funny thing happened to me on the way to the 2006 Blackweblog Awards..

**(For all of you who were linked to this post, Welcome to my blog)**

Let me start this post off by thanking everyone for voting for me and making me a winner of two 2006 BlackWeblogAwards, it seems that most of you are liberal enough to re-elect a sitting president who's favorite pastime is getting sloppy mouth-hugs in his semen stained oral office. Granted, because I'm a greedy bastard of "Rueben Studdard at an all you can eat" proportions and would have liked to gracefully swept like Turbo in "Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo" and shit, but being that the two categories that I won in were for writing I will definitely take that. Don't get me wrong, there is no hate here, I want to congratulate the winners in the other three categories I was nominated for who handed me a public beat-down worse than the one where this girl beat me silly with a hot-wheel track in front of my peers at the age of 5. Again, congratulations!!

That being said, I guess like any election, it can bring the unadulterated evil out of some people who are usually pretty cool individuals. I mean, I pandered because I'm an all out attention whore who's ultimate goal in life is to turn my blog into a monument of narcissism, so many awards piled up on my page that it only leaves about 4 lines of actual content. I'm an equal opportunity award winner as well, if there is a blog award for quickest ejaculator, worst boyfriend, most likely to be shot in the face by an angry husband, an award for "the most scared of an anal raping", whatever, I will pander for said award to make my dream monument become a reality and place said banners on my horseshit blog with pride. Not to belittle the BWA, because I am grateful and all, but at the end of the day the awards don't bring you fame and fortune, the opportunity to fuck Halle Berry and ask her mid-thrust "Catwoman?? What were you thinking??", it doesn't even validate your existence as a blogger if you don't win. But over the past month or so I have seen some of the silliest shit imaginable, hypocrisy, and thinly veild disses aimed at yours truly. Let me run down a few examples:

A pander is a motherfucking pander: One thing I have noticed, for the past two years that is, is how people desperately try to convince their readers that they aren't pandering for awards. They even go into these lengthy diatribes about how pandering is "beneath them", and so on and so forth. I'm cool with that, not everyone is willing to take a cue from me by offering women free cunnilingus and a spare kidney for votes, I completely understand that. But I look at it like murder, if you kill 100 black republicans or just one, you're still a murderer motherfucker. If you have one post asking for a vote, or if you have eloquent video posts where Brad Pitt and Samuel Jackson act out some of your writings, a pander is a motherfucking pander.


Sorry, but you are still a whore: A few weeks ago I saw where a blogger had something to the effect of, "I'm not going to ask yall for votes because I'm not trying to whore myself?" Really, so what is that paypal button on the side of your blog exactly? Wait a minute, let me get this straight, so you are saying that asking for votes is a lot more whorish than asking for money? Really?? Whatever makes you sleep better at night sugar-tits..

It's still a diss, even if you don't say my name: I don't try to play the humility card to seem more acceptable to my readers, I just have an extremely low amount self esteem. I guess it has something to do with me growing up chubby, the childhood stutter that I had to get over, or the fact that my penis is of a size where it shatters every black man myth ever known to man, but I lack the ability to think rather highly of this blog. On the one hand I appreciate the love I get from people who read my blog, but I'm objective to my own shortcomings to the point where I would openly understand if people said "HumanityCritic, you fucking suck!!"(I'm used to that, those are my mother's favorite words.) I also can admit to you that there are writers out there who put my daily mixture of drivel and curse words to shame, I can concede that all day. My only problem were those people who hated to the point that they would say shit like, "You know that dreadlocked blogger who has that popular blog, that overrated guy, the one who's always talking about throat-chops??" Jesus fucking Christ, you lack the *minerals and vitamins, irons and the niacin's* to even utter my name?? The Internet is a tool where you can anonymously talk shit behind a computer screen without fear of getting your skull crushed it, so next time why don't you just exercise that god given right and just say my name motherfucker. H.U.M.A.N.I.T.Y.C.R.I.T.I.C. Yeah I know, I didn't name them as well, but I would hate for the 4 people who read my blog to suddenly enjoy the writings of a cat who dissed me.

Fuck those awards!! Oh yeah, can I get that vote??: No offense, because a handful of people that I generally like tried to pull this tactic off, but you can't outline the monumental failure of the blackweblogs and the utter incompetence of their whole outfit, only to turn around and ask people to vote for you in those same awards. I'm saying, what part of the game is that exactly?? That's like telling people to boycott a convenience store because of their racism and how they follow you around the store and whatnot, only to occasionally go there to pick up a six pack. Come on fellas, it's like getting mad for not being invited on Oprah, just be happy being Hip Hop!! This is only a bit of tough love and more of an observation than anything, and again, some blogs that I think are dope did this.

Video of the Day: Steady B: "Serious"

Man, if you would have told me when this song came out that one day Steady B would spend the rest of his life in prison, and Cool C would be on death row based on a botched bank robbery they were a part, one where the first female officer in Philadelphia died in the line of duty, I would have looked at you like you shat in my cereal. Anyway, I love this fucking song.