Monday, September 28, 2009

GRITtv with Laura Flanders: Janeane Garofalo, Max Blumenthal, Kai Wright

Janeane Garofalo, holding it down as usual. This bares repeating: I have a huge crush on Ms. Garofalo, so much so that hearing 20 million teeth sucking sounds for the rest of my life by irate black woman(who probably wouldn't piss on me if I was on fire anyway) would be worth it if I could spend it with the acerbic comedian. Granted, my binge drinking wouldn't go over too well(she's a recovering alcoholic), but I'm sure that we could work something out.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Lieutenant Carter, providing much needed cover fire

Providing cover fire. Setting a pick. Taking a pitch for the team. Whatever analogy you want to use, that is exactly what I thought Jimmy Carter was doing last week when he called out some of the garden variety racism being directed at President Obama. Despite the outstanding humanitarian work he's done since leaving the White House, President Carter knows that people look at his presidency as a less than stellar one. He also knew that the consequence of him speaking out on the racial toxicity our Commander in Chief was on the business end of would instantly turn him into a low hanging pinata to his detractors on the right. But the man who served as our 39th President knew something had to be done and he didn't care if it meant sacrificing himself in the process.

For the longest time the mainstream media overcompensates as a result of right wing criticisms, the same way a black police officer might mistreat a civilian of the same skin tone to prove that he isn't giving anyone preferential treatment, and I'd be damned if the last 8 months hasn't been exactly that. Definitely a case study in overcompensation as sentiments from the highly questionable to flat out racism were clumsily being treated as legitimate opposition: A dirty broad from Russia(A reader corrected me, she's from Moldova. I already know too much about that shitheel) of all places questioning the President's citizenship and the legions of tin-hatted glass lickers who gleefully follow her lead, unfortunately treated as a "Conspiracy theory" and not the blatant racism that it actually was. Uneducated townhallers saying "I was my country back", a racial dogwhistle usually prefacing some regurgitated smear in the form of a question - pundits of every political stripe treated the miscellaneous authors of said belligerence as if they were simply a "concern citizen" voicing a standard inquiry. Of course the "socialism" charges being leveled at Obama are ridiculous on their face considering that said detractors usually have no problems with roads, firefighters, and medicare - but it has a racial component to it when the person saying it doesn't know what it means and says it like an epithet. The signs of Obama as Hitler. The signs of Obama as a member of al qaeda. The assholes coming to health care townhalls strapped. Because of Jimmy Carter, last week was the first time in Barack Obama's young presidency that I heard anyone outside of Keith Olbermann and Rachel Maddow even openly wonder if racism was indeed a factor.

In a move that will disappoint all the armchair revolutionaries out there, the same black folks who incessantly try to divide and conquer African American supporters of the president simply because Barack Obama isn't channeling the spirit of Huey Newton - the President was correct in disagreeing with Carter about the rampant racism. Sure, he sees the racism, but the Commander in Chief has to be above the fray. Besides, its politically smart, the moment he characterizes anyone as "racist" he will be painted as insensitively smearing hard working Americans with legitimate concerns. Carter's concerns forced the media to seriously look into something that had been angering the rest of us for months, allowing the President to act above it all. Like I said, cover fire.

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Dude, I think I just got threatened by Rohan Marley..

A little more than two years ago when I was in's employ, I wrote a piece entitled "Rohan Marley - The New Millennium Yoko Ono". Even if you haven't read the piece I'm sure that you gathered from the title that I took Mr. Marley to task for being a shiftless layabout whose only discernible skills were cashing in on his father's good name and throwing the proverbial monkey-wrench into Lauryn Hill's career. Of course the piece was a bit tongue in cheek, but the rhetorical gymnastics and my misguided attempts at humor aside - I still hold the strong belief that Lauryn Hill's career would be in an entirely different stratosphere if she had never fallen victim to Mr. Marley's evil clutches. As much as I covet MC's like MC Lyte and Sha-Rock, if Lauryn's career had continued on the same trajectory it was on after "The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill", there wouldn't be a question in my mind as to who the best Female MC of All Time was. I know the trappings of fame can be a ruthless bitch. That unrepentant harlot has driven her stilettos into the hearts of many great artists since the beginning of time. But I don't think that's the case here. Rohan Marley is the foundation that all of Ms. Hill's problems as I see it rests on, nothing can convince me otherwise. All roads lead to the man I referred to as "The New Millennium Yoko Ono", possibly one of the only people on earth you'll find with skills less marketble than Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian.

The only reason I'm bashing the one man, career ending wrecking crew is because of a rather cryptic email that I received last week from a gentleman that calls himself "Rohan Marley". The aforementioned email states the following: "We should meet up one day..I think we have somethings to address.." Not for nothing, but you don't have to be a C.I.A code cracker to know that said emailer probably doesn't want to discuss the public option with me.(But if I read it wrong and he wants to engage in civil discourse, at least our penchant for clumsily using ellipses will be a great conversation starter.)

Listen, I'm well aware that I'm dealing with the internet here, a place where anonymity affords you the luxury of expressing which FOX News personality you would like to tie an anchor around and throw into the deepest body of water you can find. Which actresses and seductive songstresses are so hot that you'd gleefully drink their bath water, be willing to eat food out of their less desirable orifice. For all I know some incensed Rohan Marley fan(They exist? Really?) finished reading my post and created a email account to toss veiled threats at yours truly. I have no particular quarrel with that theory, that may indeed be the case. But due to my extensive reporting(a search that took 2 seconds tops), it lead me a dummy myspace account that coincidentally was last logged on to around the same time his current myspace account was activated. Not exactly smoking gun evidence, and not exactly Woodward and Bernstein type of reporting.

That said, I like to cover all my bases here at The NappyDiatribe. Rohan, if you are reading this, as a veteran of more bar fights than I'd like to remember - I'll spare you the tough guy rhetoric that I'm so well versed in. Threatening to throatchop the shit out of you in the most public of venues, suggesting that your diet will consist of nothing but jell-o and applesauce after a chance meeting with me, respectfully telling you that I posses a forearm that will make you backflip if any variety of clothesline is involved - all of those tough guy overtures come across as shrug-worthy wolf tickets in an age where 70% of insecure wordsmiths fabricate their rather milquetoast backgrounds. Lets embrace civility and meet up for real, maybe we can discuss you releasing Lauryn from your evil spell so she can fimally get back to making great music again. If I have to play the hostage negotiate on some Kevin Spacey shit, then so be it. If have to get my Ralph Machio on, and possibly freestyle battle your dumb ass at the crossroads so Lauryn's soul will be hers again, I'm down with that too.

But if we happen to exhaust those peaceful options, I'll just have to resort to.. Well.. Don't let the fact that I have a blog where I constantly talk about the sub par women that I penetrate fool you.

Nutty Black Conservative Watch

For the longest time I thought the absolute worst of Black Conservatives, until a few of my conservative brothers and sisters sat me down and very thoughtfully and thoroughly broke down the reasons why they were in facr=t conservatives. Even though the civil discourse that day did nothing in terms of swaying me politically, I respected what they had to say - and I felt that my lifelong assumption that every republican with melanin were nothing but shuffling Uncle Toms was an awfully unfair, kneejerk assessment. But after witnessing the gutter tactics of a McCain campaign that toiled in dogwhistle politics, the foaming at the mouth racists at Palin rallies where cries of "Kill Him" started to become old hat, I couldn't see how any self respecting black person, republican or not, could support such a ticket. But many still did, and many still continue to completely co-sign extremely questionable G.O.P tactics and those of the extreme fringe that make me seriously rethink my conservative induced epiphany that I had with those reasonable black conservatives. So every now and then I will document viral lunacy, nutty as squirrel shit black republicans with youtube accounts. This is the first installment of "Nutty Black Conservative Watch"

"The Gilberts"

I know it would be rather unseemly for me to attack children on this blog, that's why I have no intention of doing so, my target today is the father of the children in this video - a man named Bruce Gilbert(seen at 2:27 of this video). Because I'm a glutton for punishment(I have a habit of trolling youtube and twitter for garden variety hatred), I've been aware of this family of seven from Easton, Pennsylvania for more than a year now. My problem with Mr. Gilbert isn't that he's a black conservative, my problem with him is that its obvious by the all the clumsy edits and his children referencing The Employee Free Choice Act and Saul Alinski of all people - that he is forcing his twisted politics down his the impressionable throats of his kids. To use his kids in that manner is pure cowardice. Hell, giving their youtube page a quick lookover will have you openly wondering where in the hell social services are. You'll find everything from the disturbing, like Bruce making his kids wade into birtherism, to just sheer pettiness. Shit, under the "favorites" section of their youtube page they actually have an interview with that dipshit who carried a gun at that New Hampshire townhall speech. Jesus Christ man. I view self hating black people of Mr. Gilbert's magnitude the same way I view most strippers: There had to have been some extremely painful event or lack of love that has turned them into the person they are today. I'm suddenly forced to quote Nas in "Ether": "Were you abused as a child, scared to smile, they called you ugly?"

Anyway, the video above is Mr. Gilbert forcing his kids to clumsily celebrate the fact that their school district decided not to screen Obama's extremely scary "stay in school" message. Nutty Fucking Black Conservatives indeed.

President Obama’s stay-in-school speech (full video and transcript)

Like I said on twitter earlier, as I watched this speech I suddenly wanted to mercilessly beat all the parents who kept their kids home today with a pillowcase full of sodas. The opposition to the speech was nothing but straight up racism, I really wish the media would stop playing referee with these people.

Friday, September 04, 2009

Hey Keith, fuck you and the primary challenger you rode in on

On the night of November 4th 2008, as I saw images from around the world of complete strangers embracing while emptying their respective tear ducts, the one emotion that I was overcome with on that memorable night was relief. Sure, I was relieved that the man that I fully supported, constantly defended, canvassed and mercilessly beat peoples asses for - had finally captured the highest office in the land. But after almost two years of hyperventilating, incessant handwringing, armchair quarterbacking Team Obama at every turn, cursing Hillary Clinton's good name and wishing bad things happened to Mark Penn, absolutely loathing Bill Clinton, the sleaziness of the McCain campaign that made my skin crawl, the intense anger I felt every time Sarah Palin had one of her Hitler Youth rallies - I was relieved that finally my blood pressure raising nightmare was over. Boy was I naive. The Primaries and the general election were Shiatsu rubdowns compared to what has been going on since the President and his family took up residence at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

We knew that the Republicans would reflexively be against anything Barack Obama proposed, that's not exactly a news bulletin. But all of the outright racism that has been reported on as legitimate American dissent makes me want to club someone to death with a pillowcase full of sodas. Succession, angry townhallers who preface their misinformed diatribes with "I want my country back", bigoted parents willing to pull their children out of school for what has been characterized as an Obama "kids stay in school" address, the cries of "socialist" and "marxist" that actually happen to be the new millennium version of "nigger", assholes with guns at health care townhalls.. What does a guy have to do nowadays to be called a racist? I'm sure someone wearing a klan outfit while burning President Obama in effigy would simply invoke some clumsy false equivalency by the likes of Joe Scarborough, citing some code pink member or something.

But even the racism, to some extent, was expected. But what I didn't expect was all the liberals acting as if their best friend just sodomized their girlfriend's right in front of them every time the Commander in Chief didn't do everything that they wanted. Jesus Christ man. Look, of course we should hold the President accountable, we can't be like the republicans who gave Bush a blank check for 8 longs years. I openly disagree with his bi-partisan fetish, the continued use of Blackwater, rendition, a number of issues. But ever since Barack Obama had Pastor Rick Warren give the invocation at the inauguration, people's moping, their "Santa Claus is really daddy!!" discontent, the "I'm going to take my ball and go home" rhetoric - is both immature and extremely petulant. That said, nothing has shined a light on said petulance like the behavior of liberals during this Health Care debate.

Listen, I want a public option, and I feel that a bill without it isn't really reform. But the histrionics from progressives and liberal commentators alike has been nothing but vomit inducing. Incessantly dissecting every random statement concerning the public option, like Cenk Uygur did in this video, isn't helping anyone. Statements from lawmakers on the subject are absolutely useless, since it seems that the whitehouse is treating them like Mushrooms(feeding them shit, keeping them in the dark. See: "The Departed"), and statements from any WH official are useless as well, they aren't trying to tip their proverbial hand. My opinion is lets hold off on the ritualistic mass suicide until we see what a final bill looks like.

Which brings me to Keith Olbermann floating the idea of a Primary Challenger to Obama in 2012. Sure, he would probably say, if asked, that he himself wasn't suggesting it - only that he was guessing what the reaction of progressives would be if there were no public option. But since this is the first time I've heard of such lunacy, I'm forcefully putting that blissfully belligerent albatross around Mr. Olbermann's neck. That said, even though I know that Olbermann's veiled threat is a rather empty one - I would love to see someone take heed to his desire to cause irrevocable damage to the Democratic party and challenge Obama in a primary. Nothing says disaffected black voters like calling for a Primary Challenger 8 months into an administration based on a final Health Care bill that no one has fucking seen yet. Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face: "That will show Obama, we beat him in a primary only to be forcefully sodomized without a complimentary reach around in a general election by a politician who makes George W Bush look like Janeane Garofalo. Wait.." I'm saying, I don't think its unreasonable to suggest that calls for primary challengers are a bit premature at this juncture. So Keith, to obscenely paraphrase a famous republican actor: "Make my motherfucking day!"