Thursday, July 31, 2008

"Are my feminists in this motherfucker??!!" - "Hellll Nooo!!"(Vibe)

When it comes to Hip Hop, I'm like the worst fan ever. While its true that me rolling a wheelchair bound into traffic for disrespecting the god Rakim, and mercilessly clotheslining an unsuspecting avid reader in the middle of a "Barnes and Noble" after overhearing him mildly suggest that O.C's "Word...Life" was less than stellar, pretty much proves my unparalleled devotion to wordsmiths who I hold in the highest regard. But by the same token, I can also be an absolute nightmare to those same men and women who I ardently defend. For example, a few months ago I attended an old school show featuring MC Lyte, and as everyone else seemed absolutely delighted that she was about to go into her hit song "RoughNeck", lets just say that I had the polar opposite reaction that night. As if my weed stash had suddenly gone missing, or the way I'd react if Kobe Bryant decided to restart his rap career, I let out an agonizing scream before uttering the following: "Please don't do "RoughNeck", for the love of god and everything thats holy, I fucking HATE that song!!!" - thus infuriating the large section of her fan-base in attendance who obviously didn't share my belief that her biggest commercial hit was her clumsiest artistic misstep.(MC Lyte herself shot me a rather bewildered 5 second look suggesting that she was none to pleased as well.) A couple of years back, instead of telling the legendary MC how much of an influence he's been in my life, somehow I felt compelled to ask Run of Run DMC(while he was wearing his priest collar no less) "What in the fuck were you guys thinking with that "'Ooh Watcha Gonna Do" song? Even with the shaved heads, the black attire, and the ice grills being flashed in the video - it still couldn't stop me from giggling like a school girl with every time "busting glocks!" was mentioned!" I've never met Common, but when I do I'm going to sarcastically ask him about "Electric Circus". With Nas, I can not only see myself asking him in a rather insulting fashion simply "Ginuwine, really?", but I'd also probably address the tin ear he's historically had concerning beats and proceed to openly wonder how in the world someone can do a concept album about the most powerful racial epithet in existence and not get DJ Premier to produce the whole thing.

But nothing solidifies my "bad fan" status more emphatically than my behavior during an MC's "Call and Response" portion of the show. See, I've always clung to the notion that any prompted fan response has to be earned. If I feel as if an artist has put on one hell of a show up until that point, I'm waving my arms as if I lacked any substantive concerns, and I'm suddenly finding it acceptable to loudly yell "Ho!" and answer in the "Oh Yeah!" affirmative after being asked pretty pedestrian questions. But if a local artist or legendary artist who I've historically sworn by attempts a call and response routine in the middle of a rather lackluster performance that I just happened to attend, I'm waving my middle finger like I just don't care, and screaming niceties like "Eat shit and die" and "I want my 20 bucks back" after being asked pretty innocuous questions through a booming sound system.

I'm reminded of my mid-concert petulance this election season by the deafening silence of all the feminist activists concerning the treatment of Michelle Obama, especially considering how forcefully vocal they were every time Hillary was the victim of sexism both real and imagined. A few months ago you couldn't throw a rock without hitting some scathing article by a pen-wielding woman concerning the legitimate concerns about insensitive comments made by a few knuckle dragging pundits, or some passionate supporter of womens rights arguing their case on some garden variety cable news show. Even though there were as many clumsily illegitimate claims as well, overzealous Hillary supporters who pointed to nonexistent Obama sexism like "Snub-Gate"(where his back was momentarily turned to Hillary during a State of the Union Adddress), him very innocently stating "You're likable enough Hillary" during one of the debates, and the time he referred to a reporter as "sweetie".(He personally called the young lady later and apologized) But the movements coordination was stellar nonetheless, and even though I found some of the charges of sexism rather unwarranted - I just knew that if Obama became the Democratic Nominee that Michelle could count on that same passion and unwavering support from those same feminist activists who so forcefully had Hillary's back. Unfortunately, there has been nothing but cricket sounds thus far, proverbial tumbleweeds if you will.

Where were those same women when that glass licking troglodyte, Larry Johnson, promoted a nonexistant tape of Michelle Obama saying "Whitey" that was supposed to sink Obama's candidacy? Where are all the passionate Op-Ed's defending Michelle from the goon squad at Fox News, bottom feeders spending millions of dollars a day trying to paint her as a militant hater of America who wants nothing more than to devour white babies? As phenomenally lame as they were, where was Mrs. Obama's sistren when both the Tennesee and Washington State Republican party produced those hamfistedly clumsy "Proud" ads? They were nowhere to be found. All we get from that miserable lot nowadays are misguided autopsies of Senator Clinton's campaign and how sexism was the sole reason that Senator Clinton is not the Democratic Nominee right now and not her campaigns incompetence and the stellar efforts of Team Obama. These are also the same women who have the audacity to openly wonder why Barack didn't do more to address the sexism directed at Hillary during their hotly contested Primary battle.(While she was dropping 3 AM ads, and prompting xenophobia no less)

Their telling silence when it comes to defending Michelle is deafening, and it is going to make it hard for me to reward them with my undivided attention the next time they are addressing substantive issues on my television screen. I'll be tempted to give them a spirited "Hell NO!" as if I was asked a pretty pedestrian question during a lackluster performance, and proceed to waive my middle finger in the air like I just don't care.

Jungle Brothers - Straight out the Jungle

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Ludacris, you are not helping...

While I wouldn't consider myself to be the biggest Ludacris fan in the world, there is no doubt that the Atlanta based MC has bona fide skills, something I admit begrudgingly on the strength of his occasionally embracing the time honored tradition of rappers dumbing down their lyrics. But the same reason I wouldn't call Mike Tyson a "pussy" if he suddenly decided to practice civil disobedience ala Gandhi, a steady diet of Redbull and ginseng couldn't energize me enough to openly criticize what I feel to be Ludacris' questionable career choices - especially when there are a plethora of more deserving monosyllabic rappers out there who I can target. But a few years ago, when that racist and sexual harasser Bill O'Reilly called on his octogenarian viewers to boycott Pepsi for them taking on Ludacris as one of their pitchmen - I was one of his most ardent supporters. That being said, with the simple act of release of a song on the internet, I went from having his back to completely turning my back on him. Let me explain.

A few days ago, when I went to nahright and listened to Ludaris' new song entitled "Politics", the lyrics made me absolutely cringe. Its not that the lyrical content offended my sensibilities mind you, two of my favorite Kool G Rap songs involve him sexually "filling all three holes like bowling" in terms of his late-night conquests and a vivid story about him blowing a mobsters cerebral cortex all over some random city street - its just my opinion that MC's have to be more responsible when broaching the the topic of Obama from now until the election. I mean, in an age where Obama gets blasted for flimsy affiliations ranging from a person who did reprehensible things when he was 8 years old, to the kind words of a "controversial" black leader who he has never met someone intimately linking the two gentleman - why in the fuck would Ludacris say that say that his music is in Obama's Ipod(..something Obama admitting in "Rolling Stone") then proceed to call Hillary Clinton a "bitch" and say disparaging things about John McCain in the process? Because of this recent brand of clumsiness, cue the Obama campaign.

"As Barack Obama has said many, many times in the past, rap lyrics today too often perpetuate misogyny, materialism, and degrading images that he doesn’t want his daughters or any children exposed to," said spokesman Bill Burton. "This song is not only outrageously offensive to Senator Clinton, Reverend Jackson, Senator McCain, and President Bush, it is offensive to all of us who are trying to raise our children with the values we hold dear. While Ludacris is a talented individual he should be ashamed of these lyrics."

Ludacris, you fucking asked for it. Chris, I'm a supporter too, and I have at times gone over the line, artistically, when expressing my support as well. The big difference is, you are the media's biggest scapegoat(See Rapper), and there is a picture in existence of you with Obama for Christs sake. I'm just an irrelevant blogger with a penchant for late-night snacking and collecting obscure porn titles like "Dyslexic Asian Midgets", a solitary voice easily drowned out by millions of other people who express themselves in blog entries.(Less talented voices, but I digress)Listen, I'm not trying to silence every black person with a public platform to speak from here to November 4th mind you, and I know how utterly ridiculous it is for Obama to disassociate himself with everything some black person says. That being said, just shut your fucking mouth if what you have to say could hurt the chances of us having the first place president. Indeed, dumb rappers need teaching.

2 Hip Hop Snobs Tackle.... "Posse Cuts"(Day 3) Vibe sure to check out parts one and two:

"Buddy": De la Soul feat. The Jungle Brothers, A Tribe Called Quest, Monie Love and Queen Latifah

DanTres: To this day, I am a huge Native Tongues fan. Back then, I wanted to be a Jungle Brother and I knew all the lyrics to Straight out the Jungle. So when I first heard this joint on Kool Dj Red Alert's mix show on 98.7 Kiss, I was amped. First up, it was monumental. You had Posdnous, Trugoy, Queen Latifah, Afrika Baby Bam, Mike G, Monie Love, and Q-tip on one track? Seven MCs. That was a risk. Commercially it did not make a lot of money for this group, but overseas this song was remixed so many times it's ridiculous. It's 2008 and I still run into remixes for this song. Although the Juice Crew and Boogie Down Productions (BDP) were the first to put crews down but Native Tongues was deep! If you look at the video, you will see all of the members from Black Sheep all the way down to Chi Ali.

HumanityCritic: As a kid raised in Virginia Beach, who had to create his own Hip Hop reality without any "..and then the DJ plugged his equipment to the light pole" stories to speak of - this song reminds me of what a magical place I envisioned New York to be around that time, as if I planned a pilgrimage to it like Mecca and shit. I know the glass licking Lil Wayne apologists will wince at this, but you can't get a collaborative Hip Hop effort like this nowadays if you tried. There is still great Hip Hop being made, but more times than not if multiple MC's decide to coexist on a track - it would probably be rife with sub par wordsmiths and some drooling lunatic shouting "We Da Bess!" in the background. That being said, this is a great song. There doesn't seem to be an ounce of one-upsmanship that we usually find in posse cuts, I'm a big fan off all the parties involved, and my crush on Monie Love will last until I'm literally worm food.

DanTres: I dug the fact that they were talking about sex without talking about it. Everyone had their own take on it. This is a clear demonstration on how hip hop music can discuss topics maturely and wholistically. Prince Paul was light years ahead of everyone with his production. You never hear folks put him on any top producers lists and he is the cat that started it with the skits. Clearly, a classic joint.

HumanityCritic: This is going to be hard to believe, coming from a germaphobic sex addict like myself who spends an inordinate amount of time discussing the intimate details surrounding my penis - but I miss the days when rappers had the skill to tackle the most graphic of subjects and still get unedited radio play.

"Scenario": A Tribe Called Quest feat. Leaders of the New School (LONS)

HumanityCritic: Before I go into why this posse cut is so dope, let me give you my personal backstory with this song: Mere moments after witnessing nurses aggressively pour buckets of ice over my fathers shriveled body ravaged from prostate cancer in hopes of lowering his body temperature, right after I found myself consoling my mother after the man I'm named after flat-lined as I prayed at the foot of his hospital bed - this is the song that played on my car radio as I drove home from the hospital that night. The sadness of my fathers death, the regret that our relationship was never as good as I wanted it to be, both feeling that would forever nag me were momentarily postponed as I rapped "Scenario" as if I was auditioning to be the New member of Tribe. Sappy I know, but the truth.

DanTres: I always point out to cats that The Scenario is the classic example of a commercially viable song that does not need a gimmick. Everyone came off and it was all a good time. This is another party favorite. Even the sisters rock to this one. I remember hearing this joint while in Marseilles, France and all the French cats knew every word on this song. They did not speak one word of english but when this track came on, they sounded like it was their first language. It was an ill moment for me way back in 1992 to see a culture I grew up in making a stamp in a foreign country. It's funny cause Humanity Critic and I went back and forth about whether we should talk about this one or the original which became the remix that featured the late MC Hood. We opted for this one because a lot of heads never heard the "remix" or are familiar with it. Only the hardcore b-side fanatics know about it.

HumanityCritic: The video for this song was pretty dope as well, remind me to get Spike Lee to direct one of my videos if I ever decide to become an MC. I also remember ATCQ and LONS performing this on "The Arsenio Hall Show", thus propelling Busta Rhymes to bona fide stardom - before he started assaulting gays and being uncooperative with the police that is. This is a weird tick that I have, but wherever I happen to be when this song comes on, I always feel compelled to perform it regardless the venue and how much I embarrass myself. From pretending to throw a pass when Phife references Joe Namath, to waving my arms in an exaggerated fashion as Busta tries to explain the sound a "Dungeon Dragon" makes - I can't tell you how many strangers know my affection for this song

DanTres: There are so many reasons to like this joint. I always felt that on wax, the studio just could not capture the energy of LONS. Busta Rhymes, Dinco D, Charlie Brown, and later Cutmonitor Milo (a group named by Chuck D) were such an ill group. It is sad that they broke up. As usual Busta rips it. I really enjoy the composition of the song. Each MC was placed properly and there are no dull moments. Any DJ did not have to skip verses. I know at times we get nostalgic when we talk about songs like this but honestly who is making songs like this right now? And you know I am the positive one in all this.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

2 Hip Hop Snobs Tackle.... "Posse Cuts"(Day 2)(

Check out the first installment here.

"Dwyck": Gangstarr featuring Nice and Smooth

HumanityCritic: Please pardon the hyperbole for a moment, but this is the song I'm going to place in a time capsule for the sole purpose of forcing the future history book writers to accurately state what real Hip Hop was during my lifetime. Full Disclosure here, when it comes to any song produced by DJ Premier, I'm a bit biased, I even think I'm on record as saying the man can cure cancer - that being said, "Dwyck" is one of those infectious head-nodders that makes you want to go to your nearest religious building and forcibly backhand a random clergy member. Just hearing Greg Nice's voice makes me want to break out and do the Wop, Guru's line "I get more props and stunts than Bruce Willis" is a motivational line I've told myself in the mirror every morning since this song came out, and Smooth B's verse just makes me want to do smoke street grade horticulture and just start freestyling.

DanTres: What made this posse cut stand out is that it is such a party favorite. Everyone gets up to this one. This is a very hard thing to do. Very few have duplicated the success of this joint. The first thing we should note is that here are two groups that are pretty much from two different genres of hip hop music. Gangstarr did that gritty, underground stuff with a sprinkle of black consciousness while Nice and Smooth did straight party favorites.

HumanityCritic: The video for this song stands out as well, they all seemed to be having one hell of a good time on that Atlantic City boardwalk, and even though the women in this video were wearing bikini's, it is the epitome of class compared to the women in video's nowadays.(Jesus, I'm starting to sound like an old man) With groups like Nice & Smooth, and an act like Biz Markie as well, they proved that you can bring a light hearted approach to Hip Hop and still not come across as a fucking minstrel act who is purposefully compromising their lyrical integrity.(Yes, this was a blatant shot at 95% of the stuff played on the radio)

DanTres: It was Guru, however, who murdered the track. Despite the ill lyrical verses, it still rocks the party. This track is a clear demonstration that someone can make a dope lyrical gem that rocks a party without compromising anything. No wack R&B chicks. As a matter of fact, if you notice there is no hook. Ask anyone what the name of this track is and most of the time, they won't be able to tell you what it is.

"Grand Finale": D.O.C. Featuring N.W.A.

DanTres: I was not really checking for the West Coast heads until D.O.C. Dropped his classic album, No One Can Do it Better. It was the last track on that album that made me really go back and check out the first N.W.A. Album. I guess the D.O.C. Made everyone step up their game. Each and everyone did, even Eazy E. I was never into that gangsta posing stuff but I appreciated this track cause each MC just ripped it without the gangsta imagery. It was just lyrics.

HumanityCritic: I love NWA, but the main reason why their arrival on the Hip Hop landscape didn't provide the same shock to my consciousness that so many others had felt during that time, was mainly because artists like Too Short and Ice T had already given me a brief glimpse at how treacherous a terrain certain cities in California were. Listening to this, despite all the lyrical heavy lifting that Ice Cube did during his tenure with NWA, what always gets lost in the mix is how fucking nice MC Ren was. Also, as someone who has ghostwritten for MC's only to hear them mercilessly butcher my words with their nonexistent flow, I always feel the urge to at least give Eazy E some points for delivery. Which is pretty hard for me to admit, being someone who solemnly subscribes to MC Lyte's "Do not say shit until you write your own rhymes" school of thought.

DanTres: Even though the D.O.C. Was originally from Texas, this track really made me start to look at the left coast differently. Mind you, if you were to play this track at any spot, you will get different looks from different folks. I don't know too many people that rocked that D.O.C. Album and this was never released as a single. Nonetheless, it was still dope and not too many posse cuts can come close.

HumanityCritic: While people will forever ponder on the types of MC's Biggie and Tupac would have become if they had never met their untimely demise, a more pressing inquiry to me is pondering in what ways the D.O.C would have shaped Hip Hop if he had never been in the accident that severely damaged his voice. I know that he's been a prolific ghostwritter, but I'm just saying.. Anyway, "No one can Do it Better" is a bona fide classic and one of my all time favorites, along with this Posse Cut.

This Week 2 Hip Hop Snobs Tackle.... "Posse Cuts"(

This week, a good friend of mine DanTres(my Hip Hop Yoda) and I will be tackling 2 different Posse Cuts a day. Forget about the fact that he's from New York and I'm from Virginia, that he's a Dominican American and I'm an African American, that he's a loving family man and I'm a social deviant who refers to strippers by their real names and just recently stopped receiving receipts after sex, that I'm an Obama supporter and he has a penchant for supporting 3rd party candidates that I simply find irritating. Our friendship is grounded in a shared belief that a person's self worth depends upon their respective musical tastes, you couldn't find two bigger Hip Hop Snobs if you tried.

Posse cut: A hip hop track that features three or more artists from different groups or separate artists with no official affiliation.

The Symphony featuring the Juice Crew (Big Daddy Kane, Kool G. Rap, Masta Ace, and Craig G)

DanTres: The classic and very first posse cut. I don't think I have attended a hip hop event without this track being played. I find that every brother (and an occasional sister) in our age bracket knows this song verbatim. Everyone has their favorite part. At all of the hip hop karoke events I organized or attended, this is one of the most requested. I even seen one cat do all the verses.

HumanityCritic: One of my all time favorites. Its funny though, around the time it was released I strongly felt that Kane had the strongest verse, now I have to give it to Kool G Rap - you can't get any better than "..making veterans run for medicine cause I put out my lights in a fight than Con Edison". Just fucking brilliant. Not for nothing, but I can't listen to this song without thinking about the video, so much in fact that when me and the old lady took one of those "Wild West" photos last week - I couldn't stop spitting Kane's verse.

DanTres: We have to remember that this track came out long before MCs started doing cameos on other people's tracks. It was the late eighties and it just didn't happen. It was a while before another posse cut came along. At that point though, The Symphony was the one and only. It was the real deal. No marketing attempts, no watered down lyrics, and not wack R&B songstress. Just a dope beat and dope MCs killing the track. The video was crazy. It really added to the illness of the song.

HumanityCritic: Word. Everyone held it down, but because I'm a nitpicking asshole, I still cringe when Masta Ace says the word "unoptimistics" and even though "Revenging" is indeed a word, why couldn't G Rap just throw a bother a bone and simply say "Avenging". Speaking of Kool G Rap, what I'm about to say may get me beat down by the Queens MC.. But if you told me back in 1989 that Masta Ace would be the only one still relevant in 08, I would have kicked you in the chest with my Converse Weapons.

Live at the BBQ - Main Source featuring Nas, Akinyele, and Joe Fatal

Dan Tres: Another classic. The only thing about this one is only the hardcore hip hop heads know about it. Everyone else really missed it. It was never released as a single but it introduced Nasty Nas to the world. Even though everyone came off, Nas' 12 bars will always be remembered. "Kidnap the president's wife without a plan..." this was a young Nas at his rawest. When you listen to this track and then his first album, Illmatic, it is easy to see why several of his fans have issues with Nas.

HumanityCritic: "Kidnap the President's wife without a plan". That Nas line brings back memories of my senior year in High School when I was having a secret affair with our class president's girlfriend, every time I saw him in the hall I'd utter that line to him and giggle like a school girl. That being said, the whole song is just an assault on all fronts, Akinele spitting hot lines years before he got into "porn rap", the Large Professor lines "...ohh, he's got an afro/but I got dough" and ".that just a bunch of mamajahambo" that always makes me laugh. Definitely a classic, but after 17 years, I have yet to convince anyone to join me in a free style session over hot dogs and smothered pork products.

DanTres: Overall, it helped continue the tradition that posse cuts should be a song where every artists drops the hardest verse they could. It's unfortunate that nowadays this seems to be lost. What I dug about this joint is the hook. It was a throw back to the old school call and response type flow. I don't know how Large Pro laid the track but it sounds like he did it on a 4 track to give it that bottom quality we relearned in Wu Tang's first outing. That brought the real grittiness to the joint. Pretty much, this posse cut was all hoodies and timbs.

"The Symphony"

"Live at the BBQ"

Friday, July 18, 2008

My Unsolicited Campaign Advice to Team Obama(Week 1) (Vibe)

(Obama campaign Manager David Plouffe pictured)
A long time ago, in a galaxy strikingly similar to the one in which we already live, your favorite blogger had a pesky habit of forcefully rejecting the concept of monogamy the same way a transplant patients body rejects a bad organ. Don't get me wrong, I'm not particularly proud of it now, but back when I had an unobstructed view of my penis and I didn't perspire when I ate, my favorite pastime was effortlessly juggling three or four girlfriends at a time. Reflecting back on that period of my life, I'm not only amazed that a career germaphobe like myself was able to perform so many deviant acts with so many lovers without scrubbing myself with an SOS pad while drinking bleach, but the effort it took to maintain such a blanket betrayal took a great deal of strategizing on my part. Of course I avoided the obvious pitfalls that has been the downfall of so many scumbag boyfriends that came before me, making sure that I wined and dined each woman at different restaurants and venues, never introducing her to any of my friends, meeting as few of her friends as humanly possible, making sure that each woman resided in different towns and had conflicting interests. You get the drill. But when I think about how I avoided being photographed(its a small world, and the last thing you need is some overzealous girlfriend showing your picture to some co-worker who may be friends with a woman you "know" in the biblical sense) and the elaborate John Grisham-esque backstories that I created about myself that explained away any unaccounted for time( having a sick relative that sporadically depended on my care, or a fictitious studio job that kept me away at all hours of the night. Shit like that) But at the end of the day it simply wasn't worth it, maintaining so many facades in the name of booty variety can consume you and became a full time job, and you get reminded of what a smoldering piece of shit you are every time you get caught and witness the agony your betrayal has caused.(Don't worry ladies, Karma has given me the proper commuppance, for almost ten years I kept falling for soul crushing women who treated my existence as a mere afterthought)

That salacious part of my life particularly comes to mind whenever I think about Barack Obama's campaign, and how I've come to the conclusion that I would be one of their most valuable strategists if only they asked. Listen, if a chubby pre-ejaculator had the ability to successfully bamboozle a handful of otherwise intelligent women all at the same time, I'm sure that I could influence the opinions of a nation rife with dumbasses - um, I mean "Low Information Voters". Here is my unsolicited Campaign advice for Barack Obama.

Obama vs The Media: Despite Hillary Clinton's hamfistedly clumsy campaign, one area in which I felt she constantly outclassed Obama was her ability to successfully set the media narrative at every turn. Aggressive and on-message campaign surrogates had everyone from the miscellaneous reporter to bloviating political pundits willfully regurgitating blatant falsehoods, like her "18 Million votes" bullshit, or their habit of actually tallying Florida and Michigan with other legitimate states in their pledged delegate counts. Listen, I'm a proud Obama supporter who thinks that the junior senator from Illinois ran a brilliant campaign and has earned his status as the Democratic Nominee, but we may be in a very different place if Hillary didn't change her campaign message every third day or if her camp actually had a post Super Tuesday strategy. With John McCain as his opponent now, its even more important than ever that he controls the media narrative, I had Clinton Campaign flashback last week when John McCain and his evil minions had the media buying into an Obama flip-flop on Iraq that never took place. Watching the coverage of this historic election, with a great deal of time spent nitpicking inane aspects of every Obama campaign move, I realized that this election isn't Barack Obama versus John McCain. Its solely a referendum on Barack Obama, his main rival in his quest for the White House being the media. From now until inauguration day, the Obama campaign needs to take the only respectable page to be had from the Clinton campaign, exhibit a combination of message discipline and only send out effective campaign surrogates who gleefully embrace the concept of repetition. Aggressively challenge phony media narratives, even show the same combativeness that Hillary's campaign showed every time they felt that some new person got out of line.(See David Shuster) Sure, John McCain is the Republican Nominee, and Obama has to prove to Americans that he is better suited to run the country. But make no mistake, the media is a more formidable opponent to Obama than John McCain is.

Kevin Smith Protesting his own movie

I'm a huge Kevin Smith fan, "Clerks" is the sole reason that I tell my female friends to include the dicks they've sucked in any "all the guys I've been with" list they plan to recite to some hapless sap during pillow talk , as a guy who has gotten laid in a church confessional, "Dogma" is just the elixir that ails this deviant catholic boy, "Chasing Amy" is the movie that reinforced my "Ignorance is bliss" stance in terms of your mates sexual history. So, suffice it to say, I always find his "Evening with Kevin Smith" DVD's to be highly entertaining, with him basically on stage taking questions from fans. He's tackled everything from casting choices, his strange experience with Prince inside of Paisley Park as he shot a documentary that has never seen the light of day, how he was commissioned to write the first draft of the "Superman" script and all the horseshit ideas that were thrown his way, even the intimate details about the first time he had sex with his wife involving a healthy dose of dry humping and a scab on his penis. As somewhat of a story teller myself, I always wondered about the validity of some of his stories, but this video of him picketing his own movie is a story that has proven to be factual

Monday, July 14, 2008

Obama has the Hillary supporters who don't want to bring back slavery on lock(

Ok, maybe the title is a bit unfair, I'm sure there are plenty of Hillary Clinton supporters in existence who plan on voting for John McCain based on legitimately substantive differences that they have with the junior senator from Illinois. I know they are out there, the same way that I'm certain that people who actually find Tracy Morgan funny are out there, the mere fact that "According to Jim" is still on the air proves to me that there are honest to goodness Americans who really tune in to that mindless dreck. As much as the media wants us to willfully digest the "Obama is having problems wooing Hillary supporters" narrative, every time I take a closer look all I wind up finding is a bunch of miserable fucks who would have never voted for Barack Obama in the first place. Granted, my evidence is purely anecdotal, I don't have the proverbial smoking gun proving that a certain pocket of Hillary Clinton supporters actually have a "Fear of a Black President" so to speak. But then again, it doesn't exactly take a Mensa member to figure out that when 4 out of 10 West Virginians readily admit that race was a factor when they voting in that states' Democratic Primary, chances are Obama will have a extremely rough time capturing the coveted "toothless rube" vote.

But I'm saying, is it really a coincidence that every time I see a media story highlighting some Hillary supporter who refuses to vote for Barack Obama that they turn out to be a smoldering piece of shit? Take Harriet Christian, despite her being a champion to all the Hillary dead-enders out there when she voiced her frustration about how unfairly Hillary was treated at the Rules Committee - can we just assume that the cantankerous woman would have never voted for Obama anyway, especially after she referred to the former president of that Harvard Law Review as "an inadequate black male". Paula Abeles, a Clinton supporter who set up a teleconference with John McCain and a bunch of other disaffected Clinton supporters, was part of a group in 2003 who led the fight to keep the Hemmings family, the black descendants of Thomas Jefferson, out of a gathering of the Monticello Association. Will Bower, founder of group called PUMA(Party Unity My Ass), attended the news conference of a discredited smear merchant(He failed multiple polygraph tests) who not only wanted people to believe that he once gave Barack Obama a spirited blowjob in the back of a limo but also that the Democratic Nominee was a murderer, despite the fact that he is a career conman with a history of drug addiction and mental illness. When asked about why he was in attendance, that son of a bitch actually said that the mans scurrilous charges were "worth exploring." The Pro-Hillary site Noquarters run by discredited ex-CIA man named Larry Johnson, the good folks who brought us the often "Rick-rolled" Michelle Obama "Whitey" smear for Christs sake, on top of a million other clumsily executed attack posts rife with so much xenophobia and downright racism that it could resurrect Lee Atwater's rotting corpse for the sole purpose of him taking a shower after reading such a hateful fucking site. Lastly we have a woman named Lynn Forester, one of Hillary's big money donors who expresses her hesitation in supporting Obama in this clip, openly admitting that she "doesn't like him" Even going the extra rhetorical mile by calling him an "elitist"(Which is absolutely hilarious because Lynn Forester aka Lady Lynn Forester de Rothschild, is married to a wealthy British financier. Owns a 3,200-acre estate in Buckinghamshire. She's on the board of Estee Lauder. She's personal friends with Tony Blair and his wife. She also owns what is considered to be "the most beautiful apartment in New York". Lady Lynn, respectfully, go to hell.

Again, I'm sure that there are Hillary supporters out there who are planning on voting for John McCain for truly substantive reasons, they have to be out there. I mean, Tyler Perry's sitcom "House of Payne" has to have a dedicated following because it will be airing new episodes this December, despite the fact that its a 22 minute bowel movement that makes you long for the days of "The Secret Diary of Desmond Pfeiffer" . I'm just wondering which group of individuals I'll meet first.