The lost art of smacking the shit out of someone

Last night, I went out with my good friend Danny and his wife's friend Doug. Danny and I have been friends since we were both twelve years old, he is a great guy and a good friend. Granted, I am probably his only black friend. Come to think about it I am probably his only "democrat" friend. We are polar opposites when it comes to our politics, but I don't get mad at him because our friendship is stronger than political beliefs, and I chalk up his support for Bush as simply "misguided". Danny is safe from my wrath because I know he has a good heart, but anyone else will catch a verbal beatdown. This is where "Doug" comes in.

Doug is a guy that Danny hates because in his words, "He is a douchebag". Danny has a point, he is the kind of guy that just rubs you the wrong way, you know the type. But Danny's wife had insisted that we bring Doug along. Last night we had all gone out to play pool and drink a few beers. I try to avoid getting into political discussions while drinking because I can get quite animated, but tonight was an exception. Doug asked me, "So James, what do you think about Bush?". I replied, "I think he is a incompetent illiterate, who is ruining this country". Doug looked pissed and said, "Don't disrespect my president!! Clinton was a disaster!! What did Clinton do!!??" This seems to be the only response from republicans, never to list any Bush accomplishments and somehow find a way to blame Clinton. So I stated, in a way that only a certified asshole like myself could, the following,"15 million working families enjoyed tax relief under Clinton! More than a million children benefited when Clinton more than doubled federal funding for child care.! Clinton increased funding for the Head Start program by 90 percent so 880,000 children had a better chance to learn and grow. Clinton forced the minimum wage up from $4.25 to $5.15 per hour and demanded an increase to $6.15.! Clinton's AmeriCorps gave 150,000 young the opportunity to serve in their communities while earning money for college or skills training.! The poverty rate feel from 15.1 percent to 12.7 percent. The African-American poverty rate dropped from 33.1 percent to 26.1 percent. African-American unemployment fell from 14.2 percent to 7.3 percent." Then I said, "What were you saying about Clinton being a disaster?"

Then I asked, "What has Bush done?" He gave me the classic republican response, "He has made America safer". I told him that I find that sentiment odd since "9/11 happened on his watch!!". He tried to say the economy was good, but I cut him off with this rant.."Under Bush: A million jobs lost. A thousand soldiers lost. 1.4 million new people living below the poverty line.1.2 million less people covered by health insurance. A seventeen percent Medicare increase. Health care costs skyrocketing.The tax burden increasing amongst the middle class. This president is a nightmare, how could you support him. Doug, for Christ sake, you live in a motherfucking trailer!! You should be the last person voting for Bush. Are you fucking kidding me?" He then retreated, saying that it was getting too personal and that is why he doesn't get into political discussions. But his retreat was because he didn't have a response for anything I said, and it made me respect him even less(if that is possible) that he would be a bitch about it.

I haven't been in a fight in years, and being that I am 31 years old I am too old to be "throwing hands" with anyone. But last night, discussing politics with that jackass, it made me reminisce about the good old days when smacking the shit out of someone was a great way of getting your point across.