My Unsolicited Advice to Camp Obama: Sarah Palin(Vibe)

*Posted on Vibe.com last night, before her Hitler Youth-esque speech*

After emerging from a four day drinking binge brought on by my 35th Birthday(August 31st), now having to deal with the fresh memories of tongue kissing strange women who I'd usually refuse innocuous hugs to, and other random acts of douchebaggery that will have me apologizing to my friends from now until Christmas time - I find that the main topic of conversation has shifted from Barack Obama's brilliant acceptance speech to John McCain's Vice Presidential Pick Sarah Palin. First of all, as an outside observer who has waited until right now to blog about the Alaska Governor, watching the unfavorable details of her life continuously drip out like a leaky faucet - it feels like I'm watching the 2008 version of "Married with Children". A ditsy wife(The Pledge of Allegiance hiccup, not knowing what a Vice president does) married to guy who has a penchant for throwing a "few back" every now and then(he had a DUI years ago), and a feisty daughter who undoubtedly likes to get her unadulterated fuck on. Real talk, if it turns out that one of her sons has a penchant for reciting malformed lyrics while referring to himself as "Grandmaster B", my fucking head is going to explode. I mean, Obama had it right yesterday when he emphatically said that family is off limits. As much as I want to win this election, I agree with Senator Obama, Bristol Palin's pregnancy is a family matter and shouldn't be meticulously picked over by the press the same way a vulture might pick over a rotting carcass. That being said, there will be no pity parties from me the likes of me though. Imagine for one moment that Obama was the one who had a pregnant teenage daughter. The same right wing bloviators who are crying crocodile tears when they aren't exhibiting other forms of histrionics over the media coverage of Bristol Palin, would openly question Obama's "Family values" and equate the unplanned pregnancy with his subpar parental abilities. Even dropping ads with the tag-line "If he can't properly lead his own daughter, how does he plan to lead the country?"

Another reason I'm not exactly the most sympathetic in terms of the media's watchful eye of the Palin's, is all the scrutiny Michelle Obama has received over the past year - and the nonexistent criticism thrown in Todd Palin's direction. Michelle Obama was called "unpatriotic" because of an inartful attempt to express her love for her country, and Todd Palin can be a card carrying member of AIP,(Alaska Independence Party)a radical group that advocates for Alaskan secession from the United States - and there isn't a fucking peep. Like I said, save the pity parties.

That being said, lets get the reason for the Palin pick and how to counter it. First off, forget about the steaming pile of spin coming from Camp McCain that they picked Sarah Palin because of her "intriguing story" and her appeal to working class voters. Their misguided and rushed choice was because they wanted to change the narrative off of Obama's brilliant acceptance speech, but more importantly, they made the deadly mistake of listening to too many of those inbred PUMA members and thought that they actually had a chance to woo the Hillary Clinton supporters who don't want to go back to a time when there were ritualistic cross burnings. Petulantly impulsive, like that girl you break up who proceeds to inform you a week later that she got her revenge on you by blowing 14 guys in a club parking lot - you're the one with, um, "egg" on your face! So now that it looks as though women aren't as hopelessly gullible as the McCain camp would have hoped, now they are going to try to make the argument that takes more sack than a Hall of Fame full of linebackers: That she has more experience than Obama. Even though her speech tonight will be a smashing success, based on the bar being as low as most midget limbo contests, Obama will still find himself residing at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. If he listens to my unsolicited advice that is.

"Cause people from a distance can't tell who is who": The whole Jay-Z quote from "The Takeover": "A wise man told me don't argue with fools, cause people from a distance can't tell who is who!" Barack Obama should simply ignore Sarah Palin, and for that matter the McCain camp as a whole, every time they make the Pilates reach of an argument that the Governor from Alaska has more experience than him. They need to keep their collective eyes on the ball, and continue to take every available opportunity to link John McCain to George Bush - because engaging in silly back and forth about Obama's experience as opposed to Palin's just gives relevance to their glass licking argument. No responses, no campaign commercials - let the surrogates, and responsible members of the media dismantle that flimsy claim.

"You are dead to me Fredo": How many times have we witnessed some wildly unpopular rapper desperately try to make a name for himself and diss an already established MC? I've always noticed that a non response is the most insulting, because it suggests that the new provocateur wasn't even worth their fucking time. Its not that Obama should disregard her in a condescending way, but a forceful counter-strike to any number of Pailn's future attacks could be turned around as they trying to bully a woman. Team Obama should either use female surrogates like Claire McCaskill, or possible Hillary Clinton(if she'd be on board) to brunt any attack - or either preface their rebuttal with what exactly Palin had stated.(So people would know that a response was warranted)

Debate: Biden vs Palin: The conventional wisdom is that Joe Biden will drink Sarah Palin's milkshake in a debate. It is also conventional wisdom that he could severely overplay his hand and appear condescending, thus winning her some sympathy points among millions of important American viewers.(Something that I feel won't happen since Biden had ample experience debating Hillary Clinton.) That being said, he does have to be careful. Let her trip herself up , and ever so often Biden should slip his impressive resume into the conversation: "Once, around the time I called Slobodan Milosevic a war criminal to his face...."









*Extra*: On MSNBC, Chuck Toddy, Mike Murphy, and Peggy Noonan criticize the Palin Pick while not knowing their mics were still hot.