Tuesday, September 08, 2009
Dude, I think I just got threatened by Rohan Marley..
A little more than two years ago when I was in Vibe.com's employ, I wrote a piece entitled "Rohan Marley - The New Millennium Yoko Ono". Even if you haven't read the piece I'm sure that you gathered from the title that I took Mr. Marley to task for being a shiftless layabout whose only discernible skills were cashing in on his father's good name and throwing the proverbial monkey-wrench into Lauryn Hill's career. Of course the piece was a bit tongue in cheek, but the rhetorical gymnastics and my misguided attempts at humor aside - I still hold the strong belief that Lauryn Hill's career would be in an entirely different stratosphere if she had never fallen victim to Mr. Marley's evil clutches. As much as I covet MC's like MC Lyte and Sha-Rock, if Lauryn's career had continued on the same trajectory it was on after "The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill", there wouldn't be a question in my mind as to who the best Female MC of All Time was. I know the trappings of fame can be a ruthless bitch. That unrepentant harlot has driven her stilettos into the hearts of many great artists since the beginning of time. But I don't think that's the case here. Rohan Marley is the foundation that all of Ms. Hill's problems as I see it rests on, nothing can convince me otherwise. All roads lead to the man I referred to as "The New Millennium Yoko Ono", possibly one of the only people on earth you'll find with skills less marketble than Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian.
The only reason I'm bashing the one man, career ending wrecking crew is because of a rather cryptic email that I received last week from a gentleman that calls himself "Rohan Marley". The aforementioned email states the following: "We should meet up one day..I think we have somethings to address.." Not for nothing, but you don't have to be a C.I.A code cracker to know that said emailer probably doesn't want to discuss the public option with me.(But if I read it wrong and he wants to engage in civil discourse, at least our penchant for clumsily using ellipses will be a great conversation starter.)
Listen, I'm well aware that I'm dealing with the internet here, a place where anonymity affords you the luxury of expressing which FOX News personality you would like to tie an anchor around and throw into the deepest body of water you can find. Which actresses and seductive songstresses are so hot that you'd gleefully drink their bath water, be willing to eat food out of their less desirable orifice. For all I know some incensed Rohan Marley fan(They exist? Really?) finished reading my Vibe.com post and created a email account to toss veiled threats at yours truly. I have no particular quarrel with that theory, that may indeed be the case. But due to my extensive reporting(a search that took 2 seconds tops), it lead me a dummy myspace account that coincidentally was last logged on to around the same time his current myspace account was activated. Not exactly smoking gun evidence, and not exactly Woodward and Bernstein type of reporting.
That said, I like to cover all my bases here at The NappyDiatribe. Rohan, if you are reading this, as a veteran of more bar fights than I'd like to remember - I'll spare you the tough guy rhetoric that I'm so well versed in. Threatening to throatchop the shit out of you in the most public of venues, suggesting that your diet will consist of nothing but jell-o and applesauce after a chance meeting with me, respectfully telling you that I posses a forearm that will make you backflip if any variety of clothesline is involved - all of those tough guy overtures come across as shrug-worthy wolf tickets in an age where 70% of insecure wordsmiths fabricate their rather milquetoast backgrounds. Lets embrace civility and meet up for real, maybe we can discuss you releasing Lauryn from your evil spell so she can fimally get back to making great music again. If I have to play the hostage negotiate on some Kevin Spacey shit, then so be it. If have to get my Ralph Machio on, and possibly freestyle battle your dumb ass at the crossroads so Lauryn's soul will be hers again, I'm down with that too.
But if we happen to exhaust those peaceful options, I'll just have to resort to.. Well.. Don't let the fact that I have a blog where I constantly talk about the sub par women that I penetrate fool you.