Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Dude, I think I just got threatened by Rohan Marley..



A little more than two years ago when I was in Vibe.com's employ, I wrote a piece entitled "Rohan Marley - The New Millennium Yoko Ono". Even if you haven't read the piece I'm sure that you gathered from the title that I took Mr. Marley to task for being a shiftless layabout whose only discernible skills were cashing in on his father's good name and throwing the proverbial monkey-wrench into Lauryn Hill's career. Of course the piece was a bit tongue in cheek, but the rhetorical gymnastics and my misguided attempts at humor aside - I still hold the strong belief that Lauryn Hill's career would be in an entirely different stratosphere if she had never fallen victim to Mr. Marley's evil clutches. As much as I covet MC's like MC Lyte and Sha-Rock, if Lauryn's career had continued on the same trajectory it was on after "The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill", there wouldn't be a question in my mind as to who the best Female MC of All Time was. I know the trappings of fame can be a ruthless bitch. That unrepentant harlot has driven her stilettos into the hearts of many great artists since the beginning of time. But I don't think that's the case here. Rohan Marley is the foundation that all of Ms. Hill's problems as I see it rests on, nothing can convince me otherwise. All roads lead to the man I referred to as "The New Millennium Yoko Ono", possibly one of the only people on earth you'll find with skills less marketble than Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian.

The only reason I'm bashing the one man, career ending wrecking crew is because of a rather cryptic email that I received last week from a gentleman that calls himself "Rohan Marley". The aforementioned email states the following: "We should meet up one day..I think we have somethings to address.." Not for nothing, but you don't have to be a C.I.A code cracker to know that said emailer probably doesn't want to discuss the public option with me.(But if I read it wrong and he wants to engage in civil discourse, at least our penchant for clumsily using ellipses will be a great conversation starter.)

Listen, I'm well aware that I'm dealing with the internet here, a place where anonymity affords you the luxury of expressing which FOX News personality you would like to tie an anchor around and throw into the deepest body of water you can find. Which actresses and seductive songstresses are so hot that you'd gleefully drink their bath water, be willing to eat food out of their less desirable orifice. For all I know some incensed Rohan Marley fan(They exist? Really?) finished reading my Vibe.com post and created a email account to toss veiled threats at yours truly. I have no particular quarrel with that theory, that may indeed be the case. But due to my extensive reporting(a search that took 2 seconds tops), it lead me a dummy myspace account that coincidentally was last logged on to around the same time his current myspace account was activated. Not exactly smoking gun evidence, and not exactly Woodward and Bernstein type of reporting.

That said, I like to cover all my bases here at The NappyDiatribe. Rohan, if you are reading this, as a veteran of more bar fights than I'd like to remember - I'll spare you the tough guy rhetoric that I'm so well versed in. Threatening to throatchop the shit out of you in the most public of venues, suggesting that your diet will consist of nothing but jell-o and applesauce after a chance meeting with me, respectfully telling you that I posses a forearm that will make you backflip if any variety of clothesline is involved - all of those tough guy overtures come across as shrug-worthy wolf tickets in an age where 70% of insecure wordsmiths fabricate their rather milquetoast backgrounds. Lets embrace civility and meet up for real, maybe we can discuss you releasing Lauryn from your evil spell so she can fimally get back to making great music again. If I have to play the hostage negotiate on some Kevin Spacey shit, then so be it. If have to get my Ralph Machio on, and possibly freestyle battle your dumb ass at the crossroads so Lauryn's soul will be hers again, I'm down with that too.

But if we happen to exhaust those peaceful options, I'll just have to resort to.. Well.. Don't let the fact that I have a blog where I constantly talk about the sub par women that I penetrate fool you.

8 comments:

Lisa Ford said...

Wow, u took the words out of my mouth when you spoke about Lauren hill. I found myself in the same situation..dating a man in the industry..I became more popular than him..and then it became his mission to destroy me..Mr. marley succeeded, but luckily for me, my ex didn't...GREAT STORY!

BLESSD1 said...

Dude...the only reason why I think that it couldn't be Rohan is b/c I wouldn't think him actually bright enough to use the computer. Truly, his only talent seems to be an ability to mezmerize Lauryn and convince her that another of his seeds is a good idea. Still, if you DO happen to run accross his dusty ass, PLEASE have someone record the throttling of epic proportions that he's sure to receive.

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Jdid said...

Rohan Marley has fans? really! Kimani yea, Damien yeah, Stephen yea, Ziggy definetly but Rohan really?

Rose said...

Yeah Lauren lost it when she married this guy. She still has the best cd ever and I still listen to it. Release Lauren and give her life back to her.

Anonymous said...

I think that it was a combination of Rohan and Wyclef. I remember reading a tell-all article based on an interview Wyclef had done about his relationship with Lauryn. The article detailed their long-term affair and how he could have been Zion's dad. I believe he was her first love and she never got over the pain and shame of their relationship. Once the article was published, I believe that it broke her heart and her spirit.

Everytime I listen to her debut CD, I feel like she is pouring her heart out about Wyclef.

Those two men contributed to her current state--what a shame!!

The Jaded NYer said...

HA!!!

Listen- if you need a crazy Dominican from NYC armed w/a machete waiting in the wings to have your back let me know, for I, too, mourn Lauryn's career.

Damn you, Rohan. DAMN YOU!

Brother OMi said...

I forgot you did that piece on Rohan...

I doubt it's him
but hey, it's the internet..