Even though my physique suggests that I have a love affair with late night snacking, a habit that has prevented me from getting a complete look at my genitalia since the last episode of "Quantum Leap" - I don't want to confuse my readers when I say that people should always follow their gut. Deep down I knew that the love of my life was cheating on me behind my back, but I ignored all the tell-tale signs like her yawning during sex, me suddenly being unable to "touch the sides" during intercourse, and a gentleman who characterized himself as her "new boyfriend" who kept incessantly calling - I finally got the message as we both crossed paths, him moving things in while I moved my shit out. If I would have listened to my gut, I would have known that I was my father's least favorite child, despite all the years of being told that I'd never amount to anything, I still felt that there was an outside chance that the old guy had a soft spot in his heart for his youngest child. The gut hardly lies, I realized this when my father clutched my brother's hand while laying on his deathbed, saying: "You are the best son a father could ever have!" Ouch! Forget Farrakhan, having your father give his adopted son the stamp of approval over his blood child is the epitome of being both denounced and rejected.
Early yesterday, when I learned that George Stephanopoulos had been a guest on Sean Hannity's radio show, supposedly "taking notes" when that right-wing cock-stain suggested that he ask Obama about William Ayers and his participation in the Million Man March during the democratic debate - I just knew that last night's affair would be a nonsensical cluster-fuck, mostly about fucking flag-pins and clumsy guilt-by-association charges. Again, my gut was correct. As I watched the debate, getting more and more enraged as Charlie Gibson and Stephanopoulos peppered Obama with right-wing smears masquerading as legitimate questions, with Hillary piling on like the opportunist hack of a politician that she is - I was inspired to give Mr. Obama some campaign pointers as I usually do, thanks to last nights horrific debate.
Less Counterpunching, more sucker-punches: The only time I've spent behind bars has to do me ritualistically ruining my liver and a few physical altercations that momentarily put me in city lock-up - so I'm not going to pretend like I have any sort of extensive knowledge on the ins and outs of maximum security confinement. But speaking of "ins and outs", I've seen my fair share of "Oz" episodes to I know that to keep your rectum echo-less and avoid holding another man's extended pocket as a sign of ownership, on the first day you have to find the biggest person you can find, and throw them one hell of an ass-whipping. Obama should employ this strategy, albeit momentarily. Listen, after last night, when Obama seemed to give her a pass on "Sniper-gate" and she still went all in with Farrakhan, The Weather Underground, and Reverend Wright - it became crystal clear to me that Hillary is trying to make Obama unelectable against McCain so she can run in 2012. My feeling is, if you get into a verbal spat with a fellow motorist and he hops out of his car with a tire iron in his hand, you can't fight that man as if he plans to give you a fair and above board ass-whipping, you have to fight him as if he plans to take your life. I'm well aware that part of Obama's appeal is his willingness to stay above the fray, but occasionally, to show Hillary and the Republican attack machine that he isn't fucking around - bring up sniper fire, Hillary saying "screw them" when referencing working class whites in 1995.Maybe even Norman Hsu, Peter Paul, or Marc Rich- if her silly ass really wants to play the guilt-by-association game.
Pivot to McCain, then taunt him: I'm well aware that Drudge isn't exactly the most reliable of sources, but I believe their recent report that McCain would rather face Hillary in November - that is why he has refused to obliterate her on "Sniper-gate" and other attackable issues. That being said, because I sincerely feel that Obama should pivot and attack John McCain as frequently as possible - he should taunt the 72 year old, especially considering his historically quick temper. Obama should say something like: "John McCain is an authentic war hero, he spent 5 and a half long years getting tortured in a Hanoi Hilton for this fine country of ours - a bravery that most of us, including me, can't even begin to fathom. That is why it comes as an absolute shock to my campaign that a man with bravery in spades is scared to face me in the fall, sources say that he's told his closest aides he'd rather face Hillary and now barely attacks her because of it - Come on John, you've faced worse than little ole me."
Play the "Six Degress of McCain" game as well: It seems to me, especially if you are a black candidate running for president, that any person that you've ever known who fails to follow the DMV handbook religiously or doesn't volunteer at soup kitchens on the weekends or doesn't mid-wife pregnant horses - will be your political downfall at some point in your campaign. That being said, if the media is going to put so much stock in the guilt-by-association game, its time to compile a list of shady characters that John McCain has ever crossed paths with as well. He's been serving the public for a long time so it can't be hard. Obama's campaign should start name dropping a few of those unsavory characters, not saying that that strategy should be aggressively pushed - but letting the McCain camp know that obsessing over William Ayers might get you fucked up is only a good thing.