Monday, August 17, 2009

Just a few thoughts..

I'm kind of ashamed to admit this, especially after watching this vlog by comedian James Hannah entitled "This is what it sounds like when men cry", but sometimes I cry inappropriately when I've had too much to drink. I know, I know, I would need a super computer to calculate all the men that I've historically mocked, ridiculed, then proceeded to question their hetero street cred whenever they took it upon themselves to shed a tear in my presence. But a couple of times, not often and not recently, I've found myself sobbing like a redneck on November 5th whenever I'm with close friends and alcohol is involved. Sometimes I know exactly what causes the salty liquid to negotiate the chubby terrain that is my face, my father. But other times I have no godly idea what makes me feel the need to emotionally confide in my friends aka have them thinking I'm softer than baby shit. My mother thinks that I have too much time on my hands, and that I should be out there procreating with reckless abandon. My close friends think that its my superhero flaw: Superman had Kryptonite, WonderWoman had to endure the humiliation that comes with having to wear a hooker outfit and flying a "invisible" plane that even Stevie Wonder could see her scantily clad ass in. My tragic flaw happens to be crying like a bitch at the most inopportune moments. My therapist was absolutely no help at all, she just sarcastically said "at least you aren't physically assaulting people" then proceeded to quickly write me a prescription for something that I had never heard of.

But you want to know something? As embarrassing as weeping in front of your peers can be, I always feel like a new man afterwords - I guess engaging in an emotional vomit-fest can be quite the cathartic endeavor. But since my alcoholic outings come with enough conditions from friends: "If you're going to drink, please don't break a chair over someones back" - "Try not to tongue kiss a chick you'd usually refuse to give directions to" - "We're buying you shots tonight only because we don't trust you with bottles" - the last thing in the world I need is for my tear ducts to ruin another perfectly good time. That's why I'm trying a new tactic, getting things off my chest on this blog that have been nagging me lately - maybe addressing random issues of the day that have been consuming my brain lately might do the trick. Enjoy.

Joe Budden vs Raekwon: Ugh. Disclaimer: A few months ago, when I was still employed at Vibe, I had a blog post entitled "The Curious Case of Joe Budden" written and ready to go. The post was basically about Joe's penchant for cavalierly dissing people, playing the professional victim ala Sarah Palin when the person he disrespected voices their objection - only to draw the rightfully offended party into a rather shrug worthy rap back and forth. The piece wasn't critical of that particular tactic, it was just me acknowledging that I knew what his modus operandi was. But I eventually decided against it, because if there is one thing lamer than knowing the government names of porn stars as I do, its dedicating an entire blog post to the likes of Joe Budden. Don't get it twisted, I'm not a Joe Budden hater, he's just not my favorite MC in the world that's all. That said, I find myself siding with Joey on this one. Yes, he originally sparked off this entire clusterfuck by taking hostile exception to Method Man's ranking in a Vibe online rap bracket(a beef which was squashed by both parties by the way) - but Raekwon needing an entourage to attack Joe Budden is truly some bitch shit. I mean, Raekwon can talk as greasy as he wants, but until he fights Joe Budden straight up(as the Jersey native has suggested), I'll continue to believe that my fourth favorite Wu-Tang is the human embodiment of an orifice that produces children and bleeds every 28 days.

The Public Option: I'm of the opinion, like many people on my side of the political aisle, that a health care bill without a robust public option really isn't health care reform. I, like many people, am extremely concerned that the final bill will be some watered down piece of legislation that wasn't worth our newly elected President spending all his political capital on. But what I won't do is engage in an activity that many progressives have been engaged in lately, incessant hand-wringing mixed with "the sky is falling" fatalism concerning the possible loss of the public option. Its too early in the game for that shit. Look, if the final bill lacks a public option I will be pissed the fuck off like everyone else. But for all we know, the hedging on the public option from the likes of Kathleen Sibelius and our President could be nothing more than political headfakes. I mean, we see how the republicans have demagogued the President's efforts at health care reform when no goddamn bill exists - just think about what they'd do if something concrete was produced. That's why the White House refusing to draw a line in the sand concerning the Public Option is an understandable headfake in my opinion. Maybe the White House is being rather Machiavellian about all this. Maybe they are publicly hedging their bets on the public option to rally the base, putting a fire under their ass so they will counter the vitriolic teabaggers we've all ben bombarded with these past weeks. Hell, there are so many disaffected progressives who have acted as if they were going to commit hari kari every time Obama doesn't grant one of their wishes - maybe they do need their motherfucking cage's rattled a little.

"Black" acting White Women: Because I'm the only one in my crew who has never known a white woman in the biblical sense, my friends think that I'm some sort of freak of nature or unexplained phenomenon - so they have taken it upon themselves to give me clever nicknames like "The Golden Child" and "Stonehenge". Sure, like everyone I have a preference and I strongly prefer black women, but that doesn't mean that I'm against interracial relationships. To the contrary. I've always contended that if I ever met my white soulmate that I'd unflinchingly snatch her up like a strong arm robbery, with the both of us blissfully living the rest our lives with a cacophony of teeth sucking sounds from black women who would never fuck me anyway serving as the soundtrack to our romance. But I fail to make the same mistakes many of my black brethren continue to make, and that is gleefully penetrating white women who look as if they grew up next to nuclear reactors. Also, to quote Comedian Paul Mooney, "I like my white people white". I don't know what it is about me, but lately I've been attracting white women who apparently feel as if being black means exaggerated arm movements and broken English. What these young women don't understand is that taking on that persona is downright insulting. No matter how much they think they are assimilating to the black culture, its nothing more than an offensive blackface routine. I like my white women "Janeane Garofalo" white, someone whose politics are so similar to mine that she feels comfortable calling a black republican a "House Negro".(see Larry Elder) "Drew Barrymore" white, "Angelina Jolie" white, you get the picture. The mere thought of one of these black acting chicks one day questioning my blackness simply because I enunciate my words scares me more than a Sarah Palin presidency. Ok, it doesn't scare me that much.

Michael Vick: I know some people can never forgive Michael Vick, and based on the heinousness of the crimes committed I can completely understand that point of view. But I'm of the firm belief that if a man pays his debt to society that he should be able to make a living. One thing that has bothered me about this whole thing is how his critics flatly disregard any argument thrown their way that cites some garden variety athlete who has killed human beings and returned to a lot less scrutiny. I guess its easy to strongly reject such arguments when you think animals are as valuable as people, which I personally disagree with. Listen, its hard to tell what's in a persons heart, that "60 Minutes" interview that he did only proved that Michale Vick is being coached better than a politician before a debate. But the man served 22 months in jail and lost 100 million dollars, if he stays out of trouble and says the right things - I'm rooting for his second chance.


RiPPa said...


This is truly awesome.

nester said...

this: I'll continue to believe that my fourth favorite Wu-Tang is the human embodiment of an orifice that produces children and bleeds every 28 days.

and this: gleefully penetrating white women who look as if they grew up next to nuclear reactors.


BLESSD1 said...

Fuck PETA. Those summamabitches harped on Vick and aided in the man losing over a 100 million bucks, but have killed over 10 times as many animals as they claim that he's repsonsible for. Check out