Sunday, December 12, 2004

For the love of the "Nappy Dugout".

Nappy Dugout:(slang) Slang term used to describe a woman's genitalia. Vagina

As I was thinking back on my life the other day, it occurred to me that I have done some amazingly stupid things all in the pursuit of the "Nappy Dugout". What I have gone though just to receive a momentary feeling of pleasure would make people shake their head in disbelief. Here are some examples.

1. North Carolina!!!!!! I had a girlfriend that was originally from North Carolina, and she had moved back there at that time. During a very lonely Friday night, I asked if I could come over even though her new location was 3 hours away. Even though I hinted that I want some "affection", she never guaranteed anything. I drove all the way to her house, arriving at her house at 2 in the morning. It was clear early on that she wasn't trying to have sex, so like a five year old child I immediately left and drove back home. That action, almost proved to be fatal. On the way back home I had fallen asleep at the wheel and woke up with my car is some bushes alongside the highway.

2. Its getting hot in Herre: I don't know about anyone else, but I hate a hot ass house. I dated this girl who didn't want to come to where I was at, but said it was OK for me to come by her residence. Problem was it was early August, it was 90 degrees in the shade, and she didn't have AC. Once again, my "little head" was making all the decisions that night. I stepped inside her house and it was like walking inside a oven, to the point that I immediately nicknamed her crib "Little Africa". As we "did the do", the sweat was just pouring off our bodies like a waterfall.(There is good sweat and bad sweat, this my friends, was bad sweat) After we finished we laid in a literal pool of our own perspiration. It was so sad that we filled spray bottles with water, and sporadically shot it in the air so it would land on our smoldering bodies.

3.Runs House: As any of you may have guessed I love Run D.M.C. I had went to one of their shows a few years back with a young lady I was with at the time. We were enjoying the show, basking in the glow of legitimate Hip Hop when she whispered in my ear, "Lets get out of here. I want you right now!" I smiled and said, "That's great and all, but they are in the middle of doing "Runs House". I don't care if your vagina shot out 100 dollar bills, I ain't leaving!!" She grabbed me in a undisclosed location and slowly kissed my neck. I looked at her and said, "OK, lets go!." Even though she turned out to be rather "spirited" in the bedroom, you NEVER leave classic Hip Hop when its going on!

4. Don't stress it, get tested: I had a relationship going on with a lovely woman, who informed me that we weren't having sex until I got a Aids test. I respected that, no fault in that. So she took me to the local clinic and got a Aids test done because she wanted to be there every step of the way. I've had them done before, but before it was with a personal doctor who gave you the results immediately. With the free clinic, it takes like 2 weeks for your results to come in. For 14 days I agonized over each and every questionable piece of ass I had "been in" during the tenure of my sex life. Condoms are a must for me, but you never know about test results. Obviously I was disease free, and me and the young lady in question finally went on to have sex. I have admitted that I'm a piss poor lay, but she was absolutely horrible. For all the trouble I went through for shorty, I expected her to have porn star skills.

5. I love Reggae, I swear!!: This isn't going to be a very popular statement but I have to be honest, I kind if hate Reggae. I like Roots Reggae, Bob Marley, Peter Tosh, Third World, that stuff I can deal with. But I absolutely despise Dancehall. I know, how can a brother with dreadlocks hate dancehall?? I just do, I can't explain it. Anyway, I met this Jamaican chick named Marlene that loved Dancehall, it was her life. She had a backside that you could put a drink on, and...OK, you get the point. So, for about two months I led her to believe that I liked Dancehall also, even attending dancehall concerts to get a chance to see her naked. It worked, but the dishonesty was deplorable, and I spent all that time dancing to music that I despise. But it was educational though, through that experience I felt that I could be a great undercover cop, infiltrating organizations, pretending to be somebody else.


obifromsouthlondon said...

son mad things have been done in the search of puny fe real. like dem "what the f**k am i doing here?" situations. sweaty. blame the third leg.

the reggae girls know how to cock up da batty something lovely. I used to front on dancehall, but when you in there and get a dance from a pretty, big batty gyal... I came to like the music and the scene. therapy.

notyouraverage.... said...

so at what age do guys stop being led by their third leg? or do they ever? (lol)