Tuesday, September 21, 2004

Can we get rid of ex-girlfriends already?

As a 16 year vet of the relationship game there are some things that have continued to annoy me since I was fifteen years old. That, not surprisingly, is the infamous "ex girlfriend".Looking back I feel that I have been rather gracious and considerate to my ex girlfriends, trying to avoid being nasty, taking the high road. But there are some unavoidable situations that one may face when dealing with an ex. Here are a few.

1)Familiar faces in public places - After a breakup, I always tend to run into a ex at a club or some social event. These encounters are always rather awkward, with both parties doing a lot of "frontin'", both trying to look like the breakup hasn't phased them in the least. The night always ends with each of us finding someone of the opposite sex to talk to, to make the other jealous. Yes, I'm 31 and I'm admitting that I can be childish.

2)Reach out and touch someone- Anyone who has had a ex in their lifetime can relate to the "feeler" call. A "feeler" is when a ex calls you to see how you are doing, but in all actuality it is to see if you have a new girlfriend. These calls are pretty obvious and undoubtedly pathetic. There are two responses, but it all depends on how you feel about that ex. If you despise the ground that they walk on, you can go on and on about your new girlfriend and leave it at that. But, if you still have feelings and think that you have a chance to get back together, say that you are single and haven't been looking.

3) I've got something to tell you: It seems that whenever a ex gets a new boyfriend, she always ends up calling me and telling me about it. Funny thing is, so far I haven't given a shit, and we are talking about 15 years now. I don't have clairvoyant abilities or anything, but it is a safe bet that I will never give a shit. But, because you want to look like it doesn't phase you, you tell her "that's great, I hope that you both are very happy". But you really want to say, "Who cares?? Why are you calling me with this crap?"

4)Booty call(not that monstrosity of a movie): This is always a bad idea, trust me. Sexual encounters between ex lovers just leads to unresolved issues and confusion. The conversations range from "why did we break up" and "I love when yhou wear that thong." Just a bad idea. But I must admit, it feels pretty good while you're doing it..

5) Get a better deal: This is going to sound petty, but here goes. If you are a ex-girlfriend of mine and you broke up with me, at least get with somebody better than me. You would never catch me trading in a Honda Accord just to get a Satrurn. That's stupid. I once had a girl break up with me to date a guy who was basically a bum. I didn't know how to take that. Should I be happy that she couldn't find anyone as good as me? Or should I take it as her saying, "I'd rather date a guy that is damn near homeless than be with you."

6)Spin Cycle: If you and you ex had a lot of the same friends, or ran in the same circles, you have to go into "Spin mode"."Spin Mode" is the explaining that you have to do to all the people who have been told that you're "a bastard" by your ex girlfriend. This one time, I had to clarify myself to like 20 people. I felt like I was running for president.

7)Family Feud: Nothing I hate worse than phony people. The mother of a girlfriend that I had hated the ground that I walked on. I didn't give her a reason to hate me, and she would do her best to hide it, but it was obvious. After me and her daughter broke up I saw her in a grocery store. She acted like I was her long lost son, giving me hugs and whatnot. I looked at her like she had just spit in my food, she then got the picture.

14 comments:

Miss Amanda said...

I'm having the same problem, yet I'm the new girlfriend who is tryin to get my boyfriend to be rid of ex's. They call the house or his cell to see how he is or tell him some stupid story about them or their own new boyfriend. He says he's just being nice because they haven't crossed any lines and they're just calling to see how he's doing. Me being older and having dealt with all this highschool crap before (and being a girl), know better and know what their game is, so it bothers me he doesn't see through the fog.

My question to you is, if you had a girlfriend and your gf's kept calling, would you want to say f** off? Or just be nice so it doesn't stir things up and cause animosity? I need some major advice.

I've tried getting mad, sad, given ultimatums, but we just end up fighting and it feels like I'm digging a bigger hole everytime they're brought up in conversation. HELP!!

sonyared said...

Wow! it is so refreshing to see a post from a man on such a subject as this one. You were so on point and accurate....thanks for showing us that there are men with the maturity level of you out there or who actually think about this type of stuff and will talk about it..cool boy!

D. Blaze said...

You got some classic articles on this. I'm gonna check back often to read this. The ex-gf drama is so true. And music IS important to a relationship, like we don't have to like the same music but at least have it respectable. I don't wanna be chillin to some Britney. Let's put on some 112 girl haha

jameil1922 said...

lmao @ "I'd rather date a guy that is damn near homeless than be with you." HILARIOUS!! i'm in the could care less camp. the shit is hilarious to me. i'm always like, you picked HER over me? hmm... yo bad. movin on!

spin cycle is a bitch. hate it. except i ordinarily don't explain myself. but when i do, boy does it piss me off!!

Anonymous said...

It is so true guys, I agree with you. My boyfriend's ex keeps on calling everytime she had a problem even when she did not. Sends please call me, What is that.I confronted him about it but he didn't look phased at all. I told him that I really do not like it and he said he will tell her. The weirdest thing is that he says she asks about me, and I was like whatever.As if she cares. Guys this is the person who said to him that she wants him back, clearly what does this mean.

It pisses me off more than anything. When I asked him about it he said am I not always with you, but this person when she calls and she asks where he is. he doesn't even say I am with my girlfriend when he is with me but when other people call he is quick to tell them where he is.

It really irritates me. I hope there is nothing happening between them. Since he said he will sort it out, what I don't know won't hurt me.

klover said...

I have a huge problem. My new boyfriend of nearly 2 and a bit months has a child to a previous gf. She met me on boxing day, and ever since then, she has called him, emailed him, msged him, pleading to take her back after she so rudely dumped in jan that year.
My bf is a peace maker and verrry easy going, so he doesnt really discourage her consistant calls due to the fact that he doesnt want to "stir the pot" so he can still see his daughter. It hurts badly, and I am starting to lose trust. He is growing quite distant over the past month and I cant exactly confront her, as that will peeve my boy off. Please help me, I am sick of the anxiety and pain in my stomach. I love him and he says I can trust him, but I feel like I am losing him to her.

Anonymous said...

OMG... I read some of the posts and it sounds just like me. I have been with my guy 15 months, and for the first 6 of those his ex called every single night and he wouldnt answer so she would call his cell phone. I have done the same as miss amanda and given ultimatums, cried, argued, and threatened to deal with her myself. He keeps saying he will tell her not to contact him anymore but you know what I don't beleive a word. I think he is so scared of what she will do he is trying to keep her happy so she doesn't rock the boat. Meanwhile I am getting more and more annoyed, and have since taken my own sweet revenge, and am waiting for the right time to make her fall.

Anonymous said...

i have ben with my new boyfriend for about 5 months and his ex girlfriend will not go away she calls constantly and sends him letters and scrap books o picture of when they were together. its sooooo sad! its like she is so immature. he hasnt told her about me and it really pisses me off why wont he tell her. she has said she will kill herself which she clearly wont. im sick of it how long will it be until i can lave a hairbankd lying around or make sure i dont buy him anything that looks girlie incase she pops around??? HELP

ryan somers said...

from one rosario dawson fan to another...

on my search for rare hip-hop shit to download, i stumbled across this blog, and damn, man, shit is ON POINT.

i agree with your entire list. reading them, i felt like i had written them myself.

especially the last one, i have gotten into so many arguments with dates about their rude behavior towards servers. is it that difficult to simply be polite to people? wow. what a concept!

anyway, right on, just wanted to give you some props.

peace,
ryan somers / fritz tha cat
--brazilian faith healer--

Cluizel said...

My Mom is the best...she runs into my ex and she is kinda cold and uninterested. Lol. I think she said "Oh" when he introduced his wife to her one day in the street. Get it MOM! Help me with my dirty work. lol.

Wow...people really did ask you questions...

mikatheonetolove said...

Hey Miss Amanda I am in the same situation as you with my boyfriend. It is pretty awkward. He got his ex-gf living in his house and she is trying to accept me as her friend on myspace and I told him no I am not going to do that. She is the sister of my boyfriends, friends wife. I don't know their history , but I do know enough facts to know that she is an ex of his. She is sharing the bathroom with him and he tells me that nothing is going on but I know something is going on. So I moved her stuff out of my way when I stayed the night over to his house. I want him to get rid of her.

mikatheonetolove said...

What should I do?

gregg said...

I broke up with my ex girlfriend about 2 months ago. We dated a year and I saw and felt the lies and cheating. I tried to make a clean break but of course she had to have huge drama involving several circles.One week after she got her neighbors name tatooed on her back and they moved in together
He is 22 I am 46. I live by the no contact rule and our circles don't cross. She slipped in a phone call with a number I did not know sow I ended up listening to her BS of how wonderful her BF is and treats her like a queen, yada,yada yada,. Then she called again about some other crazy story. I blocked her calls and text messages. and she calls again about somthing with her son. Still no response from me. Since she has left 3 or 4 crazy stories saying I dont' expect a call back but I am just letting you know.. Now my phone is being blown up by private calls
Has she lost her mind!! Help with some answers

Tigger said...

I am in the same boat as Amanda.I am the new g/f of a year now.At first he had said that the ex's and himself were on bad terms...there are 3 going back like 6 yrs now and he still has the same phone # come on!!!grrrr...his first calls every once in a while a year I guess...his second use to call every once in a while,but recently has been calling and texting all the time from late late at night and them like 8 in the am...dirty whore...finally the most recent after a year still calls him to pick up random crap of his that she says she finds...I am pissed about the whole thing...it started actually with a friend of his that ...he is just friends with ...but she is obsessively in lust with him...she purposely does things to piss me off...we r in il...she is in cali which is where he and I are both from...calls here random late hours.went to see his grandparents when I was pregnant and she was a total b*tch to be...and no we have no child anymore...my regret his influence...so the last one he wants to go away but she won't and has slept with everyone on the planet and is now preggo...still calls and texts him,why can't we be friends and he ignores it like she's going to go away...

first one I don't know much about but was his first g/f hs sweetbarfs I guess...she still calls doing the feeler thing...grrrrr...pics of them together when we were staying at his grandparents visiting which I thought was wrong...

finally the second whome I want to do unspeakable things to...she is pissing me off more than anything and what's worse is that he returns her calls and texts when I'm not around...she is still into him...idk maybe it's mutual even though he says he loves me and blah blah...

I have done the same as Amanda and got mad...really mad then sad then mad and sad and everything else...not meaning to I was genuinely upset...he turns it around and says that I'm being ridiculous and getting all pissy about nothing...that he loves me ... whatever...always ends in a fight...I say I feel them calling and texting is inappropriate and disrespectful to me and our relationship and I want him to tell them to stop contacting you...he hears what I'm saying...gets all defensive says I'm being jealous and stupid and ridiculous and then does nothing about it...well if he loved me so much then he wouldn't want to see me upset and tell them to leave him alone...but he just ignoredd me like I'm the one in the wrong and have the problem...I could be vindictive but where would that get me...nowhere and him just more angry...I'm at a loss...I just want him to tell them to go away forever in a way to not make matters worse...if you have any advice on what I should do please feel free to email me at paypaypay1@yahoo.com...

tigger

good luck everyone...keep your chins up...