(HumanityCritic is at the cleaners, picking up his Superhero Costume)
HumanityCritic: Yall do a great job, got Rush Limbaugh's blood stains out and everything!
Lee: We Aim to please HumanityCritic!
(HumanityCritic's phone rings)
Bill Clinton: Critic!! Long time no hear from, why haven't you returned my calls?
HumanityCritic: What am I your girl?? Plus, you tried to make a pass at my girlfriend last time..
Bill: Now Critic, how was I supposed to know she was your girlfriend??
HumanityCritic: Ohh I don't know??.. Probably the part where I said to you "Bill, let me introduce you to my girlfriend ." Motherfucker, What do you want??
Bill Clinton: My bad..Well, Bush told me to tell you that he wants a rematch of the battle you had months ago. He has scheduled it at the White House in a few days
HumanityCritic: But I already took his ass out last time, why should I even bother?
Bill Clinton: Well, he has gotten a lot better and claims he will wipe the floor with you. Not to mention that he has memorized "Beat Street" and "Krush Groove" by heart. He is not playing.
HC: Cool, I'll be there. By the way, how are you enjoying Harlem??
BC: Critic, I have seen so many juicy asses in the past few days..I mean, the only reason why I even messed with Monica was because she had a black girl's booty, and now I am surrounded by many well manicured "backyard's"..
HC: Hillary isn't around is she?
BC:(laughing) Of course not!!
(A few Days Later on the White House Lawn)
Ted Koppel: Well Ladies and Gentlemen, we are back on the White House Lawn where George W. Bush will try to avenge his previous loss to the HumanityCritic. But this time it's quite different, Bush got re-elected and probably has a new bag of tricks. Rumor has it that HumanityCritic has been drinking, watching porn, writing in his blog, and hanging with loose women. He might not be in the best possible condition.
Brian Williams: But he was doing all those things when he beat Bush's ass the first time.
Ted Koppel: Oh..
Michael Buffer:(grabbing the Mic suspended in the air) Ladies and Gentlemen, coming from the beautiful White House Lawn in Washington DC, we have a battle of the century! Leets Get Reaaady To Ruuuumble!!! In this corner, wearing a Brooks Brother suit and sporting a shit eating grin on his face, George W. Bush!(crowd applauds. Ann Coulter, Rush Limbaugh, and Bill O'Reilly throw up W's) And in this corner, wearing a "I Like Bush-The vagina not our asshole President" T-shirt, HumanityCritic!!(crowd applauds, Sean Penn pumps his fist, Micheal Moore screams "Get em' Critic!", Hillary Clinton flashes her breasts that say "I love You Critic" on them.) Gentlemen, we flipped a coin and Bush goes first. Keep it clean!
George W. Bush: Hit it DJ!
(DJ puts on the "T.R.O.Y" instrumental by Pete Rock and CL Smooth)
George W. Bush: Check it, check it.. Here we go
I'll start this ill ass rhyme flow kind of slow/
WMD's I didn't find though, America didn't mind though/
I'm fucking out of sight similar to a blind hoe/
I have the right mind bro, to backhand you and remind those/
That through all your efforts, I got re-elected/
Even though I was disrespected, I broke election records/
Look at the map, nothing but red states/
I have a mandate, watch me raise med. rates/
You'll claim that I'm a racist, save your breath kid/
I have more minorities on my staff than Clinton did/
"Kidnap the President's wife without a plan"/
I'm the fucking man, watch me go bomb Iran/
You want to try and hurt me but you lack the maturity/
I have the power, watch me privatize Social Security/
John Kerry was more worthy, but we painted him like a sucker/
HumanityCritic gets no wins, how you like me now motherfucker??
Ted Koppel: Bush throws his hands up in Victory!! The crowd goes crazy!! Laura Bush gives HumanityCritic the finger. Ann Coulter and Newt Gingrich start doing a breakdance routine. HumanityCritic is, well, he has his hands on the Bush twins breasts. How could he not be concerned with Bush's outstanding performance??
Michael Buffer: Critic, your up next..
HumanityCritic: DJ, do you thing..
(DJ throws on the Instrumental to Nas' "Thief's Theme")
HumanityCritic: One-two, One-two..Here we go..
Are you kidding me?? Your re-election is a mystery/
How does it feel to have the highest deficits in history?/
The world gives you the long stare, Iraq-we shouldn't of gone there/
Why does our president have the I.Q of a lawn chair?/
A drooling incompetent, plus you can't get your plans straight/
Besides, 51% is not a fucking mandate/
You got the most votes in history and that is pretty scary/
Do you know who got the second most, jackass? John Kerry/
You have black folks on your staff, but you understand how that goes/
Everybody knows that you can't trust House Negro's/
You were a cocaine abuser, can I ask you something man?/
Have you started "using" again to want to attack Iran?/
Your like Vanilla Ice, lying about your hood/
Your originally From Connecticut, douchebag up to no good/
Plus Cheney is the real Pres, you can't bust my groove/
Wack ventriloquist: While you rapped I saw his mouth move./
Social Security: You plan is beyond belief/
Countries have tried it and its failed. You're our Imbecile-in-Chief!/
Ted Koppel: HumanityCritic throws his Mic in the crowd and goes over and mushes Bush in the face! It seems that HumanityCritic has done it again!! Ted Kennedy is doing the crip walk!! Bill Clinton and Al Gore are doing the Cabbage patch as the HumanityCritic walks by. Hillary is embracing HumanityCritic and she is slipping him her number)
Hillary Clinton: Call me! I heard that Bill tried to get with your girlfriend. Plus I have been trying to get even since the Monica Lewinsky mess..
HC: Nah, Bill ain't shit but I couldn't do that.
Bush Twins:(batting eyelashes) We Love you HumanityCritic!! We'll do anything!!
HC: Do you know what a "Mouth Hug" is?
Bush Twins: Whats that??
Fade To Black