Blue-eyed Soul

I always thought that the best way for me as a single individual to dispel racial stereotypes was to simply drop my trousers, nothing shatters myths faster than a chubby black blogger that's hung like a toddler. I guess there are some ounces of truth in many stereotypes, I acknowledge that, but whenever a stereotype can be thrown back in someone's face to the point that they rethink their whole ideology, it can be rather entertaining. For example, there was a guy on my High School Track team named David France, our resident pole vaulter and token white guy on our field events team. No one knew how fast he was, until I challenged him to a race one day in practice and he absolutely blew my motherfucking doors off, smirking as he passed, embarrassing the piss out of me in front of some female admirers who were there to watch me practice. The other black athletes gave me grief because I got beat by a "white boy", but they quickly turned their "disbelief" of David's speed into "acknowledgment", when he beat them even worse than he beat me.

So David not only turned into our top sprinter, but also our anchor leg on our 400 meter relay team. When we would go to predominately black schools I used to make bets with people there, betting 20 bucks a pop that Dave would come in first.(The motherfucker ran like a 10.3 100 meter time, trust me that's good.) They acted like they were making easy money, thinking that there was no way in hell a white guy could beat their top black sprinters, only to give up the loot later and exhaustively say, "That's one fast white boy!" For anyone who knows anything about a 400 meter relay race, your second fastest runner(me) would go first, third fastest runner would go second, your slowest sprinter would go third, and your fastest runner would go last(Dave). But because I wanted to see first hand the proverbial air go out of the home crowd who doubted our Caucasian brethren's speed, I wanted to go third to hand off to Dave as I taunted the crowd and cheered Dave on as he finished first place, to the point that people would ask me later if Dave was "half black".

I thought about Dave the other day as I was using my Ipod to play songs at a get together a friend of mine was having. You guys know that my musical interests span genre's like a motherfucker, so when an artist's like Teena Marie or Michael McDonald came on they were shocked that they were indeed white musicians. Before I knew it I felt like I'm stuck in a bad sitcom, scrolling my Ipod and playing them soulful white singers that crush racial stereotypes. Since I am the king of lists, so I've been told, here are a few examples of said artists.

Michael McDonald: This gentleman was part of a group called "The Doobie Brothers", a group that my brother was fond of when I was a kid, so I was exposed to their musical stylings early on. "What a Fool Believes", "Taking It to the Streets.", and "Minute by Minute" are probably what this gentleman is best known for, but these particular songs just shows that he can sing with the best of them. After leaving "The Doobie Brothers" he reached solo success with songs like "I Keep Forgettin' (Every Time You're Near)", his duet with James Ingram, "Yah Mo B There."(If you watch the "40 year old virgin", that particular song plays a part on said movie.), and also his duet with Patti LaBelle, "On My Own,". The funniest recollection I have of this particular artist was an experience I had with an uncle who loved "The Doobie Brothers" intensely. The problem was that this particular uncle was racist as shit and didn't want to accept the fact that Michael McDonald was a white guy. I remember showing him pictures, album covers, magazine articles, but he didn't want to believe it, the same way people question the moon landing or the Holocaust. But I must say, as a dude who has been with someone that wasn't exactly right for me but for some reason I kept holding on, the song "Minute by Minute" is simply poetic in my opinion. When he says, "I take it all for granted like you're the only one/Living on my own, Somehow that sounds nice/You think I'm your fool-Well, you may just be right", that pretty much sums it up.

Teena Marie: Full disclosure, there are a handful of women that I will always have a crush on and those ladies include Lisa Lisa, Sheila E, Vanity, and Teena Marie.(Not in that particular order) This sultry songstress was so damn soulful that I really didn't fully realize that she was white until my teenage years. I know I have criticized this before ad naseum, but if there was indeed something entitled a "Ghetto Pass", this Los Angeles native would be the first to obtain one. Besides her duet with Rick James called "I'm Just a Sucker for Your Love", she had hits like "I Need Your Lovin',", "Square Biz", "Fix It.", "Lovegirl.", and "Ooh La La La". I had a chance to meet Ms. Marie at a music festival a year back and express my undying love for her, which flattered her probably, but also possibly freaked her out when I mentioned something about "drinking her bathwater" and doing her dishes and cutting her grass, offering myself up as a "personal bitch" for her leisure. I guess I should have stopped at me getting her autograph, huh?

Darryl Hall: A few months ago I said that me liking "Hall and Oates" was a guilty pleasure of mine, but fuck that, I say it loud and proud that I am a fan of said group and anyone who doesn't like it can kiss my natural black ass.(Sorry for my new found aggression when sticking up for this Philadelphia duo, but they were nice when I met them a while back. Don't worry, I will probably go back to hesitantly acknowledging my admiration for them next week.) My mother particularly hates this group, not because they didn't have catchy hooks, or that Darryl Hall's voice wasn't melodious magic, but because I would play one of their tapes everyday before the bus got me for school which drove my mother absolutely batshit. She recognizes that Darryl Hall is as talented as they come, but like a Vietnam vet who wakes up in the middle of the night from having flashbacks of being in a rice field fending off Vietcong, my mother defiantly says "Fuck Them!" as she flashes back on how I played that tape continuously. But with songs like "Sara Smile.", "Kiss on My List", "Private Eyes" , "I Can't Go for That (No Can Do),", and "Did It in a Minute", you too would drive a loved one to hysteria from playing these tunes to death.

Robin Thicke: You would never think that any offspring from the guy who played the dad on "Growing Pains", or someone who once wrote songs for the likes of Christina Aguilera, Brandy, Marc Anthony, Mya and Jordan Knight would have such a soulful voice, but he does. Even though some readers of this blog promptly proved me wrong, but at the time I thought I was the only person that had his first album "A Beautiful World" in my possession. He showed a soulful melodic voice, not a voice that is constantly searching for an identity like Justin Timberlake's, but he came across as a soulful white guy that is comfortable in his own skin. It was hard to see how horribly he was being marketed at the time, watching Andre Harrell "Forrest Gump" his way into NOT making Thicke a household name, noticing how they kept changing his image as if they were a bunch of indecisive schizophrenics. With songs like "Oh Shooter", "The Stupid Things", and "A Beautiful World" off of his first album, that should be enough to recognize his undeniable skill and force you to pick up his new album when it comes out. I know earlier in this paragraph I took a subtle shot at his pops, Alan Thicke, but I just noticed that he is credited for writing the theme songs for "The Facts of Life" and "Diff'rent Strokes", Ok, his pops is alright.(*walking off singing* "You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both..)

Who would you add to this list??