Thursday, March 15, 2007
Hip Hop remixes that stand-up to the original
I'm a lot better now, I tell women up front what kind of detestable scumbag that I am, and if our late-night fucking somehow progresses I inform her how badly our relationship will end - but for the longest time my actions were so indefensible I'm certain that scores of fathers and older brothers wanted nothing more than to use my genitalia as a door stop. Besides denying a woman's very existence when she caught me out on the town with another lady, and having an inappropriate electric sign above my bedroom door that flashes numbers(the kind you see at DMV), I took great pleasure in targeting a chick's younger sister whenever the coroner was called on whatever kind of relationship me and a woman were having. Whether it was in High School when I had sex with Joanne's little sister who was in a grade below us, or a couple of years ago when I drowned my relationship sorrows having sex amidst a sea of medical school books - whenever I partook in the act of penetrating an ex girlfriends younger sister I'd jokingly refer to each of them as "The Remix". Even during those intimate moments when the guilt of fucking someones sister should have infiltrated my subconscious, I'd find myself screaming "This-Is-The Remix" while ejaculating, imitating KRS-ONE on that Steady B "I'm Serious" track.
Sometimes the ladies in question weren't as good as their older siblings, different in the same way an omelet might be to you if you have always been a stringent scrambled egg eater, but definitely not better. But sometimes, just sometimes, you find the remixed version being just as good or better than the original - like dating a new broad who serves you nothing but Sirloin steaks when your ex-wife's opinion of what quality meat was just happened to be Steak-em sandwiches. That long-winded introduction reminds me of some Hip Hop remixes that I know of..
Public Enemy: "Shut Em Down" (Pete Rock Remix): The reason that I always put Public Enemy above N.W.A on any of those "Greatest Hip Hop Groups" lists that I come across, besides them being a better group by leaps and fucking bounds, is the political seed they planted in me and a million other impressionable minds. When you have the ability to make a kid nod his head aggressively while actually learning something, that's more impressive than any slight of hand trick David Blane could pull off - an unexplained phenomenon like Stonehenge, or the success of CBS' "Two and a Half men". As for "Shut Em down" the original version, I liked it enough, but compared to the booming Pete Rock remix where the blaring horns rape your sensibilities without lube or the complimentary "reach around", it doesn't compare in my opinion. Even thought its a great message about boycotting companies who don't support the black community, in the years since its release I've recite one of the main lines in the song when someone that I usually like says some utter bullshit.(See "I like Bill Cosby, but wait a minute..")
Organized Konfusion: "Stress" (Large Professor Remix): The original is great, as any fans of O.K knows, I can't tell you how many people I've disgusted over the years during ski trips when I rap in the snow without a shirt on - only wearing a backpack like Prince Po in that original "Stress" video. But this is the sort of remix that I love, when a group throws complete caution to the wind and avoids having the remix sound anything like the original, to the point that it even seems funny calling a remix.
Nas: "The World is Yours" (Q-Tip Remix): Around the time I was blasting this particular tune I was a wanna-be MC, with hopes of wielding a microphone in front of packed houses, and having fans all over the globe recite my verses as if they were god-damned bible scriptures. I guess that's why this song reminds me of New York so much, because around this time I stayed getting lost throughout the 5 boroughs trying to work with some douche-bag producer, trying my best not to look like an out-of-towner even though I kept asking people for directions while wearing a "Virginia is for Lovers" t-shirt. The original is a classic, but the remix holds up to say the least.
A Tribe Called Quest: "Scenario" (Remix)(Featuring Leaders of the New School, Hood): This was back when Busta was respected lyrically, when he wasn't punching homosexual fans as if he didn't have a secret desire for cock and "anal ease" - when he wasn't defecating on the memories of dead friends in the name of "not Snitching". Where's an 85' Delorean when you really need one? I personally like this remix a little bit better than the original, makes you nod your head with more intensity, plus you can't beat the deceased MC Hood's verse in the beginning.
House of Pain: "Jump Around" (Pete Rock Remix): I wasn't the biggest fan of House of Pain imaginable, even though I did like the original version to "Jump Around", I just remember that my cousin always played the tape in my car and we would laugh hysterically when Everlast would say "I'm at my sexual peak young lady!!" during one of their songs. But besides that singular inside joke shared between first cousins, the only reason that I let my younger cousin play that tape in my hootpie was because of the Pete Rock remix to "Jump Around", which I believe was the last song on the album. Just like the pretty women that I've dated who I desperately tried to keep my "cock roster", when I like something I tend to run it into the ground - and after I would play that song 30 times I would drive my cousin absolutely bat-shit like mental health professionals taking someone to the puzzle factory. The remix is definitely better than the original, those Pete Rock bass-lines and horns overcome once again, I wonder if Kanye bit Pete Rock's "I'm going to rhyme over all the remixes that I do for people" motto?