My Unsolicited Advice to Camp Obama: Sarah Palin(Vibe)

*Posted on Vibe.com last night, before her Hitler Youth-esque speech*

After emerging from a four day drinking binge brought on by my 35th Birthday(August 31st), now having to deal with the fresh memories of tongue kissing strange women who I'd usually refuse innocuous hugs to, and other random acts of douchebaggery that will have me apologizing to my friends from now until Christmas time - I find that the main topic of conversation has shifted from Barack Obama's brilliant acceptance speech to John McCain's Vice Presidential Pick Sarah Palin. First of all, as an outside observer who has waited until right now to blog about the Alaska Governor, watching the unfavorable details of her life continuously drip out like a leaky faucet - it feels like I'm watching the 2008 version of "Married with Children". A ditsy wife(The Pledge of Allegiance hiccup, not knowing what a Vice president does) married to guy who has a penchant for throwing a "few back" every now and then(he had a DUI years ago), and a feisty daughter who undoubtedly likes to get her unadulterated fuck on. Real talk, if it turns out that one of her sons has a penchant for reciting malformed lyrics while referring to himself as "Grandmaster B", my fucking head is going to explode. I mean, Obama had it right yesterday when he emphatically said that family is off limits. As much as I want to win this election, I agree with Senator Obama, Bristol Palin's pregnancy is a family matter and shouldn't be meticulously picked over by the press the same way a vulture might pick over a rotting carcass. That being said, there will be no pity parties from me the likes of me though. Imagine for one moment that Obama was the one who had a pregnant teenage daughter. The same right wing bloviators who are crying crocodile tears when they aren't exhibiting other forms of histrionics over the media coverage of Bristol Palin, would openly question Obama's "Family values" and equate the unplanned pregnancy with his subpar parental abilities. Even dropping ads with the tag-line "If he can't properly lead his own daughter, how does he plan to lead the country?"

Another reason I'm not exactly the most sympathetic in terms of the media's watchful eye of the Palin's, is all the scrutiny Michelle Obama has received over the past year - and the nonexistent criticism thrown in Todd Palin's direction. Michelle Obama was called "unpatriotic" because of an inartful attempt to express her love for her country, and Todd Palin can be a card carrying member of AIP,(Alaska Independence Party)a radical group that advocates for Alaskan secession from the United States - and there isn't a fucking peep. Like I said, save the pity parties.

That being said, lets get the reason for the Palin pick and how to counter it. First off, forget about the steaming pile of spin coming from Camp McCain that they picked Sarah Palin because of her "intriguing story" and her appeal to working class voters. Their misguided and rushed choice was because they wanted to change the narrative off of Obama's brilliant acceptance speech, but more importantly, they made the deadly mistake of listening to too many of those inbred PUMA members and thought that they actually had a chance to woo the Hillary Clinton supporters who don't want to go back to a time when there were ritualistic cross burnings. Petulantly impulsive, like that girl you break up who proceeds to inform you a week later that she got her revenge on you by blowing 14 guys in a club parking lot - you're the one with, um, "egg" on your face! So now that it looks as though women aren't as hopelessly gullible as the McCain camp would have hoped, now they are going to try to make the argument that takes more sack than a Hall of Fame full of linebackers: That she has more experience than Obama. Even though her speech tonight will be a smashing success, based on the bar being as low as most midget limbo contests, Obama will still find himself residing at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. If he listens to my unsolicited advice that is.

"Cause people from a distance can't tell who is who": The whole Jay-Z quote from "The Takeover": "A wise man told me don't argue with fools, cause people from a distance can't tell who is who!" Barack Obama should simply ignore Sarah Palin, and for that matter the McCain camp as a whole, every time they make the Pilates reach of an argument that the Governor from Alaska has more experience than him. They need to keep their collective eyes on the ball, and continue to take every available opportunity to link John McCain to George Bush - because engaging in silly back and forth about Obama's experience as opposed to Palin's just gives relevance to their glass licking argument. No responses, no campaign commercials - let the surrogates, and responsible members of the media dismantle that flimsy claim.

"You are dead to me Fredo": How many times have we witnessed some wildly unpopular rapper desperately try to make a name for himself and diss an already established MC? I've always noticed that a non response is the most insulting, because it suggests that the new provocateur wasn't even worth their fucking time. Its not that Obama should disregard her in a condescending way, but a forceful counter-strike to any number of Pailn's future attacks could be turned around as they trying to bully a woman. Team Obama should either use female surrogates like Claire McCaskill, or possible Hillary Clinton(if she'd be on board) to brunt any attack - or either preface their rebuttal with what exactly Palin had stated.(So people would know that a response was warranted)

Debate: Biden vs Palin: The conventional wisdom is that Joe Biden will drink Sarah Palin's milkshake in a debate. It is also conventional wisdom that he could severely overplay his hand and appear condescending, thus winning her some sympathy points among millions of important American viewers.(Something that I feel won't happen since Biden had ample experience debating Hillary Clinton.) That being said, he does have to be careful. Let her trip herself up , and ever so often Biden should slip his impressive resume into the conversation: "Once, around the time I called Slobodan Milosevic a war criminal to his face...."









*Extra*: On MSNBC, Chuck Toddy, Mike Murphy, and Peggy Noonan criticize the Palin Pick while not knowing their mics were still hot.

John Stewart: The Sarah Palin Gender Card

"Who's Houses?" - "McCaiiiiiin's Hooouses!!!!"

Ladies and Gentlemen, Barack Obama is no John Kerry..

Rachel Maddow gets her own show

The great thing about the Olympics being on NBC, especially for a news junkie such as myself, is that MSNBC has put two absolutely hideous shows on a brief hiatus: "Morning Joe" with that smug smear artist with a truly punchable face, Joe Scarborough, and "Race for the White House with David Gregory" - another "show" that makes your average Obama supporter want to climb some random clock tower and pick off innocents one by one. To be completely honest, the only thing worth watching on that god forsaken channel is "Countdown with Keith Olbermann", and Rachel Maddow whenever she's a guest on a MSNBC show bitch-slapping the likes of Pat Buchanan or the aforementioned douchebag Joe Scarborough. Well, MSNBC just gave Rachel Maddow her show starting September 8th, a smart move on their part. Check out the clip above, where she completely eviscerates Pat "Black people benefited from slavery" Buchanan over the "presumptuous" charge that obviously drips with racism.

Falling for the Okey-Doke at Saddleback is a lesson for Obama(Vibe)

Whenever I find myself daydreaming about the prospect of procreating, as if there is actually a woman in existence with a constitution strong enough to receive my demon-seed, I rarely think about how raising a child nowadays is such a herculean task. Even though I'm so selfish I've resorted to building a "glory hole" in my house for sexual encounters, I welcome any free time being eliminated from my already busy social calender - I mean, cutting down on reckless binge drinking and my penchant for penetrating strange women in the backseat of my muscle car will at least add a few days to my life. I'm not even worried about how I will pay for my child's college education, mostly because I'm a firm believer that things will naturally work themselves out. But if I do find myself seriously strapped for cash around the same time that my crumb snatcher reaches his/her senior year of High School, I'll gladly be willing to offer up my body for cash to lonely widows and other low self-esteem having women who haven't seen an erect penis since the final episode of "Everybody Loves Raymond" aired. The only thing that worries me about the prospect of raising a child, is whether or not I possess the god-given ability to effectively tell well intentioned lies for the good of my child. I mean, will the memories of me smoking joints with my junior high buddies and dropping acid that had me tripping for two straight days straight haunt my every thought as I tell my child to stay clear of street grade pharmaceuticals? I can bullshit with the best of them, but belting out passionate safe sex pleas to my offspring just seems to be wrong in a karma sense - especially considering instances where I washed my personal business in some strange woman's sink, or the time I had unsafe relations with a stripper whose vagina resembled a catchers mitt. But being that I've historically opted to land a well placed chop to the throat over garden variety diplomacy, my toughest task of all is going to be trying to sell my son or daughter on the concept of civil disobedience. Even though I want them to be able to defend themselves, its going to be difficult for me to navigate the turbulent waters of what is standard self defense and what's just gratuitous violence. Throat-chopping? Sure. Rendering someone unconscious via choke-holds? Case-by-case basis. The "smash a bottle over some bastards head just because he doesn't like rakim" technique? Not so much. Effective knee strikes? Most definitely. Turning innocent household items into lethal weapons? Shit no.

But the one lesson that I will have no trouble relaying to my child, knowing that someday they he or she will encounter a person who doesn't know what civil disobedience is and acts as if turning the other cheek is just an invitation to be hit on the other one - is to never fight in someone else's backyard. Take it from someone who knows, besides having to defend myself against easily attainable kitchen cutlery and spatula-wielding mothers who aren't trying to see their baby boy catch one hell of an ass-whipping, you have to deal someones homeboys whose main agenda is making sure that the ridges on the bottom of their Timberland boot are permanently tattooed on the back of your ass. Apparently, Barack Obama was never exposed to this utterly important piece of sage-like advice.

Last week, when I first found out that Barack Obama would be appearing with John McCain at Pastor Rick Warren's "Faith Forum" at Saddleback Church, I immediately thought that this would be a home-run for Obama. Outside of the fact that Obama and Warren were friendly,(the possibly of him being pelted with asinine Reverend Wright questions being slim to none) and unlike Democrats of years past, Obama just seems comfortable talking about faith and often incorporates bible scriptures in his stump speech. On the other hand, McCain seems as comfortable talking about his faith as Pat Buchanan would sound hosting a "Rock the Bells" concert - this very contrast is the main reason why I thought that Obama could win over some of those evangelical fence-sitters whose world view and political ideology isn't completely grounded in Roe v Wade. Anyway, they flipped a coin and Obama went first, Rick Warren swearing that John McCain was in a "cone of silence" so he couldn't hear the exact same questions that he was asking Barack Obama.(It turns out that McCain wasn't in a "cone of silence") Initially I thought that Obama was doing quite well, answering questions about what his greatest moral failure was and if he thought evil existed with a thoughtfulness that I figured America would want in a president. I didn't particularly mind it when Warren would occasionally give Obama the "hurry up" signal, echoing his earlier sentiment that he didn't want either candidate to start reciting their respective stump speeches. Then it was John McCain's turn.

Not only didn't McCain answer any of the questions specifically, he turned each question into an opportunity to both go on bluster-filled foreign policy rants that mirrored his stump speeches but he also recited heartfelt POW stories that didn't have a fucking thing to do with the question being asked. A tactic that the evangelical crowd in attendance absolutely at up. Obviously Mr. Warren didn't take it upon himself to give the Senior Senator from Arizona that same "wrap it up" signal that he gave to Barack. Obama was set up, caught slipping because he decided to challenge someone to a fight in their own backyard - and because I was wrong in my initial assessment, I'm still sporting some Timberland ridge on the back of my ass as well.

Now, while I do think that Obama's performance at Saddleback eased the concerns of many good natured americans who quietly wondered whether that email that they once received depicting him as a crypto-Muslim who wants to snack on white babies was true or not - that night also taught Obama an invaluable lesson. He can't out-Vietnam John McCain, if he wants to tell touching tales about his POW experience, he needs to tell his own story because that's what people are attracted to. How seeing his dear mother wither away from the effects of Ovarian cancer is what inspires him to see that every American receives the proper health care that they deserve. How the pain of not growing up with a father pushes him every day to make sure that single mothers have the tools they need to raise their children. Shit like that. I think he also realized that he can't get suckered into trying to disprove the "empty suit" narrative being pushed by the McCain camp, soaring rhetoric and impeccable oratory works and his republican rival is deathly afraid of that - in the age of the soundbite and the low information voter, be less Nas and more Jay-Z. Dumb it down, leave the specifics to Townhalls and proper debates.

BARACKY II

Classic David Shuster

Someone give this guy his own show already. This is a clip of David Shuster completely eviscerating two PUMA hacks, you know the Hillary Dead-enders who still refuse to support Obama because of some phantom plot by the DNC to steal the nomination away from Hillary. Anyway, the clumsy performance by Darragh Murphy and Will Bower proves what I've been saying all along - that these miserable knuckle-draggers are either closet racists, or worse, Republicans.

2 Hip Hop Snobs Tackle.... "Posse Cuts"(Day 4)(Vibe)

Check out the first three installments:






DanTres: It's dope to find folks repping for their regions. This track put the south on the map. Ever since then, the south has been known as the Dirty South. As usual, any track with Outkast and Goodie M.O.B. Always presented quality. This one definitely opened doors and does get the floor jumping when you play it down south. A lot of folks have balked when I brought this track up during "a best of..." debate. I think it's influence has been highly underrated.

HumanityCritic: Ok, you got me, I was indeed one of the aforementioned "balkers", this track is dope but it was never was one of my personal favorites. That being said, there is always a point when an artist(or a group of artists in this case) rip off the proverbial scab and gives their listeners an unadulterated look at the geographic area that they call home, a sobering reality of sorts. The same way MC's out of "The Golden State" have been forcefully making the case for years that there is more to California than just "swimming pools and movie stars", this collaboration proved that there is more to the South than just down home cooking and the shameful history of Jim Crow.

DanTres: When Outkast first came up, I was always checking Dre. On Dirty South however, I peeped that Big Boi was nice. Ever since then, I felt he was the better of the two. He is very underrated. One of the few cats out there who can change the sounding of certain syllables to rhyme and get away with it (I think Black Thought is the only other cat that can do it properly). What I dig about this posse cut is that they could have put everybody on that and it might not have come out the same. It was nice and short. Straight to the point. The south is dirty, don't get it twisted.

HumanityCritic: Word, Big Boi is both dope and underrated. Speaking of Big Boi, excuse me for getting off topic here, but I'm glad that him and Killer Mike finally decided to squash their beef. I'll take Big Boi over Killer Mike lyrically any day, but after witnessing the back and forth between the two men, I just felt that his new "tough guy" stance was laughably unbelievable. He's better than that. But then again who am I to talk, I once sucker punched a preacher for telling his all black congregation to vote for Bush in 2004 and put the father of a girl I was dating in an inappropriate sleeper hold.






DanTres: Although the Hit Squad wasn't the first group of artists to put it down, they came off hard. I remember I was out to sea when this joint came on. This cat fresh out of boot camp came on board and during one of our sessions, he brought the single. After it was over, we were like "whaaaaaattttttttttt.....!" We must have played it over twenty times. Looking back though, it was a gay moment, since here were like 40 heads in wife beaters jumping around doing the East Coast stomp in an enclosed space.

HumanityCritic: Like any Hip Hop enthusiast, I'm fully aware of the pitfalls surrounding some overzealous person accidentally reinforcing negative stereotypes about the genre within the proverbial earshot of critical malcontents. That being said, this posse cut makes me want to punch a motherfucker in the face, and that's a good thing. Like so many other posse cuts where there is at least one squeaky wheel, a proverbial weak link of sorts - everyone here holds their weight like human drug mules. This is one of my favorite posse cuts of all time, the gold standard which all other collaborative efforts over a dope beat should be judged.

DanTres: The sad part is that shortly after this track, the collective got into a beef and everything fell apart. The only cat really holding it down on any level is Redman. Everyone else just hasn't been the same. Still, I find this track to be a watershed in that moment when hip hop music was about Carharts, timbs, and hoodies. No glamor, no glitz, no wack white shades, bottles of Mo', or "swagger." Heads just got on a dope track and wrote dope rhymes.

HumanityCritic: This song has also provided me with countless hours of laughter due to my utterly warped sense of humor. I can't tell you how many times I've forcefully yanked the back of some stranger's sweatshirt and yelled "Yo Where's my Hoodie!!??", simply screamed the word "Negroes!" whenever I found myself at a concert where two black males were fighting, been in a club and expressed my displeasure at a young lady's meddling friend by very politely asking her to "tow truck her weak sideshow" - and about a million other inside jokes that I've been gleefully regurgitating since this song came out. But seriously, how fucking great is Redman's verse in this song? it perfectly captures my belief that Redman's style is rather "Seinfeldian", an utterly brilliant display of lyricism that isn't about anything in particular. Straight dope.


Here is another example of Redman's "Seinfeldian" brilliance:
Redman: "Tonight's da Night"(Remix)

Jay Smooth - "Obama's Ludacris Issue"

Jay Smooth pretty much nails it.. I expressed similar sentiments here, but undoubtedly my blog brethren broke it down a lot better than I did.

"Are my feminists in this motherfucker??!!" - "Hellll Nooo!!"(Vibe)

When it comes to Hip Hop, I'm like the worst fan ever. While its true that me rolling a wheelchair bound into traffic for disrespecting the god Rakim, and mercilessly clotheslining an unsuspecting avid reader in the middle of a "Barnes and Noble" after overhearing him mildly suggest that O.C's "Word...Life" was less than stellar, pretty much proves my unparalleled devotion to wordsmiths who I hold in the highest regard. But by the same token, I can also be an absolute nightmare to those same men and women who I ardently defend. For example, a few months ago I attended an old school show featuring MC Lyte, and as everyone else seemed absolutely delighted that she was about to go into her hit song "RoughNeck", lets just say that I had the polar opposite reaction that night. As if my weed stash had suddenly gone missing, or the way I'd react if Kobe Bryant decided to restart his rap career, I let out an agonizing scream before uttering the following: "Please don't do "RoughNeck", for the love of god and everything thats holy, I fucking HATE that song!!!" - thus infuriating the large section of her fan-base in attendance who obviously didn't share my belief that her biggest commercial hit was her clumsiest artistic misstep.(MC Lyte herself shot me a rather bewildered 5 second look suggesting that she was none to pleased as well.) A couple of years back, instead of telling the legendary MC how much of an influence he's been in my life, somehow I felt compelled to ask Run of Run DMC(while he was wearing his priest collar no less) "What in the fuck were you guys thinking with that "'Ooh Watcha Gonna Do" song? Even with the shaved heads, the black attire, and the ice grills being flashed in the video - it still couldn't stop me from giggling like a school girl with every time "busting glocks!" was mentioned!" I've never met Common, but when I do I'm going to sarcastically ask him about "Electric Circus". With Nas, I can not only see myself asking him in a rather insulting fashion simply "Ginuwine, really?", but I'd also probably address the tin ear he's historically had concerning beats and proceed to openly wonder how in the world someone can do a concept album about the most powerful racial epithet in existence and not get DJ Premier to produce the whole thing.

But nothing solidifies my "bad fan" status more emphatically than my behavior during an MC's "Call and Response" portion of the show. See, I've always clung to the notion that any prompted fan response has to be earned. If I feel as if an artist has put on one hell of a show up until that point, I'm waving my arms as if I lacked any substantive concerns, and I'm suddenly finding it acceptable to loudly yell "Ho!" and answer in the "Oh Yeah!" affirmative after being asked pretty pedestrian questions. But if a local artist or legendary artist who I've historically sworn by attempts a call and response routine in the middle of a rather lackluster performance that I just happened to attend, I'm waving my middle finger like I just don't care, and screaming niceties like "Eat shit and die" and "I want my 20 bucks back" after being asked pretty innocuous questions through a booming sound system.

I'm reminded of my mid-concert petulance this election season by the deafening silence of all the feminist activists concerning the treatment of Michelle Obama, especially considering how forcefully vocal they were every time Hillary was the victim of sexism both real and imagined. A few months ago you couldn't throw a rock without hitting some scathing article by a pen-wielding woman concerning the legitimate concerns about insensitive comments made by a few knuckle dragging pundits, or some passionate supporter of womens rights arguing their case on some garden variety cable news show. Even though there were as many clumsily illegitimate claims as well, overzealous Hillary supporters who pointed to nonexistent Obama sexism like "Snub-Gate"(where his back was momentarily turned to Hillary during a State of the Union Adddress), him very innocently stating "You're likable enough Hillary" during one of the debates, and the time he referred to a reporter as "sweetie".(He personally called the young lady later and apologized) But the movements coordination was stellar nonetheless, and even though I found some of the charges of sexism rather unwarranted - I just knew that if Obama became the Democratic Nominee that Michelle could count on that same passion and unwavering support from those same feminist activists who so forcefully had Hillary's back. Unfortunately, there has been nothing but cricket sounds thus far, proverbial tumbleweeds if you will.

Where were those same women when that glass licking troglodyte, Larry Johnson, promoted a nonexistant tape of Michelle Obama saying "Whitey" that was supposed to sink Obama's candidacy? Where are all the passionate Op-Ed's defending Michelle from the goon squad at Fox News, bottom feeders spending millions of dollars a day trying to paint her as a militant hater of America who wants nothing more than to devour white babies? As phenomenally lame as they were, where was Mrs. Obama's sistren when both the Tennesee and Washington State Republican party produced those hamfistedly clumsy "Proud" ads? They were nowhere to be found. All we get from that miserable lot nowadays are misguided autopsies of Senator Clinton's campaign and how sexism was the sole reason that Senator Clinton is not the Democratic Nominee right now and not her campaigns incompetence and the stellar efforts of Team Obama. These are also the same women who have the audacity to openly wonder why Barack didn't do more to address the sexism directed at Hillary during their hotly contested Primary battle.(While she was dropping 3 AM ads, and prompting xenophobia no less)

Their telling silence when it comes to defending Michelle is deafening, and it is going to make it hard for me to reward them with my undivided attention the next time they are addressing substantive issues on my television screen. I'll be tempted to give them a spirited "Hell NO!" as if I was asked a pretty pedestrian question during a lackluster performance, and proceed to waive my middle finger in the air like I just don't care.

Jungle Brothers - Straight out the Jungle

Ludacris, you are not helping...

While I wouldn't consider myself to be the biggest Ludacris fan in the world, there is no doubt that the Atlanta based MC has bona fide skills, something I admit begrudgingly on the strength of his occasionally embracing the time honored tradition of rappers dumbing down their lyrics. But the same reason I wouldn't call Mike Tyson a "pussy" if he suddenly decided to practice civil disobedience ala Gandhi, a steady diet of Redbull and ginseng couldn't energize me enough to openly criticize what I feel to be Ludacris' questionable career choices - especially when there are a plethora of more deserving monosyllabic rappers out there who I can target. But a few years ago, when that racist and sexual harasser Bill O'Reilly called on his octogenarian viewers to boycott Pepsi for them taking on Ludacris as one of their pitchmen - I was one of his most ardent supporters. That being said, with the simple act of release of a song on the internet, I went from having his back to completely turning my back on him. Let me explain.

A few days ago, when I went to nahright and listened to Ludaris' new song entitled "Politics", the lyrics made me absolutely cringe. Its not that the lyrical content offended my sensibilities mind you, two of my favorite Kool G Rap songs involve him sexually "filling all three holes like bowling" in terms of his late-night conquests and a vivid story about him blowing a mobsters cerebral cortex all over some random city street - its just my opinion that MC's have to be more responsible when broaching the the topic of Obama from now until the election. I mean, in an age where Obama gets blasted for flimsy affiliations ranging from a person who did reprehensible things when he was 8 years old, to the kind words of a "controversial" black leader who he has never met someone intimately linking the two gentleman - why in the fuck would Ludacris say that say that his music is in Obama's Ipod(..something Obama admitting in "Rolling Stone") then proceed to call Hillary Clinton a "bitch" and say disparaging things about John McCain in the process? Because of this recent brand of clumsiness, cue the Obama campaign.

"As Barack Obama has said many, many times in the past, rap lyrics today too often perpetuate misogyny, materialism, and degrading images that he doesn’t want his daughters or any children exposed to," said spokesman Bill Burton. "This song is not only outrageously offensive to Senator Clinton, Reverend Jackson, Senator McCain, and President Bush, it is offensive to all of us who are trying to raise our children with the values we hold dear. While Ludacris is a talented individual he should be ashamed of these lyrics."

Ludacris, you fucking asked for it. Chris, I'm a supporter too, and I have at times gone over the line, artistically, when expressing my support as well. The big difference is, you are the media's biggest scapegoat(See Rapper), and there is a picture in existence of you with Obama for Christs sake. I'm just an irrelevant blogger with a penchant for late-night snacking and collecting obscure porn titles like "Dyslexic Asian Midgets", a solitary voice easily drowned out by millions of other people who express themselves in blog entries.(Less talented voices, but I digress)Listen, I'm not trying to silence every black person with a public platform to speak from here to November 4th mind you, and I know how utterly ridiculous it is for Obama to disassociate himself with everything some black person says. That being said, just shut your fucking mouth if what you have to say could hurt the chances of us having the first place president. Indeed, dumb rappers need teaching.

2 Hip Hop Snobs Tackle.... "Posse Cuts"(Day 3) Vibe

..be sure to check out parts one and two:

"Buddy": De la Soul feat. The Jungle Brothers, A Tribe Called Quest, Monie Love and Queen Latifah




DanTres: To this day, I am a huge Native Tongues fan. Back then, I wanted to be a Jungle Brother and I knew all the lyrics to Straight out the Jungle. So when I first heard this joint on Kool Dj Red Alert's mix show on 98.7 Kiss, I was amped. First up, it was monumental. You had Posdnous, Trugoy, Queen Latifah, Afrika Baby Bam, Mike G, Monie Love, and Q-tip on one track? Seven MCs. That was a risk. Commercially it did not make a lot of money for this group, but overseas this song was remixed so many times it's ridiculous. It's 2008 and I still run into remixes for this song. Although the Juice Crew and Boogie Down Productions (BDP) were the first to put crews down but Native Tongues was deep! If you look at the video, you will see all of the members from Black Sheep all the way down to Chi Ali.

HumanityCritic: As a kid raised in Virginia Beach, who had to create his own Hip Hop reality without any "..and then the DJ plugged his equipment to the light pole" stories to speak of - this song reminds me of what a magical place I envisioned New York to be around that time, as if I planned a pilgrimage to it like Mecca and shit. I know the glass licking Lil Wayne apologists will wince at this, but you can't get a collaborative Hip Hop effort like this nowadays if you tried. There is still great Hip Hop being made, but more times than not if multiple MC's decide to coexist on a track - it would probably be rife with sub par wordsmiths and some drooling lunatic shouting "We Da Bess!" in the background. That being said, this is a great song. There doesn't seem to be an ounce of one-upsmanship that we usually find in posse cuts, I'm a big fan off all the parties involved, and my crush on Monie Love will last until I'm literally worm food.

DanTres: I dug the fact that they were talking about sex without talking about it. Everyone had their own take on it. This is a clear demonstration on how hip hop music can discuss topics maturely and wholistically. Prince Paul was light years ahead of everyone with his production. You never hear folks put him on any top producers lists and he is the cat that started it with the skits. Clearly, a classic joint.

HumanityCritic: This is going to be hard to believe, coming from a germaphobic sex addict like myself who spends an inordinate amount of time discussing the intimate details surrounding my penis - but I miss the days when rappers had the skill to tackle the most graphic of subjects and still get unedited radio play.


"Scenario": A Tribe Called Quest feat. Leaders of the New School (LONS)




HumanityCritic: Before I go into why this posse cut is so dope, let me give you my personal backstory with this song: Mere moments after witnessing nurses aggressively pour buckets of ice over my fathers shriveled body ravaged from prostate cancer in hopes of lowering his body temperature, right after I found myself consoling my mother after the man I'm named after flat-lined as I prayed at the foot of his hospital bed - this is the song that played on my car radio as I drove home from the hospital that night. The sadness of my fathers death, the regret that our relationship was never as good as I wanted it to be, both feeling that would forever nag me were momentarily postponed as I rapped "Scenario" as if I was auditioning to be the New member of Tribe. Sappy I know, but the truth.

DanTres: I always point out to cats that The Scenario is the classic example of a commercially viable song that does not need a gimmick. Everyone came off and it was all a good time. This is another party favorite. Even the sisters rock to this one. I remember hearing this joint while in Marseilles, France and all the French cats knew every word on this song. They did not speak one word of english but when this track came on, they sounded like it was their first language. It was an ill moment for me way back in 1992 to see a culture I grew up in making a stamp in a foreign country. It's funny cause Humanity Critic and I went back and forth about whether we should talk about this one or the original which became the remix that featured the late MC Hood. We opted for this one because a lot of heads never heard the "remix" or are familiar with it. Only the hardcore b-side fanatics know about it.

HumanityCritic: The video for this song was pretty dope as well, remind me to get Spike Lee to direct one of my videos if I ever decide to become an MC. I also remember ATCQ and LONS performing this on "The Arsenio Hall Show", thus propelling Busta Rhymes to bona fide stardom - before he started assaulting gays and being uncooperative with the police that is. This is a weird tick that I have, but wherever I happen to be when this song comes on, I always feel compelled to perform it regardless the venue and how much I embarrass myself. From pretending to throw a pass when Phife references Joe Namath, to waving my arms in an exaggerated fashion as Busta tries to explain the sound a "Dungeon Dragon" makes - I can't tell you how many strangers know my affection for this song

DanTres: There are so many reasons to like this joint. I always felt that on wax, the studio just could not capture the energy of LONS. Busta Rhymes, Dinco D, Charlie Brown, and later Cutmonitor Milo (a group named by Chuck D) were such an ill group. It is sad that they broke up. As usual Busta rips it. I really enjoy the composition of the song. Each MC was placed properly and there are no dull moments. Any DJ did not have to skip verses. I know at times we get nostalgic when we talk about songs like this but honestly who is making songs like this right now? And you know I am the positive one in all this.

2 Hip Hop Snobs Tackle.... "Posse Cuts"(Day 2)(Vibe.com)

Check out the first installment here.

"Dwyck": Gangstarr featuring Nice and Smooth




HumanityCritic: Please pardon the hyperbole for a moment, but this is the song I'm going to place in a time capsule for the sole purpose of forcing the future history book writers to accurately state what real Hip Hop was during my lifetime. Full Disclosure here, when it comes to any song produced by DJ Premier, I'm a bit biased, I even think I'm on record as saying the man can cure cancer - that being said, "Dwyck" is one of those infectious head-nodders that makes you want to go to your nearest religious building and forcibly backhand a random clergy member. Just hearing Greg Nice's voice makes me want to break out and do the Wop, Guru's line "I get more props and stunts than Bruce Willis" is a motivational line I've told myself in the mirror every morning since this song came out, and Smooth B's verse just makes me want to do smoke street grade horticulture and just start freestyling.

DanTres: What made this posse cut stand out is that it is such a party favorite. Everyone gets up to this one. This is a very hard thing to do. Very few have duplicated the success of this joint. The first thing we should note is that here are two groups that are pretty much from two different genres of hip hop music. Gangstarr did that gritty, underground stuff with a sprinkle of black consciousness while Nice and Smooth did straight party favorites.

HumanityCritic: The video for this song stands out as well, they all seemed to be having one hell of a good time on that Atlantic City boardwalk, and even though the women in this video were wearing bikini's, it is the epitome of class compared to the women in video's nowadays.(Jesus, I'm starting to sound like an old man) With groups like Nice & Smooth, and an act like Biz Markie as well, they proved that you can bring a light hearted approach to Hip Hop and still not come across as a fucking minstrel act who is purposefully compromising their lyrical integrity.(Yes, this was a blatant shot at 95% of the stuff played on the radio)

DanTres: It was Guru, however, who murdered the track. Despite the ill lyrical verses, it still rocks the party. This track is a clear demonstration that someone can make a dope lyrical gem that rocks a party without compromising anything. No wack R&B chicks. As a matter of fact, if you notice there is no hook. Ask anyone what the name of this track is and most of the time, they won't be able to tell you what it is.

"Grand Finale": D.O.C. Featuring N.W.A.




DanTres: I was not really checking for the West Coast heads until D.O.C. Dropped his classic album, No One Can Do it Better. It was the last track on that album that made me really go back and check out the first N.W.A. Album. I guess the D.O.C. Made everyone step up their game. Each and everyone did, even Eazy E. I was never into that gangsta posing stuff but I appreciated this track cause each MC just ripped it without the gangsta imagery. It was just lyrics.

HumanityCritic: I love NWA, but the main reason why their arrival on the Hip Hop landscape didn't provide the same shock to my consciousness that so many others had felt during that time, was mainly because artists like Too Short and Ice T had already given me a brief glimpse at how treacherous a terrain certain cities in California were. Listening to this, despite all the lyrical heavy lifting that Ice Cube did during his tenure with NWA, what always gets lost in the mix is how fucking nice MC Ren was. Also, as someone who has ghostwritten for MC's only to hear them mercilessly butcher my words with their nonexistent flow, I always feel the urge to at least give Eazy E some points for delivery. Which is pretty hard for me to admit, being someone who solemnly subscribes to MC Lyte's "Do not say shit until you write your own rhymes" school of thought.

DanTres: Even though the D.O.C. Was originally from Texas, this track really made me start to look at the left coast differently. Mind you, if you were to play this track at any spot, you will get different looks from different folks. I don't know too many people that rocked that D.O.C. Album and this was never released as a single. Nonetheless, it was still dope and not too many posse cuts can come close.

HumanityCritic: While people will forever ponder on the types of MC's Biggie and Tupac would have become if they had never met their untimely demise, a more pressing inquiry to me is pondering in what ways the D.O.C would have shaped Hip Hop if he had never been in the accident that severely damaged his voice. I know that he's been a prolific ghostwritter, but I'm just saying.. Anyway, "No one can Do it Better" is a bona fide classic and one of my all time favorites, along with this Posse Cut.

This Week 2 Hip Hop Snobs Tackle.... "Posse Cuts"(Vibe.com)

This week, a good friend of mine DanTres(my Hip Hop Yoda) and I will be tackling 2 different Posse Cuts a day. Forget about the fact that he's from New York and I'm from Virginia, that he's a Dominican American and I'm an African American, that he's a loving family man and I'm a social deviant who refers to strippers by their real names and just recently stopped receiving receipts after sex, that I'm an Obama supporter and he has a penchant for supporting 3rd party candidates that I simply find irritating. Our friendship is grounded in a shared belief that a person's self worth depends upon their respective musical tastes, you couldn't find two bigger Hip Hop Snobs if you tried.

Posse cut: A hip hop track that features three or more artists from different groups or separate artists with no official affiliation.


The Symphony featuring the Juice Crew (Big Daddy Kane, Kool G. Rap, Masta Ace, and Craig G)

DanTres: The classic and very first posse cut. I don't think I have attended a hip hop event without this track being played. I find that every brother (and an occasional sister) in our age bracket knows this song verbatim. Everyone has their favorite part. At all of the hip hop karoke events I organized or attended, this is one of the most requested. I even seen one cat do all the verses.

HumanityCritic: One of my all time favorites. Its funny though, around the time it was released I strongly felt that Kane had the strongest verse, now I have to give it to Kool G Rap - you can't get any better than "..making veterans run for medicine cause I put out my lights in a fight than Con Edison". Just fucking brilliant. Not for nothing, but I can't listen to this song without thinking about the video, so much in fact that when me and the old lady took one of those "Wild West" photos last week - I couldn't stop spitting Kane's verse.


DanTres: We have to remember that this track came out long before MCs started doing cameos on other people's tracks. It was the late eighties and it just didn't happen. It was a while before another posse cut came along. At that point though, The Symphony was the one and only. It was the real deal. No marketing attempts, no watered down lyrics, and not wack R&B songstress. Just a dope beat and dope MCs killing the track. The video was crazy. It really added to the illness of the song.


HumanityCritic: Word. Everyone held it down, but because I'm a nitpicking asshole, I still cringe when Masta Ace says the word "unoptimistics" and even though "Revenging" is indeed a word, why couldn't G Rap just throw a bother a bone and simply say "Avenging". Speaking of Kool G Rap, what I'm about to say may get me beat down by the Queens MC.. But if you told me back in 1989 that Masta Ace would be the only one still relevant in 08, I would have kicked you in the chest with my Converse Weapons.

Live at the BBQ - Main Source featuring Nas, Akinyele, and Joe Fatal

Dan Tres: Another classic. The only thing about this one is only the hardcore hip hop heads know about it. Everyone else really missed it. It was never released as a single but it introduced Nasty Nas to the world. Even though everyone came off, Nas' 12 bars will always be remembered. "Kidnap the president's wife without a plan..." this was a young Nas at his rawest. When you listen to this track and then his first album, Illmatic, it is easy to see why several of his fans have issues with Nas.

HumanityCritic: "Kidnap the President's wife without a plan". That Nas line brings back memories of my senior year in High School when I was having a secret affair with our class president's girlfriend, every time I saw him in the hall I'd utter that line to him and giggle like a school girl. That being said, the whole song is just an assault on all fronts, Akinele spitting hot lines years before he got into "porn rap", the Large Professor lines "...ohh, he's got an afro/but I got dough" and ".that just a bunch of mamajahambo" that always makes me laugh. Definitely a classic, but after 17 years, I have yet to convince anyone to join me in a free style session over hot dogs and smothered pork products.

DanTres: Overall, it helped continue the tradition that posse cuts should be a song where every artists drops the hardest verse they could. It's unfortunate that nowadays this seems to be lost. What I dug about this joint is the hook. It was a throw back to the old school call and response type flow. I don't know how Large Pro laid the track but it sounds like he did it on a 4 track to give it that bottom quality we relearned in Wu Tang's first outing. That brought the real grittiness to the joint. Pretty much, this posse cut was all hoodies and timbs.

"The Symphony"


"Live at the BBQ"

My Unsolicited Campaign Advice to Team Obama(Week 1) (Vibe)

(Obama campaign Manager David Plouffe pictured)
A long time ago, in a galaxy strikingly similar to the one in which we already live, your favorite blogger had a pesky habit of forcefully rejecting the concept of monogamy the same way a transplant patients body rejects a bad organ. Don't get me wrong, I'm not particularly proud of it now, but back when I had an unobstructed view of my penis and I didn't perspire when I ate, my favorite pastime was effortlessly juggling three or four girlfriends at a time. Reflecting back on that period of my life, I'm not only amazed that a career germaphobe like myself was able to perform so many deviant acts with so many lovers without scrubbing myself with an SOS pad while drinking bleach, but the effort it took to maintain such a blanket betrayal took a great deal of strategizing on my part. Of course I avoided the obvious pitfalls that has been the downfall of so many scumbag boyfriends that came before me, making sure that I wined and dined each woman at different restaurants and venues, never introducing her to any of my friends, meeting as few of her friends as humanly possible, making sure that each woman resided in different towns and had conflicting interests. You get the drill. But when I think about how I avoided being photographed(its a small world, and the last thing you need is some overzealous girlfriend showing your picture to some co-worker who may be friends with a woman you "know" in the biblical sense) and the elaborate John Grisham-esque backstories that I created about myself that explained away any unaccounted for time(..like having a sick relative that sporadically depended on my care, or a fictitious studio job that kept me away at all hours of the night. Shit like that) But at the end of the day it simply wasn't worth it, maintaining so many facades in the name of booty variety can consume you and became a full time job, and you get reminded of what a smoldering piece of shit you are every time you get caught and witness the agony your betrayal has caused.(Don't worry ladies, Karma has given me the proper commuppance, for almost ten years I kept falling for soul crushing women who treated my existence as a mere afterthought)

That salacious part of my life particularly comes to mind whenever I think about Barack Obama's campaign, and how I've come to the conclusion that I would be one of their most valuable strategists if only they asked. Listen, if a chubby pre-ejaculator had the ability to successfully bamboozle a handful of otherwise intelligent women all at the same time, I'm sure that I could influence the opinions of a nation rife with dumbasses - um, I mean "Low Information Voters". Here is my unsolicited Campaign advice for Barack Obama.

Obama vs The Media: Despite Hillary Clinton's hamfistedly clumsy campaign, one area in which I felt she constantly outclassed Obama was her ability to successfully set the media narrative at every turn. Aggressive and on-message campaign surrogates had everyone from the miscellaneous reporter to bloviating political pundits willfully regurgitating blatant falsehoods, like her "18 Million votes" bullshit, or their habit of actually tallying Florida and Michigan with other legitimate states in their pledged delegate counts. Listen, I'm a proud Obama supporter who thinks that the junior senator from Illinois ran a brilliant campaign and has earned his status as the Democratic Nominee, but we may be in a very different place if Hillary didn't change her campaign message every third day or if her camp actually had a post Super Tuesday strategy. With John McCain as his opponent now, its even more important than ever that he controls the media narrative, I had Clinton Campaign flashback last week when John McCain and his evil minions had the media buying into an Obama flip-flop on Iraq that never took place. Watching the coverage of this historic election, with a great deal of time spent nitpicking inane aspects of every Obama campaign move, I realized that this election isn't Barack Obama versus John McCain. Its solely a referendum on Barack Obama, his main rival in his quest for the White House being the media. From now until inauguration day, the Obama campaign needs to take the only respectable page to be had from the Clinton campaign, exhibit a combination of message discipline and only send out effective campaign surrogates who gleefully embrace the concept of repetition. Aggressively challenge phony media narratives, even show the same combativeness that Hillary's campaign showed every time they felt that some new person got out of line.(See David Shuster) Sure, John McCain is the Republican Nominee, and Obama has to prove to Americans that he is better suited to run the country. But make no mistake, the media is a more formidable opponent to Obama than John McCain is.

Kevin Smith Protesting his own movie

I'm a huge Kevin Smith fan, "Clerks" is the sole reason that I tell my female friends to include the dicks they've sucked in any "all the guys I've been with" list they plan to recite to some hapless sap during pillow talk , as a guy who has gotten laid in a church confessional, "Dogma" is just the elixir that ails this deviant catholic boy, "Chasing Amy" is the movie that reinforced my "Ignorance is bliss" stance in terms of your mates sexual history. So, suffice it to say, I always find his "Evening with Kevin Smith" DVD's to be highly entertaining, with him basically on stage taking questions from fans. He's tackled everything from casting choices, his strange experience with Prince inside of Paisley Park as he shot a documentary that has never seen the light of day, how he was commissioned to write the first draft of the "Superman" script and all the horseshit ideas that were thrown his way, even the intimate details about the first time he had sex with his wife involving a healthy dose of dry humping and a scab on his penis. As somewhat of a story teller myself, I always wondered about the validity of some of his stories, but this video of him picketing his own movie is a story that has proven to be factual

Obama has the Hillary supporters who don't want to bring back slavery on lock(Vibe.com)

Ok, maybe the title is a bit unfair, I'm sure there are plenty of Hillary Clinton supporters in existence who plan on voting for John McCain based on legitimately substantive differences that they have with the junior senator from Illinois. I know they are out there, the same way that I'm certain that people who actually find Tracy Morgan funny are out there, the mere fact that "According to Jim" is still on the air proves to me that there are honest to goodness Americans who really tune in to that mindless dreck. As much as the media wants us to willfully digest the "Obama is having problems wooing Hillary supporters" narrative, every time I take a closer look all I wind up finding is a bunch of miserable fucks who would have never voted for Barack Obama in the first place. Granted, my evidence is purely anecdotal, I don't have the proverbial smoking gun proving that a certain pocket of Hillary Clinton supporters actually have a "Fear of a Black President" so to speak. But then again, it doesn't exactly take a Mensa member to figure out that when 4 out of 10 West Virginians readily admit that race was a factor when they voting in that states' Democratic Primary, chances are Obama will have a extremely rough time capturing the coveted "toothless rube" vote.

But I'm saying, is it really a coincidence that every time I see a media story highlighting some Hillary supporter who refuses to vote for Barack Obama that they turn out to be a smoldering piece of shit? Take Harriet Christian, despite her being a champion to all the Hillary dead-enders out there when she voiced her frustration about how unfairly Hillary was treated at the Rules Committee - can we just assume that the cantankerous woman would have never voted for Obama anyway, especially after she referred to the former president of that Harvard Law Review as "an inadequate black male". Paula Abeles, a Clinton supporter who set up a teleconference with John McCain and a bunch of other disaffected Clinton supporters, was part of a group in 2003 who led the fight to keep the Hemmings family, the black descendants of Thomas Jefferson, out of a gathering of the Monticello Association. Will Bower, founder of group called PUMA(Party Unity My Ass), attended the news conference of a discredited smear merchant(He failed multiple polygraph tests) who not only wanted people to believe that he once gave Barack Obama a spirited blowjob in the back of a limo but also that the Democratic Nominee was a murderer, despite the fact that he is a career conman with a history of drug addiction and mental illness. When asked about why he was in attendance, that son of a bitch actually said that the mans scurrilous charges were "worth exploring." The Pro-Hillary site Noquarters run by discredited ex-CIA man named Larry Johnson, the good folks who brought us the often "Rick-rolled" Michelle Obama "Whitey" smear for Christs sake, on top of a million other clumsily executed attack posts rife with so much xenophobia and downright racism that it could resurrect Lee Atwater's rotting corpse for the sole purpose of him taking a shower after reading such a hateful fucking site. Lastly we have a woman named Lynn Forester, one of Hillary's big money donors who expresses her hesitation in supporting Obama in this clip, openly admitting that she "doesn't like him" Even going the extra rhetorical mile by calling him an "elitist"(Which is absolutely hilarious because Lynn Forester aka Lady Lynn Forester de Rothschild, is married to a wealthy British financier. Owns a 3,200-acre estate in Buckinghamshire. She's on the board of Estee Lauder. She's personal friends with Tony Blair and his wife. She also owns what is considered to be "the most beautiful apartment in New York". Lady Lynn, respectfully, go to hell.

Again, I'm sure that there are Hillary supporters out there who are planning on voting for John McCain for truly substantive reasons, they have to be out there. I mean, Tyler Perry's sitcom "House of Payne" has to have a dedicated following because it will be airing new episodes this December, despite the fact that its a 22 minute bowel movement that makes you long for the days of "The Secret Diary of Desmond Pfeiffer" . I'm just wondering which group of individuals I'll meet first.

"Barackin'"

John McCain's Flip Flop Express

Another Edition of "HumanityCritic's Asshole Moments"

As I've stated before, my unwavering support for Barack Obama has forced me to reacquaint myself with a dark side of my personality that I've eagerly tried to suppress for the past 6 months - with the help of Tai Chi, breathing exercises, prescription medication, and triple penetration pornography. (Holding a lit candle) Hello, I'm HumanityCritic, and I'm a insufferable prick.(again) I was doing so well too, letting people cut in front of me during mid-day traffic, laughing off the occasional "Ice grill" from your garden variety wanna-be tough guy. I even resisted the urge to publicly cite the bitter irony of my neighbor, who has eight children mind you, waxing poetic about America's need to "responsibly pull out" of Iraq. But nothing makes a person who sincerely attempted to embrace gentlemanly etiquette regress more than reprehensible assassination fantasies and xenaphobia targeted at your candidate of choice. Because of that, I find myself back where I started - insulting strangers, threatening to assault the handicapped, telling clergy molestation jokes to men of the cloth. My girlfriend, who has led the efforts in rehabilitating me, sees absolutely nothing wrong in my recent backsliding. She actually has come to the conclusion that sudden relapse is cathartic for me, feeling that this too shall pass. My mother on the other hand sincerely feels that this is who I truly am, my life not being complete unless I'm severely pissing people off. Moms could be on to something.

Soundtrack to a Beatdown: My friends have a chalkboard filled with the likeliest scenarios in which they feel that I'll meet my untimely demise, equipped with odds and everything. Nothing tells you that you have anger management issues like your dearest friends wagering on how you'll spend your final moments. Some bet that I'll meet my maker talking shit to the wrong drunk person at some miscellaneous bar. Others feel that I'll be cancelled out in a hail of gunfire, probably by the weed carrier of an artist who I suggested go back to distributing street pharmaceuticals. But on the very top of that list, what many feel is the safest bet, is the belief that the grim reaper will pay me a visit after I once again involve myself in a truly avoidable traffic altercation. This sounds about right, quickly my mind flashes back to the time I pulled an elderly man out of his car for giving me the finger, or when I followed an inept driver 10 miles just so I could pull beside him and ask "What are you fucking retarded?" I am the human embodiment of road rage. That being said, I almost put money in a lot of peoples pockets last week when I found myself on the wrong side of a traffic altercation - I was outnumbered, the situation had loss written all over it. See, some asshole in a hummer almost hit my car, I really didn't say anything to the driver directly but the way in which I yelled the lords name in vain probably sounded threatening to all couldn't clearly make out what I was saying. So the man hopped out of his car. Always prepared to clothesline strangers, I got out of my car. Then three of his boys proceed to get out of his car. Shit. After the driver and I exchange some rather harsh words, the reality set in that I was about to get my ass kicked "something proper-like"(to quote my West Coast brethren), but I suddenly felt compelled to do something totally random. After I heard what was playing on the radio of the man about to have one of five sneaker prints on the side of my ass, I very politely excused myself, and proceeded to reach into the vehicle and turn off the radio. The driver, shocked, asked "What in the fuck do you think you're doing homeboy?" - in which I responded, "If I'm going to get my ass kicked, it's definitely not going to be to Lil Wayne! Fuck that!" Turns out those guys didn't want to fight, and I left a potentially hairy situation unscathed. Who knew being such an asshole can get you out of fights?

Dinner with Mom: When I was younger and would say something absolutely outlandish in the most public of places, my mother would give me one of those "will you shut the fuck up and stop embarrassing me" looks, hoping that I would keep my pubescent pie hole shut. More times than not I'd respond with the utterly regrettable "Why do you care what there white folks think anyways??!!", being that I was a faux revolutionary and all. Even though my mother is the recipient of ever kind bone in my body, I still find myself apologizing to her for all the stupid shit I've said over the years. Now that I'm older I fully understand where she was coming from, I feel the exact same way every time local news programs decides to pick the most ignorant person in the history of man to interview at a crime scene. I felt like crawling into a hole after seeing a young sister literally wear a pair of panties in the supermarket, or whenever I'm in the same vicinity as a brother whose colloquialisms were born out of a failed school system - making you want to channel your entrepreneurial spirit and invent a "Dipshit to English Dictionary". It isn't about white people, its about wanting your own people to do better that's all.

That being said, when I took my mother out to dinner at a local eatery, our peaceful meal was abruptly interrupted by a nasty lover's quarrel that broke out a few tables down. A young woman had walked into the establishment while her boyfriend was treating a woman to what I believe to be a pre-coital meal. They were extremely loud, the scorned lover smacking both the boyfriend and his side chick, food flying - and by the looks of the manager who had to be all of 20, with Kool-Aid pumping through his veins, this particular fracas looked like it had staying power. My mother, who would probably tell me "You should have kept your ass at home!" even if I happened to get struck with a stray bullet during Sunday service mind you, looked at me and uncharacteristically asked "Will you please do something??!!" On cue I got up, walked right in the middle of the melee and told all the parties involved, "Y'all have to go outside with this bullshit!". The dude was pretty respectful, but the ladies were having none of it, only momentarily listening to me to restart their battle royale equipped with sloppily thrown punches and random weave pulling. So right then and there I decided to pick up one of the ladies and physically transport her outside, the boyfriend picked the other one up and followed my lead. Back inside, as the young man went to pay his bill and I went to rejoin my mother, I guess he felt that we had just shared a special moment amongst strangers. He laughed and said, "You look like a pimp, you know how it is dog?", in which I immediately replied, "Actually I don't, I've never had two butt ugly girls fight over me!" See, that was just uncalled for.

Hey Barack, give McCain's "Townhall" idea the Gasface!(Vibe.com)

One of the more undesirable traits about me that truly irritates people, outside of my penchant for throwing people's CD's out of my car as soon as it reveals itself to be utterly sub-par, the habit I have of putting on Public Enemy's "Welcome to the Terrordome" right before I make sweet love to my understanding girlfriend, or the way I constantly entertain myself by putting some sort of food product at the feet of some malnourished stripper instead of the customary tip - is my habit of obsessing over members of musical groups who don't particularly pull their weight. I swear, I'm still unable to sit through an entire Lost Boyz video without openly asking, "Okay, (pointing) What do YOU, do? What do YOU do? ..and, what in the fuck do YOU do?" No one rejoiced more than me when the group "Floetry" disbanded, it wasn't that I found anything particularly wrong with their music mind you - but besides the occasionally "fast-forwardable" verse here and there, what in the world was Natalie Stewart's purpose? Whenever I would see one of their performances on television, "The Floacist" simply speaking the exact same words that Marsha Ambrosius was singing, more times than not I would get out of my chair and scream "A monkey could do your fucking job!" But as I was going through some old pictures last night it occurred to me what kind of hypocritical idiot I was being, completely forgetting about the summer of 94' when I briefly toured with my friend's Reggae band. No, I didn't play an instrument or contribute in any way, I was just a shameless "hanger-on" with no agenda other than receiving residual booty.

Let me tell you, when it comes to being an asshole, I have undeniable street cred. If I wasn't smoking up all of the group's marijuana, going through their limited food supply, or refusing to help them set up their musical equipment before shows, more times than not I was sexually underachieving on top of the same girls that they specifically had their eyes on.(Looking back, I'm still amazed that I never found myself on the business end of a well choreographed ass beating). But the one thing that sticks out about that summer is how their untimely demise was a result of them foolishly ignoring my advice that would prove to be prophetic.(But then again, when I think about how badly I was behaving, I wouldn't have listened to my advice either.) Let me give you some background.

Locally, the group was wildly popular, they played every one of their shows to an extremely packed house. Even though they were virtual unknowns outside of the 757 area-code, extremely passionate women would stay after the shows to proposition, or at least have their picture taken with the likes of the fucking Tambourine player. I'm serious. My ignored advice came into the picture when a rival band suggested that they perform some shows together in a sign of unity throughout the musical community, a move that I was strongly opposed to. I mean, they were an average sounding band who only played to very sparse crowds, so I sincerely felt that putting them on the bill would only raise their profile to undeserved levels. Lo and Behold, the selfish "hanger-on" who randomly penetrated one of their dearest fans by telling the misguided young lady that I ghost-wrote all of their material, turned out to be right. The band's allure wore off, the crowds shrunk, and the only ladies who stayed around after shows were just drunk chicks who were trying to find their ride home.

I'm reminded of that story every time I hear John McCain challenging Barack Obama to 10 unmoderated Townhall events, something that Obama seems to be correctly finessing his way out of. Conventional wisdom says that the joint Townhall's would be an absolute winner for Obama, the sheer contrast of the two men standing side by side would be so stunning that Obama's path to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue would be that much smoother. Then when you consider that most of McCain's biggest gaffes, "Bomb-Bomb-Bomb-Iran" and his "100 Years" statement were both in Townhall settings, some would think that participating in these events would be a no-brainer for Barack..

But the fact that these Townhall's are supposed to be unmoderated affairs bothers me, not because I'm unsure of Obama's ability to handle himself in such environments. To the contrary. Listen, the debate moderators are usually the ones who very casually bring up some of the most unfortunate details(real or imagined) about a candidate's past. Tim Russert asking Obama about Farrakhan and George Stephanopoulos bringing up William Ayers is more memorable to me than any answer that Obama gave. Without moderators, the American people will never get to know some of the things about Sen McCain that don't exactly fit into his war hero and "Maverick" narrative - because we know that Obama won't bring that stuff up. Its rather unseemly, but how else will people find out about John McCain leaving his crippled wife for a new and improved version, his penchant for calling his wife the "C-Word", Cindy McCain's stealing drugs from her own charity..

Also, we've seen what kind of fundraising juggernaut Obama has been thus far, most people assume that he will out-raise John McCain by leaps and bounds in the general election - so there seems to be something inherently wrong about giving your cash-strapped opponent free air time.

Lastly, after witnessing the sleep inducing speech John McCain gave in front of that booger green backdrop a few weeks back, the actual substance of the prepared text being lost on everyone due to McCain's creepy delivery and sporadic laughter that made you think of that "Tales of the Crypt" character - I feel there is no way in hell Obama should rescue McCain from the "bad campaign event purgatory" he currently finds himself in by participating in the joint Townhall proposal. Keeping the narrative out there that John McCain's oratory depresses motivational speakers is a clear winner in my eyes, putting McCain on the same bill would not only raise his profile to undeserved levels, but politically it might possibly take some of the electricity out of future Obama events. Senator Obama would still pull in massive crowds, I'm just afraid that after a while we'll start seeing that same drunk chick trying to find her ride home. So to speak.

My daily attempt to resurrect Hip Hop: MC Lyte - Lyte As A Rock

I always loved this video, and I still find it interesting that towards the end of the clip MC Lyte is unable to rhyme and turn a key at the same time.

R.I.P George Carlin(1937-2008)

Supporting Obama has made me a bit, well, punchy..(Vibe.com)

Until recently, the one thing that became abundantly clear to anyone who read my blog for no more than a few moments, was that I was both an insufferable prick and a person who had fits of rage that rivaled most PCP users with pre-existing anger management issues. Traits that normal people found despicable I wore like a badge of honor, not only did saying unforgivable things to complete strangers and mercilessly throat-chopping drunk assholes serve as inspirational gold journalistically - but it also started to become as cathartic as my writing had previously been. Some people meditate, I used to very cavalierly decline propositions from local prostitutes by saying something utterly regrettable like "Isn't the point of paying for sex so you could be with women otherwise above your respective pay-grade? Its almost like trading in your car for an older model - get the fuck outta my face!!" Yes, I'm an asshole, and I knew better than anybody that maintaining such a tactless existence would most definitely lead to an extremely lonely one. That's when it became clear to me that changing my behavior was a necessity, especially if I was ever going to trick some poor misguided soul into accepting my demon-seed for procreation purposes. So I went out and found myself a shrink, which was great for a while, the experience made me a more compassionate person and it was also solving my anger issues. That was until I threatened to beat my mental health specialist to death with his own Georgetown degree for telling me that I was a sexaholic with father issues, paying some asshole three thousand dollars for information that I was already privy to was rather frustrating to say the least. So I just gave up, getting used to the fact that on any given night I could lay my head on the pillow and reflect on everything from providing an unwarranted compliment to a nun on the splendid curvature of her ass, to me physically accosting a man wearing a red nose and an orange Afro simply because I still happen to have a deep seeded fears of clowns. So, you can just imagine how surprised I was to learn that the one thing that cures verbal hiccups and violent outbursts was simply having a girlfriend - I shit you not.

Let me tell you, nothing makes you want to suddenly embrace the teachings of Gandhi more than the prospect of your daily booty privileges being taken away from you - metaphorically, my girlfriend was the career convict doing consecutive life sentences while screaming cautionary tales and I was the juvenile delinquent, the steady stream of urine running down my left leg signifying that I was indeed being "Scared Straight". She had me respecting people's opinions, when one of her friends expressed an unfortunate fondness for Lil Wayne, I resisted the urge to mock slit my wrists and bleed out all over the table that we were all dining at. When an old man took it upon himself to angrily critique my driving skills at a traffic light, letting out a profanity laced screed usually reserved for intoxicated longshoremen - all my girlfriend had to do was shoot me a stern look, and right then and there I decided against dragging that Baby Boomer out of his car and jacking him for his Social Security dough. When I was getting drinks for the both of us at a local club, some extremely drunk man sitting at the bar thought I was somebody else and threatened to beat my ass - so after I smiled and told the man to have a great night, my girlfriend ran up and gave me the same sort of prideful hug moms give you after a home run in little league. As I stood in the middle of a packed club, the two drinks in my hands damn near empty because of the open field "Michael Singletary"-esque tackle my girlfriend just put on me - I suddenly felt as if I was becoming a changed man at last. That was until Barack Obama became the democratic nominee for president.

Dave Chappelle uttered what I feel is the quote of the decade when he posed the rhetorical question "What is a black man without his paranoia?" - words that ran through my mind every time I saw Barack Obama greeting people in a massive crowd after giving one of his speeches, I found myself telling the secret service "Get him the fuck out of there already!!" as if they could actually hear me. You don't have to be a history professor to be well versed in this country's utterly shameful past, I'm ashamed to admit this but sometimes I switch on the news for the sole purpose of seeking reassurance on Obama's well being. My heartbeat quickens every time any sort of "Breaking News" banner flashes across my television screen, only to breath a gigantic sigh of relief when it turned out to be a town destroying tornado or some deranged psychopath going on a stabbing spree. So when you factor in my daily fears for Obama, and the fact that I live in a socially regressive town full of inbreds so unable to deal with the prospect of having a black president that they subscribe to assassination humor - you can only imagine how edgy I've become as of late. So, how does a newly reformed, overreacting pugilist deal with people who collectively go out of their way to act insensitively towards my paranoia brought on by supporting Obama? By punching them in the motherfucking face.

My girlfriend is obviously frustrated, watching her tireless efforts to civilize me unceremoniously flushed down the toilet, with me hoping that she'll stay with me after I explained to her in exhaustive fashion that I'm using my powers for good this time. Like the gentleman at my neighborhood bar, after hearing my friend and I discuss Obama and his chances come November, he said "That's if he gets that far!!" with a devilish chuckle that absolutely made my skin crawl. The old lady is none too pleased that I decided to reciprocate his sentiments by landing two well placed punches to the man's face, causing his chair to collide with the others at the bar, creating a domino affect of sorts.(Yes, I screamed "Riverside Motherfucker" as he lay on the ground writhing in pain. There's always room for Jell-O and post violence, Hood movie references) Then there was the man who saw the Obama sticker on my bumper and decided to say "So you are supporting Obama, huh?" right before making distinct shotgun sounds with his mouth from the safe confines of his truck - which in turn prompted me to drag his toothless ass out his vehicle and proceed to ram his head into said truck as if I was a wrestler and the man's car hood was a fucking turnbuckle. Usually this would be the part where I admit to being too old for administering chin-checks, expressing regret for my brand of methodology when engaging in a substantive debate was a better course of action - not a chance, especially since I don't consider what I'm doing to be violence, its more of an aggressive reeducation that will continue until election time. I really thought that it was ruin my relationship, but as I skimmed her calender and saw that she had November 4th circled, I knew that I had one hell of a understanding girlfriend.

My thoughts on Hillary Clinton's Concession speech and party unity..(Vibe.com)

Laying on my couch, anxiously awaiting Hillary Clinton's well publicized "Concession Speech", there were two pieces of bitter Irony that I found myself wrestling with early that afternoon. Sure, I've spent the better part of a year criticizing both Hillary Clinton and her campaign, some of the tactics that the former first lady resorted to often made a career deviant like myself want to take a scolding hot shower. The mere fact that I anticipated anything she had to say outside of a campaign ending gaffe automatically made me feel as if I was in some sort of alternate universe. The other irony, that I was resting on a couch that I've had many a pre-ejaculating sexual experience on top of, a black light over one solitary cushion would make the most seasoned forensic expert literally dry heave for days - the funny thing is that I'm a huge germaphobe, go figure. That being said, as I patiently waited for Senator Clinton to address the packed house at the National Building Museum while listening to nonsensical punditry of the "I wonder what she'll say" variety, I had to laugh - because anything short of a full throated endorsement of Barack Obama would have been political suicide for her, period. But then again, if she refused to endorse Obama it wouldn't be the first time that Hillary Clinton shocked me during this extremely long primary season - I suddenly had the jaw dropping vision in my head of her reaching the podium, telling her supporters that she had no plans of dropping out of the race, and very defiantly raising one fist in the air while uttering two words that would be on millions of T-shirts and bumper stickers for the next two months: "Denver Bitches!!"

But as I watched the speech, my fears of Democratic implosion were dashed as Mrs. Clinton proceeded to give Barack Obama that aforementioned full throated endorsement, along with a message of female empowerment and calls for party unity that eventually beat back the boos heard whenever she mentioned the name of the Junior Senator from Illinois. To me, simply the words "Supreme Court" being uttered in her speech was a way of telling her angry female supporters to resist the urge to cut off their collective noses to spite the face of the democratic party. Depending on how hard she campaigns for Obama in the next five months will signal whether her speech was sincere or not, but she took the first baby-step in trying to get all of her extremely pissed off supporters inside her political U-Haul truck en route to camp Obama.

That said, with all the constant cable news jabbering about Obama's need to woo working class white women, and all the painstaking work ahead of him in terms of convincing bitter Hillary supporters that he is the right man for the job - I pose the following question, has anyone ever asked Obama supporters how we feel about this politically expedient arranged marriage? Do we need a large percentage of the people who voted for her in the primaries to beat the epitome of George Bush's third term that is John McCain? You bet your sweet ass. But there's something downright unseemly about welcoming a group of people with open arms who not only dismissively characterized our support for our candidate as "Jim Jones" cult-like, but it also leaves a bad taste in my mouth when I think about all those online Hillary supporters who tried to undermine Obama's candidacy by shamelessly participating in actions uncharacteristic to most sane Democrats. Everything from people gleefully linking to Republic Pollster Frank Luntz to prove their case against Obama, the constant quoting of Joe Scarborough, people clumsily linking to Sean Hannity episodes, waxing poetic about the "Lou Dobbs Show", the constant Keith Olbermann bashing, embracing the hateful words of Pat Buchanan for Christs sake, even the sheer audacity of pushing the Tony Rezko storyline despite some of Mrs. Clinton's own associations with shady characters. It makes me want find every one of these irate "Democratic" women who say that they will vote for McCain come November and scream "If anyone should be mad here, it should be me god dammit!" in their misguided direction.

For the sheer sake of Barack Obama residing at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, I realize that I'm going to eventually have to let bygones be bygones and stand unified with the same extremely dizzy bunch who now claim that the nomination was somehow stolen from their respective candidate - I'm well aware that holding grudges will get John McCain elected come November. But for some reason, this whole episode seems strangely familiar to me. Not for nothing, but the extreme cautiousness I'm exhibiting while being forced to now embrace Hillary Clinton feels as if I'm taking back an ex-girlfriend who once ripped the beating heart out of my chest. The same way I took back every ex-girlfriend who broke my heart despite serious reservations, I find myself asking Hillary Clinton the exact same questions I asked the women who I decided to give a second chance to:

"Before I take you back, can you tell me what was up with you flirting with the dude across town who you know I have beef with?
Were you referencing my bedroom shortcomings when you were telling anyone who would listen that I was all talk? When that viscous rumor was going around about me, you could have strongly shut that shit down because you knew the truth - why didn't you? Did you really need to smear me by telling people that I was associated with known criminals? Come on, I barely fucking know homeboy. Not only that, what in the world was up with every single one of your friends talking shit about me? What in the world were you telling them anyways?

Wes Clark.. Hip Hop's choice for VP?

Now that Barack Obama is the Democratic Nominee for president, we are getting bombarded with nothing but inquiries on who his "# 2" might be - unfortunately, Clinton's name is the one uttered the most(not gonna happen), even though I have a soft spot in my heart for Jim Webb or possibly republican Chuck Hagel. But after watching this old campaign video of Wesley Clark, maybe Team Obama should give the man a serious look.