Wednesday, October 20, 2004

The StripClub Chronicles

When I was in college I used to go to strip clubs like it was going out of style. The amount of money I spent during any given week was astronomical. From sitting at a runway, or getting lap dances, it was one of my favorite places to be. I also knew all the dancers' names and their life stories. When I would walk in certain strip clubs, I felt like Norm from "Cheers". People would say, "Jaaaames" in unison. I felt special.

Fast forward 10 years, now as a 31 year old man I see my behavior back then as wasteful. Some of you might think that I see my past strip club obsession also as shameful, but unfortunately the "pervert" in me is so ingrained in my D.N.A that I don't see it that way. But I will concede that it was indeed a waste of time.

The other night I went to a strip club with my friend and it is amazing how I have changed. Don't get me wrong, my love for lips, hips, thighs, breasts(fake or real), and alcohol is still intact. It is just that my overall view of strip clubs has drastically changed. For one thing, I understand that the girls have to flirt with you to get your money, but come on. This one young lady said to me, "I haven't seen you here before. I would of remembered somebody as fine as you. I might end up giving you my number after work". Maybe this isn't the response that she wanted, but I replied," Ha,ha,ha,ha,ha. Right. You're cute but you're also full of shit. But thanks". She gave me a bewildered look and walked away.

About 10 minutes later I was at the bar getting a drink and a girl who dances sparked up a conversation. She said, without being asked, "I am only dancing to earn enough money for college. I thought to myself that it was possible, then I asked her "Have you tried applying for grants, or school loans? Was stripping you last choice?". In a angry tone she uttered "Are you trying to be funny motherfucker?? Fuck you!" Man, this isn't as fun as it used to be..

Later, as me and my friend play pool another dancer comes by. She has a plastic cup in her hand and says that she needed money for the jukebox. The first time I gave her 2 dollars. The second time I gave her 3 dollars. The third time I gave her 2 more dollars. Then I noticed that they weren't even using their jukebox and they had a D.J in the corner of the club. If she wanted to just get extra tips from the guys there then just say that. Why the deception? Maybe I am thinking too much, maybe the logic of a stripper isn't something that I should try to dissect. When she came around for the fourth time I said to her "I mean this in the best possible way.. Go away!!" She chuckled and went about her business.

Before I left I thought that I should at least sit at the runway and pay for a dance. I sat down, put some money down, and a young lady proceeded in shaking her newly purchased breasts in my face. As she shook what her mama gave her, I sat there thinking that this isn't nearly as exciting as it was when I was 20. Maybe it is because I am getting older, maybe its because I know that there isn't a chance in hell that I was taking any of those girls home, who knows? As I left, I thought to myself how glad I am that I have left my strip club days behind me. Not to mention all the money that I am saving, to buy hip hop and porn.


notyouraverage.... said...

ya - i don't get the whole strip club facination guys have. if i was a stripper - i'd be looking at you all like, how dumb these guys are (no offence) paying me to dance and shake. what is up with that?

Kim Ray said...

Ahahahaha...I can't believe you fell for the "jukebox" scam...(wiping tears from my eyes)...great blog, btw. Loved Armstrong Jones as the House Negro of the Month (Year, Millennium, whateva...). Your Suburban Sista

Ms. Blaize said...

Just reading some vintage HC and had to drop a Hee* Hee*! When you said,” Why the deception? Maybe I am thinking too much, maybe the logic of a stripper isn't something that I should try to dissect.” Wow for some reason that comment just conjured up “ I’m an honest hoe…… and all my hoe’s are honest!~ Ms. Blaize

Ms. Blaize said...

Oh Yeah and ....

From what I’ve been told it’s normal for the luster of booty clubs to slowly fade away. It finally kicks in that you aren’t gonna get any so why get worked up over it? Even if she gave it to you it could possibly have cooties.... and then there’s that pesky “substance” thing that you didn’t care so much about back in the day but now it matters a bit more. Like Ms. Thang who got upset because you asked if she ever tried grants or school loans! See? Back in the days would you have really asked her that? Now you’re a man and obviously thinking wayyyy too deeply for her. Hell you weren’t drunk enough for her to relate to luv!! You weren’t supposed to challenge her like that – you were supposed to be looking at her twins and passing her $! But it’s all good like you said,” Leaves you more money to get your drink on....oh (*sigh*) and flicks. Take care!
~Ms. Blaize