Thursday, October 02, 2008

If Joe Biden was Muhammad Ali and I was Angelo Dundee..

If last weeks presidential debate didn't finally provide smoking gun evidence to the American electorate that cable news pundits don't know what in the fuck they are talking about, then nothing will wake them from their low information induced slumber. While people were right to obsess over McCain's refusal to look Barack Obama in the eye during the debate and his overall irritable nature, because voters tend to act negatively to such behavior. But all the insistent hand-wringing concerning Obama not going on the attack and his conciliatory nature was misguided at best. Obama's game plan that night wasn't to stick the proverbial landing on more zingers than John McCain, matter of fact winning the debate was more of an afterthought for him last Friday - his main goal that night was to make people comfortable with the possibly of him being their president. That he did masterfully. Obviously he'll never sway the pockets of people who think he's a Muslim no matter how many facts you hit them with, or the folks who masturbate to Mein Kampf and play "Birth of a Nation" on their respective movie nights. But I'm certain that there is are a shitload of white people who were simply on the fence because they didn't know much about Obama, and that debate last week was the first step in locking those people up. What these pundits don't understand, every time they wax poetic about some inane strategic "failing" of Barack Obama, is that he's running a campaign within a campaign. He has to be Jay Z, purposely dumbing down his genius just so everyone can get aboard his "Change" express. He has to be Joe Louis, black enough for black folks and gracious enough in battle to win over millions of white people. He had to do all that while proving that he had serious foreign policy chops. No small feat, let me tell you.

Now on to tonight's debate, Joe Biden vs. Sarah Palin. During the Republican convention we saw a Vice Presidential candidate who could effective deliver convincing attack lines that were dripping with utter contempt and sarcasm. As long as a teleprompter was handy that is. Since then she has flailed around like a fish out of water in the few interviews that she's given, proving that the amount of foreign policy that she knows could fit on the tip of a pen - exposing the fact that John McCain's attack dog doesn't have any fucking teeth. You better believe that tonight she will be fully stocked with scathing attack lines against Joe Biden and Barack Obama that have been ghostwritten by some garden variety Reagan worshipper, dripping with the same contempt and sarcasm. But Joe Biden can't be suckered, getting into any testy exchanges with her would be disastrous - not because she's a formidable opponent, because Team McCain would just claim that Biden was bullying her. Whenever the person with a resume so thin that it inspired Howard Fineman to joke, "Sarah Palin makes Barack Obama look like John Adams", decides to viciously attack Joe Biden's record - I know he'll be tempted to say, "Bitch, you don't even know what the Bush Doctrine is!" but he can't. Joe Biden would be better served to simply ignore her personal attacks. Simply parry each one with a wide smile before going on to the next topic. Avoid sarcasm and condescension at all cost. Spend most of the time ripping the bark off of John McCain. He has to keep his answers as concise as humanly possible. He needs to resist the urge to go overboard when citing his vast experience. Ok, I did my Angelo Dundee "She's dropping her left hand champ, soften up the body!" routine - go in there and get em' Joe!

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