Obama Surrogate All-Star Team(Vibe.com)

Yesterday in Florida, for the first time that I can recall, Bill Clinton gave a rather passionate endorsement of an Obama presidency. It was pretty good to hear, especially after the past few weeks after the man who once famously treated a grown woman's vagina like his own personal humidor has offered nothing but impersonal faint praise for Obama and effusive praise for a man that once called his daughter "ugly". To say that I was mildly irritated by the behavior of the 42nd president is a gross understatement akin to me saying that I'm a fan of triple penetration pornography. I mean, I understand that he's still licking the fresh wounds of a brutal primary season that his wife was on the business end of, and being labeled a "racist" by a community that you thought would have your back for an eternity has to sting a little - but his refusal to give Obama anything remotely resembling a full throated endorsement has him coming across like a whining malcontent, or a scorned teenager lover in ex-presidential clothing. Bill Clinton is a guy that you definitely want on your side, a supremely skilled politician with oratorical abilities hovering around Obama's, his ability to communicate with those working class voters still unsure about Obama could prove to be invaluable come election day. But if he can't duplicate his performance yesterday, and continues his dreadful habit of being a political analyst while cheerleading the character of John McCain and not an Obama advocate - someone in Team Obama should tell Mr. Clinton, in the best way possible mind you, to "kick rocks motherfucker!"

But then again, compared to four years ago, Barack Obama has nowhere near the same surrogate problem that John Kerry had. John Kerry is a good man who I respect, he outclasses George Bush in every category imaginable and we wouldn't be in the mess we are in right now if he was currently our president. That being said, his campaign was ran rather shabbily, letting the republicans set the agenda at every turn like some high school bully while taking extremely too long to attack those SwiftBoating knuckle-draggers. Utter incompetence like that coming from a presidential candidate can only trickle downwards, it seemed as if I'd witness extremely weak campaign surrogates getting their asses handed to them by Bush surrogates on a daily basis. Responding to slanderous attacks in a timely fashion isn't the only lesson that Barack Obama learned from John Kerry, the junior Senator from Illinois actually has effective campaign surrogates(both official and unofficial) which is in stark contrast to the inept public defenders John Kerry had during his campaign. Here is Barack Obama's campaign surrogate All-Star Team.


Claire McCaskill
Day Job: Senator(MO)
Claire McCaskill first endorsed Obama back in January, which many credit with his narrow win in the state of Missouri, and ever since she has probably been his most passionate advocate outside of his wife Michelle. The thing that I truly like about Ms. McCaskill, something she wasn't even afraid to exhibit back when Obama's opponent was Hillary Clinton, is her impressive ability to proverbally stick the knife in while having a gigantic grin on her face.(See Video, she brings up John McCain's melanoma and his chances of dying in office - while grinning) She also chews up opposing surrogates with ease, if Joe Biden hadn't been picked as the Vice Presidential Nominee, I wouldn't have been mad if Obama picked the junior Senator from Missouri.



Chris Kofinis
Day Job: Political Consultant, worked on Wesley Clarke's and John Edwards' campaign.
He's not officially with the Obama campaign, but the guy is truly a hatchet man - more times than not he's dismembering republican surrogates by way of ridicule, sarcasm, or outright mocking. Its truly a sight to be seen. He can be seen most night's on "Countdown with Keith Olbermann", where he is quite good - but he is truly brilliant when he is on some random MSNBC show making a republican operative look like a silly pair of clown shoes. Unfortunately, I couldn't find a video of that, so this will have to do.



Ari Melber
Day Job: Writes for The Nation, Politico, covers the Obama Campaign for the Washington Independent

Even though he's not an official surrogate for Team Obama, the guy should be, every time I've caught a glimpse of him going against some right-winger spouting nothing but daily approved talking points carnage usually ensued. He's an articulate attack dog who never lets the host or his opponent talk over him, and mixes in enough well placed elbows while factually making his case to make him the gold standard when it comes to campaign surrogates. You can check out this clip where he decimates that house negro Joe Watkins, or this clip below where he proceeds to show all the young pimps out there what making someone their bitch looks like. Poor Brad Blakeman.



Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
Day Job: Congresswoman(FL)
There were many Hillary Clinton surrogates during the primaries that said some rather questionable things about Barack Obama who are now very supportive of the Senator, Mrs. Wasserman-Schultz included, but out of all the Hillary people she is by far the most passionate advocate for Obama. She sort of reminds me of Dennis Rodman, boy you hated that motherfucker with a passion, but when that cross-dressing freak joined your team, you couldn't be happier.



John Kerry
Day Job: Senator(Mass)Yes, I know, I spent a great deal of time in this very post bashing John Kerry and his poorly run campaign. But what is up with defeated Democratic Nominees for president emerging out of nowhere with a shiny new pair of balls? Al Gore lost, grew a fucking beard, publicly ripped the bark off of George W. Bush whenever possible, and won himself a noble prize. As much as I criticized the man for acting too slowly after he was smeared by the Swiftboat Vets, feeling as if he was just another Democrat who was scared to hit his opponent in the throat, he emerges as one of Barack Obama's toughest surrogates. Gone are the Herman Munster-esque rhetorical snooze-fests when speaking, a possible Obama presidency has lit such a figure under his ass that he often comes across as a justifiably angry every man.Whether its tearing into Bill O'Reilly, advocating for Obama on "This Week with George Stephanopoulos, or taking apart Joe Lieberman(below) - John Kerry would have won in 2004 if he had the temperament that he now displays..