Tuesday, March 01, 2005

HumanityCritic holds a Mirror up to Himself

I have spent a considerable amount of time criticizing black republicans, wack MC's, women who disagree with premarital sex, and a plethora of other victims during the tenure of my blog. Well, it's about time that I hold the mirror up to myself because my excrement stinks too. Here are some examples of some bad habits/tendencies that I have:

I am a snob: Its the truth, and a hard thing to admit. During a conversation, if you expose to me that you like a wack form of entertainment(i.e Jah Rule fan, your favorite movie is "Diary of a mad black woman") I wrongly assume that you should never be trusted when it comes to your opinion on anything. I was talking to a woman that seemed to be rather intriguing, but when she informed me that "Jah Rule was the best rapper ever" she started sounding like Charlie Brown's teacher to me.(Whah-Whah) I shouldn't be so judgmental.

I suffer from road rage: It's not as bad as you think, I feel that my fits of road rage are basically a vehicular version of turrets. If the light turns green and the person doesn't immediately go, I honk my horn and yell "Hurry the fuck on!". If a person is in front of me and fails to turn because they are busy making a phone call, I may simply yell "Get off your cell phone Jackass!" Those aren't really bad examples, here come the kicker. I was taking my mother to church one Sunday and I very innocently honked my horn when a couple were busy talking at a green light. The couple were enraged and pulled beside me, both of them sticking up their middle fingers as the man says "Fuck you asshole". I quickly blurted out, "Fuck you and your dirty whore of a wife!" I slowly turned to my mother and the look of horror on her face not only made me quickly apologize, but to be honest it was priceless. Sorry mom.

I am argumentative: Maybe this comes from being the youngest child, trying to get a word in. Maybe it comes from me defending myself from my father's "You ain't shit" rants growing up. I don't know, but it's hard for me to let shit go. My friend Danny, who I have mentioned before is a die hard republican, but he hardly discusses politics because he knows how passionate about it I am. But that doesn't stop some of his friends from talking about it. One night out one of his friends started spouting Republican racism, approaching topics like welfare and implying that all black folks were lazy. Danny looked at me, knowing that I was going to tear his friend a new one. After citing facts and figures debunking all of his idiocy, I implied that his parents were siblings and compared him to a steaming pile of excrement. Lets just say that Danny doesn't have him hang around us anymore.

I am a hypocrite(part 1): I always say that I don't care what people think, I say this with pride. For the past few years that has pretty much been my motto. A few months ago it snowed here in Va, closing many bars that me and Danny wanted to go to. The only bar that was open was a gay bar that was up the street from our neighborhood. I didn't even think about going there, but Danny had suggested that we go. Anyone that knows me knows that I am the furthest thing from a homophobe, but I was totally against going. Danny asked why, even saying "What's wrong Mr. Liberal, I thought you were about inclusion." My point, at the time, wasn't about not wanting to be around gay people. I explained that if I saw someone in there that I knew, possibly some girl who might go in there occasionally, I couldn't simply say I was in there getting a drink because she would think I was lying. I felt that way because I used to frequent a lesbian club, because I liked seeing chicks make out.(I am a typical guy) When I used to see girls in there that I knew to be straight and they said that they were "just getting a drink", i always thought they were full of shit. We never went to get a drink, but it just shows that I DO care what some people think. That sucks.

I am a hypocrite(part 2)- Now that I am getting older, I feel that violence is unnecessary. Years ago I used to fight every weekend, willing to knock some clown out that said the wrong thing. I constantly say how "I am 31, and that part of my life is over", and it is but I noticed that sometimes I am a big phony. One night I went to a function where this dude was starring at me the whole night, looking intense. After about 2 hours of him giving me constant stares, I walked over to him and said "Do you want my number motherfucker? I am just wondering since you have been looking at me like I am a home cooked meal!" Come to find out the gentlemen was a friend of my father's, and he was trying to figure out if I was who he thought I was. I felt like a thug, and I hope that I can work on my anger problems.

I curse way too much: Truth is I love curse words. People tell you that cursing is used by individuals who lack vocabulary, but let me tell you that that theory is bullshit. I feel confident in the plethora of words in my mental Rolodex, it's just that swear words are the proper seasoning to put on a sentence. But sometimes, I question my allegiance to my beloved curse words. One day I was playing one on one with some guy at the YMCA. As I played him, I would block his shot and say "Get that shit out of there!". I would shoot a three pointer and say, "Your bitch ass can't guard me! Who in the fuck is guarding me?" Along with a occasional "shit" and "fuck" when I would miss a shot. After we finished I was embarrassed when the gentlemen I was playing with introduced himself as "Father Richard Green". He gave me a flyer to his church and laughingly said that I need Jesus.

25 comments:

Shan said...

HC...oh, i can relate playa!!i know that i am a hypocrite!!but i stopped caring a LONG time ago. in HS i had a teacher tell me one of the most profound statements EVER..."have the courage of your contradictions"..see its easy to stand up for your convictions...what you believe in, your values, your morals..but how many people stand up for what doesn't necessarily make sense, but is still "true" to who they are!! so if I am a hypocrite for saying...hey racial prejudice is wrong and then turn around and say i wont date a white man....oh well..i'll be dat!!

Apocalypse said...

People that will say that they dont call into most or all of these catagories are delusional and enjoy mental masturbation. I'm probaly most guilty of being a snob. Based on my own insecurities I like to feel superior to others. I would probaly never admit this out loud in real life about myself and am considered in general to be a 'reall nice guy'. But Ive been known to do stuff like this: Once I dated a girl and she came over to the 'penthouse' and saw my record collection (thousands of LPs) and she asked if I had any Jodeci. Jodeci? Never called her again. I went out on another date with someone that had never had lamb before. WTF?!??! Never called again. But Im trying to work on it....

peachy said...

HA!!HA!! Jodeci. That's a blast from the past.

I am a snob too, and I think that anyone with self worth would or should classify themselves as one. You are better than everyone else, it's just unfortunate that no one else seems to recognize it. :) Be proud of what you've accomplished and done in your life and if someone hasn't had the same experiences, teach them what it's all about. Teach them to be as good as or better than yourself.

I'm not a big curser. :)
I just never got into that.
Funny about the road rage and your mom. My mother would've died.

Jdid said...

introspective post, dont worry guy i got some of those issues too.

Brother OMi said...

man i am a snob too. if you love ja rule you are the enemy...

i curse like crazy too. i have a large vocabulary but curse words just add the right emphasis of emotion.

heh heh

E to the dwige said...

Great Post. One of my many issues - my use of profanity particulary when I'm driving in D.C with numerous out of towners who don't know where the fuck they're going and insist on driving the speed limit. I also seem to scream out obscenities while I'm driving and talking to my mom on the phone. I just can't help myself.

lindsay-lee said...

You must be looking into the same mirror that I am cause I can relate to you pretty well. Everything except for the road rage. I don't want someone to hit me with there car so I usually keep my screaming down to a minimum. I am hypocritical though. At least you are acknowledging these things about yourself.

golden said...

Hey just droppin by to say hello. Gotta catch up on my blog reading tonight or tomorrow!

happy tuesday!

Sunnchine said...

ROFL! This is right on the money! And I'm so mad at you cursing out the Father on the basketball court. lol!

Sasu...aka Balsera said...

Your stories are priceless.....
"do you want my number Mf" had me bellowing.
Ok but on a serious note self analysis and critisism is something all of us should attempt at some point in our exsitence.
oh and about the ja rule gal.....i would have done the same thing..only to a guy of course...i mean really come on!!!!!

PRINCE CHARMING said...

Ja Rule??? fuck outta here with that stupidity lol.

I'm killing myself at you swearing so much in front of a priest. You have a reserved seat in hell lmao.

josie said...

my friends say that i cuss too much. well not really. but they find i say the words like they are not swear words.

Schatzi said...

The last 2 are priceless. Thanks for that.. I needed a laugh today.

asdfasdfasd said...

"Fuck you and your dirty whore of a wife"... that shit was too fuckin funny. I'm glad noone was by my cubicle when i read that shit. and ur right, cursing adds spice to sentences. better watch it with that road rage though. I find people change their tone when u get out ur car with a loaded 9mm. tight post, folk.

Veronica said...

I can't believe I'd completely forgotten about your blog. Your posts are definitely a great read.

You have the habits of every other single person in this world. They're not necessarily that bad.

Myrah said...

LOL for real!! Look HC you start all that honkin and cursin here in NYC and you might get shot dragged out your car and jacked! Understandably in VA you must be scaring the people there. The cursing I feel you on that even thought it's not right.

If your mother says:
Honey please sit down in the sternest of voice it just doesn't get the attention like:
I said sit your FU@#ing A$$ down before I know your FU@#ing A$$ OUT!

Not that's it right but I do see how the latter would get the needed results.

Disclaimer: please don't curse at your children words hurt like fists!
Great blog!

Myrah said...

LOL for real!! Look HC you start all that honkin and cursin here in NYC and you might get shot dragged out your car and jacked! Understandably in VA you must be scaring the people there. The cursing I feel you on that even thought it's not right.

If your mother says:
Honey please sit down in the sternest of voice it just doesn't get the attention like:
I said sit your FU@#ing A$$ down before I know your FU@#ing A$$ OUT!

Not that's it right but I do see how the latter would get the needed results.

Disclaimer: please don't curse at your children words hurt like fists!
Great blog!

plotty said...

man who said anything was wrong with curse words? you can use curse words to say something positive.. like "damn you are so fuckin beautiful". Now who would be offended by that?

Lambchop said...

Hilarious! I'm loving it! Hey, I'm somewhat of a snob too...knowing is half the battle.

Lambchop~

c-breezy said...

Hilarious.

I have road rage too, but like Knight Rydah says...just don't want to get shot today thanks.

Good for you going off on that republican racist. I wish I had the guts and the timing to cut people with words like that. But I always think of stuff I should have said all after the fact.

Fran said...

LMBO! Oh Lord, that last one just got me....too funny. :D

I used to have horrible road rage, and I mean...REALLY BAD. It ain't so bad now, because i'm TRYING to give the idiot drivers the benefit of the doubt. :/

Will said...

LOL...This was great. I would've paid to see your mom's face after you cursed out the motorists!!! Priceless...

summer m. said...

snobbery is perfectly ok. people who like ja rule (and halle berry, and oprah winfrey, and cunnilingus rice, etc.) cannot be trusted.

BronxGrlnVA said...

Cussin out the Priest,hilarious. I feel you on the green light thing. I've decided to put an airhorn on my little Integra so I can sound like an 18 wheeler when I blast those assholes who forget that green means go.

dParker2.0 said...

Excellent blog! I'm just discovering it (months late) and I must say that it's really a gem!

I was one of those people who never used profanity (I didn't complain about other people using it, I just would never use curse words myself). If I ever even uttered some mild euphemism of a profane word, the conversation would stop, and all heads would turn toward me.

... I didn't start cursing until I worked with children, believe or not (former school teacher)... and kids know the worst words you can imagine (they also know all the "new" slang and profanity... the average 12 year old can curse an old man under the table!