Friday, April 13, 2007

Let me take this opportunity to whole-heartedly thank Don Imus(

For a chubby guy, my swagger is surprisingly phenomenal this year. I've been walking through nightclubs with the confidence of Superman getting shot at, casually looking at women as if they were side-order options on a dinner menu, nodding my head in an irritating fashion and saying "I know honey" whenever a nice women tells me how handsome I am. I've even been whispering nerd phrases in women's ears as pick-up lines, like, "Baby, my blog is the one that lesser bloggers masturbate to!!" Utterly ignoring the fact that I'm one buffet away from never seeing my unimpressive penis again.

Despite my newfound confidence, a couple of months ago I had to be honest with myself and openly admit to anyone who would listen that I was dating a woman out of my league. Carmen was her name. She was so intelligent that my rants had to be pre-planned so she wouldn't call me on my bullshit. Her eyes were so captivating to look at that she never noticed me daydreaming whenever she waxed poetic about some horrible Tyler Perry play. Her skin was filled with so much chocolaty goodness that whenever I was around her, I got the taste for non-nutritious children's cereal. Her only flaw(Read more here)

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