Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Don't sleep on 50 cent, he's a bitch just like Kanye..

The one thing that I learned growing up under a verbally abusive father, a topic in which I could be handsomely paid to tour the country and talk about - is the plethora of ways not to "be a bitch". Childhood memories tend to be the best don't they, I still remember getting a concussion and sustaining a broken arm in a Pee-Wee Football game once - and my father pushing me back out on the field against my coaches wishes and saying to me "Nut up you little shit, get back out there play - you're OK, stop being such a bitch!!" Another classic memory is when my father wouldn't let me back into the house after a bully 5 years my senior handed me the beating of a lifetime, I still remember him saying "I didn't raise any god-damn faggots, go back there and handle your business boy. Wipe those tears or I'll give you something to cry about, stop being a bitch!" So I did what any other 9 year old would do when faced with the possibility of sleeping outside and not being fed, I picked up a brick and commenced to beat the fruity-pebbles out of the kid who had just minutes before given me an atomic wedgie. In junior high when a girl broke my heart and I mopped around the house for an entire weekend, my father didn't console me with your standard "there's other fish in the sea" words on encouragement - he proceeded to tell me that she lost interest in me because I was a sensitive and weak bitch, and then graphically broke down the new and innovative sexual positions her new boyfriend was probably showing her at that very moment. It got so bad that I had take a 2 mile walk just to cry over a friend of mine who got gunned down at a High School Football game - all for the fear of my old man seeing my tears and saying "For Christs sake, stop being a bitch!!"

As Kanye West and 50 Cent perpetrated the fraud that is their pseudo-beef I thought about my childhood, a period of time that should have turned me into a cold blooded killer or a raging homosexual - or maybe both, like Matt Damon's character in "The Talented Mr. Ripley". I mean, sure, Kanye's history of being a whining malcontent would make career whiners like John McEnroe and Rasheed Wallace both aggressively shake their heads in disapproval. I'm not here to defend Kanye, even though I could care less about his arrogance - I can concede that him constantly throwing hissy fits over awards that he didn't win makes him look like a petulant child in desperate need of a public beating.

But what's lost in all this, if you look at the verbal bile that has oozed out of 50's mouth as of late - is that its this writer's opinion that Mr.Curtis Jackson is as big of a bitch as Kanye is, instead of throwing tantrums he showers us with unmanly excuses. At least you can chalk up a tantrum as being a sporadic immature act, but failing to take any responsibility for the lukewarm response your acts in your camp have received thus far, going back on his word that he'd retire if Kanye outsold him, whining like a little girl about Kanye bringing Jay-Z out during his 106th and Park performance, blaming his record label for his impending loss against West, blaming Def Jam of "chart-rigging", making empty "I'll drop a record whenever Def Jam release a priority" threats to Def Jam, not to mentioned the cancelled international music events and the rather convenient "I've lost interest" approach he's subscribed to.

I'm just saying, in the words of N.W.A - whether you're a Louie Vuitton wearing malcontent who throws incoherent tantrums, or a survivor of multiple gunshots who can't find enough testosterone to be a man and accept responsibility for one millisecond - a "bitch is a bitch"


Keelah said...

I agree.

Muze said...

hey, don't talk about kanye. i agree with him mostly when he throws his incoherent tantrums. lol.

50, however, should retire and never ever come back. ever.

hottnikz said...


Jameil said...

word. the louis is what really grosses me out. i can't believe you didn't mention 50's gq cover... you really missed that one!