Rachel Maddow and Melissa Harris-Lacewell clown Michael Steele

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

I've always been pretty pragmatic about the women who I've had my respective crushes on. Take Janeane Garofalo for example. She is funny, smart, an avid reader who doesn't own a computer(which makes my nerd nature rise), a political knife fighter tailor made for an insufferable prick like myself - and any white woman confident in her liberal street cred enough to call a black man(Larry Elder) a "House Negro" gets eternal props in my book. That said, when I actually envision the both of us being together, it simply spells disaster. For one thing Janeane is a recovering alcoholic, so my penchant for binge drinking would go over like a lead fucking balloon. Being a comedian you'd think that she'd openly embrace other peoples comedic sensibilities, but more times than not I've seen her openly reject any verbiage that comes within a square mile of juvenile crassness. As much as I would love to intimately show Ms. Garofalo how chubby writers with inferiority complexes get down, I'm certain that the tenure of our union would be spent with her reprimanding and dressing me down every few minutes for some unfortunate joke I decided to tell.

The same pragmatism is applied to Melissa Harris-Lacewell as well. My crush on her hearkens back to the days when I had a school boy fascination with a third rate singer with sub par acting skills who played opposite some guy named "Taimak". At first blush the two of us would seem like a perfect fit. She is cute, by the looks of this video she is a Hip Hop head, I've always had a weird affection for black women with lisps.. Then the reality of it all starts to sets in, my old man's words haunting my every thought - "Son, you have to punch your weight!". Again, the fact that I've embraced my inner asshole a long time ago gets in the way of a perfectly innocent fantasy. I mean, she is a serious writer who has penned articles for reputable publications about serious topics - regardless of the topic, I always find a way of referencing my penis in everything that I write. She's cultured, hob nobs with important people the world over. I'm the guy who once gave a girlfriend a dutch oven then proceeded to laugh about it over the course of the next hour. I've slowly learned that a lot of the advice that I've given Team Obama over the last 2 years turned out to be dead wrong, but Melissa Harris-Lacewell is a political scientist for Christs sake - I'm sure that being told that you are a clueless rube in real time is very emasculating. Still, a boy can dream can't he.?

(The video above is Melissa Harris-Lacewell and Rachel Maddow mercilessly mocking Michael Steele's vision of injecting some Hip Hop sensibilities into the GOP. Enjoy)