Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Like Father Like Son


When a person is going through the trials and tribulations of growing up they always say that they will never be like their parents. Even if someone's parents were fundamentally good people, there is a desire to separate yourself from the individuals that raised you. I am no different. I have mixed feelings on my father. Even though I found him amazing by being able to fix anything, becoming a Master Chief in the Navy, becoming a engineer that taught classes, all on a 6th grade education. The mere fact that he was self taught still blows my mind. Then there is the side of him when he would tell me that I wasn't shit and that I would never amount to anything. I acknowledge that there are things that are hard for me to look past.

I woke up the other morning, washed my face, and when I looked in the mirror I said to myself "I have become my father". Not totally, but there are some similarities that are hard to miss:

My Father was notoriously late: This is hard to admit but I am known for my late arrivals. Granted, if a check is involved my black ass is there early, but other than that people find themselves waiting on me. I know it isn't sexy. It's not that I am late on purpose, with some master plot to piss people off. The problem is I always miscalculate the time allotted to get somewhere, if my destination is 15 miles away and I have 5 minutes to get there I think I can make it. It's so bad at this point that my friends tell me to get somewhere super early, fooling me to be there on time.

My Father wasn't big on religion: OK, even though I hate Ghetto Gospel plays and think that most preachers are despicable bastards because their support for Bush this past election, I believe in God. I grew up Catholic, and most of my biblical knowledge came from my time in Catholic school. My problem with religion is that a lot of people become fanatical, damn near cult-like, and they allow their faith to alter ever opinion they ever had.

My Father said whatever he felt: OK, most of you guys who read this blog know this to be true, but it's sort of different. I tend to think that I use my powers for good and not evil. If you are a dear friend or a family member I try not to hurt your feelings and I am considerate with my outspoken nature. But if you are a black republican, or some garden variety jackass then I have no problem spewing venom in their direction. Fuck em'.

My father had a pretty bad temper: I actually think my temper is worse than his was, which legitimately scares me. The good part is that people I truly care about have never and will never see that side of me but knowing that rage is inside me is a bit unsettling.

My Father had a hatred for current music: I used to get so irritated when my father would criticize hip hop because I felt that he didn't know what he was talking about. But I realized early that good music is good music. When I was helping him one summer at his car shop, I had put in a mix tape with Rakim, EPMD, Big Daddy Kane, etc. He turned to me and said, "That stuff is pretty good. That hip hop I like!" My jaw hit the ground when I heard that. Now that I am a grizzled old man of 31, I totally detest 95%of what is played on the radio. When I reminisce about the "times when hip hop was pure" I start feeling like my father.

My Father could talk about Pu**y(slang for female genitalia) all day: Even though I have tried to come clean on my blog and express all of me, the one part of me that I have just showed a piece of is my nastiness. I have wrote about some pretty nasty topics, but I have tried hard not to be totally crass. But the truth is I have the mind of a nasty old man. Not as bad as my father though, he would have sex stories and anecdotes that would make me blush.

My Father was judgmental: Here is another thing that I would like to alter as I get older. Here is the deal: If I'm talking to you and during our conversation you say some seriously stupid shit, the rest of the time you sound like Charlie Browns teacher to me.(Whah-whah-whah..) I need to be patient with people and give them more of a chance.

My Father had a handful of friends: I am exactly the same way. I have about 5 good friends, the rest are in the category of "motherfuckers that I just know". The weird part is most of those people consider me their friend but I just consider them my acquaintance. My definition of friend is: A person that you can call 3 in the morning, tell them that you have a dead hooker in your hotel room, and they ask you if they should bring a shovel. That is a friend.

Hopefully I will be different in the way I treat my child, when and if I ever have one. I really don't want to repeat the history of verbal abuse that I was a victim of, but maybe since I am aware of it I can stop the cycle in its tracks.

28 comments:

Jdid said...

Up till I was about 25-26 I thought I was completely different from my dad and then suddenly I realized not just how much we were alike but how much people wrongly perceived us. such is life I guess.

notyouraverage.... said...

same here. seeing my mother in me - coming out while i was with my ex. i have to actively say to myself, to 'watch it'.

ShellyP said...

I'd be interested to know in what ways you see you have done better based on what you saw in your father that you know you did't want for yourself.

Dee said...

I feel myself saying all the shit I said that I would never ever say to my kids.....Great post...I admire your honesty....

Dee said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Dee said...

I feel myself saying all the shit I said that I would never ever say to my kids.....Great post...I admire your honesty....

Liza Valentino said...

The funny thing is my mother just told me like 2 minutes that she sees herself in me more and more each day.

the kid said...

Seems I'm alot like your dad too except I don't talk about sex. I think we all eventually become up-to-date versions of our parents. I mean they had influence over us before we even knew they were influencing us. I dunno. I know I'm a HELLUVA lot like my ma. But she's ok, so I don't mind. :)

SunShyn said...

Truth is...that we can never escape from who are born to, but the trick is in realizing and changing those attributes that we don't want to carry on in our lives.

That said, every day, my kids dad tells me I act just like my mom...he can't stand it...lol...but I can see it in some things and in some ways I don't...

Myrah said...

In my case my mother and I look like twins! People mistake us all the time. We have some serious issues between us but It's like then we are "ON" and people every where say the same thing. "You two look like twins!" I know what it's feels like to have a twin, and it SUCKS! We talk everyday, well use to.

sidenote* I don't look old she looks really good!! LOL!!

asdfasdfasd said...

I really like your definition of a friend. I can definitely relate to that.

Yolanda said...

Dag! I know what you mean. I always said, I'm not going to be a duplicate of my mother. But the older I get, whether it's whipping the kids' asses like she whipped mine, or repeating stuff I heard her say on the daily--I'm becoming my mother's daughter. Since she's a pretty cool lady, I'm not as turned off by it as I used to be. LOL

Brother OMi said...

i can feel you. my dad and I are so-so . i speak to him mostly out of respect.

but i look like him and have many of his traits.

Anonymous said...

I don't know about bringing a shovel, but I'll bring the Glad to line your trunk.

E to the dwige said...

hmmm I feel you on this post...not being late all the time or anything cause that I don't get but realizing that we're more like our parents then we realize. I'm discovering that I'm more like my dad all the time.

kashata said...

The apple really never falls far from the tree,i wish i grow to become more like my mum.
Love your definition of a friend,that's how it should be!.

Fran said...

I can so relate on the being late and having a bad temper. I have a lot of my father in me as well, and it's not necessarily always a good thing. :/ I grew up with my dad being a bit on the harsher side as well, he thought by putting his children down that he could somehow make us change for the better. Ha, it gained nothing but low self-esteem on my part. I know I will definitely be different in that aspect when I have my lil munchkins. :D

Sunnchine said...

But if you are a black republican, or some garden variety jackass then I have no problem spewing venom in their direction. Fuck em'.ROFL!

Nice post HC. Like everybody else said, I can definitely see both of my parents in me.

Me said...

You hit it right on the head. By recognizing the bad traits we inherit from our parents, we (hopefully) can make better parents to our children. After all, it's all a learning process, isn't it really?

Nice post.

greggy said...

I know for a fact that I am becoming more and more like my father, at least physically. I was looking in the mirror the other day and was startled at the ever increasing resemblance as I get older. My wife and kids tell me my behaviour is becoming more like his too...stubborn and always right..lmao. great post.

gonebabygone said...

Well it goes without saying "a friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move a body."

Nikki said...

I too am the spitting image of my mother. It freaks me out sometimes to hear her words coming out of mouth.

Schatzi said...

As I get older, I see alot of my mother in me. But that's not a bad thing.

I've got the temper of her side of the family (something my mother didn't get) and I have to take a step back and check myself.

chi said...

for me, it's more 'like father like daughter'. we look alike, drive like hell and are horrendously stubbon. it freaks me out and i hate when people say the obvious (you are just like your dad...). but i guess we all have to deal with it... and that's why i'm not having any children...

faerie said...

yeah, I dig your definition of friend..it's silly, but the reality is..ok, no dead anything for me, thanks so much, you're right..a friend is someone you can totally trust!

akiey said...

I enjoy reading all your posts & I alway find smth fascinating in the way you relate what could be everyday stuff.
I liked this entry so much I put a link on my blog. It's generating quite some interest, I just had to come back & give you props for such great insight. U r welcome to view it at:
http://akiey.blogspot.com/2005/04/definition-of-friendswhats-yours.html#comments

tom said...

Thank you, very interesting!

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