6 Quick Tips for Beginning Bloggers

I get emails all the time where people ask me if I have any advice for someone starting a blog. I always answer them with a, "just do what's in your heart" response, which is sincere on my part but also somewhat bland and probably not very useful. So I decided, since I have been blogging for exactly a year now, that I would provide new bloggers with some helpful advice concerning your blog and what you might encounter over the following year. Hope this helps.

1. Write for yourself: Over the past year, being that I can be somewhat crude and ultra-violent, I am surprised that any of you ready my daily drivel at all, but I am thankful and sincerely greatful. When people first started reading my blog I made the deadly mistake, one that I hope none of you make, of writing for other people. When I found myself doing that, the blog got extremely wack(It might be wack to some of you now) and it felt like work. Now I do it for 2 reasons. 1: Because it is cathartic and I really think that it has stopped me from having the bodies of some random black republican in my freezer. and 2: To get some prime choice, USDA, Internet booty. OK, #2 hasn't actually panned out yet but did I mention how cathartic it is?

2: If you get political, Watch out: If you get political, or think like I do that George W. Bush has the I.Q of a soiled diaper, be prepared for his apologists to come out of the woodwork and attack you.(But it will increase your readership though, I suggest you try it.) I had one asshole dedicate a entire blog just to "debunk me", I had one jackass create the ultra intelligent "HumanityCritic eats cock", and not to mention the numerous death threats that I got during election time. But for the most part cowardly individuals will post anonymously, not wanting to post under their own name and expose their horseshit blog, and talk just talk shit. But I never really saw the rationale of posting on someones blog that you don't agree with politically, it's not like your 3 sentence comment will change their lifelong political perspective.

3: Beware of "Biters": When I say "biters" I don't mean women who lack the ability to give a proper "mouth hug" either. Biters:(hip hop slang) Some bastardly individual, who takes it upon themselves to copy concepts from you, or just lift entire pieces from you verbatim and act like the material is theirs. Over the past few months I encountered two individuals who had taken entire blog posts of mine and tried to pass it off as their work. (Usually, if you bitch to their blog host about it they will have their nonsense erased immediately.) Some people are less abrasive about it, you begin to see certain concepts and stylistic choices that you use that begin to be used as well. But most of the time it is hard to say someone is "biting", because we all have the same experiences and I always put that in the "Great minds think alike" category. But if someone simplys says, "I got this idea from HC" that is more than OK.

4: Monday Morning Quarterback: Feedback is always good, unless it is after sex and your lover is telling you that your lovemaking is similar to a visit to the dentists office. But for the most part I am open to constructive criticism when it comes to my blog, but at the same time you have to take it with a grain of salt as well. A friend of mine recently said, "I don't really like the direction your blog is going! You seem to be "swinging from your own sack" since you won those awards and it seems angrier." Wow, "swinging from my own sack"?(If I had the ability to "swing from my own sack" my black ass wouldn't leave the house and shit.) Well, first let me say that the person in question is a ex girlfriend who might have a agenda of hate, based on my lackluster boyfriend skills, so the source must be considered first. Secondly, I don't really get the "more angrier" angle because of the constant throat-chop references, and the angry black man rants that I constantly go on. My blog is an extension of me, so if it's angry its because I'm angry, if it more political then it's because I'm getting more political, and if its more sexual it's because it is my feeble attempt to beg for sex from any woman that finds a single 32 year old skateboarding black guy attractive.

5.Misinterpreted Work: People are complex beings, so I can see how someones writing can me misinterpreted. But be prepared, especially when you think that you are being absolutely straightforward about something, because people entirely get the wrong impression a great deal of time. You could have an entire post about "How horrible domestic abuse is", along with a few anecdotal stories and links to help hot-lines for women and whatnot. It never fails, after that post you will have someone say, "It's fucked up that you condone beating women HumanityCritic, I thought you were different!!" What the fuck??!! I also have noticed that if you have a post about "religion" or "god", people will get the wrong impression to the point that you openly wonder if they read the piece at all. For example: I had a post where I talked about feeling funny about taking advice from people who had recently "found god", because they were so foul in their previous life. In that post I talked about how it was good that they changed their life, but thinking about a woman who used to give "mouth hugs" for money for a two year time span now giving me advice on my "loose ways" was kind of troubling. Their would always people who would comment, "Damn HC, people can't change??!!" Jesus..

6: Want privacy? Get a fucking Diary!: I know that many people, because of co-workers and such, have had to stop blogging because of some things that were discovered on said blog. Some of those situations I can sympathize with, I really can. But seriously, If you want privacy then get a diary, don't have your silly ass on the Internet where any random asshole in front of a computer screen can see your innermost thoughts. My only rule is that I don't say anything about someone that I wouldn't say to their face, which means that I have the luxury to talk about whoever I like since I am more of an asshole than Kanye West. People, whether it is family members or friends have confronted me about what I have written on my blog, but I quickly put them at ease when I say, "Don't I say those things to your face though, and did that actually happen like that?" They usually nod in agreement and keep it moving. Granted, I try not to be malicious about the people I love and care about, but if some guy that I beat up in a bar is offended because the vivid imagery I used to describe that monstrous ass whipping I put him through, then that's his problem.(How would he find my blog anyway?)