Friday, December 01, 2006
"Sucka N*gga, N*gga-N*gga.." My commentary on Racism and the N-Word.(no, not necrophilia)
"Sucka n*gga, n*gga n*gga
I throw the sucka in the front for the ones that front"-A Tribe Called Quest
If you think that I'm the one that would put on a very expensive sweater, surround myself with a lifetime supply of Jello-O pudding, and condemn the use of the N-Word with all the elderly angst a guy named Bill Cosby could muster, then you my friend would be mistaken. Sure the word is one of the worst in the English language, and I don't feel that people should make it a regular part of their personal lexicon, but it is pretty hard for me to get on my high horse and demand the abolishing of a word that I myself have used many times before. I feel like that junkie who is trying to turn his life around because he sees that he's slowly losing his family, career, and years off of his life, ridding my vocabulary of the N-Word can be nothing but beneficial. Listen, I'm losing the battle with my sex addiction, just ask this Jamaican stripper that I routinely put my pediatric penis on the business end of, as she rolls her eyes mid-coitus with me screaming "I shot the sheriff!!" just to make her feel closer to home, with me ejaculating all over her Rastafarian flag moments later.. I'm losing the battle with my violent outbursts, just ask the guy I throat-chopped a few weeks ago just because he told me that he voted for George Allen, or the ass-clown that tried to convince me that "Hip Hop wasn't dead" by using Lil Wayne as an example. But I'm glad to say that I'm winning my battle against using the N-Word, with the exception of a few relapses when some random African American individual thats related to me said something that I found to be utterly unbelievable.(Necrophiliac Please!)
By now, unless you have been living under a rock, or are a member of the Amish community(what is your ass doing on-line, don't you have some fucking butter to churn you Laura Ingles dress wearing motherfucker??), you have heard the racists rants coming out of the unfunny mandible of Michael Richards. Even though people are outraged, and I supposed they should be by his usage of the N-Word and him invoking the painful memory of lynching, I was neither shocked nor outraged. Sure what he said was fucked up, there's no getting around that, but it didn't shock me in the least because, well, I'm from Virginia.. Let me explain: I have spent the past 3+ decades in a state as backwards to me as a lesbian wanting to be with a woman who has more facial hair than I do, I have heard so many overt and no so overt examples of racism I've become shocked when someone isn't racist. Virginia is like that slutty cousin that you invite to your wedding, sure she looks like a million bucks when she's in a formal gown, but sure enough she can be found later giving guys blow-jobs in the parking lot for 5 bucks a pop. Virginia likes to think that its more progressive than ever, but based on the racist things that I have heard come out of people mouths over the years, I seriously think that banjo riff in the movie "Deliverance" should be our state's song.
Don't get it twisted, I'm not one of these "all white people are evil" guys, I mean, could a guy with such a generalizing stance about white folks show his love for Janeane Garofalo by routinely masturbating to "The Truth about Cats and Dogs"??(I don't think so) I feel that people in general, black and white, are like the diapers of a toddler who has been grunting for the past half hour, if its not completely full of shit I'm pleasantly surprised. But I have heard so many horrible racist rants from people in my day that I have become unfazed by it, like that funeral home owner who has seen so many stiffs during the tenure of his job that he doesn't think twice when the local bum is found dead in his neighborhood. I know I should be outraged, I need to be outraged.. (walked away from the computer to watch "Roots" and "Mississippi Burning") Ok, now I'm outraged like a motherfucker! But seriously, here are a few things that some people might find harmless, but I find racist, or at least racially insensitive.
People who tell me how "articulate" I am: Watching the rise of senator and presidential hopeful Barack Obama, it becomes amazingly clear to any black person with an I.Q above room temperature that the media is as racist as ever. No, they haven't asked him silly questions like "Does your hair get wet??", and they don't play African drums in the background while he is being interviewed, its never that overt. What I am talking about is how commentators, news men that you would figure knew better, say things like "He is so well spoken!!", "He is so intelligent!!", and "Barack Obama is such a bright guy!!" What in the fuck is that about?? Barack Obama has to be the only guy in history who graduated magnum cum laude and was the president of the Harvard Law Review, where people seem openly shocked at how intelligent he is.
Gay people who tell me they know what it feels like to be black: Because I feel comfortable in my own skin, knowing for certain that my lifelong sexual preference would be to disappoint women the world over, I've always been open to people from all walks of life. I mean, I can't say that I have much in common with the gay community, except for the fact that I'm probably the only straight male that has uttered the words "A little to the left doc!" while getting my prostate checked out. That being said, I know that gay people the world over catch more shit than a colostomy bag because of their sexual orientation, I get that. But gay people, please, don't come to me saying that you know what its like to be black because its pretty insulting. Hell, most of the time I can't tell a guy is gay unless he's in a gay pride parade, or married to Star Jones, you can tell I'm black regardless of what I wear or what pay-less spokeswoman I decide to tie the knot with.
People who say they're "republicans" when they are actually "racist": I live in a pretty conservative town, so you can imagine how many times people try to mask their racism for a republican agenda. Usually when you hear some blow-hard flapping his gums about welfare reform he tries to act like he's concerned with the economy, but he's talking about black folks. Whenever a bloated Rush Limbaugh type is going on and on about "Immigration" they aren't talking about the toll it takes on the economy, he's talking about, well, brown folks. The funniest thing about these individuals is that while they constantly talk about personal responsibility and "pulling yourself up by your boot-straps", these are the same motherfuckers that bitch about how Affirmative Action cost him his job.
White people who say that they use the N-word to characterize "stupid people": I have actually had people tell me, with a straight face, that they use the word but not as a racial epithet but to characterize "all stupid people". This is the first time that I realized that some white people want to use the N-Word in the worst way. I always ask them, "With all the words in the dictionary that you could find to accurate describe a stupid person, you use that one??"
White people who ask, "If you can say it, why can't I say it?": You would be surprised how many white people I've encountered who are outraged that they can't say the N-word. I guess when they hear songs with the word in it, or hear people calling themselves that as a term of endearment, they feel that they should also say it and not be left out of the racial epithet shin-dig. My question is always, "Why in the fuck would you want to say it??" Not for nothing, but I don't stay up at night wondering why I can't call women out of their name, or why I can't make any holocaust jokes to my jewish friends. Its gotten to the point, when I'm asked by a white person why they aren't allowed to say the word, that I give them complete cart blanc to say the word as liberally as they like. Granted, they mysteriously disappeared from the face of the earth, but I digress.