Thursday, February 09, 2006

Hip Hop, you know I Love You. Right?

Have you ever seen an ex of yours, an ex that you had a pretty tumultuous relationship with, but because a few years have past you greet each other with phony niceties? As I told her what I have been up to she smiled, but I could see her recounting me beating up her brother, our vicious arguments, me calling her mother a dime-store harlot, and a plethora of other smart ass comments playing back in her head. As she told me about her new business, I couldn't help but to think of all the glasses she threw at me, her constant insistence that I was cheating on her, and the one time she slapped the shit out of me and begged me to hit her back, playing in my head. I felt like a recovering drug addict being faced with a vile of crack cocaine, knowing what stands in front of me is harmful to my health, but also admitting that I love it at the same time. At least I thought it was love a few years ago, so much so we decided to go to "relationship counseling" even though I had just found out that she fucked a complete zero when she was on a boat trip with her girlfriends.

As we both sat in front of the therapist, her with a optimistic gleam on her face because I had chose to try and make it work, me with visions of some guy nicknamed "The Sperminator" deep dicking my girlfriend with the passion of a horny porn-star on a fucking pleasure cruise.(The person you envision your mate with is always more appealing in your head) I actually thought that if I could vent about it to a trained professional that I would feel better, so you can imagine my disappointment when the therapist asked us to "write a list of things that you like about each other". I even remember saying, "We aren't going to talk about the reason I'm going to feel funny fucking her for the next six months, when I'm positive that she won't give me what that Outbreak monkey had?? Fuck, why did I use the word "positive in that last sentence?" She told me to go ahead with the list, and as we started my then girlfriend was writing her ass off about things she liked about me. When I grabbed my pen and began to write my mind went blank, not only did we have nothing in common, but I hated all the idiosyncrasies that a mate usually loves about a person. Five minutes later, with her list full and mine just having a self drawn picture of myself holding a microphone that I had doodled, the therapist told me to read what I wrote. It was a moment of clarity as I stood up and said: "You know what? I don't like anything about her. Her family was horrible to me, she damn near abused me, I hate the way she sleeps. The way she smacks when she eats. She's hogs the fucking covers! She talks while I'm watching sports just out of spite. She always wears the most vomit inducing fragrances. She kept wanting me to cut my dreadlocks!" Then the therapist said, "Well, why did you stay around?" I thought about it, paused for a few moments and said, "I guess, for a guy on the brink of paying for it, simply put I liked having guaranteed ass.."

As I walked out of that therapist's office, leaving them both with a "what the fuck" look on their faces, I realized right then and there that truly loving someone is about loving the little things about them. Things that most of the times go unnoticed on a regular basis if the love isn't there, but if it is there you can speak out on those things eloquently for hours. Based on the rocky road that me and Hip Hop have been on the past couple of years, and to show that I still love Hip Hop, I will attempt to save this relationship and talk about the "little things" that I love about it.(I know the "Hip Hop as a woman" has been done to death, so fucking what) So all of you are my therapists and the internet is the relationship counseling office. The little things I love about Hip Hop include:

The Helicopter sound in the beginning of EPMD's "Its my thing"

When Biz Markie says, "Reagan is the Pres but I voted for Shirley Chisholm" in the song "Nobody Beat the Biz" Also, the way that Biz screams "Whilooo!" at the end of the song.

Hearing MF Doom utter the line "same name on the titty as on the name ring,
pretty like Baby D off "all in the same gang
" in the song "Hoe Cakes" is sheer brilliance.

When Ras Kass says, "I keep the afterparty swervin', *sniffing sound* not quite like Michael Irvin" in the song "Soul on Ice"(Diamond D Remix)

The mere fact that Sir Mixalot said he was "hugging more girls than Bella Karoly", genius.(Karoly is that famous gymnastic coach)

Cringeworthy and funny at the same time, the grunting sounds Slick Rick makes implying that he was getting anally raped in the song "The Moment I feared"

De La Soul tackling such topics as child molestation in the song "Millie Pulled a Pistol On Santa"

The fact that Phatlip referred to "The Dopest Ethiopian" in the song "Passing me by".

When Q-Tip hints about his love of receiving mouth-hugs in the song "Electric Relaxation" when he says: "Shorty let me tell you about my favorite vice, it has to do with lots of lovin' and it aint nuttin' nice"

One of the best opening lines ever, when O.C said "You Lack The Minerals and Vitamins, Irons and The Niacin's" on the song "Times Up"

Big Daddy Kane's flow in "Set it off"

How the internal struggle that many of us face with using the N-Word was broken down perfectly in A Tribe Called Quest's song "Sucka N*gga"

In the Gangstarr song "Just to get a rep", hearing Greg Nice's sampled voice. "Stick up kids is out to tax!!"

How Rakim seemed like the coolest motherfucker in the world in the "Microphone Fiend" video, walking through a packed club with Fab Five Freddy.

The Drum pattern on Notorious B.I.G's "Unbelievable"

The footstep sound effects in the beginning of De La Souls "Ego Trippin'"

Saafir's awkward flow in "Light Sleeper"

The Rim-shot in MC Lyte's "Paper thin", also the way the track repeats in it's entirety without any lyrics.

The bass drop in Eric B and Rakim's "Mahogany"

The truth about how many women look to you at 2 Am ,when the "ugly lights" come on, in the Black Sheep song "Strobe-light honey"

The moaning woman that starts off, and is sprinkled throughout Chubb Rocks "Ya Bad Chubbs"

The infectious half way incoherent freestyle that Redman does at the end of the "Tonight's Da Night" Remix.

When Q-Tip says, "I know why you act that way, It usually happens on the 28th day" on the ATCQ song "The Infamous Date Rape"

DJ Premiers saying "Big L Rest in Peace" at the beginning of the Gangstarr song "Full Clip"

The way the kick-drum booms in on the twelfth bar of A Tribe Called Quest's song "Check The Rhime"

The way that you would have had to have either done time, or be iliar with the penal system to totally understand Ice Cube's "Check Yo self"

How Mos Def continues his verse even though his voice obviously cracks, in the Black Star song "Twice Inna Lifetime"

When the music drops out only leaving the beat playing, during Andree 3000's 2nd verse in "Benz or Beamer"

Quest-love's drum gymnastics at the end of The Roots' song "You got me"

I love it when Big Boi, on the song "Aquemini" where he says "Pay your fucking beeper bill bitch" with an uncaged venom. I always find that funny.

Casual's entire song entitled "I Didn't mean to", a song dedicated to having sex with girls who have boyfriends. Yes, I once had a penchant for penetrating other people's poonany's periodically.(Alliteration aside.)

The Doug E Fresh "one hand swooping around the head" dance move that I still do at parties.

Kool G rap for saying, "I'll bust a nut, get up, and wipe my dick on your curtain!" I've said that exact thing to women post-coitus since then, probably explains why I'm single.

When a fictional fight breaks out at the end of Biggie's "Party and Bullshit", and the track comes back in where he says: Can't we all just get along, so I could put hickeys on your chest like Little Shawn"

The looped horn sample at the beginning of Souls of Mischief's "That's When Ya lost"

How Chuck D mentions my hometown in the song "Welcome to the Terrordome", even if it was to outline a very racist incident. Or in the same song, when Chuck D says "Every brother ain't a brother cause of color", something I say constantly when talking about black republicans.

44 comments:

Samoan_64 said...

yea word man i couldnt handle staying wif my gurl if one was to find out she rooted on some otha dude. that is instant laterz time.
Millie pulled a pistol on santa is a strong song yo. typical fresh ass de la. Damn man de la soul is dead has to be one of the greatest hiphop albums of all time - personally anywayz

Coffey0072 said...

Love the post! hahaha
I haven't been in the blogosphere in a while, glad to see you still have it! Not that I doubted you did for a second!

Dee said...

dam that was cool!!!! DAYUM I LUV hip-hop!!!! Real hip-hop not that shit my 17 year old is tricked into believing it's rap!!!!

Great post!!!!

The ZenFo Pro said...

Damn. You know, if you threw in something off some O.G. Original Gangster (Midnight) and old school Afrika Bambaataa, you have just about every hip hop song, you'd have matched my own ultimate break-up mixtape.

Rose said...

This was something else. A very good read indeed. That was some realization that therapist brought out of you. I know that shocked them....

Chubby Chocolate said...

Ok, that was the best post-ode to hip hop thus far. Don't think there will be one to top that.

You're right on point about Lyte's Paperthin. To this day, I knock that beat on my office desk when I'm stressed out. It soothes my nerves.

IsLifeLame said...

I know it's your list but...

93' Til Infinity - Souls of Mischief

The Humanity Critic said...

I got the song right, "That's when Ya lost"

The Humanity Critic said...

..or were you just suggesting one of your favs? If so, my bad..

IsLifeLame said...

yeah i was just suggesting one of my favs. no worries.

IsLifeLame said...

sorry, don't want to be a post whore with this just wanted to clearify that 93 Til Infinity, the track, is amazing and just one of those tracks that could get me out of the worst mood. The album as a whole is a timeless classic and could hold up to any classic album of any era, IMO.
Another thing that you might get a kick out of and is a small tidbit, former pro skater Natas Kaupas was the art director for the liks albums Coast to Coast and Likwidation. It just bridges the gap between two things i love.

Miz JJ said...

Q-Tip in Electric Relaxation. Loves it! I had a thing for Tribe, Black Sheep, Leaders of the New School You're taking me back. Gotta pull out the iPod.

glory said...

Quest-love's drum gymnastics at the end of The Roots' song "You got me"

AMEN

Dawud said...

on Planet Rock when Bam breaks it down and says "Soul Sonic force, Zulu Nation!" that shit plays in my head every day.

Brown Baby said...

Great fuckin ass blog.

GG said...

The Doug E Fresh "one hand swooping around the head" dance move that I still do at parties.

*dead*

DP said...

I knew I was in love when my fiancee ran off the classic BIG line in unison...


"Not the Mariott, we be lucky if we find a spot next to yo sista *damn i really miss the..."


ya gotta love a 3rd grade teacher who recites Biggie just out of earshot of her students.

Brother OMi said...

yeah yeah
if you loved it , you would have came through the show last night

IT WAS DOPE
imagine 40 b-boys uprocking at one time on stage?

Brother OMi said...

gosh,
can i do a joint like this... ?

jameil1922 said...

wow. i'm always so amazed by people who can recall song nuances like this.

the g.f. thing. damn. i fell out laughing when you stood up and yelled at the therapist. that was hilarious. at least you figured it out, though. if i had gone thru all that with someone, i would forget cordiality beyond hello. that's it. when i can see all the bullshit in my head, ain't no need in takin it any further. you don't need to know what i'm doin w/my life. if you were treating me right, you'd be IN my life.

Joel said...

And how about Jeru spinning fables of the miseducation and perils of inner-city and black youth? "Mr. Ignorance is at THE LIBRARY!"

EJ Flavors said...

man, i was depressed as hell, and then i checked this ish out. made my day. didn't know anyone paid attention to the little nuances. that's the kinda ish i like.

scuse my while i go play 'You Got Me'. the drum licks alone at the end. classic.

Anonymous said...

Not to nitpick, but Fatlip does not refer to himself as "The Dopest Ethiopian." He's referring to the girl.

"There she goes again, the dopest Ethiopian"

Otherwise, great read.

I am Jack said...

You have to watch out for people who start off their rant going, "not to nitpick". That's what you're doing fuck/suck...lol

Honest mistake, dope post..

Dynamite Soul said...

a couple of my favs to add...

* "Yo, my mic is sounding bug. Bob Power, you there?(Yeah)
Adjust the bass and treble make my shit sound clear...(echo)"- A Tribe Called Quest(The Chase Part II)



* "Then he stops midthrust.

(pager unexpectedly goes off)

Seems she nameless to cuz..."

-Ursula Ruckers poem "The Unlocking",(The Roots-Do You Want More?!?!??)

~b*b~ said...

the piano riff at the beginning of BDP's "the bridge is over"...

brooklyn babe said...

I HATE COVER HOGGERS!!!!
But I love me some MF Doom....
...wassup HC, long time.
Still got it babes...

Wendy said...

Great post. Your list brought back some crazy memories. Congrats on your award and thank you for stopping by my spot...

Brotha Buck said...

>>"You know what? I don't like anything about her.<<

Thats an awful feeling to have. I woke up in the middle of the night and realized that about my first wife, in my first marriage.

Ms Peculiar said...

I am so totally loving the therapist incident. I understand it and can seriously see that turning into a hip hop classic in itself. Maybe you should through those lines to a funky beat.

You are a much better lyricist than some of the "players in the game" currentlym making money

Ms Peculiar said...

sorry about the typos...

Amadeo said...

Favorite GangStarr quote: "Did you come to see my show or to the stupid nigga playoffs?"

Supa said...

Damn! Anonymous beat me to "the dopest Ethiopian" Pharcyde reference.

Great post, HC! I'm a "song nuances" type of chick as well.

Quel said...

I guess I love Hip Hop too. I just don't love 90% of what they choose to play on the radio and call hip hop.

Anonymous said...

OMG I love your post...I found it through looking @ my other "addictions".....you have another fan!!!

Hassan said...

word born on the post...

Justin said...

I really like it when they use violins on the track. I even like it on that wack-ass Nelly joint about the grills. I didn't understand for the longest time that they were actually wearing mouthpieces--I thought they'd went and grafted all that shit on their teeth. What's the point? Why don't you wear a big ol' two-foot jeweled cocksock while you're at it? That way TWO unsubtle (and likely untrue) points could be made instead of just one.

Anyway...yeah...violins. Frontalot's "Goth Girls" has some great violins on it.

teahouse said...

I'm completely overwhelmed with your hip hop music knowledge.

So uh, did things work out with this girl?

John Q. Public esq. said...

and I am sure it loves you back, however in more of a smokey Jazz kind of way.

all my best,

JQP

glory said...

happy valentine's day, you endearingly self-dissing blogger you!

now that i got the mush out the way, get your ass in gear and post!

thank you.

LOL!!!!

wayne&wax said...

nice post. i definitely agree with you on most of these, and i'll have to listen a little closer for some of the things i never noticed. great to pick out these little moments, which are often the real "hooks" of a song.

gotta love that double drumline on 'check the rhyme.' heavy!

keep writin'. (thanks for the comment, btw.)

the only black girl in wicker park said...

yeah, so i've spent waaaay too much time on this sunday evening passing over your words. your posts are like a favorite rerun (gimme a break? the cosby show?) that i watch over n over again.

anyway, about the topic at hand...

you're good for comin up with this. there's so much i love about hip hop but can't put it into words. lyrics. beats. the message. you took me back all the way. now, over to my illegal music dowloading platform to cop some of the music that has long since been forgotten about.

the only black girl in wicker park said...

oh. and you forgot the wop.

gotta wop to lyte.

QueenBea said...

Maaaaaaaaaaaaan....it's funny, I never realized all of those little things that I've noticed some of these songs until i read your blog...I guess like you said that is love

Love the blog!

Thanks for the link to it E!