Here is the Main reason I should never be an MC..

I have always admitted that I'm a strange guy, I like to lovingly eat Mac and Cheese off of the plump backside of a woman I might be dating, I've been known to hum the "Smurfs" theme song while ejaculating, and I've admitted that I have such a strong love for Janeane Garofalo that if I had the chance to date her I'd take her to a Nation of Islam meeting just to prove my undying love for her. All that being said, nothing can compete with my strong urge to write at least 3 rhymes a week. For some reason, like a ninja that is in perpetual training mode just in case shit pops off and he has to avenge his master or assasinate someone, I write battle rhymes in case I find myself on the business end of a lyrical challenge. Granted, my rhymes are pretty pathetic, especially for a guy who hates on sub-par Hip Hop so much, but its a habit that I've had for more than 20 years. Here is one of my rhymes, or more accurately, smoking gun evidence as to why I'm not an MC.

My rhymes are tighter than nun vagina or Eddie Murphy's outfit in "Delirious"/
I'm serious, you're flows are weaker than Lady Sovereign's when she's coming off her period/
I only date women with boyfriend's, but please don't hate me though/
Don't let a loving relationship get between you, me, and fellatio!!/
A musical butt-plug in the ass of Hip Hop wouldn't make all the shit stop/
Most rappers don't have enough soul for the game, like playing basketball in Flip-Flops/
I've forewarned this, like crack-babies I was born sick/
Don't let our personal issues come to a head like money shots in porn flicks..
I bring the drama like Russel Crowe causing telephone induced head trauma/
I'm down with terrorism, only when women give up their body's like suicide bombers/
When bloggers DON'T link me I think that's smoking gun proof/
That I don't need to strap dogs to rocket-ships for a brother to raise the roof/
MC's have more small talk than midget speeches, while I hold your style hostage/
You talk a good game but were never a player, like Bob Costas/
You lack verbal dexterity, with lyrics sloppier than a retard free-styling on Ecstasy/
Rappers never get the best of me, I kid you not like a hysterectomy's/