Friday, November 17, 2006

"To Catch A Predator"..on some Hip Hop shit...

Narrator: Dateline has set up a house where an under-aged girl is supposed to be all alone, with a shitload of alcohol, and a mouth that she herself has categorized as one with the ability to "suck more black men dry than the U.S government." What we did was had the watchdog group F.L.A.G.A.S(Fucking Little Ass Girls Ain't Sexy) go online to various chat-rooms, posing as under-aged fans of Jim Jones, to see if they can lure some hapless pedophile with bad musical taste back to the crib to get the black beaten off of them. This week we have some celebrity assistance, "America's Next Top Model" Toccara will be the under-aged girl in the scenario. (Tocarra interrupting the Narration) Toccara: Heeeey!!!

(We our young girl, Toccara, leading an older man with a "Dipset" shirt on inside the house)

Young Girl:(waiving the guy in) Ohh, you are fine!! Come on in, I have some liquor waiting for us in the back!!

Sick Fuck:
I have some "lick her" ready too, if you know what I mean!!

(HumanityCritic emerges from around a corner)

HumanityCritic: No motherfucker, I don't know what you mean??!!!

Sick Fuck:(Looking nervous) Umm, what's going on here??

HumanityCritic: I don't know, you tell me?? Do you usually go to the houses of under-aged girls that you share the same deplorable Hip Hop tatses??

(This is when the man realizes what is going on)

Sick Fuck: Oh shit, I know what this is, I know who you are!!

HumanityCritic:(nodding head in approval) That's right motherfucker!!

Sick Fuck: You're the guy who always talks about pre-ejaculating, your pinky sized penis, and how your ex-girlfriend left you for a guy who was homeless!!! Oh Shit!! (extending hand) What's up man!!

HumanityCritic:(slapping hand away) No, No, No!! This show is where we get sick degenerates like you off the street!! See the camera's??!! (in my best Bill Duke, "Menace To Society" voice) You know you done fucked up, don't ya??

Sick Fuck: What are you talking about?? I didn't do anything wrong!!

HumanityCritic: We have the transcripts here buddy, where she tells you that she is 13 multiple times!! We've got you dead to rights you son of a bitch, what do you have to say for yourself??

Sick Fuck: That you shouldn't let celebrities be your bait when you are trying to catch pedophiles?

HumanityCritic: What do you mean??

Sick Fuck: It would have been one thing if old girl stayed anonymous and played a role, but she told me that her name was Tocara!!

HumanityCritic: So, I'm sure that many people share that same name. Shit, I've known 4 girls in my lifetime named "Africa", and???

Sick Fuck: Do those same people send you modelling pictures, ask you for advice when it comes to taking movie roles??

HumanityCritic: Umm..

Sick Fuck: Do they tell you about the great times they had when they were on "America's Next Top Model" and shit!!? Jesus Christ man, you didn't read the transcript did you??

HumanityCritic:(head down in shame) No..Goddamn Toccara!!!! Wait, what about her saying that she was 13??

Sick Fuck: Sure it was weird, but if me playing along with her weird game and listening to her irritating voice meant that I would get a chance to camp out between those meaty thighs of hers, I was all for it!! That reminds me, doesn't Tocarra remind you of a 2006 version of....

HumanityCritic: Jakee Harry on "227" and shit?

Sick Fuck: Exactly!!! Can I go now??

HumanityCritic: Not yet.(looking at the transcript) It says here that you are a Jim Jones fan..

Sick Fuck:(looking nervous) Um, no I'm not!

HumanityCritic: Yeah you did.(pointing at the transcript) You said right here, "Jim Jones is my favorite rapper right now, that "Ballin'" song is off the hook, no one can fuck with him on a lyrucal level!" It's all right here!!

Sick Fuck: NOW you want to look at the fucking transcript!!!

HumanityCritic: Yeah, we can't get you for being a pedophile today, but we can do our best to mame your ass for listening to extremely bad hip hop. Man, by saying that JIm Jones is the best lyricist out, you'll be lucky if you leave here breathing!!

(Luke Cage and selfrah emerge with baseball bats in their hands

Sick Fuck:(with a horrified look on his face) Ohhh shit!!

You really have to reconsider your choices when it comes to Hip Hop my friend.

(Luke Cage, Selfra, and HumanityCritic spend the next haf hour putting the poor young man on the business end of 3 Louisville Sluggers, with HumanityCritic occasionally screaming out..)

HumanityCritic: BAAAAALLIN'!!!!!!!!!!



Sister Toldja said...

Were you aware that Camron and the rest of Dipset were planning on doing a straight to video version of "To Catch A Predator"? And, no, I'm NOT KIDDING!

Anonymous said...

You have a real problem.
Keep up the good work

Movie Buff said...


You are a genius

If I have to listen to BAALLLLIIINN one more time......