Thursday, November 09, 2006

Jim Webb like a motherfucker!!!


Back in the late 80's as I nodded my bald fade to the beats of The Bomb Squad and the angry political lyrics of Chuck D I saw myself as a young revolutionary, like Michael from "Good Times", only less gay. I thought back then that I would grow up to be quite the militant, holding secret meetings with like-minded individuals in underground undisclosed locations, dressing in all black and wearing some sort of beret, and only fucking women who looked up to Angela Davis and yelled "Power to the people!!" after they climaxed. I even saw myself kidnapping political leaders who I felt didn't do right by my people, not necessarily causing them physical harm, but making them know the plight of the black-man by strapping them to a chair and making them listen to "It takes a nation of millions to hold us back" a thousand times, forcing them to watch "Roots" on a 24 hour loop, and only feeding them a steady diet of cooked pig intestines and grape soda. So suffice it to say, I'm sure my support of Jim Webb has offended whatever revolutionary sensibilities are still in this chubby frame of mine, but something about supporting a far superior candidate and wanting him to beat a career racist just lit a fire under my ass, like being on the business end of a cannibal's barbecue.

Listen, I'm overjoyed that Jim Webb beat a man who was not only incompetent, but a man if he had it his way would still have my people enslaved and shit. Sure, its comforting to know that my state will be led by a man who was a war hero, was against this war from the beginning, and seems to have a pretty good sense of what right and wrong is, but the icing on the cake is that he beat a man who was so much of a Bush loyalist that he voted with his ass 96% of the time. I know, I should be happier, I should be dancing around the lifeless carcass that is the political career of George Allen, I should be going to all those pro Allen blogs and simply uttering the words "What now motherfucker!!??", I should be so happy that democracy worked in my favor that I should call this hooker that I know to come over and sing the National Anthem naked as I give myself a self gratulatory "yank". Yeah I'm happy, but here are a few reasons I'm not as happy as I should be.

What is up with my area??: I've always seen Virginia as that drunk uncle, even though he might piss in the barbecue grill and flirt with your wife at the family reunion, you still have love for the guy. I know, I know, my state of Virginia is as backwards as a dyslexic product of inbreeding, but I just hoped that my state had progressed past "Hee-Haw" reruns and Nascar races. Sure, I guess Virginia as a whole showed that they have evolved somewhat based on the election of Jim Webb, I'm more upset at my specific area. Did you know that my city, Virginia Beach, went overwhelmingly for Allen?? Not only that, 5 of the surrounding 7 cities went for that confederate flag loving, rare racial slur flinging, noose in his office hanging son of a bitch. Thank god for the good people of Northern Virginia and their political savviness, because if it was up to my backwards neighbors I'm certain that the return of Jim Crow and cross burnings would be on the next ballot.


It's official, Americans are stupid:
I guess it shouldn't have been a shock to me that the average person in the United States has the I.Q of a lawn chair, I just had to be reminded of it over the past week or so. If it wasn't people smearing Clinton and distorting his record as their retort whenever you bashed Bush, their Fox-news regurgitated claims that the war was going well despite criticisms from top conservatives saying otherwise and the editorial of every military newspaper calling for Rumsfeld's resignation, then we have John Kerry's "bitched joke". The level of desperation I witnessed as people tried to propel something that was an obvious verbal gaffe was pretty sad to see. One case was this young soldier that I had an argument with, he said "Yeah, Kerry said that we are all stupid. Yep, he sure did!!" When I told the young man that Kerry was referring to Bush, and asked him how he felt about Bush's "Nope, no weapons there!!" joke and the fact that he said "Bin Laden wasn't a priority"', he ignored all of that and said "Yeah, Kerry dissed us!" Thats when I conceded and said, "Yeah, I think Kerry was talking about you specifically!!"


Some of my friends supported Allen, they have to go
: Am I overreacting when I sincerely think that a vote for Allen was a vote for racism?? That being said, I feel that I have to give some of my caucasian friends who voted for that proverbial shit-stain a motherfucking pink-slip. It's harsh, I know, but I'm certain that my jewish friends would disassociate themselves from me if I voted for a candidate that not only used slurs against Jews, but had a weird affection with the swastika. Not only am I thinking about ending friendships, but I'm thinking about visiting every black pastor who campaigned with Allen over the past few months, going to their churces and interrupting their Sunday service by standing up and screaming, "What in the fuck were you thinking? You are no messenger of god sir, you are a charlatan and you motherfucking betray our trust!!!!"

15 comments:

alias_storm said...

I appreciate this entire column, and I appreciate that someone has suggested that its OKAY for black people to hate on our friends, coworkers and acquaintances who claim to be down, yet feel absolutely comfortable for embracing racist jokes, movies, and political candidates. amen!

richard said...

Nice!

Sankofa said...

As a fellow Virginian, I must say that this has been a good week. After seething all day on Tuesday from receiving a door flyer that tried to direct me to the wrong polling place, news of Allen's demise has been just that much sweeter. And if that wasn't enough, we take the senate AND the house??? And Rumsfield is gone??? And Mass. has a BLACK governor? And a woman is running the house? And it was 75 degrees today??? OK, that ws unrelated, but damn it! It's November! And Oh, HC...I read it. Of course I liked it. So fuck them. Kisses Papi!

nosthegametoo said...

When i read the title to your post, I couldn't stop laughing.

Absolutely hilarious!!!

Now I'm gonna read the post.

jameil1922 said...

you can't really be surprised that hampton roads isn't politically forward thinking.

i have a "friend," more of an acquaintance, who's a staunch conservative. i'm really considering severing all ties. i don't know how you can hold those kinds of firm ideas and think you're better than EVERYONE and still be around me. you do know i'm black right? i just don't really trust that she's not calling me a nigger behind my back.

Mia said...

" What now motherfucker?"...I love it! I feel you about cutting ties. I wish I could make friends with all people, no matter what their ideology is, but when certain political viewpoints, including the support of your own community, is important to you, it's extremely hard to have a friendship with someone who is against that. Hell, being Jewish, I would NOT BE ABLE to be friends with a swastika loving supporter and I completely understand your desire to tie friendships with those who voted for Allen. Go on now...say toodles to those idiots!

Quel said...

"you are a charlatan and you motherfucking betray our trust"

Love that.

Heather said...

So should your female friends hate you and cut you out of their lives if you voted Webb because Webb was accused of being a sexist motherfucker?

I think that it's pretty lame to go cutting off friendships based on who they vote for. If you can't get along with people who are your FRIENDS who you disagree with, then how do you expect the rest of the country to get along?

I didn't VOTE for Allen, because I'm not IN Virginia - but I wouldn't have voted for Allen anyway - and despite the gag-reflex inducing thought of voting for a man who has made sexist and opressive and sexual remarks about and to women, I would choose him for his position on choice/same sex union, etc, over a blatant racist and that stupid ass woman in the "Independent Green Party" PUH-LEEZE!!!

But deciding to hate your friends? Educate them instead - give them the "proof" they need and make a persuasive argument - but cutting people out of your life means you then have no traction with them at all. How does THAT help?

The Humanity Critic said...

"So should your female friends hate you and cut you out of their lives if you voted Webb because Webb was accused of being a sexist motherfucker?"

Well, firstly I don't have many female friends, because I believe that if I'm not practicing the fine art of intercourse with you then what's the point?? But if the female friends that I did have were pissed that I voted for Webb, then that's their perogative. I just hoped they had a decent enough of an I.Q to know that Webb did say some sexist things about women, 20 plus years ago for christs sake, but has owned up to said statements, apologized, and has since been instrumental in being an advocate for women in the armed services. I'll just assume that you aren't talking about Webb's fictional work concerning women, because that argument is just retarded.

"I think that it's pretty lame to go cutting off friendships based on who they vote for."

Usually you would have a leg to stand on, but in this case you are a double amputee below the waste. Allen, beside the racist slur of "macaca", has always had an affinity for the confederate flag, was known to support a known white supremacist group, was accused of saying the N-Word by people with no reason to lie, and when Doug Wilder was elected governor of Virginia he said "Just because there is a black face in the governor's mansion, doesn't mean the niggers are taking over!!" So yeah, a black guy might have a slight problem with his white friends who voted for a guy two steps away from the clan.

"and despite the gag-reflex inducing thought of voting for a man who has made sexist and opressive and sexual remarks about and to women"

But that isn't as gag-reflex inducing as not having enough intellectual fortitude to understand that said statements were more than 20 years ago, that he apologized, and that he made strides to improve the roles of women in the military since then. Shit, Allen has said negative things about women in the military no less than 2 years ago, where is his apology about that, why would you pull Jim Webb's "sexism" out of your ass?? Two question that might never be answered..
But deciding to hate your friends? Educate them instead - give them the "proof" they need and make a persuasive argument"

You act like that wasn't already tried?? With proof, with smoking gun evidence, they voted for Allen anyways.. No what is you advice Dr. Phil?? I mean, you come here and try to pull Jim Webb's "sexism" out of your ass? Get the fuck outta here!!
..lol

Heather said...

PERSONALLY - I agree with you about Allen.

I also agree about Webb - in fact the reason I actually WOULD have voted for him if I were living in Virginia (which I will NEVER do again) is in part because of a video I saw of his wife, who is bright and articulate and hardly the type of woman who seems as though she'd put up with some sexist man's bullshit.

My point - and perhaps I didn't make it very well because I am somewhat sleep deprived - is that I DO NOT agree that people should cut off friendships based on who they vote for. It's certainly your perogative to do so - but I'm not going to kiss you ass and say it's a wonderful idea.

I live outside of the mainstream and often am at frustrated odds with the beliefs of others - even my own friends. I suppose I could surround myself with ONLY like-minded people - and certainly that would make my life easier, but it ain't like it's easy to find folks who live my sort of life and look like me too.

My art, my lifestyle and the way I look often put me at second-class status in many people's minds - and even insights anger in some. I choose to TRY to take the approach of rising above their judgments. Of course, like you, I am not always capable of doing so, but I ALWAYS TRY to.

Despite your eloquent (ah-hem) argument I am still not convinced that cutting out friends is the way to make any progress or make a good point.

Maybe they weren't really your friends anyway.

Anonymous said...

The democrats are back!!!! yay! I loved your column I think it was insightful, brilliant and you have demonstrated your responsibility to our state and the nation by educating us through your column re: reasons Allen should not be re-elected. It was up to me to do the research. Now if a person is not politically astute enough to follow through and vote for some racist mother-fucker, fuck them, cut them off. I will remain on your dick!!!!!Time out for the bullshit-people should know better time out for the spoon feeding!!!!

GG said...

See...

I told you political rants bring out the best/worst in people...

I say, Lorena Bobbit whoever doesn't understand where you're coming from. What's the use in arguing a point to a person that just won't get it...

Let 'em go...

TDJ said...

New to your blog and just had to post about this. I'm a registered voter in Fairfax County and like you said, thank God for Northern Virginia. On CNN.com, you can get a breakdown of each state, county by county. I was DISGUSTED with the # of counties that went for Allen. Obviously, VA will continue to be a racist, blue blood state, with Northern Virginia and the rest of the state at odds. As for the friends, LOSE EM!

Brother OMi said...

well the CIty of Norfolk, which is in Hampton Roads, disagrees with VIrginia Beach and the other 4 counties. we held it down for you

(Even though i voted independent...)

IceColdMalik said...

http://thehill.com/thehill/export/TheHill/News/UndertheDome/112906.html

Bush asked Webb how his son, a Marine lance corporal serving in Iraq, was doing.

Webb responded that he really wanted to see his son brought back home, said a person who heard about the exchange from Webb.

“I didn’t ask you that, I asked how he’s doing,” Bush retorted, according to the source.

Webb confessed that he was so angered by this that he was tempted to slug the commander-in-chief, reported the source, but of course didn’t. It’s safe to say, however, that Bush and Webb won’t be taking any overseas trips together anytime soon.