Monday, May 16, 2005
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
The other day I was watching the Jim Carrey Movie "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" where he and his girlfriend played by Kate Winslett attempt to erase each other from their memories when things go sour, with the help of a specific procedure. The movie was OK, but it got me to thinking. You know how people will tell you that "all experiences are good experiences" because you supposedly "learn from them"? In some cases I agree, but in other cases I would have no problem having specific people and things erased totally from my memory because I didn't learn a motherfucking thing. If this mind erasing procedure really existed, here are a few things that I would want wiped from my memory, forever.
Shante: There are some people who you just know you shouldn't date before you do it, well Shante was a shining example of this. Granted, I was blinded by the sex so that had a big part in my lack of judgment. For one thing, I found myself getting into the silliest arguments with her resulting in her always wanting to fight me. Then when I grabbed her to restrain her she claimed that I bruised her and called the police on me, which was embarrassing. The cops had me in the back of their cop car, cuffed, when she admitted that she lied. The cops hesitantly let me go. Then we were in a restaurant and I introduced her to my cousin, but she was so jealous and thought that she wasn't who she said she was, she refused to shake her hand.(My cousin still wants to beat her ass for that.) I am in no way an intellectual elite, but some of the shit that came out of her mouth had to set black folks back 100 years.(Don't you hate when stupid people say the dumbest shit with the utmost confidence?? Me too) Besides that foolishness, she cheated on me and like a fool I stuck around. Then when I happened to cheat on her she tried to burn my car "Waiting to Exhale style". I definitely take some responsibility in the dysfunction that was called our relationship, but I learned absolutely nothing from her and getting her and that entire episode erased from my mind is a good thing.
Bad Hip Hop: I'm disturbed that I know who the Ying Yang twins are and the idiocy that they call music. I'm upset that I know certain Jah Rule songs by heart, and that ain't on purpose. Remember when "The Black Eyed Peas" were kind of underground, now they are a fucking Superbowl act. Why do I even know who "Paul Wall" is, or "Slim Thug" for that matter. Let me say this loud and clear: I don't give a solitary fuck who Mike Jones is! Fuck you for infecting my brain with that bullshit. 50 Cent, Lloyd Banks, lil flip, Cassidy for saying that he is the best thing since B.I.G(man fuck you!), I want all of those wack bastards erased from my memory. I also want two specific images of respected rappers erased from my memory as well. 1)Hearing MC Lyte rap on a OId Navy Commercial to Young MC's "Bust a move" beat and 2)Seeing the greatest rapper ever, Rakim, in a Jewel Santana video Jewel Santana is straight ass in the MC department. Erase all of that, as soon as possible! I know that those groups will creep back into my brain in due time, but having a few days of ignorant bliss will be satisfying.
Dee: I have known him for about 16 years so it might surprise you that I want this individual erased from my memory. Let me explain. Our friendship has been a one sided one from the beginning. From day one I would lend him money and not get paid back and for years it seemed that I was his personal chauffeur taking him multiple places. I'm not even saying that I would want any type of reciprocity, but the part that pisses me off is that he kind of acted like I had to do things for him. Looking back on how he used me it just gets me mad because a person definitely couldn't pull that shit with me now. I even tried to look past all of that and remain friendly with dude, but that has proven to be a mistake as well. See, we both come from a middle class background, but he decided to live in the "hood" and become a criminal. He has the audacity to lecture me about how I don't "know about the streets" and I "had it easy" growing up, even though we come from the same economic situation. Idiocy like that makes me want to beat his ass, but I figured I would just have him erased. I learned absolutely nothing from him, and most of the memories of our "friendship" is of me being used. I figure that I would have this procedure done before I mame him for life. See, everyone wins!
The weeks around my father's death: I don't know if any of you had a self destructive episode in your life but I know I had. Right after my father's death I went into a emotional tailspin that probably should of killed me. I have talked about this before, but I was drinking hard liquor on a daily basis, smoking enough weed to keep the dope man happy, and I got into so many fights it seemed that I wanted somebody to take me out of my misery.(I actually remember knocking someone on his ass and saying to him "I wanted you to beat my ass, and you can't even do that right!") You know you are in a bad place when you wake up beside a bottle of liquor, and the first thing you do when you open your eyes is take a gigantic swig of said booze. That whole time in my life is simply a blur now, but I would have no problems erasing that entire episode from my memory. Wait!! But then again, keep this memory, because I can always know what "Rock bottom" feels like.
*What thing's would you like to have erased from your mind??"