Thursday, October 27, 2005

100 Things about me(OK, 26-50)

Obviously I am a procrastinating bastard, with how slow I am knocking the remainder of these "100 things" out, but I will be more prompt abut it in the next week or so. Here is 26-50

26. I have had my dreadlocks for 10 years
27. and hate it when someone pulls them, asks me a dumb question about them, or characterizes them as "braids"
28. I once punched a old man, knocking him the fuck out.
29. Granted, he wasn't that old, and he did pull a knife on me, but still.
30. I also once had sex in a bathroom during a wake.
31. I cursed out a preacher as well, but that fucker deserved it though.
32. I once held a midget by his ankles, and threatened to toss him "like a Frisbee" if he didn't "shut his fucking mouth"
33. I once tried to fight 4 people at the same time, and got my ass handed to me like having a picnic with Jeffrey Dahmer.
34. but, good or bad, it gained me the reputation of a "psychopath"
35. As food goes, I have a thing for macaroni and cheese, french fries, and crab-legs.(served separately)
36. The only food I can't fuck with is bananas.
37. I hate ghetto gospel plays.
38. and any other black author, blogger, you name it, who has to "coon it up" to find an audience.
39. I am a fan of the Chicago Bears.
40. I am also a Lakers fan, and a extreme apologist of Kobe Bryant.
41. To the point that I think that most black folks who don't like him have been brainwashed by the "racist media".
42. When I met Kobe I told him that I constantly defend him, and that Shaq was a "bitch masquerading as a 7 foot mild dud" He laughed and gave me a pound.
43. I love all parts of a woman, but I am a tit man.
44. My mother says it's because I was breast fed, which makes me nauseous just thinking about that.
45. It is to the point that I talk about it openly, so when I talked about a woman having "a rack" some lady thought I said "Iraq". I pointed out that there were similarities between the two because I stared at her chest and said that I wouldn't mind "liberating those motherfuckers", that I would "spend a shitload of money to stay there", and that "pulling out would be the wrong option".
46. But if I get to see those beautiful scoops of flesh up close, I love bumping uglies to the sounds of Sade.
47. I once contemplated suicide
48. but thought against it because I realized that I don't follow through on things anyways.
49. I'm not sure if he heard me, probably not, but I once screamed "you fucking cock-smoker!!" at a limousine that I thought to be President Bush's a couple of years back
50. My therapist told me that I was a sex addict, and when I asked her how she knew, she went into a lengthy psycho-babble spiel. I looked confused, then she said, "Plus dude, you tried to hit on me!!!"

16 comments:

glory said...

i suggest you try the mac and cheese, french fries, and crab legs all in one sitting. just once. to see how it goes...

SP said...

You hit on your therapist?

CaffeineDiva said...

Seriously... you hit on your therapist?
Now I understand why we are friends, that shit is priceless!

I'll save you some mac & cheese.
love ya Fuck Face!

Miz JJ said...

You need to slap away the hand's of people who try to touch your dreads. That's what I do when people try to touch my braids.

lady in satin said...

It seems like you do follow through with some things...you've had dreadlocks for 10 years!!

I'm the same way. Its hard for me to committ to one thing without getting tired of it, or backing out. I think dreadlocks will be challenging for me to get used to and challenging for me to keep. But I'm willing to go through with it and I can't wait to start my locks!!

You are so open about your life...the negatives and positives. That's cool. I wish I could be that way.

alli-babe said...

I think your rather awesome...in your own derranged way.

chele said...

does the therapist (that you hit on) find any connection between being breast fed and being a psychopath? Great post -- only 50 to go!

Inside Man said...

How Soprano of you to hit on your therapist...lol

Coffey0072 said...

You dangled a midget upside down by his ankles?
Who are you, the second coming of Suge Knight? hahahaha

Rachel S said...

You fight (or should I say fought) way too damn much.

piranha said...

i didn't get further than 32 right now, but i just had to say, before i forget, i love #32.
i swear, i have the same asshole inside of me that would treat a midget like that. yeah. especially that monster of nephew that my sister produced. aaaaaaaah!

piranha said...

oh and i love 45 too. hahahaha. ahh, yeah. i understand you. you got the right sense of humor. and ain't it funny, at least that happens to me all the time, people think i am joking when i am actually just being honest.

man, that sucks. for example this guy i have a crush on right now (he could be you, but he is not chubby. lol. oh, and i told him that you wrote that if he had to adjust his locks when using the restroom, ahm i mean wiping his ass, its time to cut them...he laughed and said, he don't. hahaha. yeah. whatever) well, anyways, he thought i was joking when i told him i have to hold my self back all the time not to touch him. when i explained him the problem of mine being honest and being taken for a joke he smiled this stunning smile that kills me and said 'i know'. so what does that mean? ha? i guess he's just not going for it. dammit......i think i chose to live a miserable tragic life by falling for guys who i can't get easily. so what should i do? contact my therapist? now you tell me....

Brother OMi said...

i hate black gospel plays too, and those that damn urban themed novels ...

but i am turning into a rack man myself.

Chubby Chocolate said...

I AM SOOOOOOO feeling you on the ghetto gospel plays...

Steash said...

#45

hehehehe

(slapping knee & covering mouth)

mai said...

@ 27: i know what you mean, indirectly - and the opposite way. my mom has braids. granted, they're tiny, and she takes them out 3 times a year, but they're not dreads, dammit, there's a difference!

i'm not even commenting on you fukkin' in the bathroom during a wake...
but i'm laughing at you on #45, and kinda with you, too... ^_^