Thursday, February 23, 2006

Fun with Racism

Even though I feel that I am in a perpetuate state of trying to prove my mother wrong when she says that I am a "32 year old child", sometimes I feel that I prove her right by the way I keep doing things that I know I shouldn't. Like last year when I was at a friend of mines bachelor party and was offered some high powered marijuana that I knew I had no business smoking. I went against my better judgement and smoked it, and the next thing I knew I was at the house of one of the strippers afterwords, performing a striptease for her and her stripper pals to a chorus of "shake that ass" and "work it chubby".(I did get a few bucks though, but the mere fact that a few of them put nickles in my undergarments crippled my self esteem) Or recently when I went to a gathering that a ex co-worker was having, where I got absolutely shitfaced in the matter of a couple of hours. When a chick that I had just met asked me if I wanted to "chill in the hot tube" I knew it was a bad idea. But since my life revolves around "C.R.E.A.M"(my Cock Rules Everything Around Me) I went against my better judgement and decided to chill with this chesty beauty, with hopes of getting lucky later. Unfortunately, my hopes of having her count ceiling tiles were cancelled when she damn near had to resuscitate me because of me falling asleep and almost drowning.

I also know better than to not fall asleep in front of the television, simply because of the strange fucking dreams that I tend to have because of it. I guess I had fallen asleep to a television special about slavery or something, because in my dream I led a slave insurrection where I tried to help 20 of my brothers and sisters to "freedom". Of course the dream had some improbable aspects of it like me killing 2 slave-masters with a couple of well thrown Rambo knives I kept in my backpack(see, backpack), me telling one of the slaves to "stop being a bitch" when he resisted escaping, the twin glocks that I shot members of the lynch-mob with as we made our way through a heavily wooded area, and I'm sure historians would cringe at the fact that I was wearing shell-toe Adidas while I was doing all of this. I'm not sure if I died in my dream or not, but right before I woke up I had told the others to go on. Sacrificing myself, held up in a barn armed with only a machete, surrounded by men in hooded outfits with matching white caps who didn't want to discuss the current state of Hip Hop with me.

When I woke up all I could think about how my father recounted stories of what he had to go through in South Carolina in the 40's and 50's. I never had to encounter a tenth of what he went through, but him vividly telling some of the things he witnessed, people being hung until their necked snapped, and the specific things they couldn't do because of Jim Crow, I never took anything for granted. I have issues with my old man even though he died 5 years ago, things that I have a hard time forgiving him for, but he was a tortured guy because of the overt racism he saw first hand opposed to the great white shipmates he had during his 30 years in the Navy.

I know that I should write a Black History post, probably where I quote Maya Angelou, and possibly give you some random black history fact. The hell with that I say, I reject the fact that black history has to be relegated to the shortest fucking month of the year. Sadly, I'm lying, I wish I could say that that's the reason, the real reason is because I'm an asshole and reject the idea of being told "when" to celebrate anything.(Just imagine how many pissed girlfriends I had because of the fact that they received their Christmas gifts in July) This is just a friendly post about the types of racism that I have experienced, nothing to the extent of anything my father could have articulated, but just my own experiences.

Overt Racism: When I first started thinking about writing this post last night, I openly wondered how many times someone called me the "N word". I had a really hard time, difficult in a way that I actually wondered if anyone had ever called me that word outside of the term of endearment way I've heard it from other black people, something I'm trying to get away from. I guess we put bad experiences in the back of our subconscious somewhere, because right when I was going to say that I was never called that, my brain sort of had a mental bowel movement where all these examples came over me like some sort of "racist instant replay". I guess I could tell you about a kid in my 5 grade class named Terry that called me that word, but there isn't much to tell since I hit him in the face with my cafeteria tray. I guess I could tell you about a dude named John Peters who called me that word on the bus home from junior high, but I chased him to his house where his "ultra liberal" parents let me smack him in the face for it.

One case that sticks out is being called the "N Word" simply because I accidentally bumped into a guy at a "Rage Against the Machine" Concert.(What racist goes to a fucking Rage concert anyways??) All I can recall is smashing his head against his car door post concert as his black friend, that's right, just looked on as if he was studying my racist bashing techniques. The other one, a much scarier instance, is when me and Danny were playing pool and discussing the ridiculousness of people who have confederate flags. Apparently the two gentlemen besides us didn't like the flow of our conversation, and decided to explain why it was their right as Americans to have said flags, one of them taking off their jackets and proudly showing off a shirt with that image on it. A few words were exchanged, me having the smart mouth that I have, then all of a sudden a few "go back to Africa's" and "dirty n*ggers" came out of their mouths. I was in a dilemma because Danny can't fight to save his life, and because he has kids and a wife I would never forgive myself if something happened to him.

So we calmly left, I dropped Danny off and told him that I was going to bed. He said, "You're going back up there aren't you??" I didn't answer and just drove off. When I got back there only one of the men remained, and as I cornered him about to put him on the business end of a beating my brain and hands had a very civil conversation. Brain: Is this how you want to go out, perpetuating the angry black guy stereotype?? He's a racist, fuck it, you don't want to get in trouble!! Fist: Fuck you!! Lets just say that my brain didn't have much of a say that night.

"Maybe I'm overacting" racism: I have a Chinese food restaurant that I'm loyal to, a guy that I have been going to for a few years now. Despite a better restaurant across the street, I have stayed loyal to my Asian brethren from day one. I don't know what was wrong with me, I guess I was having a bad day or something, but when I walked in and he said, "Ahhh, I bet you want the chicken don't you??!!" I snapped. "What??", I said, "Why do you think all black folks want chicken huh?? You have a side of watermelon that you can serve me, huh?? I thought we were cool Lee, how the fuck are you going to hit me with that stereotype shit??" He smiled, looked up and said, "Because you have been getting chicken and Rice for the past couple of years, you ass-rag!!" All I could say was "Oh" and "sorry", as I walked out his establishment with the same dejected feeling you had when your parents grounded you for some childhood indiscretion.

Stereotypical racism: I have heard comics from the likes of Richard Pryor to Dave Chappelle, both express how they hated it when a person of another race suddenly felt the need to "talk jive" when they address them. Case in point, I was watching a band that I love perform in a bar that I randomly frequent. I guess this dude wanted to make friends, innocent enough, but he approached me with a "Yo, yo, yo.. What's up Dawg!", accompanying it with a crazy as fuck handshake. To throw him off a bit, I started speaking with an exaggerated British accent and said, "What is this "dawg" rubbish that you speak of mate?? Is that elaborate handshake a white American tradition or something?? I just came to this country so I am naive about some of your customs." That's when he cut the bullshit and said, "No, I'm Justin.", and gave me a proper handshake. So immediately I dropped the accent and said, "I'm humanityCritic, how fucking hard was that. I might suggest you not get your image of what black people are actually like from B.E.T, you inbred jackass!!!"

Subtle Racism: I couldn't tell you how many times as I kid I saw something that I thought was my father's own conspiracy theory, actually come into fruition. He always said, "HC, if the teachers seem happy that you received a C or lower, its only their way to hold you down!!" God dammit if that man wasn't right, more times that I care to admit I noticed that I was being praised for average work but my white classmates were being encouraged to "do better" even when they got grades as high as "B's".

Nothing is more degrading than being told by someone mid-conversation, "Wow, you are a bright guy", "You are so articulate", or "You are so well spoken". Even though idiocy like that should never get a pass, but I think most of the people who actually spew that drivel out of their pie-holes don't actually realize that they are saying anything wrong.

"I hate my own people" racism: I am a big critic of some forms of Hip Hop that degrade women and depict ultra violent images. I'm not an apologist for all Hip Hip, but I know enough of the culture to understand that there are other alternatives when it comes to the music itself. I'm not even saying that if you are a rap critic or critical of a few black Americans that you are a self loathing black person per se. But when you hear black folks lump other black people using words like "them", "they", or "those people", you know that there is a deep seeded self hate there. Sure, they will act like they are trying to help the race by coming out against "filth" and the criminal element of society, but I have a sneaking suspicion that many of these individuals would have been "House Negro's" back in the day. Like Chuck D said, "Every brother ain't a brother cause of color".

Maybe not racist, but incredibly fucking stupid: It has always been my feeling that if you have to say, "I have plenty of black friends!!" to show you aren't a racist then something is seriously wrong. Listen, I can't say you are a racist if you have ever said the following things, but at least feel secure in you being a bona fide, steaming pile of shit: Anyone that aggressively argues the "reverse racism" argument, any person who wants to pull the "Hey, my family came here from Ireland!! What's the big deal?" discussion, people who want to compare the Holocaust to the slave trade, if you have ever asked a black person why there is a B.E.T and not a W.E.T, or ever openly wondered why you weren't allowed to use the "N-Word".

41 comments:

glory said...

ahhhh. thank you for breaking that down. one less thing i have to explain to these people... you should condense it, put on a little card, and hand it out at starbucks and tanning salons everywhere. by the way, that suggestion wasn't racist. i have a white friend. i've even been to her house!

Anonymous said...

It doesn't get any better than this, HC!

Let the kidnapping commence!

Elizabeth said...

Black history is all of our history. It drives me fucking crazy when I think about it too much. The 'History' that is often taught and portrayed makes me so depressed. I worked for a company once that sent out a 'history of Thanksgiving' email the Wed. before the holiday. That used the word 'Indians' and had a happy ending (no- not the kind that you like, pervert). I wrote back in the most nonconfrotational way possible that it was inappropriate and they should consider alternatives. It started a huge fight. A fight. It is so much easier to fight. Eventually I got the people to understand where I was coming from, but it took SO MUCH- patience, diffusing. It is just....sad. Sad that we just don't value one another. we.do.not.value.one.another.ever.at.all- it is not taught in our culture. Call me a fucking liberal hippie- whatever- I will call you a fucking idiot. I am just a human who values the world around me- whenever that became a 'liberal' idea was when this whole fucking country jumped the shark.

nosthegametoo said...

I hate when people do this non-sense to others. It happens to all shades when you are a minority.

Damn guy, you're right on point.

Atsui_Gal said...

Man, I think the only thing worse than racism is letting it go unchecked. If you really confront racism like you did in these examples then you're a hero. I'm from the south and I've experienced nearly every form of racism. I've never reacted with violence, well, not since elementary school. But, I always regret the times I've let shit ride without calling it what it is.

introspectre said...

I like Black History month because the library puts up a pile of black history books up front and my lazy ass doesn't have to go looking for an education. That is truly conveniant. I'm being flippant, but seriously, I've grabbed quite a few this month. One in particular was the most shocking to me- it's a transcript of ex slaves being interviewed. They use the "N" word over and over, and it didn't become any less shocking to me as I read it.

I cuss like a sailor in front of my son. He knows he's not allowed to say any of those words until he's older, but already we have clarified that the "N" word is off limits forever. My mom doesn't use any curse words, but it was understood that if anyone used that word in our house they'd get their fucking block knocked off without a second thought. Her mother, my grandmother, is rascist.

There was a time when I was 18 that I moved into a suburd just too close to Detroit city limits. My grandma said, "Jill, that town is all full of "N's" and faggots!" I looked at her and said, "I'm pretty sure it's not contagious, but if I come home a black lesbian, you'll know, huh?"

Fuck.

By the way, the British response to that guys stereotypical bullshit talk was fucking hilarious. Seriously, I fucking hurt myself laughing so hard. Damn, I love you.

introspectre said...

I like Black History month because the library puts up a pile of black history books up front and my lazy ass doesn't have to go looking for an education. That is truly conveniant. I'm being flippant, but seriously, I've grabbed quite a few this month. One in particular was the most shocking to me- it's a transcript of ex slaves being interviewed. They use the "N" word over and over, and it didn't become any less shocking to me as I read it.

I cuss like a sailor in front of my son. He knows he's not allowed to say any of those words until he's older, but already we have clarified that the "N" word is off limits forever. My mom doesn't use any curse words, but it was understood that if anyone used that word in our house they'd get their fucking block knocked off without a second thought. Her mother, my grandmother, is rascist.

There was a time when I was 18 that I moved into a suburd just too close to Detroit city limits. My grandma said, "Jill, that town is all full of "N's" and faggots!" I looked at her and said, "I'm pretty sure it's not contagious, but if I come home a black lesbian, you'll know, huh?"

Fuck.

By the way, the British response to that guys stereotypical bullshit talk was fucking hilarious. Seriously, I fucking hurt myself laughing so hard. Damn, I love you.

Anonymous said...

I feel your unease at ALL of these.

Interestingly enough, I ran into "Incredibly Stupid" last night at the bar. And he pulled that "I have lots of 'brothers' that are good friends of mine" shit.

It's a miracle that Black people aren't hard-core racists.

And that W.E.T. shit get on my nerves too.

CaffeineDiva said...

"Hey, my family came here from Ireland!! What's the big deal?"

This is an all time great annoyance for me. I heard it a lot from a friend of my mother's growing up. Being Irish doesn't make you black or any less racist fuckers

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for stoping by my blog and even more importantly giving me the oportunity to be exposed to one of the most witty, funny, and insightful pieces of work ever.

Feel free to stop by anytime as I'll certainly be "camping out" here!

Blessings!

-R

Jameil said...

sigh. damn if i haven't had nearly every one of those racist experiences (minus the fights) in the 6 months i've been at this job. and from the same two dumb asses, one of whom claims the civil war wasn't about slavery but about the scottish telling the irish what to do or some bullshit, while simultaneously calling someone well-spoken and later asking me if i love fried chicken. i said no just to be an asshole. and the other who claims she has black friends. fuckers. hahahahaha at glory. please pass the racist card out.

EmergingPhoenix said...

Great post, some of the stories were hilarious!! The "I hate my own people..." types have alluded me. I am still not sure how to deal with them. If you can reason with them, they claim you're an exception to the rule. If you can't, then...ya know.

I have never physically fought anyone for anything, much less racist comments. I'm kinda tiny, my mouth is my biggest weapon, and I never really wanted to hurt anyone physically. So I can't condone the violence.

FreeBeing said...

There's a message in there, but I'm still killing myself laughing at

"she damn near had to resuscitate me because of me falling asleep and almost drowning" ...
So I'll come back when I've calmed down. :-)

chele said...

You hit it on the head. This shit is depressing as hell. Have a good weekend.

◡‿◡✿.:。... Anita J. Parrish ..... ❤ said...

This probably falls under the stupid category, but I hate it when you are the one of the few black people a white person knows and they want you to serve as the spokeperson for all black people. I hate that shit.

Anonymous said...

HILARIOUS!

Add to the incredibly fucking stupid column:
I know I am so LUCKY to have been born white!

My college roommate said that (among other dumb ass shit) to me and years later had the nerve to say I had made HER life miserable! is it bad that learning that made me feel warm inside?

Anyway, I'm going to have my white friend read this...

nikki said...

i'm surrounded by subtle racism. as the resident token negro i'm always having to deal with the 'pleasantly surprised' reaction of white folk after they hear me 'articulate eloquently'.

i find that the folk who practice this kind of racism the most are the 'formally educated, progressive' folk who think just cuz they haven't strung a negro up by rope, slapped one in the mouf for looking at a white woman, or burned a cross in one's front yard, they're somehow 'beyond' racism. they've equated racism with ignorance, in that 'chewing tobaccy, screwing his sister, driving a chevy, redneck' sort of way.

Anonymous said...

First time at your page, Im definately subscribing!

Rose said...

I am so against racism in any form even by those of the same race using specific words. Black history should be observed daily as in the classroom with all the other historical figures.

Treifalicious said...

"Nothing is more degrading than being told by someone mid-conversation, "Wow, you are a bright guy", "You are so articulate", or "You are so well spoken". Even though idiocy like that should never get a pass, but I think most of the people who actually spew that drivel out of their pie-holes don't actually realize that they are saying anything wrong." - Humanity Critic

You know, I get this a lot, only for most of my life I have gotten it from other Black people. So when white eople say it it's just so common sounding to me.

However, lately, I have started to distinguish what it means when some Black people say it and when some white people say it. I have a performer's streak in my personality that turn me telling a story into a show that captures people's attention. peopel see this and tell me I speak well. occasionally, when people still tell me I am so articulate when I was NOT in theatric mode then I know its more of a surrise on their part that I am not all ghetto fried.

justacoolcat said...

News Flash: there seems to be plenty of racism to go around, even by those agreeing with lose that lash out agaisnt racism.

People should learn to get over it. Everyone is mixed and no one is above someone else, even if you are "real black" , "Irish", or whom ever the blog reading masses takes issue with.

It's all an ego play and defense mechanisms, by all races.

So sad.

. . and don't ask to touch my soft luxurious curls, racist.

Anonymous said...

You forgot "nothing is more irritating than when some black guy decides I'm a tool because I'm white, and proceeds to have a gotcha for every damn thing I say."

Oh wait, that's MY category.

I do see all those other ones on a regular basis though. Too bad people can't just deal with each other on a personal basis.

Defragging said...

equanimity is the goal
so much judgement on everyone by everyone
we all have an opinion
our minds like to compartmentalize and label...compare and contrast...the whole i am inferior in one situation and superior in another...the flux of the primative minds we posses...just some of us are aware and working on changing while others are not...they are still in the beginning stages of their spiritual journey..
nice blog

miss.abi said...

ha. half of this made me laugh. the other half made me mad. and yet another half made me think about how often ive seen each of those categories played out in the day to day.

and i realize thats 3 halves right there but whatever.

glad to see there are folks out there that understand whats really going wrong.

TiffJ said...

Ahhh... racism..
the one pain in our asses that wont seem to subside. I hate the notion myself.
I cannot stand flagrant bigotry, but that which pisses me off the most is covert bigotry. People mix it with an overly saccharine tone to their voice, to make it appear innocent and well meaning.
I try to keep my militancy at bay, particularly at work (where it's predominantly white). I always seem to be the go-to person for all matters Black at that place. *sigh*
I usually just address the "well meaning" ignorance with a newly created word, courtesy of my best friend. Wonkey/Wonkish/Wonko (there're different variations of the word). White+bigoted Honkey=Wonkey. For example, I might respond, "That's rather wonkish of you to assume I'm the authority on all matters having to do with Black speak". This'll usually cause the perp in question to blink fast, completely flummoxed by what I've just said, must to my amusement.
tee hee.
I'm an equal opportunity antagonist, for I've even altered the word for ignoramuses within our own brethren... Blonkey.
Anyway, cool post.

Anonymous said...

Congratulations on the award! And an excellent post - that I've blogged and linked to (I'd trackback but you don't have it). Your post reminded me of the other one you wrote a while back about Mr Humanity's neighbourhood (the overviews of your neighbours).

Uncivil said...

Interesting!

Just saw where ya visited my blog and finally getting to check your's out.

I think basically we're all racist at some point in time. It's just "Human" nature. We're all guilty of hypocrisy.

White folks get the race card thrown in their face so much they just get tired of it, and say something stupid. I'm guilty of it.

We get in a hurry and we say stupid shit because it's easier than takin the time to think it out.

Taking the time to try to understand one another is the hard part. And now I'm more worried about Religious Extremists than Racist.

Racism has been in this world since the beginng of time, and sadly it's not going away any time soon.

Enjoyed your entertaining style of writting!

You have a fun blog! Keep it up!

Superstar Nic said...

Now this was a interesting post. You really broke that down (smile).

Mr.D. said...

Thanks for calling by.

Enjoyed your post, too!

Anonymous said...

To that "I am not racist, some of my best friends are black" line I always want to say "I am not a misanthropist, some of my best friends are human".

Actually I did once, but the person did not understand.

carebear said...

you were right in a lot of ways.. from beating those bastards down to everything you have said.. keep it up.. :)

Brea said...

LOL - I have the those same crazy dreams when I sleep in front of the TV. Terrible sleep. Oh, and listening to that inner voice would have saved me so many problems too.

Anonymous said...

"Stereotypical racism"

One of my favourite tracks is an ancient (30s?) live recording of Fats Waller, performing in the New Yacht Club, on Great White Way (NYC? What do I know, I'm British).

Anyway, apparently it was being broadcasted on the radio, and the presenter was desperately trying to be cool. "Oh man," he said, after FW had finished a piece. "That was very a propos, huh?" to which FW replied, "Apro-who? Come on downtown, boy, what ya talkin' 'bout?"

It always made me laugh at this poor hapless white presenter. Of course, he might not have been white. But he sounded it. And now that I think of it, this doesn't illustrate your point. It's almost an inversion of it. Oh arse. I'll shut up now.

Dynamite Soul said...

All of the above have happened to me.

When I was young, I moved to a predominately white neighborhood. I went outside to get something out of the car once, and this little white boy said,"Nigger. nigger, nigger!". I can STILL hear it clearly.

Later I made friends with his sister and realized that he was her little brother...He didn't utter it again.

Later on that year, I had asked her if she was going to trick or treat, she told me "no", then I see her and her "un-colored" friends later that night in costume and all.

Some of these people can say what they want, but I was born only 10 yrs after MLK was assasinated. Racism DID NOT come to an end right after his death dammit!

Some of these people who want to cry about pulling the "race-card", did/do not cry out against perpetuationg the "racism", so their point is moot.

Anonymous said...

no matter how many times i hear any of the things you mentioned, i never seem to stop being disgusted.

and that term "you people" sounds just as bad coming from another race as it does coming from our own...

Arch City Expatriate said...

I have heard comics from the likes of Richard Pryor to Dave Chappelle, both express how they hated it when a person of another race suddenly felt the need to "talk jive" when they address them.

I have had this happen to me too many times to count.

I have one story to share about "stereotypical racism". It was an experience on a elevator. I asked a white guy, "What floor would you like for me push for you?" since I was standing closest to the elevator control panel. He responded, "#5". When I pushed it, he responded, "You bad, you bad". I roared within. This was in a professional setting too.

The experience was so unbelieveable that I didn't have the energy to confront the guy, which occassionally do with some people and due to time contraints I couldn't. In my mind I was like, "You stupid, you stupid".

Good reading.

Anonymous said...

Uh, if I'm a white women who openly admits to having very few close black friends but calls herself a progressive and on occasion will appropriate "black culture" (but in a jokey, ha, ha, look at me I know I'm a cracker, isn't it funny kind of a way) with both my white friends and black aquantinces. What does that make me?

Tony Edwards said...

Hey Humanity Critic,

Thanks for stopping by; I shaved my head in support of my friend...granted, I'm African American and it's really no sweat off my back (or folicles from my head for that matter), but you're right, it's for a good cause. Read your profile, and you're wrong!

Rosario's mine, all mine!!!

http://www.esquire.com/women/gallery/
060401_mww_dawson_frame.html


Peace!

http://www.impeachbush.org/site/PageServer

Jenevieve said...

Hey, I just stopped by for the first time and wanted to comment. Yes, I am a Jew, but I promise this won't be a "let's compare slavery to the Holocaust" comment.

I just wanted to agree with you on a few of your points. First, the "I can't be a racist person because I'm Irish/Jewish/Whatever" comment. My parents are Jewish and are seriously some of the most racist people I know! When I dated a black guy in high school, they tripped out and almost disowned me. Geez.

Second, when people try that "stereotypical racism" crap, it freaks me out. Many people, upon learning that I am Jewish, expect me to speak Yiddish fluently or be a daddy's girl or be cheap or whatnot. I get the "wow, you don't LOOK Jewish" comment a lot, in addition to comments about my small nose, etc.

Maybe I sound like an idiot; I seem to have trouble articulating exactly what struck a chord with me in this post. Thanks, anyway.

Anonymous said...

i havent read all these comments, but a situation like one you describe just happened on my girlfriends live journal, where a friend of hers actually said "in the scene with tony danza, when he asks to re-do the scene because the black kid spoke proper english - i definitely connected with that, because i myself am always surprised when a black person speaks without an ebonic accent. but is that racist?"

i sited this in my reply to her, and quoted you. youll probibally notice, but i thought i would leave a note, since i used your words and all.

peace.

Anonymous said...

Editor, an excellent and powerful book suggestion for your readers: 3rd ed. of: Race and the Rise of the Republican Party, 1848-1865. Backed by 18 years of research this is a serious yet humerous treatment of US racism/ethnocentrism and is not for the timid. Dr. James D. Bilotta/raceandrepublicans.com