HumanityCritic Goes Negative: My Ad Attacking George Allen

You always can tell when a public figure is racist or not, if they have to haul out some miserable black motherfucker to shuck and jive and say "I've known him/her all my life, and him/her don't have a racist bone in their body!!" That was the case this past weekend when Deacon Jones, Hall of Fame Los Angeles Rams defensive end, was campaigning with George "Maccaca" Allen at a local event. They were at a Sports Bar named "Roger Brown's" when Mr. Jones said something to the effect of "I've known George when he was in high school, and he doesn't have a racist bone in his body!!" Negro, sit your black ass down somewhere!!! Remember a few years ago when Fuzzy Zoeller had made that "chicken and watermelon" comment about Tiger Woods, and after the backlash he brought out some old black caddy(probably the actual Bagger Vance and shit) to tell people what a nice guy he was and that he WASN'T racist. Man, when will some white people learn that the "But I have black friends!!" argument is as weak as a Jim Jones freestyle. Anyway, since our television is bombarded with negative ads this political season, I thought I would come up with my own against own against George Allen.

The Target: Black Folks

(opening music is the National Anthem)

The African American voters have a difficult decision come election day. On the one hand you have Jim Webb, a highly decorated Vietnam veteran, an accomplished layer, a best selling novelist, a man who served in the U.S. Congress as counsel to the House Committee on Veterans Affairs from l977 to l98l, becoming the first Vietnam veteran to serve as a full committee counsel in the Congress, and a man who fought for including an African American soldier in the Vietnam Veterans memorial statue on the National Mall.

On the other hand, you have George Allen..

(The banjo "Deliverance" theme kicks in)

Did you know he has been known to have a sick infatuation with the Confederate flag since he was in High School? Whether having one in his car, office, his home, it was even part of his first TV campaign ad for governor in 1993. Do you really want to vote for a man who masturbates to a symbol of slavery and Jim Crow laws??

It was reported that George Allen contacted the Council of Conservative Citizens(CCC), one of the largest white supremacist groups in the country. I guess those stories of you shoving decapitated deer heads in the mailboxes of black folks as a teenager just wasn't hateful enough, huh George??

Then we have the infamous "Macaca" moment, a word that you claimed came straight out of thin air. Yeah George, the thin air around a lynch-mob maybe. It has been reported that the word "Macaca" is a racist slur in francophone African nations, and we all know that his mother grew up in French-Colonial Tunisia so we know where George heard it from. Virginians, you know a guy is a racist when he has a million and one ways to call you a "n*gger".

(music changes to the National anthem, and a picture of Jim Webb emerges)

Jim Webb has a fire inside of him to make Virginia a much better place to live.

(music returns to the "Deliverance" theme, and a picture of George Allen returns)

George Allen has a fire inside of him as well, and he wants to use it to burn crosses in your front yard!!!

Virginians, can you really vote for a motherfucker with the middle name of "Felix"??


Paid for by the HCDSF, The HumanityCritic Detests Snuggling Foundation