Wednesday, April 13, 2005

An Episode of "Thug Eye for the Regular Guy"

(Credits begin, M.O.P's "Ante Up" comes on)

(The opening credits introduce Big Irv, Dre, and Ray-Ray.. Thug eye for the Regular Guy)

(The opening shot is of them riding together in a SUV)

Big Irv: Dre, who is the next person that we are going to "Thug the fuck out??"

Dre:(opening a folder with a picture and personal information): He goes by the name of the HumanityCritic. A ex-girlfriend of his contacted us because he wasn't "thug" enough. It says here that he thinks that the term thug is "foolish", most rapper's jewels are "gaudy and tasteless", and get this fellas!!..He likes to read!! OK, this guy needs our help!

Big Irv, Dre, Ray-Ray(in unison): Word up son!! Word!

(They arrive at HumanityCritic's residence)

Dre:(banging on the door like he has lost his fucking mind): Open up motherfucker!!

(HumanityCritic opens the door)

HumanityCritic: Who in the fuck are you guys? Also, didn't your mama teach you assholes to knock on the door properly?

Ray-Ray: Ha-ha. This guy got a little thug in him after all. We are here to (they all join in and say)"Thug you the fuck out!!"

HumanityCritic: Thug me the fuck o...Oh, that ghetto ass show on UPN where you turn guys into pseudo-thugs. I thought that was a joke man.

Big Irv: Its no joke homey, and your ex said that you need to be thugged out with a quickness. Don't you know that is what ladies like nowadays?

HumanityCritic: I don't give a shit what.. (notices Ray riffling through his personal items) Hey, stop going through my shit!! What are yall doing??

Ray Ray: You don't have any Ice, no Jerseys, no extremely baggy clothes, no gold fronts. What kind of black man are you??

HumanityCritic: I am a black man that doesn't want to be a walking cliche.

Big Irv: Who is cliche? Your girlfriend? Does she have a phat ass??

HumanityCritic: A cliche is.. Aww forget it, you guys are fools!

Dre:(looking at the bookcase) What is up with all these books?? Thugs don't read son!! Hey yall, this silly motherfucker has a book about dinosaurs here? Look!

HumanityCritic: No I don't, where?

Dre: Right here! It says "Thesaurus", that's a dinosaur right??

HumanityCritic: Damn you fuckers are ignorant!! Why don't yall get the fuck out before its get uglier than Mary J. Blige without her makeup on up in this bitch!

Ray-Ray(fumbling through HC's CD collection): Calm down son. Public Enemy, Common, De La Soul.. Why don't you have and Fiddy Cent, LiL John, you know that real shit?

HumanityCritic: Yeah, that Real Wack shit. Listen, whatever you guys do you won't turn me into a thug so you might as well leave.

Dre: But we are helping you out! All the ladies say that they want a "Thug" in their life, don't you want to score with those ladies.

HumanityCritic: Fuck them. There was this girl that I liked that told me that she had a crush on a particular gentlemen because he was "a thug". When I informed her that I had first hand information(my fist) that he was a bitch and a absolute coward, she told me that it didn't matter because he was still thugged out. Or the vast amount of cowards that i have put on their backs who claimed they were "thugs", if women still want them as thugs then they are looking for a "thug" image and not a actual tough guy. This ain't Halloween and I ain't pretending to be someone else. If a woman wants me because I butcher the English language, get loud in public places, or because I have a invented aura about me then i don't need to be with her low expectation having ass.

Ray-Ray(sniffling): That was beautiful man.

Dre:(wiping a tear) So being yourself actually works for you??

HumanityCritic(Handing Dre a tissue) Yeah it works for me, why spend your life being something that you're not?

Big Irv: Fuck it, I'm tired of pretending. HC, my real name is Irving Winston III. I have a law degree from Harvard and I am a huge fan of Cornell West. I am not a thug!

HumanityCritic: Whats up Irving!(giving him dap)

Ray-Ray: My name is Raymond Chauncy, and I am pre-med at Stanford. I enjoy The O.C and Janis Joplin records. I am not a thug!

HumanityCritic: Good to meet the REAL you Raymond!(giving him dap)

Dre: Yall frontin' ass cats. Ima thug fo sho! West side fo life suckas!!

Big Irv: Dre!!!!

Dre: Ok, my name is Andre Green. I have a journalism degree from UCLA, and I am a professor there.

HumanityCritic: You guys are educated brothers, why are yall doing this shit??

Big Irv: If you saw all the cash that UPN was paying us to act like a modern day minstrel show, you would put on on black-face and bright red lipstick as fast as you could.

HumanityCritic: Whatever. After you fuckers clean what you messed up, do you want to watch "The Office" on DVD??

Ray-Ray: The British version right??

HumanityCritic: Yep!

Ray-Ray,Big Irv, and Dre(in unison) Word up son!! Word!

(everyone starts laughing)

32 comments:

DaKelzz said...

LMBAO!!


That was hilarious!! So many fronting brothers out there trying to be something they aint't..*smh*

That should be a real show...probably on BET though..lol

Sunnchine said...

ROFL!! You are so right with this post....land that twist at the end was hilaious. lol!

And I LOVE The Office. I heard the British version was even funnier than the one on NBC. I might have to check that out :)

Brother OMi said...

man, i wanted to hang out with your brothers! but its a dope concept. man you got talent .. i honestly mean that.

SunShyn said...

ROFLMBAO!!!!!

You.are.a.damn.talented.fool!!!!!!

That was great, and like Kel...BET would probably pick up some ish like this...or VH1...

melette said...

Another classic!!!

JLuv said...

I am with everyone else. Maybe this is what BET plans to put on in the place of the nightly news.

Nikki said...

You'se a wild boy, HC!!

Beana said...

You are CRAZY!!!

You should be writing for SNL or a show of your own creation or something.

Beana

lindsay-lee said...

OMIGOODNESS this was hilarious! I agree with everyone else, you are extremely creative! You could definately make some money off of the things you write.

E to the dwige said...

LMAO dude too funny...

uhhh check out the British verison of Coupling on DVD...hilarious.

Mariposa said...

Hey Critic, haven't been here in a while, so thanks for the kick ass welcome back! Queer Eye will never be the same for me again. Maybe you should develop this for MTV II or something.

Jdid said...

well done man, well done

I am Jack said...

Where do you come up with this shit man?? Hilarious, creative, the whole nine. Good word HC!

greggy said...

I was no more good after I read this:
"Dre: Right here! It says "Thesaurus", that's a dinosaur right??"

LMBAO! The only reason why it was so funny because in real life a buddy of mine really asked me something similar when they saw that word in the paper...I almost died laughing..LOL!

Corey said...

That was the funniest shit ever, dope post man. Is there a best blogs category I can sign you up for??

ESP said...

Classic.

Connie Lingus said...

"Who is cliche" Is that your girlfriend??"

Classic, a fucking stroke of brilliance! Your blog biter couldn't come up with that!

Sherry Kuma said...

(in case you forgot what u wrote...) Why don't yall get the fuck out before its get uglier than Mary J. Blige without her makeup on up in this bitch!


that shyt was funnier than a nappy headed black girl w/ a blonde pony tail. Love ur blog... you should start a publication or column or something

Billy Jack said...

You are a total fool, but I mean that in a good way! Best blogger out there!

Anonymous said...

Had to give some love on that post, you just keep em' coming don't you?? What are you a writing machine or something? lol

Jesse said...

Its a shame that many women want thugs now a days.. Can't a clean cut brother get some love?? I love your blog.

coley said...

In the words of Anthony Hamilton..."Frontin in the hood, tryin to be somebody" It's sad! Speaking from a woman's point of view...I'm lovin the thugs too...But that's just for fun, no serious future there! @Jesse, yes a clean cut brutha can get mad love!!! I must not be meeting the right type of brutha's.... :)

Dayrell said...

LMAOOOO! I love this! I was almost crying I was laughing so hard...especially when I got to the part about your girlfriend "Cliche", LOL. Hilarious!

You were SO on point with this. Funny yet oh so very true. The disease of "thug'ism"...bruthas are catching it everyday by storm, what can I say? Oh yea, and THE OFFICE is the shit! Good post Critic.

Lene said...

I wish there was a real reality show exposed those quasi-thugs like you did in your post. Kudos...

Dr. Strangejazz said...

HC you need some kind of develpment deal. That skit was brilliant. I love the fact that it had a moral to it in the end. Good work.

ransom said...

THAT was.. i laugh.. i cry..

i'm linking you. ;)

Kajuana said...

Hell freaking yeah!!!

Anonymous said...

thesaurus -- thats a dinosaur right?? LMBAO!!!

rhythms247

saga said...

Mmuah-ha-ha-ha *dead*

er - gotta go...need to purge my inner hoodrat....

Sid said...

that was hilarious!

And who are these silly tricks, anyway?

fuckem!

we respect your (un) gangsta.

Did I use that right? LOL...

Chele said...

I wish that would happen for real for a lot of people. Thug style is so played out.

Sean said...

Nice, real nice.