Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Why are you so mad at me??

I was talking to my mother the other day and she said something that was rather interesting. She said that either people love me or they love to hate me, there is no middle ground when it comes to me. She also said that it wasn't natural the way I enjoy infuriating people over the years. She is half right, I do enjoy pissing people off who deserve it but there have been times where I didn't find any enjoyment in doing so.

My Bandmates: I mentioned before that I am a absolute ham when it comes to performing with my band. They are patient with me, and they simply giggle when I do something that your classic egomaniac would do. From cursing out hecklers, from pouring a drink on a girl who called me "a liberal porch-money" at one of my shows and after-wards throat punching her boyfriend who took offense, and threatening to clothesline a club owner who wanted to stiff us 200 bucks, the band has been patient with all of my antics. Until last month. During one of our songs we have a lengthy guitar solo that I have mastered, so taking(stealing) a page out of Prince's play-book I do the following. 1)I go to the edge of the stage and play the solo 2)I turn my back to the crowd and have a guy that I know prop me up mid fall as I play the solo, the crowd liked that. 3)At the end of the song I toss my guitar in the audience(the guy that I knew caught it) and I walk off stage. Lets just that my bandmates weren't impressed and it is the first time that they were openly pissed. I guess i need to tone it down.

My Bandmates #2: We were struggling for a name early on and we couldn't decide on one. So I thought about using the name "Dirty Sanchez" and the band loved the name. We used the name for a little while, even doing shows under the name "Dirty Sanchez". About a month later one of my bandmates comes to my crib and bangs on the door. I open the door and he says, "I found out what "Dirty Sanchez means you silly son of a bitch! We are changing the name immediately!" See, the name "Dirty Sanchez" is a slang term for a deviant sex act. They wanted to kick my ass when they found out we were actually doing shows under that name. I won't discuss the act on this blog, but for a description of it go here.

New York Ex: We were dating for a little while and our relationship was dysfunctional. We cursed at each other, she cheated on me, it was a disaster. I made the mistake of dating one of her friends, let me explain. I have told this story before but I was dealing with a girl who worked alongside of my girlfriend at the time. I knew this for months and continued to see both of them, even though they were becoming fast friends, I knew that this was going to end badly. When they discovered that they were having sex with the same person my girlfriend called me from work in a "I'm going to stab you" tone. She told me to meet her in front of the building at a specific time, but I knew that was a trap for both women to confront me at the same time. Well fuck that, so I waited for the side fling to vacate then I picked up my girlfriend. The look that she gave me still haunts me to this day, and she continuously pounded me in the chest screaming "You son of a bitch!" Even though I was young and stupid, I regret that I hurt somebody that much.

My Father: My father had the unsettling habit of telling me that I wasn't shit in front of people. I love him, and see a lot of good qualities about him, but that solitary fact I outright despise. On top of it he used to do it in front of some of his friends who used to frequent his auto repair shop. This navy gay named Barry made the unfortunate choice of saying the following to me, "Your father said that you weren't shit, I kind of agree." What the fuck was that? I decided that he had to be dealt with. I had seen Barry in a pool hall where I made sure that the back of his skull became intimately acquainted with a pool-stick. I beat him bloody which infuriated my father to the point that he didn't speak to me for a while. Which was weird because out of all the fucked up shit that I did he was pissed that I beat the ass of a guy who wasn't really a close friend.

Brian: Brian was a friend of mine that I had known for years. He was a cool guy and we had been through a lot together. Anyway, I had gone to a club with my republican friend Danny that I am always going on about. He is my best friend, so if something goes down I have his back. Danny had gotten into a scuffle with some knucklehead that he was arguing with and surprisingly he was handling his business. Apparently Brian was a friend of the guy Danny was fighting so he took it upon himself to kick Danny while he was on the ground. Being the "punch happy" guy that I an I dashed over and rocked Donnie in the face three times, knocking one of his teeth out. As Brian laid on the floor he said, "I thought I was your boy??" Then I replied, "You are but Danny has seniority you silly bastard!" To this day Brian won't speak to me but I understand why.

27 comments:

Amadeo said...

I notice your affinity for the throat punch. Good choice. My fight ending combo was throat, diaphragm, nuts. Sure to stop any resistance on the part of another person. I see your boy might be mad but one on one fights should be let go. Unless someone starts doing life altering damage. You jump in you gotta expect something coming to you.

Luke Cage said...

Dude, the part with your father hit home pretty hard. That definitely leaves some mental scars behind to hear something like that said about you from your pops no less. I can't lie though man. I have a sadistic side that enjoys pissing people off too. But only those who have it coming.

Nikki said...

LOL@the band name!!

Jamille said...

DAMN... that Dirty Sanchez is some nasty shit... no pun intended.

SunShyn said...

ewwwww....yuck...nasty...glad you didn 't actually describe it HC...

Jdid said...

I can see why your bandmates were pissed

Beana said...

That Dirty Sanchez thing is DISGUSTING!!! Ew. *shudder*

Ola said...

Dirty Sanchez!!!! u ain't right. *smh* urban dictionary is the best!

the kid said...

*yucky yucky yucky* @ Dirty Sanchez *tsk tsk* Did you know what it meant when you suggested it?! And I'm cracking up that you had a stunt guy in the audience. Heelarious.

How old were you when you beat up Barry?

BronxGrlnVA said...

Dirty Sanchez....Speechless.

Sara said...

There you go throat punching people again..LOL Hope your blog biter doesn't talk shit to you because he will be on the business end of a beating..:)

I am Jack said...

You are a great story teller man, you have quite the gift. You story about your father saddened me.

Mistachuck @ Yahoo said...

Damn man, that Dirty Sanchez is nasty-but I'm going to try it..hee-hee

josie said...

You know, I wanted to say that name is a very nasty name for a band name. But I won't even though I just did. However, I want you to explain why you choose that name since you knew the nasty meaning.

dirty sanchez. good one

josie said...

You know, I wanted to say that name is a very nasty name for a band name. But I won't even though I just did. However, I want you to explain why you choose that name since you knew the nasty meaning.

dirty sanchez. good one

Belle said...

I'm so done with you.
Dirty sanchez...no words.

Brother OMi said...

damn son, that was you guys? wow, i wish i knew so i could have heckled Dirty Sanchez

man, i can see why cats used to say you could kick ass.

Brother OMi said...

that was you guys ? -- Dirty Sanchez! ha ha ha ha, now i wish i went so that i could have heckled you man... lol

Danja said...

When I read about your father, I think about all of the young men and women I know whose fathers and mothers treated them similarly. I think about all of the anger inside of them, how their rage fuels them. The furious need to prove mom or dad wrong is what wakes them up in the morning and guides them through the day.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry it happened to you.

I know what it is like.

Cynthia said...

Oftentimes I find myself pissing people off without even trying. I've been told my problem is that I'm brutally honest and people can't handle that. To keep from pissing people off that I am around, I try not to talk too much or I become agreeable.

I have to say - you sound like you get a kick out of starting shit. You are too funny...

Thinkerbelle said...

Seems like people being mad at you is well deserved...but you take pride in being a self-described asshole. I doubt it bothers you much.

Sonia said...

Hum, I can now see that you have alot of anger in you....I'll pray for ya

Fran said...

Dirty sanchezzzz????? Awwwh man, that was just dirty! :D I'm still crackin up...ayayayayay!

Fran said...

Dirty sanchezzzz????? Awwwh man, that was just dirty! :D I'm still crackin up...ayayayayay!

Dayrell said...

Punch happy? Shit, youre BEYOND punch happy? LMAO!

The Humanity Critic said...

hmm, where did your post go whore?? See how quickly that bullshit got deleted? No wins on my blog, understand that.

The Humanity Critic said...

I just spermed down someones throat, but I can't think who it is..