Usually when I'm sick I don't miss a beat, whether it is ignoring my doctor's advice and continuing to have a few drinks despite the medication I'm on, disregarding my ailing condition and begging my partner for a game of "penetration" which of course I will initiate if I have a significant other at the time, and I still tend to post with some sort of regularity even if I am feeling under the weather. But the flu that I had beat me down something serious, so excuse my lateness when discussing the Oscar ceremonies. Don't worry, like I tell my would-be sexual partners, "this won't hurt a bit". I just want to cover three topics briefly.
Phillip Seymour Hoffman: I know this was the year of "Brokeback Mountain", Jon Stewart hosting the show, and every black person I knew watching to see if Terrence Howard was going to rhyme that fucking "pimp" song, with those same people wondering of said song would win one of those golden naked men. But seriously, I didn't give a fuck about any of that, I just hoped that Phillip Seymour Hoffman walked away with that coveted trophy that night. For one thing, along with actors like Denzel Washington, Ed Norton, and a few other names that I could rattle off like the movie geek that I am, Phillip Seymour Hoffman is one of the finest actors of our generation. What most people would consider a character actor with scene stealing roles in "Boogie Nights", "The Talented Mr. Ripley", "Punch Drunk Love", "Almost Famous", and the only remotely interesting fucking thing in "Along Came Polly", he showed that he is a bona fide leading man in his role as Truman Capote in "Capote". Besides a remarkable likeness in mannerism and speech that makes Jamie Foxx's performance in "Ray" look like a cheap dimestore impression, he conveys Capote's need to be liked and his manipulation of people to get what wanted with pin point perfection. So when Hoffman won, as I watched on with a 103 degree fever and so many drugs flowing through my veins Keith Richards would be the only person alive who could understand my plight, I really could give a rats ass about the rest of the show.
George Clooney: For as long as George Clooney has been in the public's consciousness I haven't really had a problem with him, hell, I wanted to be the black George Clooney. Just think about it, being a 40 something bachelor with no kids to speak of, spending ridiculous amounts of money like its burning a whole in your pocket, all the while nailing hot chicks and desperately trying not to laugh in their faces as they mention "marriage" and "settling down", that would be the life. Besides, Clooney hates George Bush more than I do, so the guy is alright in my book. That is, until he said the following during his acceptance speech for "Best supporting Actor" for "Syrianna":
"And finally, I would say that, you know, we are a little bit out of touch in Hollywood every once in a while. I think it's probably a good thing. We're the ones who talk about AIDS when it was just being whispered, and we talked about civil rights when it wasn't really popular. And we, you know, we bring up subjects. This Academy, this group of people gave Hattie McDaniel an Oscar in 1939 when blacks were still sitting in the backs of theaters. I'm proud to be a part of this Academy. Proud to be part of this community, and proud to be out of touch. And I thank you so much for this."
OK, my dreams of being the black George Clooney just disappeared. What in the fuck are you talking about George?? For one thing, for him to use Hattie McDaniel as an example of how "Progressive" Hollywood is makes him sound nuttier than squirrel feces. Not only did Ms. McDaniel play a "Mamie", the movie she was in(Gone with the wind) basically had the undelying theme of how the confederates should have one, and how that "slavery thing" wasn't such a bad idea. Also, she won the Oscar in 1939 and the next black woman to win one of those gold statues came along 64 years later, so excuse me if I giggle at how "progressive" Hollywood is. I don't mean to defecate on Mr. Clooney's statement unnecessarily but you might want to light a match when you consider that when Ms. McDaniel won her Oscar she had to sit at the back of the auditorium. George, I dig your ability to see more woman's genitalia than a overbooked Gynecologist, but if you continue saying dumb shit like that I might have to add another assault charge to my stellar resume.
Three 6 Mafia: I have got to admit something, I'm in a weird place when it comes to criticising black art of any kind. Let me explain. I know that many black folks, myself included, feel that we should make our forefathers who never had the opportunities that we have proud. I think that most black artists, consciously or subconsciously, feel a responsibility to represent the race as a whole in a positive light, based of misrepresentation or lack thereof. For many this is a blessing, and to others it's a burden, and sometimes I understand both sides of that particular arguement. For example. One of my favorite shows is "My Name is Earl", fantastic writing and a truly funny show. But I imagine if I wrote that show, and had the main character who plays "Earl" be a black man, I do feel that a great number of my people would support my efforts, but I also feel that every self righteous black group would call for a boycott of my show. The NAACP, possibly even my hero Spike Lee, would come out against my show as a "new age cooining", and ask me questions like "How can I have a black man play a Bum, who only gets success from a lottery ticket??" When I think about that, the proud black man that I am who only wanted to put something funny out there in the sake of art, sometimes I feel that some black artists can't win for losing.
Then we have Three Six mafia, who I witnessed win an Oscar as I basked in Theraflu fluids like it was the "fountain of youth" liquid in that fucking Cocoon pool. Yes I'm a critic of most Hip Hop that I don't consider real. Yes, I do think that most rappers nowadays have reverted to a modern day minstrel show. Plus, my specific feelings for Three 6 mafia would make any die hard fan of theirs contemplate kidnapping my mama with an apology being the randsom. But right when I started to disregard my feelings and say to myself "At least some brother's won an Oscar", I immediately had to be snapped back into reality for all the times I blasted black folks for praising incompetent Condi Rice simply because she is a "sister in a high position". Even though I said earlier that I felt funny criticizing black art earlier, well fuck that, because it is my feeling that those brothers are a poor example of the great genre Hip Hop is. Plus, isn't it "Harder out here for" a single mother, or an American with no health care, shit, it's harder out here for a conscious rap artists who want to make a living.