Thursday, March 30, 2006

My Feelings on a certain Lacrosse team in North Carolina

Like any blue blooded American born male who salivated like Pavlov's dog when another person got dunked on, I grew up being one of Michael Jordan's biggest fans. Besides seeing the basketball equivalent to a ballet recital that he displayed on the parkay floor regularly, there were other benefits of seeing this Baryshnikov in over-sized basketball shorts, it was one of the only times me and my father saw eye to eye on anything. Not to pull at anyones heart strings here, just being honest, but watching those Bulls' teams dismantle some miscellaneous group of pretender was the only time that I knew I wasn't going to be called "worthless" or a "complete piece of shit". The same way boyfriends and husbands might plan their schedules around their significant others "time of the month", I marked televised Bulls games on my calender because I knew, albeit for a short period of time, that I wouldn't be at the business end of a verbal reaming. On those Sundays, in my insecure and severely depressed mind, NBC provided me with a slice of Heaven so to speak.

But all of that changed suddenly, when my father very innocently said, "I wish Michael Jordan would do more for the black community?? I wish he would be out there period, he has the ability to change things solely based on how popular he is!" I don't know why I argued so forcefully, but I said, "Why does he have to?? Not everyone is built like that, you can't force someone to do something they are uncomfortable with!!" Usually a very argumentative guy, he just stood in silence shaking his head in digust, kind of like I'm doing as I type this playing back my irresponsible retort to my father in my mind.

Fast forward 15 years, multiple pounds, and a miserable blog later, I sit here thinking of a responsibility that I have at times. I mean, I don't have the world wide appeal of Michael Jordan where I address certain issues, possibly affecting someone oblivious to the situation before. Hell I don't even have the blog popularity with so many blogs immensely more popular than mine, I consider myself a mid-range blogger.(Even though, I think that some uber popular blogs are horseshit. Yes, I can be both insecure and arrogant. I'm a multi-tasker) But, if I can add a new perspective to a few souls who didn't think about it that certain way before, then I'm good.

I guess I decided to write about the horrific event that happened in a three-room rental house on the Duke University campus recently when I read some disturbing things on many irresponsible blogs, and from men I dare say are my personal friends about the incident. A plethora of neanderthal rants like "Why didn't she have security??", "She was dancing for a group of men, what did she expect??", "She should have known what she was getting into!!", and "Hey, she was butt naked!!"

Of course the obvious retort for bottom feeders like this is to explain, slowly so the unrefined mind can digest such information, that regardless of the environment or the clothing that one is wearing, there is never a justification for a sexual assault. But that's too vague, let me try another approach, some visualization if you will.

OK, How would you feel if your mother, going to her job for an honest days work had the words "Thank your grandpa for my cotton shirt!" shouted at her like the victim did when she attempted to leave when the rowdy men first started shouting racial epithets at her?

What if that was your sister who was dragged in that bathroom, the tears smearing her mascara as she fought for her life with all the energy she had, and was violated by three gentlemen in every horrific way imaginable? Would you still think she was asking for it?

What if you were the father of the victim, using your faith in god not to go and hunt the culprits down who hurt your baby girl? How would it feel to not only have that act committed against a woman you brought into this world, but to see the team band together the way they are in a code of silence? Kind of makes you want to bury the bastard who created those fucking "Stop Snitching" T-shirts huh? That's what I thought.

I guess as we sit here, 46 of the DNA samples taken from the Duke University Lacrosse team are being tested, so all we can hope for is that justice will prevail. Of course I'm skeptical it will, based on the color of the victim, what she did for a living the University involved, and the two fucking days it took for the cops to get a warrant to search the place.

But regardless of the final outcome, if all the culprits pay the highest form of punishment like we all hope, this will affect a few people for the rest of their lives. It obviously effects the victim, who has to try to live her life and somehow, unfortunately, come to grips with the fact that she was the victim of a horrific sexual assault. The neighbor who saw the victim's first attempt to leave and the commotion behind that, I'm sure if he is any sort of decent man, he will be kicking himself that he didn't call the police when the thought originally popped in his mind. I don't know how many of the 46 players are indeed racists who co-sign a rape, but I can't think that every single one of them are that way. Those persons will have to deal with the fact that they protected, regardless if they were on the same team or not, racists and rapists for the rest of their lives in some criminal act of solidarity.

Not taking any light off of the real victim, the young woman who was raped, but I can't help but to wonder what the only black member of the Lacrosse team is going through. I hope he knows that his actions now, because he hasn't spoken out yet to my knowledge, will gnaw and rot his soul for as long as his miserable soul is on this earth.

I guess my pops was right, we all have a responsibility to lend our voice to important topics. But pops, if you have high speed Internet in heaven, talking about this topic is what needed to be said. It was hardly a chore.

54 comments:

zip said...

Good looking out HC....add this to your 'my name is Earl' list...surely it absolves something somewhere in my book....check my watchdog site on this

http://justice4twosisters.blogspot.com

and I'd appreciate a link if you could see your way clear. One love, song4assata.

Anonymous said...

Why are you giving the one black member on the team a hard time? Whose to say he was even at the party. Correct me if I'm wrong but I believe many of the news reports state that not all of the players were there, yes the majority were but not all.

BLESSD1 said...

I know you weren't PLANNING on tugging on any heartstrings, but man...that was so well-written; such a compelling account, in your words, of how you perceived the incident. Another excellent post, HC. Too bad that it had to even be about such morbid subject matter. Excelsior, compadre

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad you decided to post this. This was really important. Most people will miss the big issue about the defamation of character,(Thank your grandpa for my cotton shirt?!?! WTF?!?!) all because of her profession. The real sadness comes when she has to shoulder the slander, and live with this, while her assailants live their lives off of Mommy and Daddy's money. All while their precious university allows the no snitch policy. I hope they all burn.

Go Duke!

Diana said...

Excellent post. Thank you.

Miz JJ said...

Man this story has been haunting me since I heard it. For people to say she deserved it, or she knew what she was walking into is just sad. Where is the responsibility for the men who raped her? Why must we as women always have to guard ourselves against the overt sexuality of men? That is the standard that we should expect men to act like savagaes? Great post.

chele said...

It's amazing to me that in today's world you still have people saying that the victim of a sexual assault somehow brought it on herself.

In contrast to another commenter's feelings, the lone Black player also has a responsibility to say something. Anything. His silence speaks volumes.

Thanks for this post.

Reese The Law Girl said...

This story has been bothering me to no end. I really just want to catch a flight to NC and beat someone's ass.

You are awesome for posting this article. After I've heard so many dudes tell me that rape is not as big of a deal as women think it is, it's encouraging to hear from a man that this just ain't right!

Damn! I really want to kick someone's ass!

Piscean Princess said...

Thank you for this. You have informed more people than you know, and that is important.

Anonymous said...

glad I read this.
glad you randomly came across my page.
peace.
nikki

Anonymous said...

those guys ought to find out about lynching first hand.

Ariane Patrice said...

When I heard them fools already had 20 some odd previous charges on an variety of shit i was too through. they need to have told them along time ago to chill the fuck out. just dont make any sense.

Anonymous said...

Thank you Humanity Critic! It's nice to see a man get how traumatizing and life altering rape/sexual assault is for the victim. I was assaulted in college and I think of it every day. Even little things will bring that horrible situation back. I alter my life to avoid places, sights, and smells that trigger the nightmares.

The police were less than helpful. The ER was a total nightmare and you can thank your republicans for the lack of availability to emergency birth control because the pharmacist doesn't fell comfortable prescribing it. I mean, I guess I shouldn't have gone to the party right...FUCKERS. Predictably, the guy got off, his mom is a prominent judge.

I doubt justice will be done for these women; however, it is still refreshing to see a man calling bullshit as it is and explaining to other men (and women) how serious this situation is.

Anonymous said...

Excellent post. Well said.

Lilo said...

"They apparently took from this Sista what she sold and they took it without paying for it."

I have to disagree, and I have to say that it bothers me to read that coming from another woman. Whatever this woman has done in the past with her body has no direct reflection upon what happened to her that night. It matters little if she had sex for money ever in her life, all that matters is that that night, she said no and they raped her. She wasn't selling anything at that moment, she was raped. I very well doubt that she requested money after they had their way with her, or that had they offered money afterwards the pain would be any less.
You may sell your car to me one day- but does that entitle me to steal your next car the day after?

The reason so many people are choosing to ignore this story is because all they see is a stripper or a whore... they fail to see that beyond all of that is a WOMAN who was brutally raped. And yes, while it now seems to be getting more attention- you can bet that had it been a nice little rich cheerleader, the headlines would have been screaming for blood the very next morning.
Let's forget what she does to make money, and go back to focusing on what they did to her.

Unknown said...

its bugged. again a woman who is raped is treated as the perpetrator. it doesn't help that she is black.

is this how we value our women's lives?

this is a sad state of affairs. we pray that justice will be served.

Maverick said...

Man, it is good that you spoke your mind. As much trivial stuff as we all say and do on a daily basis, all that really matters is that you speak up when you need to. I am glad that you felt the need to use your voice as you did...

Amadeo said...

Great post...I question like Mike Wilbon though, if this had been the basketball team would they have suspended the season.

I (strange as it sounds) don't like that there are protests on already. Go ahead and chill 'til the real bull comes through then explode. The high frequency of marches might not gain as much notice as one orchestrated effort pointed directly at something.

nappysista said...

imma have to disagree...you cannot compare a woman, minding her own business, and is raped/assaulted, to a woman who knowingly puts herself in a dangerous situation and is rape/assaulted...although the perpetrators are the same...slimy, degenerates...the victims are not...when are we going to empower our young women to say no to stripping and making bad choices? ...continuing to make escuses for them is not helping...

Anonymous said...

Thank you. I'm a Duke alum, and you are one of the few who's gotten this right. Whether this brother was there or not, he is nonetheless a member of the team. Since none of them have come forward, then he too is participating in the silence and can be considered to be aiding-and-abetting. The whole thing is a shame. Keep on writing about this, the world needs to hear more black voices on the issue.

Anonymous said...

Fuck that, I have to agree with you HC and disagree with a commentor. A person can compare someone minding their business who is raped to an erotic dancer, because at the end of the day sexual assual is wrong whatever the situation. Damn that!!

Jameil said...

i'm w/tracy. how are you going to say she deserved it? that's basically what you're saying. no, stripping is not the job of choice for our mothers, daughters and most people, selves, but that does not give someone the right to VIOLATE YOU!!! that shit fuckin pissed me off. FOUR FRIENDS BITCH. FOUR. i'm gettin teary eyed over here. i have had four friends either raped or nearly raped. that is some fuckin bullshit. i pray to God that none of your friends or family members ever has to go through that pain and terror that will irreparably damage their lives. yes, we do have a responsibility as black people. if we don't, who else will. that shit will sit on his soul and i'm sure he's getting shit from every black person he knows for maintaining his silence. i can't believe these mother fuckers are walking around wearing shirts!!! YOU ARE SUPPORTING RAPISTS!! RAPISTS!! damn i'm heated. it took some shit out of me to blog about my friends' experiences this week but i did it. because someone needs to hear.

nappysista said...

no one is saying that she DESERVED it...but, she made dumb choices...SHE LEFT ONCE AFTER THE RACIAL SLURS...AND WAS 'TALKED INTO" GOING BACK she made a bad choice...and she, unfortunately, paid a high price for it...i'm done...

nappysista said...

ok...i'm not done...someone said "stripping is like any other job" really??!!! oh, ok...so it would be ok if a stripper from the local strip joint came to your childs classroom and schooled them on the fine art of taking her clothes off and gyrating sexually in front of drunk men for a dollar? ok...

Anonymous said...

But who fucking cares? It doesn't matter what her profession was, stripper, congresswoman, professional whore, rape is rape regardless if it is stripper or a librarian. Plus, it's not like people don't know that rape is illegal. Again, your argument is idiotic and would have gotten you flogged a few years ago.

If a criminal phychologist is treating a serial rapist and he rapes her, how do you feel about that? I mean, she put herself in a dangerous situation. How about a female prison guard who gets raped> Again, another situation that the victim put herself in. Do you feel the same way about them as well? That's what I thought. Ok, now I'm done.

Anonymous said...

HC--I'm glad to see you writing about this story and taking on some of the sexist pigs out there.

For those who wonder why she would go back in to the house or why she would do this for a living? How easily do you think you could go to college and support two kids on a minimum wage job.

nappysista said...

does the patient KNOW that the dr. is a SERIAL RAPIST? if she does, then YES...she does put herself in a dangerous situation by going to him in the first place!...WHEN YOU STRIP BUTT NAKED IN FRONT OF DRUNK BOYS/MEN/ YOU ARE STUPID NOT HAVE AT LEAST SOME IDEA THAT THE SITUATION COULD TURN OUT BADLY...so, YOUR argument is idiotic...a female security guard A.)carries a WEAPON to work and B)takes PRECAUTIONS on the job...because she has an IDEA that any day the situation could turn volatile...yes...you are done! because your argument is just plain stupid..please don't come at me with this dumb, weak-ass argument because i will MIND FUCK you and leave your ASS sore ok? If you're gonna come...come correct...

nappysista said...

CORRECTION to my previous post...a criminal phychologist treating a rapist...if she DOESN'T know that he is a rapist of course she is NOT putting herself in a bad situation...because she doesn't KNOW that the situation COULD turn dangerous...

Anonymous said...

But in a way it is more foolish for the criminal psychologist to even treat the rapist who abuses herm because of his known history.

"WHEN YOU STRIP BUTT NAKED IN FRONT OF DRUNK BOYS/MEN/ YOU ARE STUPID NOT HAVE AT LEAST SOME IDEA THAT THE SITUATION COULD TURN OUT BADLY..."

Again, besides the dire financial situation of the woman, and the fact that she originally thought there would be five men there and not 40, the point is just ridiculous anyway. There shouldn't be any justification for rape, even if the woman was performing a puppet show out of ther vagina, if doesn't fucking matter.

nappysista said...

please...tell me WHERE i said that rape was justified?

zip said...

Warms my heart to see the love out there for this case. I'm hosting the watchdog blog on this case if you all want to stay up with it daily.

http://justice4twosisters.blogspot.com

Or HC can you post a link for your readers to the site? Again SO well written HC. Bless, assata

jurassicpork said...

(Even though, I think that some uber popular blogs are horseshit. Yes, I can be both insecure and arrogant. I'm a multi-tasker)

I hear ya', pal (I may be arrogant, too, but I'm definitely not insecure). I'd taken quite a few potshots at bloggers last month for not getting more pro-active about Jill Carroll. It cost me a few friends and I have the distinction of being the only person booted off Firedoglake not once but twice.

Anonymous said...

Hey nappysista...FYI...It doesn't matter who you are, what you do, or where you are doing it, if someone tries to engage you in a sexual situation and you say NO/resist/protest/or even say nothing and just collapse into a silent corner in your own mind and wait for it to be over...that my "sista" is considered rape. ALL of that is considered rape. If your booty butt naked laying in bed with a man and he attempts to engage you in sexual intercourse and you tell him NO...even if he is your HUSBAND...that is considered rape.

You don't have to like it and you don't have to agree...I hope you and your female friends and family don't have to find this out the hard way but that's the deal.

I don't care if she was a stripper or if she went back in the house on her own will (which is being contested, some say she was dragged back in). Something happened and the silence of the team and the automatic disparaging of the victim's character makes me nervous.

Check out www.raiin.org and educate yourself and some of your friends and even people you don't like.

Unknown said...

Speaking as a woman who engaged in the business, it was my choice to deal with the more unsavory side of employment. Whether you think that's right or wrong, it's not your call. No, I'm not stupid or on drugs. Again, IT WAS MY CALL. So, no one, has a right to say that this profession was beneath or below standards because, again, it was my choice. If it wasn't your choice, cool.

Who am I to judge?

Now, I've been in situations that could have turned ugly like this one. But, having said that, no one has the right to violate me or anyone in this business. Yes, it happens. But, it's not just or fair.

I'm co-signing with HC and everyone who understands my point. Just because I was involved in a fantasy providing business, doesn't mean that I don't deserve respect. And it also doesn't mean that I should be looked down upon because I didn't choose to become a secretary, cashier or something so called respectable.

It pisses me off when other women, so called sistas or whatever your breed, want to hand out judgement calls because it doesn't fit into their schematic of what they deem "respectable".

Simply stated, she didn't deserve to be disrespected, raped, beaten or dragged through the mud. No matter if she took her clothes off, or she left them on.

nappysista said...

hey anonymous...i know what rape is ...all too well...and that's all i'm going to say about that...and to everyone else...i NEVER said that anyone deserves to be raped...i never said that rape is NOT a criminal act...pardon me but go back and read my WHOLE F'n posts...

Anonymous said...

The easy thing to do is to arrest the entire lacrosse team. In fact, lacrosse should be a crime.

nappysista said...

"diva" or whatever YOUR breed...STRIPPING IS A PERVERTED "profession"...and I AM NOT BLAMING the viction for getting RAPED... I AM BLAMING HER FOR MAKING DUMB CHOICES...

a) choosing stripping as a "profession" and

b) going to strip for the LACROSSE TEAM at DUKE

i'm not even going to waste any more of my precious time...
let me say...to some of the men ...you have probably used a treated women like sexual objects in your past...now you speak out on this matter and that all of a sudden makes you a 'stand-up' guy...give me a break! and the other people commenting on this blog...we are just going to have to agree to disagree...AGAIN NO ONE DESERVES TO GET RAPED...BUT IF YOU LAY DOWN WITH DOGS...well, i believe you know the rest...

JMT said...

Basically any woman who is regarded as 'promiscuous' is regarded as being unworthy of sympathy and compassion. And it is odd that rape victims are considered more promiscuous than the unraped female population when the every definition of rape means the intercourse(if one can call it that) is non-consensual.
I wonder why men are widely expected to be saviors, protectors, hunters, gatherers, leaders, providers etc. but are not really expected to be responsible for the behavior of their genitalia.

Anonymous said...

"let me say...to some of the men ...you have probably used a treated women like sexual objects in your past...now you speak out on this matter and that all of a sudden makes you a 'stand-up' guy...give me a break!"

What a bunch of horseshit that was,
a shot directed at HC no doubt. If some men have treated women like objects, so what, it isn't a sexual assault!! Jesus, you run out of arguments, now you want to start talking out of your ass. Nice ventriloquist trick, but you look so foolish though. Plus, if those are HC's true feeling, who in the hell are you to question it as a "stand up" guy rountine. Talk about amateur hour.

"BUT IF YOU LAY DOWN WITH DOGS...well, i believe you know the rest..."

Yeah, "It doesn't give the dog a reason to rape.." Is that how it ends??

Sherlon Christie said...

I'm going to wait to the results of the DNA tests before I make an official statement on this.

Anonymous said...

Great post HC, the victim shouldn't shoulder any of the blame for this and I so hope justice is done.

I would also like to take the opportunity to thank nappysista for this beautiful metaphor:

"please don't come at me with this dumb, weak-ass argument because i will MIND FUCK you and leave your ASS sore ok?",

in a comment relating to a story in which somebody has been anally raped. Nice touch.

Professor Kim said...

This is a great post. You might also be interested in this discussion about the incident featuring two black professors from Duke, a black Duke graduate student who studies sex workers and black newspaper columninst.

MsJayy said...

Thank you for such a well-written article. I can't believe people still think it's the victim's fault. Aaarrrggghhh! She said no. Period. THAT should have been the end of it all. People keep talking about 'bad choices' re: being a dancer/stripper. She also made a choice to say 'NO' & a choice to leave. They made a choice to do what they did. Sadly enough, I think that night would have ended badly for any female that had shown up...

Unknown said...

NS:

What you find deplorable, or unacceptable does not hold water. What I chose to do was not a stupid move, because YOU can't find the respect in it. In other words, if you've never done it, don't comment on it. Your opinion means absolutely nothing. Yeah, I agree when you stated she didn't ask for it, but, with each sentence you place about her being stupid for choosing said profession, actually, you're saying she did. And as far as my breed, no explanation needed, as closed as your mind is, you wouldn't get it anyway. Lapdance or not.

YouToldHarpoTaBeatMe said...

HC, you were definitely on point with this entry. Both you and Brotha Code are on fire with this! I was already insensed when I read about it.

Through your words, I could feel how horrible every racist word felt slapping them, and the fear and tears in her eyes, while she was being choked, beaten and raped. There hasn't been an asshole birthed on the planet that can tell me that either female brought that on themselves.

While a select few have mentioned "She shouldn't have gone there", and "What did she expect?", no one has ever brought up the fact that it was both women's FIRST TIME dancing. There's many articles supporting that as well. And just because they were dancing, DOES NOT mean they came to have sex with anyone.

It's also on www.smokinggun.com

Anonymous said...

The whole situation is just sad.. I feel really bad for that sista, and for every other woman who's ever been sexually abused in any fashion.. I'm glad I came on thru and peeped the post.. I really hope she gets the help she will need thru therapy and prayer to get recover from the ordeal she's been thru.

DeAnn said...

First of all, who says you don't have the worldwide appeal of Jordan? And second, I know you have strong feelings about this, but do you know for CERTAIN what happened? I mean, I certainly hope justice prevails, too, but when it comes the law and justice, it's not really right to assume anything. Innocent until PROVEN guilty, after all.

atma brother #1 said...

It's a really tragic incident. It makes you wonder how often these horrors happen and go under the radar. Hopefully, these fools serve some serious time and are vilified. It's just disturbing that a bunch of liquored up frat boys would do this in their spare time.

Props to HC for breaking it down.

PlatinumGirl said...

I'll never understand the mentality of men who think forcing someone to have sex, and having sex in a group setting, is some kind of a turn on. How do men justify in their heads taking turns with a woman? It's so disgusting. It's like a pack of dogs or something.

Anonymous said...

Just think: Two dozen or so black men, basketball or football team mates hosting a party; they invite white female strippers to perform. One is raped. What do you think is going to happen to those black men? Their assess would've been hung by a mob 1940's style before the police ever recieved a signed search warrant. They've sure been lynched and dragged to a bloody death for less.

I find it both morbid and frighteningly unintelligent for anyone to reason that an individual's profession, sex, race, class or any other unrelated attribute or condition makes it okay for them to be forcibly penetrated with a penis or object and/or violently attacked.

Be very careful. You're on a slippery slope here. There is nothing any woman or man can ever do that would justify a perpetrator violently forcing his penis into another individual's orfice. It's wrong. No other explanations or facts are needed.

I guess more men need to be raped for the message to get across. In the city where I'm from, there is a van of African American men, most are convicts, strong, aggressive men who ride around in a U-Haul and kidnap and rape other men at gun point. They are not the "pansy" types. Nor do they rape the "pansy" types. They seek out and rape "ordinary" looking men. I wonder how those brothers feel about rape.

No matter your race, sex or class to have a dick forcibly shoved into your anus, vagina or mouth will rock your fucking world for ever. And to the broads and niggas that think it's justifiable to rape a woman because she's a stripper: DON'T GET IT TWISTED. Those same dudes would rape your black ass in suit or church dress and think nothing of it. It's all about space and opportunity. THINK ABOUT IT.

Rape is deviant behavior. It has less to do with attraction, sexual desire or arousal. The arousal comes from the violence associated with it the rape.

Anonymous said...

@divacatscratch
@mista o
@nappysista

May you all get forcibly raped in the ass by a man with a dry and unlubricated dick the size of the U.S. Monument as you walk to your car, bus stop, or front door. May he and a few friends fuck you into a new way of thinking about RAPE.

I expect such provinical and obtuse thinking from a male but from two women? You bitches should be mutilated.

Anonymous said...

Um..Simone..Divacatscratch agrees with you...

Anonymous said...

I was so heated. Thanks Tracyy... My bad divascatcratch.

Unknown said...

It's all love!!!