Nas' "Hip Hop Is Dead" exposed skirts, panties, and other undergarments.

Sometimes you just know from the instance you are introduced to something that it will be a part of your life for years to come. Some people will tell you that they knew that they were going to marry their spouse the moment they set eyes on them, some drug addicts will tell you that their self destructive narcotic habit stemmed from that first time they injected themselves with heroin and felt that "in the womb" sense of home, from the first time Hip Hop passed through my eardrums and infiltrated my cerebellum I just knew that I would be in love with it until the day that I'm in the ground and my kids are recalling what an asshole I was. Maybe it was the way I was raised, my mother coming from a musical family and her uncle playing for Count Basie's Orchestra, or my old man's love for Muddy Waters, Howlin' Wolf, and other great blues-men of the time, I had no other choice but to transfer that attention to detail to Hip Hop and always hold it to the highest standards imaginable. Even though sometimes I feel like that overbearing parent that picks fight with referees who blow a call during my kids football game, I still feel the need to always expect the best because in this scenario I won't ruin anyones life.

Because of my love for Hip Hop and holding it to such a high standard, it was amazing to see all of the frauds, MC's and journalists alike, that Nas' "Hip Hop is Dead" exposed. Exposed on some James Frey shit, turning over our port security to the government of Dubai shit, he was a member of the press corp but Jeff Gannon was actually a white house plant and a prostitute for guys shit. Personally I thought it was a solid album, and if you objectively didn't like it I don't have any problems with any you, but here are a few interesting developments that arose based on Nas' latest release.

Hyperbole anyone? Hyperbole:(definition) "Largely synonymous with exaggeration and overstatement, hyperbole is a figure of speech in which statements are exaggerated or extravagant. It may be used due to strong feelings or is used to create a strong impression and is not meant to be taken literally." I just had to make that clear for every journalist, garden variety douche-bag, or products of inbreeding that acted like a petulant child who's security blanket was taken away from them when they said "Naw-ah, Hip Hop isn't dead!!" as the only response that they could muster. I mean, when I say that my ex-girlfriend gave absolutely the worst blow-jobs in the history of blow-jobs it's just hyperbole, as long as there are epileptics with gag reflex's and braces on their teeth I'm certain there are women worse at mouth-hugs than my ex is. When someone tells you that the nightlife in their city is nonexistent I'm sure that there is at least one watering hole around, its just not up to their specific standards that's all. During some pretty intimate pillow-talk, the girl that I'm "dating" lovingly leaned over and whispered in my ear that I had the "smallest penis that she has ever seen in her life", now we know that that can't be true based on all the baby penis' she has seen in her life(right?). The term "Hip Hop is Dead" has been the theme of this blog over the past couple of years it seems like, sure there is still being legitimate Hip Hop being made fuck-stick, but the landscape is a treacherous one, occupied by wack rappers the world over that couldn't hold Rakim's jockstrap. Even if you are one of those deplorable excuses for a human being that should have stayed dripping down your mother's leg and are currently drinking the fecal flavored Jim Jones Kool-Aid, people of your ilk have to admit that this isn't Hip Hop glory days. *snapping* Try to keep up.

People's response to Nas' "Who Killed it??": You can always tell what kind of sham of a person you are dealing with if they disregard Nas' song "Who killed it?" in a reactionary, knee-jerk fashion. Again nothing is wrong with you if you detest track #6 of Nas' latest release, let me make that clear, this isn't particularly my favorite song on the album either. Even though the James Cagney-esque accent that he uses is a curious choice to the listener at first, but hearing him drop jewels via a Hip Hop noir is at least a ballsy choice. Remember that, when MC's took chances?? When I think of a De La Soul album, Miles Davis playing with his back to the crowd, Marvin Gaye choosing to sing Frank Sinatra styled crooner tunes when the audience paid to see him perform his soul classics, the epitome of an artist is doing what you find interesting and if the audience likes it, then that's all the better. Besides, again admitting that this isn't my favorite track of Nas', but I'll take it over anything Jim Jones, Rick Ross, or any other shit-stain on Hip Hop culture has ever done.

Man, rappers sure did catch feelings: As soon as I heard that Nas was going to name his album "Hip Hop is Dead", I knew that he was going to catch more shit for it than a midget under a tall man's leaking colostomy bag. It was like watching an Oscar ceremony where the winning actor or actress takes the time usually allotted to thank people to publicly bash the president, sure you probably agree with them, but you know people won't talk about what they said in a civilized manner but just call them a "flaming Liberal" and a "Hollywood idiot" like those were two closing arguments that Johnnie Cochran would be proud of. I want you to try something, if you are a blogger go on a lengthy rant about how you are tired of a "certain" blogger stealing your ideas or some other charge. When you are work make a scene, go on and on how you are going to publicly beat the shit out of the person who has been bad mouthing you behind your back. Watch, like clockwork some miserable bastard with a guilty conscience that you weren't even thinking about will come up and say, "You weren't talking about me, were you??" Jesus fucking Christ man..

With the mere title of Nas' album it seemed that there were guilty consciences all over the map. First you had those jackasses in Atlanta who took offense to Nas' title, claimed he was dissing Atlanta, and went on to name a shitload of horrible groups as to clarify why Hip Hop Isn't dead. Even though I respect Ludacris and Outkast(despite what a cluster-fuck "Idlewild" was), they took offense to Hip Hop being "dead" as well but I saw that more as them having a guilty conscience about all the proverbial wackness that's going on in their backyard and not them personally being offended.(Lets hope, because I refuse to think they are that stupid.) We can't forget about the Young Jeezy meltdown where he took offense to Hip Hop being dead as well, and not only went on to basically say that a criminal background made you a dope MC, but also went on to question Nas' street credibility before storming out of the studio like a petulant child. (Damn dude, the chick who made "Monie in the Middle" made you her bitch?? That's not gangsta..)

Sometimes, just sometimes, age matters: Full disclosure here, I have unfortunately been age biased when it comes to someone's knowledge of Hip Hop, usually in the most disrespectful ways. Even though they were gag gifts, I have been known to give out pacifiers and diapers to younger people around Christmas time if at some point in the past they had the nerve and attempted to talk to me about Hip Hop. Admittedly I was a horrible, but based on my bad behavior and the fact I tug at my penis at least 3 times a day, being a jerk seems like the motif of my life. But over the past year and a half I have encountered young people 10 years, 15 tears younger than myself that had a solid foundation in Hip Hop, graffiti, and other facets of Hip Hop culture that basically gave the pimp hand to my silly biases. Even though I'm trying to change, those bias' reared its ugly head over the past month or so when I read reviews of Hip Hop is dead to be completely honest.

I noticed that many of the reviewers were young cats, not that they disclosed their age or anything, but you can always tell their age because they try to wow you with how many classic albums they own or some other example of their Hip Hop knowledge. Listen, there's nothing wrong with a younger person reviewing Hip Hip, I just had a problem when reviewing Nas' latest record they would talk about "Illmatic" and the impact that it had at the time it was released. Motherfucker you were in grade-school, shut the fuck up already! I started to openly wonder if Hip Hop relied more on context than any other form of music when speaking about it. I mean, I could spent 10 years of my life researching the Harlem Renaissance, wax poetic about the great literature, art, culture of the times, but no matter how hard I try I could never sound as authentic and genuine as Langston Hughes, a gentleman who lived it. I'm just saying..

Most Hip Hop journalists are incompetent: I noticed something very interesting when I read the negative reviews of this album, the angry and biting tone that some of the writers used when doing so. It was like they were getting back at Nas for throat-chopping their grandmother, or cumming on their little sister's prom dress or something, I didn't get it at first. Then it all came clear to me like an epiphany, the mere title of Nas' album forced many of these dime-store wordsmiths to re-evaluate the plethora of glowing reviews in the past that they gave to horrible artists just to keep their job at some Hip Hop rag that I wouldn't wipe my ass with, and this is them lashing out because they were called on how lame they are. Just think about the scathing review they gave Hip Hop is dead, then go back in their posting history or the old articles in which they reviewed other albums, if you see a positive review for Jim Jones, anyone in the Dip-set, Young Jeezy, Lil Wayne, chamillionaire, Rick Ross, or any artist of that ilk, consider that motherfucker persona non Grata when it comes to being a trustworthy source of Hip Hop. Only in the Special Olympics does a person get a medal for being placing last, the fact that this album invokes such anger from people who have the audacity to praise inferior artists takes some nerve, I'll give you that..