Friday, April 29, 2005

No Offense, But Why in the Fuck are you Famous Again?

In all seriousness, I generally wish people well and hope they fulfill their wildest dreams. You guys know the dude that plays the boyfriend of rapper Eve on her self titled show, or the guy that played her no good boyfriend in the movie Barbershop? OK, me and that dude went to high school together(Jason George) and he was on my track team. I wish him the best because not only is he a nice guy but he deserves all the success he gets. I am not a hater, but I have absolutely no respect for someone who is famous and they don't have any recognizable talent whatsoever. Today I will point some of these individuals out.(Post inspired by Y. Massey)

Paris Hilton/Nicole Richie: I never knew that being a rich, obnoxious slut was a talent. Every time I see either of these two on a entertainment news show I keep waiting to see what their specific talent is. So far, we know that Nicole Richie is Lionel Richie's Daughter, no marketable skills, and she likes drugs. Paris Hilton is part of the Hilton fortune, no marketable skills, and she has the I.Q of a toddler. I once heard Paris say that she didn't want to take a certain movie role because it would damage her image. I immediately said to myself, " Image?? There is a porno tape of you banging some loser in a hotel room, people already have the fact that you are a slut ingrained in their mind." Nicole Richie, besides being a major druggie, once said that she wanted to "Have sex with Kobe Bryant" while being inteviewed on national television at a Lakers game.(Did I mention that she said that while his rape case was going on? Smart move) These two just show that celebrity is easier to obtain nowadays when you are virtually talentless.


Bentley Farnsworth: To say this jackass irritates the fuck out of me is an understatement. I mean, the guy is Puffy's man servant for Christs sake! Where in the fuck is the talent in that? As a black man I would find being anyone's "servant" demeaning on any level. He can't rap, sing, produce, but he can hold one hell of a umbrella for Puffy when it is raining! He has been in countless videos, fashion themed shows, and other outlets and I am still waiting to find out what he exactly does that proves that he has talent.

Anna Nicole Smith: I know that she was once a model, but come on. She married a guy damn near on his death bed in hopes to collect some fat cash and so far that hasn't worked out for her. She had a reality show where all she did was stay medicated 24/7 and acted like a complete jackass. Every time I see her she looks completely high off her ass, struggling through simple sentences and embarrassing the shit out of herself. Now she peddles this stuff called "Trimspa" after losing a shitload of weight. 'Trimspa" must have crack in it because her ass lost that weight really fast, with crackfein-type accuracy. Again, she has no recognizable talent besides being a pill popping chick with extremely big boobs.

Anyone on a reality Show: Message to anyone ever on a reality show: The reason why your acting career hasn't taken off after your appearance on that reality show is because casting agents know, like me, that you are talentless. I mean, Omaroso is a woman that proved herself to be a backstabbing incompetent witch, why would I want to hire her for my new sitcom?? I respect people who do the reality show, go back to their old lives and keep it moving. To suddenly think you are a acting commodity because you were simply in front of a camera is ridiculous to me.

Bishop Don Magic Juan: This is going to sound weird coming from a guy who can call out a shitload of porn-stars by name, but this guy bothers me on a social level. When did being a pimp become marketable in the entertainment world? Not only is this guy somewhat offensive with his ugly suits and horrendous pimp cups, but the guy butchers the English language whenever he opens his mouth. At least be a articulate pimp! every time he appears on T.V he sets the civil rights movement back 100 years, seriously. When people ask him what role he plays in his entourage Snoop says that this guy is his "spiritual adviser". My question to Snoop is what exactly is he advising you in, better and more accurate ways to "smack your bitch"? Come on. The mere fact that this jackass is famous for being a pimp, and not having one marketable entertainment skill is beyond me.

35 comments:

Breez said...

LOL I am SO with you. Further, I have questioned the wisdom of any marketing department who sees Anna Nicole Spliff as their best and brightest representative. Scary.

Singing said...

You never cease to amaze me!!! And your whole list is so damn correct.

Farnsworth came to my church one Sunday...and I looked at him and was like....this is all you CAN do. But it is a complete embarassment to More.house. They don't prep men to be manservants.

E to the dwige said...

lol! Too funny Assoroma as my friends and I like to call her is appearing on the next season of VH1's The Surreal Life...a bunch of has beens and reality show finalists..now that's quality TV.

Fran said...

I couldn't agree with you more....I just couldn't! :)

I won't even go there with the first two nasty girls, but man...that last one scared me! Wth does he have on? Ay caramba, Dios miyo! Those glasses....*giggling* What a goofin loser.

I say we give it a try and make it big! Difference with us...We DO have some sort of talent and something to give, all those that you mentioned are just....*smh* pathetic.

Brother OMi said...

lol great post. i feel you 100% on all of them. by the way Magic Don Juan is a Bishop of his own church. no lie. i swear to you

Dr. Strangejazz said...

HC damn you can be such a hater. GOL!

From what I've heard Nicole Richie is going to be putting an album out soon so you know how well that will do. Paris Hilton is going to be staring in a new horror movie called House of Wax. I'm sure that will be a hit, SIKE!

Bentley Farnsworth in my opinion is the poster boy for the DL lifestlye but from what I heard through MTV he's going to be putting out an album and tapped Kayne West to produce some tracks for him. He'll probably have Andre 3000 on it being that they both went to high school together.

As far as Bishop Don Magic Juan is concerned I agree with you he does butcher the English language but here's something that you didn't know he actually is an ordained minister and he's also published a book called From Pimpstick to Pulpit. I SH*T YOU NOT. That muthaf*cka is published and I'm still blogging. WTF!

S.S. Dot Carter said...

Farnsworth..YES! The sad thing is that I heard he comes from "money" and his family is completely ashamed that he's out cooning...yes I said cooning...in the public.

peachy said...

Why is Farnsworth sporting an AKA umbrella?

Dr. Strangejazz said...

Well peachy, I heard his girlfriend in Canada is an AKA.

Luke Cage said...

LOL!! Be nice Dawg...that was coldblooooded..*bang * bang

Amadeo said...

Farnsworth...Man Servant...anyone who would acknowledge this as a title for themselves should be dragged into an alley and beaten with a bag of wet rats. I saw some show talking about Reality Show participants and the term they used was "famous for nothing".

dotcomdiva said...

Can we also add Lil' Jon to the list. I mean the man has made a career out of 3 words. YEAH! OKAY! and WHAT?!
That's just scary.

As a matter of fact, can we just ban any rapper whose name starts with Lil'. Lil' John, Lil' Wayne, Lil' Kim, Lil' Romeo... They're all wack!

greggy said...

LMAO @ dotcomdiva's comment...

"As a matter of fact, can we just ban any rapper whose name starts with Lil'. Lil' John, Lil' Wayne, Lil' Kim, Lil' Romeo... They're all wack!"

The mere fact that Bishop Don Magic Juan has his own church and is an ordained minister speaks volumes about how close the Apocalypse is upon us...LOL

kozmic_cocoa said...

I love this post! I was just talking about Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie the other day. I'm so sick of these no talent wenches and their dumb ass catch phrases like, "That's hot." And am I losing my mind or is Bentley Farnsworth carrying an Alpha Kappa Alpha umbrella? Gosh I thought Jerome, Morris Day's lackey was useless, but at least he'd play the tambourine or something when the Time was on stage.

Saladevisitas said...

LOL

I am with you 100% You are right on fo dat (heh heh). Good use of a blog.

Zantiferous3 said...

Okay... I know this doesn't have shit to do with anything, but is Bentley carrying a Soror's umbrella??? I know that's not an Alpha Kappa Alpha umbrella... am I the ONLY one who sees that??? LMAO

Ms. World said...

I'll take Farnsworth Bentley's talents over Paris Hilton & Nicole Ritchie! The post rocked (as usual).

kashata said...

You're right on point as usual.Can't stand those first 2 slugs,actually the whole list should be banished to some remote island.

princessdominique said...

You hit the nail on the pseudo-celebrity head! Keep it coming!

coley said...

Wassup HC.... Just passing through and LMAO at you, but what else is new! Happy Weekend! :)

Brownsoul said...

LOL! I feel ya, but I gotta shamefully admit that I love Fonzworth Bentley. I think I'm kinda glad that his fame has made a turn around cuz his family wasn't too happy about him being depicted as Diddy's man-servant. They were like "negro you have a degree and this is what you're doing with it." But yeah, I'm with you...if you're gonna be a celebrity, can I see some talent please?!

Kate R said...

bring back Tiny Tim. Now HE was a celebrity.

The Foxybrown Show said...

Wow! You are an official hater but I do think Mr. Bentley is pretty cute. Now by no means am I saying that your wrong by any account....Wait...Is he holding an Alpha Kappa Alpha umbrella????

I have a few phone calls to make...This could get ugly! Holla back on my blog!

josie said...

the man servant guy is famous for the pretty umbrellas, man. he was on 40 least hip hop moments on vh1. it was good.

and anna nicole was in a porn once i think from some documentary i saw of her.

Goldi said...

Farnsworth represents everything that is wrong with ATL.

Regarding Don - would a real pimp dress like that?

They both look like characters straight out of "Bamboozled", now pass the watermelon and red kool-aid.

deborah said...

Great post!

Dayrell said...

Nice post Critic.

Oh and I co-sign with dotcomadiva! LOL.

Sasu...aka Balsera said...

All i can muster at this moment is ........LOL

Tinker said...

nice post and so very accurate! especially about omarosa...once you are on surrel life, it is waaay over! has been for awhile

Sparkling said...

Apart from Paris Hilton, I don't know who any of these so-called celebreties are, but they all give us reason not to want fame and fortune.

Coffey0072 said...

As much as I hate to say this...
Anna Nicole smith probably gave that 90 year old man a hand job and spanked his wrinkly, liver-spotted ass. I'm sure she let him bury his face in her massive mountain of silicone... so I'd say she earned some measure of fame and money.

tee hee. I'm just sayin'

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Panda said...

If you haven't noticed, Kanye West is quoted as saying that Farnsworth is "quite an accomplished MC" and is currently signed to G.O.O.D. (Getting Out Our Dreams) music. Manservant? Yes. One of the best dressed men of our generation? Possibly. Accomplished MC? Bet you didn't know.

Panda

Anonymous said...

that is clearly an Alpha Kappa Allpha umbrella. he's showin luv 4 AKAs. gotta show my sorors this one!

Anonymous said...

Most celebrities are just high priced prostitutes-period!