Paris Hilton/Nicole Richie: I never knew that being a rich, obnoxious slut was a talent. Every time I see either of these two on a entertainment news show I keep waiting to see what their specific talent is. So far, we know that Nicole Richie is Lionel Richie's Daughter, no marketable skills, and she likes drugs. Paris Hilton is part of the Hilton fortune, no marketable skills, and she has the I.Q of a toddler. I once heard Paris say that she didn't want to take a certain movie role because it would damage her image. I immediately said to myself, " Image?? There is a porno tape of you banging some loser in a hotel room, people already have the fact that you are a slut ingrained in their mind." Nicole Richie, besides being a major druggie, once said that she wanted to "Have sex with Kobe Bryant" while being inteviewed on national television at a Lakers game.(Did I mention that she said that while his rape case was going on? Smart move) These two just show that celebrity is easier to obtain nowadays when you are virtually talentless.
Bentley Farnsworth: To say this jackass irritates the fuck out of me is an understatement. I mean, the guy is Puffy's man servant for Christs sake! Where in the fuck is the talent in that? As a black man I would find being anyone's "servant" demeaning on any level. He can't rap, sing, produce, but he can hold one hell of a umbrella for Puffy when it is raining! He has been in countless videos, fashion themed shows, and other outlets and I am still waiting to find out what he exactly does that proves that he has talent.
Anna Nicole Smith: I know that she was once a model, but come on. She married a guy damn near on his death bed in hopes to collect some fat cash and so far that hasn't worked out for her. She had a reality show where all she did was stay medicated 24/7 and acted like a complete jackass. Every time I see her she looks completely high off her ass, struggling through simple sentences and embarrassing the shit out of herself. Now she peddles this stuff called "Trimspa" after losing a shitload of weight. 'Trimspa" must have crack in it because her ass lost that weight really fast, with crackfein-type accuracy. Again, she has no recognizable talent besides being a pill popping chick with extremely big boobs.
Anyone on a reality Show: Message to anyone ever on a reality show: The reason why your acting career hasn't taken off after your appearance on that reality show is because casting agents know, like me, that you are talentless. I mean, Omaroso is a woman that proved herself to be a backstabbing incompetent witch, why would I want to hire her for my new sitcom?? I respect people who do the reality show, go back to their old lives and keep it moving. To suddenly think you are a acting commodity because you were simply in front of a camera is ridiculous to me. 
Bishop Don Magic Juan: This is going to sound weird coming from a guy who can call out a shitload of porn-stars by name, but this guy bothers me on a social level. When did being a pimp become marketable in the entertainment world? Not only is this guy somewhat offensive with his ugly suits and horrendous pimp cups, but the guy butchers the English language whenever he opens his mouth. At least be a articulate pimp! every time he appears on T.V he sets the civil rights movement back 100 years, seriously. When people ask him what role he plays in his entourage Snoop says that this guy is his "spiritual adviser". My question to Snoop is what exactly is he advising you in, better and more accurate ways to "smack your bitch"? Come on. The mere fact that this jackass is famous for being a pimp, and not having one marketable entertainment skill is beyond me.
Over the past few years I have had friends and family members that have dedicated themselves to the Lord. Even though I went to catholic school, the only thing that i gained from my attendance were the early-teen erections that I used to get from seeing girls in plaid skirts. Overall, I believe that finding Jesus is a good thing if you aren't fanatical about it. The following are some examples of individuals that took their faith on a cult-like level.
Mad Max: Max is a friend of mine who I went to a club with recently. We were having a great time, checking out women and causing absolute mayhem. I saw a girl there that I new named Laurie that I introduced him to. They hit it off and they were all over each other by the end of the night. When he was driving me home I gave him some words of wisdom: "Hey man, Laurie is cool but you might want to reconsider messing with her. For one thing it is kind of unsettling when you know 20 guys personally that have slept with her. Plus, a guy was once killed over her so you better watch your step. Also, she seems so unclean to me that after I come in contact with her I feel like I need to take a shower." Max laughed it off, thanked me for the heads up, but informed me that he was a big boy and could handle himself. I replied, "Fuck it, I warned you". About a month later I am playing pool with Max and I notice that he is very silent the whole time. I asked him what's up and he says the following. "Dude, you were right. For one thing I got jumped by one of Laurie's boyfriends and a couple of his friends, they beat my ass good." He then informed me that Laurie gave him a venereal disease damn near immediately. Usually when I was proved right I would gloat, but I just simply responded with a "that's messed up" and continued to play pool.
Three's Company: The brother of one of my band-mates was hanging with us one night. He is kind of a scumbag, but he doesn't bother me so its OK. He had brought up the fact that he was going to bring a second woman into the bedroom to have a three-way with his wife. Everyone was telling him how that was their fantasy, and basically gave him encouragement. I disagreed with the following rant: "Fuck that, that is probably the most overrated fantasy out there. For one thing, I wouldn't do it because having one unsatisfied woman is enough, imagine two mad chicks at you. No thanks. Plus, what if the other woman turns your wife out? Then you my friend, are officially fucked!" He laughed off my comments and quickly changed the subject. Fast forward about two months later and what I said had actually came true. His wife had fallen in love with the woman that he had brought into the bedroom, leaving him alone and regretting that he ever thought of the words "Three-way".
Right-wing Buddy: I have talked about my republican friend Randy time and time again, he is one of my closest friends. I have to admit something. When it comes to the beautiful family that he has, I am kind of envious. When people say, "I am single and loving it" I always want to punch them dead in the face because they are fooling themselves. Being married and having kids is definitely the way to go, hands down. That is why it angers me that Randy is fucking up royally and he is going to sabotage his family. OK, he has been married about 9 months and along with a 5 year old son from a previous relationship, he has a daughter that was born about two months ago. I have noticed a few things over the past few months. 1) For one thing Randy has had women meet him in places that we frequent. From his sons baby sitter, to a friend of his sister. He always claims that nothing is going on and i drop it. 2) About a month before him and his wife first got married, we had went out to have a few drinks. This girl that he knew was there so we all hung out. Danny then drove me home, but I noticed that the girl in question had followed us there. I went into the house to crash since i was shitfaced and left them outside. I woke up about an hour later and something told me to look outside. When i did I see Randy and this chick kissing and hugging on top of his car.(Even worse is the fact that Randy lives only one street behind me.) I have love for Randy, and want to believe that he hasn't been unfaithful to his wife but a lie he once told me makes me question anything he says on the subject. The Lie: He once dated a girl that was named Kate and she looked like the actress Kate Hudson, no lie. They were dating for a few months and Randy swore up and down that he never had sex with her. Well, he told another group of my friends that he was always having sex with her. Who was he lying to, me or them? And, why lie to any of us? Anyway, the final verdict isn't in on this one, I just hope that Randy makes the right decision.
Neighborhood Bar: For years this bar's theme has been a redneck shithole that consistently loses money. A new owner will come along, have a country and western theme, and it turns into an all out dive bar. Fast Forward a few months ago when a new owner took over the place who I thought was going to save the day. He changed the scenery, played more R&B and Hip Hop, and gave the place more life. It was also making a lot more money, so I thought the curse was finally lifted from this establishment. It all started to go downhill with a quickness, and i think I was present when it began to fall apart. See, he can't get rid of the older, redneck, I have one tooth, I used to sleep with my sister, why don't you play more Toby Keith and Waylon Jennings crowd. So some of those dudes were in there one night when i was there and argued with the owner about playing more country and western. I could see them swaying the owner so i said the following: "Dude, you are making more money with the new direction of the bar, why would you change it back now? Plus, take a good look at the individuals giving you this stupid advice.(Grabbing one of the gentleman's head) This motherfucker has two teeth in his mouth!! I wouldn't take advice from any man that doesn't have the good sense to Brush and floss.(Sniffing) Also, the other guy giving you advice smells like a baboons asscrack, come one dude!" OK, maybe i was a bit harsh but I had to sell my argument. Fast Forward about a month and I walk in there and see a group of sorry motherfuckers line dancing. He had changed the format, and withing weeks they are losing money faster than a hooker with a bad cough. Man, does anybody listen to me?
Mariah Carey: This isn't going to be a bulletin or anything but Mariah is crazy as batshit. For one thing she takes like 25 showers a day, her ass has issues. Not only that she has about 10 "yes women" who compliment her, agree with her, and laugh at all of her jokes. Her main topics of conversation is how great she is, how no other singer can touch her, and how in 20 years her movie "Glitter" will be considered a theatrical masterpiece. I shit you not, she made me and her staff watch that movie at least twice a day. I would call our intimate moments in the bedroom "10 Commandment Sex" because her ass had so many rules. "Don't smack my ass", "Not too hard", "You are wearing 2 condoms right?", "Tell me how great Glitter was", the shit got ridiculous. While we were together she would say silly shit like, "I really can't believe I'm with a black guy. I mean, I have black folks in my videos and producing my music, but to actually have one as a boyfriend is something that I don't do." When I would remind her that she is half-black she would say, "That's right, I keep forgetting about that." When I tried to break it off with her she made me sign a confidentiality agreement saying that I would never speak about our relationship. For good measure she had a few of her goons rough me up outside her place of residence as her and her staff laughed uncontrollably. As I walked off bloody I screamed "Glitter sucked ass bitch!!"(taken from chapter 18 entitled "Nuttier than Squirrel shit". Page 126)
Halle Berry: She was extremely cool at first, a stark contrast from Mariah "Glitter-flop" Carey. She seemed like the perfect girlfriend until her jealousy reared its ugly head. First it was the phone calls, at least one hundred a day. Then she would drive by my house at 3 in the morning to see if I had a woman over. She constantly asked me if I was cheating on her, she shockingly sniffed my genitalia and said, "I know you have been with someone else, don't fucking lie to me!" What in the fuck is that? She was spirited in the bedroom, but I had to laugh when she recited the line from "Monster's Ball" by yelling out "HumanityCritic, Make me feel guuuud!" The sexual experiences aside, I had to let her ass go because she was too possessive and jealous. The last straw was when I called her from my moms house and she didn't believe me so I put my mother on the phone. When my mother said "hello" Halle screamed, "I know this isn't Critic's mother, you fucking my man bitch??" After a thorough cursing out I ended it, she then said that she would trash me in the press and imply that it was all my fault, making her look like spotless. Oh well, what ya going to do?(taken from chapter 20 entitled "Sorry, but B.A.P.S sucked ass" Page 149)
Erykah Badu: Where do I begin? Erykah was highly opinionated, and she thought she was right and everyone else was wrong.(reminds me of myself) Early on she displayed rather weird behavior that was somewhat troubling. In the bedroom she was rough as hell using chains and whips and shit. She also got off on punching the shit out of me at the exact moment that I climaxed. She walked around with incense in her hand 24/7 and when she read that coffee-shop piece I did she thought I was taking a shot at her. She also kept trying to make me wear extremely weird clothes, ugly ass colors, and true coffee-shop wear. That all stopped when she realized that she wasn't going to change a brother. But let me tell yall something, her vagina has special powers that scientists have to research because without me noticing I was indeed wearing those clothes and doing whatever she said. I now see how she got Common and Andre. I broke away from her evil spell but I still have dreams of her telling me, "You can't escape me HumanityCritic..Hahahahaha". Thats some scary shit.(taken from chapter 23 entitled "Magical Vagina" Page 170)
Whitney Houston: OK, OK, Bobby was in Jail and I was desperate, what can I say? But there were some good things about going out with Whitney though. For one thing, Whitney has the best weed in the United States of America, just watch her ass when she rolls it though. Also, Whitney taught me of various places you can shoot up and it not be too obvious.
Serena Williams: I have to admit that when I started dating this cutey I was excited because she had a booty that should be on a soul food menu. She was mad cool, she even appeared in one of my music videos, we had a great time until her family intervened. For one thing I was constantly confronted by Venus and she would accuse me of trying to cause a riff between her and her sister. Her mother would tell me that I wasn't shit so much that I had a flashback of when my father said the same things to me, so mistakenly I mushed her in the face and said "Shut your stupid ass up!" Serena didn't talk to me for a week because of that. She also wasn't pleased that I had to punch her father because he wouldn't pay me the 500 dollars he owed me from a card game.(His ass tried to pull a blade on me!) The last straw was that sex tape that I had secretly made for my personal collection. I didn't know that someone would steal it, and when it went public Serena dumped my ass quick-fast. There is a silver lining though, that porn entitled 'Serve it as Hard as you can" is the biggest selling porn ever.(taken from chapter 27 entitled "Big Butt and a Smile" Page 193)
Mark Wahlberg has came out publicly against Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, and Eminem for apparently fronting about having rough upbringings. He slams Damon for romanticizing a tough upbringing in the film "Good Will Hunting" by saying "If I make a film about my upbringing it's going to be about more than a f**king kid doing math, like in Good Will Hunting, you know what I mean?" He continued on Eminem: "My childhood wasn't like some 8 Mile bulls**t where you go and have a rap-off. Or like West Side Story, where you all start dancing and s**t." I guess these sentiments come from his feeling that he had a rough childhood, and the assault conviction that he got 17 years ago is to blame for said childhood.
I was talking to my mother the other day and she said something that was rather interesting. She said that either people love me or they love to hate me, there is no middle ground when it comes to me. She also said that it wasn't natural the way I enjoy infuriating people over the years. She is half right, I do enjoy pissing people off who deserve it but there have been times where I didn't find any enjoyment in doing so.
Eminem: When he first came out I was his biggest cheerleader. When cats were dissing him simply because he was white I would not only inform them on how ignorant they were, but I would point out that the dude was extremely talented lyrically. He has a way with words, and he has so many flows you can't really pin point one particular style to him. He is talented, and can go toe to toe with any rapper out there. His albums are another thing. The first couple had a few things that I liked, but I basically forgave him because I expected this "great" musical growth. Years past and it never came, it was always more of the same. The saddest part is that Eminem has a built in audience, he could put out an entire record of him on the toilet and it would go triple platinum. So you would think that he would use that opportunity to promote some cutting edge Hip Hop, some straight up underground shit that I know he probably wants to do. Nope, he has remained faithful to the TRL crowd more or less and that's sad because he is wasting a golden opportunity.
Rass Kass: I have always had a deep respect for this MC hailing from Carson California. One of my favorite lines from his is, "I drink Listerine, and Brush my teeth with amphetamines/So I can sound fresh and say dope things." Classic. But waiting for him to drop a coherent album is like waiting for 
Canibus: Very lethal MC, who made the lethal decision of going against the G.O.A.T(greatest of all time) or so he calls himself, LL Cool J. He has some of the sickest rhymes out, with razor sharp visuals that would cut you like a knife. When I heard his first release it sounded like a glorified demo type, with no real vision behind the music. Of course he blamed his album of Wyclef, but his ass had a chance to hear those tracks before they made the album, come on Canibus..I got a hold of one of his recent CD's and I noticed that he has 1 style, 1 delivery, always in attack mode and he never changes up. You would think someone who has the ability to come up with such interesting lyrical content would change his style up a bit. 
Royce da 5'9: Royce, Royce, Royce..What happened? You came up as Eminem's boy and you had a clear path to super-stardom, what in the fuck happened? Rumor has it you were pissed that Eminem was taking too long bringing you out, so that is what caused the split?? I don't really know, but it is a shame. It's a shame because Royce is better than anybody that Eminem has ever signed. 50, D12, Obie Trice, he's better than all of those fools. Hopefully he will find a place to shine, but for all the high hopes I had for this brother it looks like he is a big ass disappointment thus far.
Mad Skillz: I remember seeing this dude freestyle on stage alongside A Tribe Called Quest more than a decade and he tore it up. I anxiously awaited his album, and when it came out I realized that just because you are a good battle rapper doesn't mean that your ass will make a decent recording artist. Over the years I have seen him on people's singles, and dropping his own material, and to say that he bores me is a understatement. I know I shouldn't hate on the cat because we are both from the Virginia Commonwealth, but fuck that this dude annoys the piss out of me. From him having this weird beef with Shaq, to those irritating year end wrap-up songs, I am wondering why he is even still around. You know the same way Martin Lawrence is allowed to make bad movie after bad movie, you want to ask "Who keeps giving this jackass work??!!".
D.O.C: OK, his underachievement has nothing to do with bad career moves, it has to do with a car accident that ended his career too early. His album "No one Can Do It Better" is still one of the best West Coast records of all time. Definitely ahead of his time, it is just a shame that he wasn't able to bless the Hip Hop community with any more classic material.
Bahamadia: In a world where its hard to find a female MC who not only possesses Mic skills, but doesn't show her ass every 5 minutes is a rare occurrence. Bahamadia, hailing from Philadelphia was for a brief moment in history a breath of fresh air in this smog filled world of the female MC. She had lyrics, flow, she was a legitimate artist. I don't know what happened to her, the last album that I heard from her was wack and unfocused. But I hesitate to diss the female MC too harshly, not to be chivalrous, but because in a society where the female rapper has to sell sex at every turn, it makes it difficult for legitimate sisters to get a fair shake.
"Under the Bridge" is a wonderful song by the Red Hot Chilli Peppers, chronicling the thoughts of lead singer Anthony Kiedis as he contemplated suicide. Whenever I hear that song it reminds of the individuals in my life that have taken their life, and I kind of feel guilty because in hindsight there were clear signs that they were crying out for help. 
(Credits begin, M.O.P's "Ante Up" comes on)
Rant of the Day
(HumanityCritic enter inside his place of residence, piano music starts to plays)
I have to admit something to all my wonderful friends in blogland. (Holding a candle, AA style) I am HumanityCritic, and I am a Hip-hop-aholic. I have always had a great affection for hip Hop, but as i grow older the love gets deeper primarily because of the dwindling quality of the art-form. I feel that I am one of the last messengers on a quest to save my favorite genre of music, on a life long trek ala Kung Fu. To be honest with you I am somewhat of a disgruntled MC. Not disgruntled or bitter because I never made it in Hip Hop, just that in life there are some things that you have to admit that you aren't cut out for. My lyrics were always marginal, and in Hip Hop the voice is essential and my voice was/is horrible. Some people say never say never, but at 31 years old the chances of me being a Hip Hop artist are the same as me becoming a black republican, highly fucking unlikely. Want to hear some sad shit? I continuously write rhymes to this day even though no one will ever hear them. It is like I am preparing for some worldwide MC battle or some shit, just pathetic. This brings me to the following story.
Ludacris- I think people recognize that this man has talent, but because of his commercial success I feel that the masses sleep on the lyrical skill of this individual. Also, he makes crossover music that I am not particularly mad at, because he doesn't totally sell out and he adds some lyrical content. Down south artists are unfortunately slept on when it comes to lyricism, but no one can deny his wealth of flows, and verbal presence that he brings to each verse. Talk shit if you want, but Luda will go toe to toe with your favorite rapper, and possibly hand him his ass.
Malik B- People will want my head on a platter when i say this, but I actually liked malik B better than Black Thought. He mixed raw lyricism with a street sensibility. Whenever he spit rhymes you knew you were going to get Hip Hop at it's rawest form. I know that the group had problems with his behavior, missing shows, and his drug use, but its my honest feeling that The Roots haven't been the same since his departure. It seems that most great artists are damaged or have self destructive issues. Who Knows, but I hope to god that this brother gets his life together and blesses us with some quality Hip Hop that will last the test of time.
Posdnuos- I absolutely love De La Soul, they are the only group that I can think of that has maintained their creativity without selling out. When all is said and done, and people look back on Hip Hop, it is a scary thought to think that De La Soul won't get the credit they deserve. The reason I think that Pos is underrated is because him and Trugoy are a perfect mixture, and they don't try to outshine each other. Pos has a aggressive delivery, inventive rhyme style, and the realism in his words is more "gangsta" than any bullshit hardcore rapper out there. The Daisy Age is indeed over, but the lyrics of this individual will last forever.
I was watching "Fight Club" the other day and the character that Edward Norton plays said something that caught my attention. Because his career had him traveling on a regular basis, and he frequently stayed on airplanes and in hotels, he called the people he met on his journeys "single serving friends".(Because on airplanes and in hotels you get single serving nuts, toothpaste, shampoo, etc.) I kind of feel the same way about the "bar buddies" that frequent my favorite bar. "Bar buddies" are individuals that I'm cool with inside the establishment, but there is no relationship outside said watering hole. Everyone has a story, here are a few.
HumanityCritic Dictionary: