Monday, July 10, 2006
Ann Coulter: A Full time nut-job who moonlights as a plagiarist..
I'm pretty sure, for all of you out there like me who like to throw back more shots than Kurt Cobain, you have heard the age old bar rule that has been around for decades. You know, the one that says that you should never discuss "religion" or "politics" in a drinking establishment, yes that one. Being that I have seen all out bar brawls based on disagreements concerning "Fahrenheit 911", Bush(the president dummy), and a spirited debate about Jesus being "black"(that was me..), I agree that attempting to tackle those topics in a watering hole isn't the wisest of choices. That being said, this past weekend I found myself doing just that, arguing with some ass-hat in a bar about politics. First let me explain: There is this dude named Derek that I simply can't stand, and even though I'm 32 and should know better, I just want this waste of sperm to give me a legitimate reason to pummel him in front of a crowd of drunken onlookers. But because Derek is a old friend of my best friend's wife, I have been told at least 20 times, to "leave him alone".
So you can imagine the dilemma I found myself in as I was flirting with a bartender with luscious floatation devices on her chest, when this jackass Derek decided to sit right beside me. Maybe it's me, or maybe I have just been way too subtle, but I thought me telling him "One day, I promise, you will be on the business end of a beating" would tip him off that he isn't my favorite person in the world to talk to. Anyway, because he knew that I was told not to touch him, he acted like a bratty kid in an adult game of tag with his proverbial hand on "base" saying whatever he liked. Somehow, after a few minutes of me ignoring him the same way I do Tyler Perry plays, he got on the topic of Ann Coulter and the plagiarism charges levied against her. He said, "It's the fucking left wing media!! This is just their way of trying to bring down a woman speaking the truth, speaking her mind!!" That's when I turned to him, and as politely as I could stated my point in a calm and articulate manner. Ok, who I'm I kidding, I angrily turned to him, grabbed him out of his chair by the neck and said, "Left wing media?? Did "Moveon.org force her to lift entire passages from other people's articles?? Did the DailyKos put a gun to her head and tell her not to site the sources that she stole from?? Jesus, it's one thing to be a right-wing nut who is two sandwiches away from a skeleton, but to not even be original about is plain sad and obvious, like Ann's adams apple"
Anyway I let go of his his throat, and because I felt terrible about what I had just done I apologized profusely and offered to pay for his drinks for the rest of the night. Ok, that's me bullshitting again. I palmed his face, mushed him into a corner and tossed a couple of bar stools on top of him. If he tells he tells, fuck it, at least that miserable bastard gave me a great segue for the above Ann Coulter video.