Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Video of the Day: Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince: "Brand New Funk"
I never thought that I would damn near get into an all out brawl over any cast member of "The Wild Wild West", but it almost happened a few weeks ago. I was in some trendy ass bar downtown, minding my business damaging my liver and flirting with the bartender with breasts that could feed all the children in a third world country, when I heard a few younger cats talk about their favorite Hip Hop artists. I was surprised at how I behaved myself, I mean, I actually didn't openly object when they waxed poetically about their love for the "Dipset", "Yung Joc", that gorilla looking "T-Pain" character, and other inferior groups of that ilk. I didn't say anything, I just kept my eyes fixed on this bartenders tits like it was a teleprompter and I was Tom Brokaw. That was until I heard one of those young cats start talking about Will Smith and how "soft" his music was. That's when I got up, stood in the middle of those 4 gentleman and said, "The next person who talks shit about Will Smith, I swear, I'm going to break their fucking jaw!" One of them said, "Yeah, but there is four of us and one of you!!", in which I responded "I can add motherfucker, but you have to decide if you want to be the one that's sipping his meals through a fucking straw for the next couple of months!!"
One of the guys said, "Why do you care about Will Smith so much?" I said, "I don't, but you guys were just going on and on about acts that suck complete cock. I mean, come on, the more and more you jackasses go on and on about acts that I personally feel scrape the bottom of the artistic barrel, the more and more I appreciate Will Smith as REAL Hip Hop!!!" Nothing happened, but as I left I told the guys "You inbred sons of bitches have to check out Will Smith's "Brand New Funk", similar to the way a church lady would tell someone that they "Need Jesus".