Wanting to drag someone out of their car and beat them: Road Rage

I have admitted many times on this blog that I can have somewhat of a temper, acknowledging that many of the things that I get mad about can be pretty petty. When someone says some dumb shit to me I have tried to do breathing exercises, go somewhere else mentally, even covering my mouth and walking away to stop from saying something vile in response.(all silly, all true) But driving around the other day doing errands I began to feel absolutely secure in the rage I express towards other people because I believe that someone's inability to drive is putting my life in danger. Here are a few things that piss me off while I am behind the wheel of an automobile.

People with Cellphones: Why is it when someone isn't paying attention at a light, they almost come into your lane, or some other driving act of incompetence it is always that motherfucker yapping away on a cellphone. Get a speakerphone option on your phone, or an earpiece, but pay attention to what you are doing before you kill my black ass. When you always pull up beside these individuals they are talking their life away, laughing it up, while I want to drag them out of their car ala Reginald Denny. Pay attention!

Pedestrians: I know that pedestrians have the right of way and all that but they aren't innocent either. Have you ever been in a Grocery Store parking lot and you let some people cross in front of your car as they are going in the store or towards the parking lot? OK, nothing wrong with that, I just have a problem when you let somebody by and they walk at a snails pace. Lets move it along Lady!! I know this is a pretty petty, but this does tend to get under my skin.

Bastard Kids: Do kids have a death wish nowadays or what? Whenever I am driving in a residential area I always try to be very conscious of children, especially ones that might dart out in front of your car over a lost ball or something. Again, that is fine. But it seems that when I see kids, when I say kids I mean about11-17, crossing the street on a 35-45 miles per hour road they always wait until the last possible minute to cross in front of you. Last year a kid did just that, ran out at the last possible minute, so I slammed on the breaks and my car did a 360. As I was stopped in the middle of the street the kid said, "Dude, that was cool" Infuriated I said, "Fuck you, you miserable little piece of shit!!" If you ever need a guy to curse out a 13 year old, I'm your man.

Elderly Drivers: I am not one of those individuals that thinks that revoking someones license because of their age is the right thing to do. BUT, I do believe that once you get to the age of 70 that DMV should test you every six months to determine how your driving skills are holding up. That might still seem unfair, but I came to that conclusion when I was driving on the highway a few weeks ago and a elderly man was going 10 miles an hour. I was so scared for the dude that I called the police, didn't mean to be a snitch but big ass trucks were zipping by him. Didn't want to see an elderly man become roadkill.

Back up off me: Nothing pisses me off like people who drive entirely too close to you. This happens quite frequently, so what I do is either tap on my brakes or go about 2 miles an hour so they get the picture. I have to tell you that I have some anti-bush stickers so maybe many of those people are just trying to read what they say. But remember, I live in a bona fide red state so many of my stickers piss people off so much that they feel the need to rush beside me and pier into my car. I figure they see my long locs and figure I am a chick, but when they pull beside me and give a menacing look I always throw my hands up and scream "What motherfucker!!"

Look both ways: The main road leading out of my neighborhood has three streets that run through it. The main road has no stop signs but all of the streets crossing over said street requires you to stop. It never fails, even though I know people who have lived in that neighborhood for 20 years or more they either flat out ignore the stop sign, or they only look in one direction then go. I can't tell you how many times I have gotten into altercations with people who damn near sideswiped me. This lady almost hit me yesterday, then had the nerve to get out of her car and flip me off with both fingers like it was my fault. Funny thing is she is the wife of the preacher that I cursed out months back.