Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Wanting to drag someone out of their car and beat them: Road Rage

I have admitted many times on this blog that I can have somewhat of a temper, acknowledging that many of the things that I get mad about can be pretty petty. When someone says some dumb shit to me I have tried to do breathing exercises, go somewhere else mentally, even covering my mouth and walking away to stop from saying something vile in response.(all silly, all true) But driving around the other day doing errands I began to feel absolutely secure in the rage I express towards other people because I believe that someone's inability to drive is putting my life in danger. Here are a few things that piss me off while I am behind the wheel of an automobile.

People with Cellphones: Why is it when someone isn't paying attention at a light, they almost come into your lane, or some other driving act of incompetence it is always that motherfucker yapping away on a cellphone. Get a speakerphone option on your phone, or an earpiece, but pay attention to what you are doing before you kill my black ass. When you always pull up beside these individuals they are talking their life away, laughing it up, while I want to drag them out of their car ala Reginald Denny. Pay attention!

Pedestrians: I know that pedestrians have the right of way and all that but they aren't innocent either. Have you ever been in a Grocery Store parking lot and you let some people cross in front of your car as they are going in the store or towards the parking lot? OK, nothing wrong with that, I just have a problem when you let somebody by and they walk at a snails pace. Lets move it along Lady!! I know this is a pretty petty, but this does tend to get under my skin.

Bastard Kids: Do kids have a death wish nowadays or what? Whenever I am driving in a residential area I always try to be very conscious of children, especially ones that might dart out in front of your car over a lost ball or something. Again, that is fine. But it seems that when I see kids, when I say kids I mean about11-17, crossing the street on a 35-45 miles per hour road they always wait until the last possible minute to cross in front of you. Last year a kid did just that, ran out at the last possible minute, so I slammed on the breaks and my car did a 360. As I was stopped in the middle of the street the kid said, "Dude, that was cool" Infuriated I said, "Fuck you, you miserable little piece of shit!!" If you ever need a guy to curse out a 13 year old, I'm your man.

Elderly Drivers: I am not one of those individuals that thinks that revoking someones license because of their age is the right thing to do. BUT, I do believe that once you get to the age of 70 that DMV should test you every six months to determine how your driving skills are holding up. That might still seem unfair, but I came to that conclusion when I was driving on the highway a few weeks ago and a elderly man was going 10 miles an hour. I was so scared for the dude that I called the police, didn't mean to be a snitch but big ass trucks were zipping by him. Didn't want to see an elderly man become roadkill.

Back up off me: Nothing pisses me off like people who drive entirely too close to you. This happens quite frequently, so what I do is either tap on my brakes or go about 2 miles an hour so they get the picture. I have to tell you that I have some anti-bush stickers so maybe many of those people are just trying to read what they say. But remember, I live in a bona fide red state so many of my stickers piss people off so much that they feel the need to rush beside me and pier into my car. I figure they see my long locs and figure I am a chick, but when they pull beside me and give a menacing look I always throw my hands up and scream "What motherfucker!!"

Look both ways: The main road leading out of my neighborhood has three streets that run through it. The main road has no stop signs but all of the streets crossing over said street requires you to stop. It never fails, even though I know people who have lived in that neighborhood for 20 years or more they either flat out ignore the stop sign, or they only look in one direction then go. I can't tell you how many times I have gotten into altercations with people who damn near sideswiped me. This lady almost hit me yesterday, then had the nerve to get out of her car and flip me off with both fingers like it was my fault. Funny thing is she is the wife of the preacher that I cursed out months back.

36 comments:

Mad Bull said...

I know that you got worked up just writing this... breathe... thats it, just breathe... suck the air in, hold it for 3 seconds, then let it back out... relax.... its all good. ;-)

courtneyelizabeth said...

I think i'm going to post this on every light post in los angeles.

SP said...

I was thinking this exact same thing while driving home last night and a women talking on a cell phone, going 80 in the rain, almost ran me off the road.

Bullet Proof Diva said...

I could kiss you for writing this...I feel better after reading it...whew!

disgruntled drivers unite!

Coffey0072 said...

I understand.
I'm not a driver... I'm a careful pedestrian. I don't drag slowly across the street. I walk briskly. I must say, as a pedestrian, I cannot STAND when drivers try to f'ng mow people down, trying hard to turn on the WALK signal.

Nikki said...

These pedestrian fuckers who dart across the street (when it's not their light) while you're driving will make you lose your mind. Acting like they have bumpers on their asses.

kev fan said...

I feel you on this, nothing is worse than driver over 70. Damn!

beautifulnumer said...

LOL@she is the wife of the preacher you cursed out...that was to funny. Don't feel bad though, I feel the same way about ederly drivers.

I am Jack said...

Hey, there is nothing wrong cursing out a teenager!!..lol Funny stuff man.

sherry said...

Try not to curse someone out while driving, you never know when they are packing heat! LOL

Amadeo said...

When people ride close turn on your headlights...from behind it looks like you hit your brakes.

Zantiferous3 said...

I wrote a similar post a while back. People in Georgia drive like nowhere else in the universe. *sigh* And I am QUEEN of road rage. People hate to talk to me while I'm driving because we could be in the middle of talking about their sick grandmother and all of a sudden they'll hear, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING YOU ASSHOLE???" *sigh* It's a disease.

Luke Cage said...

HC, cool list man. I have had issues with just about everything you listed here. The Cellphone thing is a really big issue with me. It got to the point that I didn't even want the wifey using it if she was at one of those long lights that are all over the place in Va and she figured she could sneak a 5 second call. I told her don't even think about it.

Pedestrians, man don't get me started. What a bane to our existence this is! But the tailgate issue is my biggest pet peeve. Slowing down is something I've done before, but brotha, I have to tell you. Most people will do whatever they've got to do to avoid confrontation.

But there is a 1% group out there that live for it. Take heed to this. Someone mentioned that you never know when someone's packing something, this is true. The game of intimidation can be lethal and often fatal. Can't have you involved in something like that brotha. Not for some ignorant sh@#! Its not worth it. We need our Secretary of Defense! Holla. Nice introspective post as usual.

gonebabygone said...

I just hate SUVs because the motor city is saturated with them. I'm still trying to figure out why people need an urban warfare vehicle to drive from their CEO jobs to their multimillion dollar houses. I've been run off the road by one to many of them and I am not nice about it. One time when I was living in Colorado, I was driving through the mountains with a big ole SUV tailing me. They were so close, I couldn't see thier front plate. Eventually I got fed up with trying to give them the hint by tapping my breaks that I stopped the car on a very narrow, curvy portion of the mountain and got out of my car and yelled "BACK THE FUCK UP ASSHOLE!!!" They freaked out and stayed about a mile behind me after that.

E to the dwige said...

lol! Great post..I have some serious road rage issues myself and the only reason I don't get out of my car and beat someone about the head and neck area with my club is because I don't want to go to jail.

April said...

I feel you there, I really do. What you are doing by breathing and calming down is a good technique though. =)

Good job, keep it up!! I know it can be rough sometimes, I've had plenty of times where I'm pissed beyond all belief as well.

Thinkerbelle said...

LMAO at the good reverend's wife cussing you out! Why is it that people that are dead wrong are the one's that act the biggest fool?

Cynthia said...

The cell phones are crazy. At least Chicago has passed an ordinance that you can't drive with hand held cell phones.

CaffeineDiva said...

I am with you on all points...
I do have to add my pet peeve to this vast road rage list. People who don't signal!
I am a considerate driver (most of the time), so just give me a little signal before you cut my black ass off & damn near run me off the road! I'll be happy to share some road with ya.

wannabe_ceo said...

gotta agree with the signalling. As dumb as the non-signallers are the one swho signal when they're already halfway through the turn. WTF!

Brother OMi said...

I, was once a road rager. i loathed tail gaters. I would even stop and get out the car and be like "what..!"

then i realized that i could yell, scream, and cuss in spanish and it will not change things.

i decided to just be a defensive driver and let things flow. i check myself every now and then. BUt i realize that the issue is not with driving but courtesy.

People nowadays have no courtesy and have this false sense of entitlement. i see this off the road more than on.

Girl With An Alibi said...

I am so with you on these. The ones about pedestrians and kids especially. Ever notice how they always cross really slowly and in a diagonal line so they spend as much time possible directly in your way?

Anonymous said...

Pedestrians are the worst, acting like you have all day.

Timmy said...

Just don't beat someones ass, don't get locked up HC.

Black Ambition said...

Bastard kids? Damn that's harsh . . . LOL

Anonymous said...

LOl Bastard ass kids!!

I am Jack said...

Yeah, the kid part was hilarious..

Sankofa said...

OK...gotta flip it....PEDESTRIAN RAGE! I have been living in VA for four years now. I grew up in the northeast...where peds have no rights. I'm cool with that...I've accepted that. It has become a part of me. So I move here. AND PEOPLE STOP, DAMN NEAR CAUSE MULTI-CAR PILE UPS, TO ALLOW ME TO CROSS THE STREET. Drive, damn it! I am not standing on the yellow line for no reason. Just drive!!!! LOL...why does that bother me...I mean it actually pisses me off! DAMN POLITE DRIVERS! They drive me crazy. lol.

Anonymous said...

Funny as hell. Funnier than that poser that keeps boosting his own comment numbers. he can't fuck with you son.

Davey said...

This post is why my black ass takes the train. Funny.

ShellyP said...

Inconsiderate drivers is one of my pet peeves!

Nia said...

LMAO...oh my gosh, you called the police on a random old man. Your road rage is much worse than mine and oddly enough that makes me feel justified.

antlered girl said...

glad you posted these profiles. as a cyclist i want to kill all those fucking pedestrian ants as they scatter and run in front of me. of course i want to kill the cars that don't follow the rules of the road and try to kill me several times a day. there's a great rules of the road pamphlet here: http://thecoup.org/bike/

Hermes said...

I agree. There have been many a time I've wanted to pull someone out throught their driver side window and stomp them...TO DEATH..."Goodfella's" style.

Funny post.

Slow Metamorphosis said...

I have some serious road rage issues myself that I am trying to cleanse myself of. I have to take deep breaths cuz for real some of these people will make you want to kick their asses. im getting mad just talking about it....lemme move on.lol

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