Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Hip Hop Drinking games(Vibe.com)

"Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic. Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupis... one of those two doesn't sound right." -Mitch Hedberg

A few years ago when my father died, my mother was diagnosed with cancer, and when a woman whom I thought would one day be Mrs. HumanityCritic left me for what turned out to be a literal bum all at the same time - I dove face first into an abyss of alcoholism that would have made Nick Cage's character in "Leaving Las Vegas" sit me down for a heartfelt intervention. That whole time period is one gigantic blur of bar-fights, publicly puking then sleeping on park benches even though I had a residence, and throwing back enough shots of Jagermeister to put down an entire stable of horses. Nowadays I'd say that I'm the proverbial poster-boy for germaphobia, I can't tell you how much of a mood killer it is every time I ask a woman 30 health questions prior to foreplay - but back then the multitude of occasions that I woke up not knowing where I was or how I got there, besides some strange piece of ass that I'd usually have to slip on some latex gloves before giving the time of day to was an every day occurrence. The used condoms that littered the ground around the miscellaneous woman's bed might as well been spent bullet cartridges, letting my hungover brain know that some very bad things happened the night before - even now, recalling that time that I played Russian roulette with my cock on this blog makes a brother want to jump under a scolding hot shower while aggressively scrubbing my penis with an S.O.S pad. Going through that very dark period of my life is what has strengthened my belief in a higher power to be totally honest with you, because the fact that I came out of that period of self-destruction with a healthy liver and without some strange disease as if I had sodomized that "Outbreak" monkey - it kind of makes that whole "water to wine" routine seem like amateur hour.(Read more here)

No comments: